


Almost Respectable

by crashlandthetardis (artificertary)



Series: A Question of Respectability [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Billa is super bad at noticing, Dwobbits, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fluff, I love them all, More tags later, Sort of a Slow Build, This one is going to be long i can tell, Thorin is super bad at being subtle, and i will love you forever, as will the rating, because i cant stand sad endings, betting dwarves are the best dwarves, both of them are lovesick and refuse to do anything, fem!Bilbo, i love it, leave a comment, maybe a little bit of angst, that will change, this turned out to be a whole lot more angsty than i thought
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-10 06:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 108,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificertary/pseuds/crashlandthetardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Billa Baggins was perfectly respectable. She may have adventured as a child, but she certainly has no plans to do so when she is an adult. That plan went out the window when a company of dwarves showed up at her hobbit hole, lead by the rightful king under the mountain. In the time that follows, Billa will tell herself that she ran out that door because she believed in the quest. And she did, it just helped that Thorin Oakenshield happened to be rather attractive. Billa wasnt about to admit that to herself though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There Lived a Hobbit

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this!

Billa Baggins was a perfectly respectable hobbit, thank you very much. Well, except for her tendency to adventure and say what she thought. That was a bit odd for a hobbit, but Billa found she didn’t very much care. 

The morning started like any other, Billa got dressed, had first breakfast, wrote a letter to a distant cousin, cheerily went through second breakfast, and sat out in front of her hobbit hole enjoying the morning and the look of her garden. Billa closed her eyes and sat there for quite a while, taking in the sun that the hobbits loved so much. 

A loud cough startled Billa out of her reverie, causing her to open her eyes and peer up at the tall figure in front of her. 

“Good morning,” she supplied cautiously, not quite knowing what to make of the person in front of her. 

“What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

Realization hit Billa quickly and she smiled as she said, “Gandalf! How are you? It’s been quite a long time since we’ve seen you around here.” 

The wizard had a twinkle in his eye, one that seemed more pronounced when he was up to something. 

“Yes, well. I do have a reason. I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging, and it’s very difficult to find anyone. I know you have a fondness for them Billa.”

Billa looked up at the wizard and sighed. “Gandalf, I’m not a child anymore, you can’t just expect me to drop everything at your urging.”

Gandalf looked slightly offended, “My dear, you can’t deny that you’re beginning to feel rather bored, can you?” 

Billa stood up, walking straight up to the bold wizard. 

“I am not bored! I am perfectly content, and I don’t need a meddling wizard like you to tell me to go off who knows where! Now good day!”

She waved her hand towards the road leading out of the Shire. Glancing once more at the smirking wizard, Billa turned on her heel and stalked towards her door, going inside in a rush. Billa almost ran to her kitchen window in order to see where Gandalf had ended up. Not seeing the suspicious wizard anywhere, Billa smiled and started walking away from the window. A scraping noise was heard on the door. 

Billa frowned, hoping that it wasn’t a horrid Sackville-Baggins trying to play some cruel trick. She flung open the door and looked around. Not a soul to be seen. Billa turned around to inspect her door. Seeing nothing wrong, Billa let loose an aggravated sound, making a mental note to tell Hamfast that the door might need a small touch up. 

The next few days passed normally, although Billa couldn’t quite shake the idea of adventuring and strange new places. More and more often Billa found herself thinking of wandering paths and sleeping under the stars, but each time she would reprimand herself for acting so childishly and continue with whatever she had been doing. 

About a week after her frustrating visit with Gandalf, Billa sat herself down to enjoy her supper, already planning her second one for later. A knock on the door interrupted Billa and her planning. Billa walked towards the door ready to give a snarky comment to whichever hobbit found it appropriate to call on her so close to suppertime. 

Billa opened the door, and any ideas of a scolding died on her lips before she could voice them. A massive dwarf was standing in front of her. Tattoos circled his head and some sort of fierce weapon hung at his side. 

“Oh- um… hello, can I help you? Billa found just then that she had trouble finding her manners, and even more trouble trying to find a voice to use them. 

“Dwalin, at your service.” The dwarf looked down at her briefly, pushing past her, shedding his cloak and leaving his weapon close to the door. He looked around and followed the smell of Billa’s dinner into the kitchen. 

Billa was confused. Scratch that, a lot more than confused. Slightly worried and highly concerned also fit somewhere in there too. She sat down on a little stool by the door, trying to process what just happened. A dwarf was in her home. Probably eating her supper. Billa suddenly realized she wouldn’t mind having Gandalf here, he could probably explain what was going on. 

A knock on the door had Billa standing up quickly. She smoothed down her slightly mussed hair, trying to recall something pleasant to say. 

Another dwarf greeted her as she opened the door, introducing himself as Balin. He smiled merrily to Billa, bowed and said, “At your service.”

Billa thankfully remembered her manners and said, “Billa Baggins at yours.” 

Seeing no other way around it, Billa pointed the new dwarf towards the kitchen. 

A fair amount of time passed this way for Billa. She waited by the door and opened it each time she heard a knock. Dwarves by the name of Fili and Kili came next, followed soon after by Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin and Gloin. Names had never been something that came easily to Billa, and the names of the dwarves were forgotten almost as soon as they were said. 

A softer knock than the others came next. Billa opened the door, seeing none other than Gandalf at her doorstep. 

Anger bubbled inside Billa’s stomach and she decided it was time for the wizard to hear it, 

“How dare you let these dwarves into my home without telling me! I have been in a right state for quite a while trying to understand why they’re here! Gandalf, what is going on?” 

To his credit, Gandalf did look a little ashamed, but ignored the hobbit in order to open the door. A new group of dwarves bustled in and Billa did her best to point calmly at the kitchen. After the dwarves left, Billa turned to Gandalf again, looking for answers. 

Gandalf sighed and looked down at the steaming hobbit. “My dear-…“

“Don’t you dare ‘my dear’ me Gandalf! You know what you did and you are going to explain right now!”

Gandalf was cornered and knew it. He started to say something as the dwarves in the kitchen grew louder and started to sing some sort of song. Billa glared once more at Gandalf and went to investigate. She was shocked to find the entire contents of her pantry laid out on her table. Billa forced herself to smile as she grabbed one of the only intact muffins left. Entertaining was difficult to begin with. Entertaining a large amount of dwarves on an empty stomach was going to be exhausting. 

The dwarves finally stopped eating a long while later and looked at the dishes scattered around the room. Billa forced herself to get up and started to collect the dirtied plates and things left behind. To her surprise, many of the dwarves got up in order to help. Billa felt a rush of gratitude towards the unwanted guests, up until they started throwing around her mother’s dishes. Billa rushed after the dwarves trying to get them to stop, until she heard what sounded like her cutlery being banged against the table. 

Billa turned back around and said, “Stop that! You’ll blunt them!”

One dwarf with a rather ridiculous grin on his face and an even more ridiculous hat on his head said, “You hear that lads? She says we’ll blunt the knives! “The dwarves started laughing and singing, 

Blunt the knives and bend the forks!

Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

Chip the glasses and crack the plates! 

That’s what Billa Baggins hates! 

Billa looked around in horror as her china and forks and knives and whatever else these blasted dwarves had dug up were being thrown around. The one she thought was named Balin looked rather bored of all this, maybe he had seen them do this before. Billa looked desperately over to Gandalf, hoping he could help. Gandalf wouldn’t look at her as he smoked on his pipe. Billa couldn’t say for certain, but he looked rather pleased that he had ruined her evening. 

The dwarves were still singing and throwing around dishes:

Cut the cloth and tread the fat! 

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!

Pour the milk on the pantry floor! 

Splash the wine on every door! 

Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl! 

Pound them up with a thumping pole! 

And when you’ve finished, if any are whole, 

Send them down the hall to roll! 

That’s what Billa Baggins hates!

She followed the dwarves to the sink, hoping that some of her dishes had been spared. To her surprise, they were all piled neatly by the sink, not a chip in them. The dwarves smiled as they passed her, having enjoyed their fun at her expense. 

Everyone was settled down and talking more quietly than before when there were three sharp knocks on the door. Gandalf stood solemnly and looked at the group. 

“He is here.” 

Billa got up too, feeling tired and annoyed again. There was another one? How much larger could this group get? She followed Gandalf to the door and waited behind him as he stepped aside to let the new dwarf enter. 

Now, Billa Baggins was proud to say that she was always a perfectly polite hobbit, her Baggins side made sure of that. But she can’t deny that she was a little shocked by the dwarf in her doorway. Even standing still he looked regal and important. Billa’s eyes traveled over his clothing, noticing the rich blue fabric and silver rings on his fingers. Billa stood, looking properly stunned until Gandalf said, 

“And here is the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield.”

Billa nodded and gave a faint ‘hello’. Thorin looked down at the hobbit and gave a derisive snort. 

“Gandalf, what is the meaning of this? You promised me a burglar, and bring me to the home of a woman?”

Billa snapped out of her daze and gave a hard look to this insufferable Thorin Oakenshield. 

“How can you say that? You’re in my home, obviously here for my help; do you truly think it wise to say those things? I’ll have you know that I have been on adventures before.” Billa huffed, and waited for Thorin’s response. 

Thorin paused, and the look on his face made Billa wonder if he had ever been spoken to like that before. Something small shifted in Thorin’s eyes as he said, 

“My apologies. Thank you for letting us meet here.”

Billa nodded and said, “You’re welcome.”

Gandalf led Thorin through to her kitchen. Every dwarf that was there stopped talking immediately and looked up at the impressive dwarf that entered. 

Gandalf sat down while saying, “Let us begin.”

Billa wasn’t entirely sure exactly what they were beginning, but decided that she was probably going to feel confused for the foreseeable future, and settled down in a chair to listen. Talk of old wars and lost homelands, and of dragons and gold and kings left Billa feeling a tad speechless. She was so consumed by what the dwarves were talking of that she didn’t notice a large and complicated scroll being laid out. She also didn’t notice the dwarves turning to stare at her until Gandalf practically shouted her name. 

“Oh! I’m really sorry, I seem to be a little distracted at the moment. What were you saying?”

Gandalf looked at her quizzically and said, “Well, now is your turn to sign the contract.”

He pushed the paper closer to her and she glanced over it curiously. Words like ‘dragon’ and ‘burglar’ and ‘incineration’ jumped out at her. She read further, only really catching things about possible death, and funeral arrangements, along with a concerning bit about never returning. Billa felt quite faint, and the events of the evening caught up with her. The almost-respectable Billa Baggins dropped out of her chair in a dead faint. 

Billa came to groggily, vaguely remembering something about a bunch of dwarves and some sort of quest. What a peculiar dream. Billa woke up a tad more and felt an uncomfortable wood floor underneath her head. She also realized that she was lying on the ground. Billa moved her hand to clutch at a bump on the back of her head, suddenly noticing the faces of at least five concerned dwarves hovering above her. 

Billa sat up and hauled herself back into her chair. She looked around and tried to avoid the concerned glances of a company of dwarves. Billa allowed herself to peek at Thorin, and saw a hardened mask staring back at her. Billa looked down at her hands. 

Gandalf looked around a bit, and sensing he was needed, suggested that the entire company go sit around the fire. Billa looked at him gratefully and followed the dwarf she thought was called Bofur. 

The company settled themselves around the fire and chatted a bit, gazing drowsily into the fire. Thorin stood by the mantel place, and started humming an enchanting tune. The dwarves reached for their packs and got out small instruments and picked up the tune their leader was humming easily. 

Far over the misty mountains cold.

To dungeons deep, and caverns old.

Billa sat with her eyes closed, listening to Thorin sing. She was surprised that his voice was as low as it was; male hobbits often maintained rather high voices. Not to say it was unpleasant. It was quite nice actually, all of Thorin was quite nice, attractive really- well, for a dwarf. Billa shook her head slightly, pushing those thoughts out of her mind, and kept listening to the dwarves sing. 

We must away,'ere break of day.

To find our long forgotten gold.

The pines were roaring on the height.

The winds were moaning in the night.

The fire was red, it flaming spread.

The trees like torches blazed with light.

Once they finished their song, the dwarves started to put away their instruments and pull out their bedrolls. Thorin glanced over at Gandalf and the pair left the room, no doubt to talk about what was to come. Billa took this as a sign to leave. On her way to her own room, Billa heard angry whispers coming from down the hall.

“-Can’t just bring her along Gandalf, you saw what happened when she read that contract. She isn’t fit to travel out in the wild. I will not have a woman in my company, no matter how good of a burglar you say she is.”

“Billa Baggins is a fierce woman, she may not look it, but there is much more to her than meets the eye. I have every confidence in her.”

“It will not rest heavy in my heart if anything happens to her. I will not risk this quest for one as small as she.”

Billa continued to walk after that, not caring to hear anything more. She got ready for bed and practically melted into her soft sheets, falling asleep quickly. 

Soft light shone through the window above Billa’s head. The hobbit smiled a little to herself as she woke up, stretching her arms. Billa sat up in bed, looking blearily around. A thought popped into Billa’s head. Dwarves. Dwarves in her home. 

Billa bolted out of bed and ran into the parlour. Finding nothing there, she ran to the kitchen. More dishes lay on the counter, and it smelled a little like bacon. Billa went back to the parlour and saw the contract hanging off of the mantel, stuck through with a rather large knife. 

Billa went up to it, and read through the massive thing more thoroughly. Feeling a bit sick, she thought it best to set it back down and collapse into a chair. From what Billa could see, she had two options facing her. The first was rather appealing. She could clean the mess in her kitchen, go to the market, restock her pantry and then pretend this never happened. The second option was insane. It was Tookish and odd and she truly shouldn’t be considering it as completely as she was. She could go with them. It wasn’t like they could have gotten far. 

Billa sighed in exasperation and picked up the contract again. One line caught her attention. “A quest to reclaim a home, and to restore our people.” Billa felt extraordinarily sympathetic just then, she couldn’t imagine not having a place to call your own. Maybe it was a mix of her Tookish wildness and her Baggins kindness, but she made her choice. 

Billa went to her study, and hastily signed the contract. If she felt like she was signing away her life, she didn’t think about it longer than necessary. Billa opened up her mother’s old chest of clothes she would use when a skirt or dress just wouldn’t work. She grabbed pants and a shirt and put them on. She also grabbed a few extra pairs of everything she could think of, and went around her hobbit hole collecting odds and ends for a very long trip. Billa glanced over everything she had, grabbed the contract, and went out the door. 

With a parting look at her lovely Bag End, Billa Baggins went out to face who knows what, because of a wizard who thinks she can steal from a dragon. Billa put that down as one of the things she shouldn’t think of right now, for fear of turning around. 


	2. Settling in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter 2 happened sooner than I expected it would. I've pretty much been avoiding homework which is part of the reason

Billa Baggins was tired. She had been running for quite a while, and was more surprised than she would like to admit that the dwarves had gotten as far as they had. Honestly, there were thirteen of them. She should have caught up with them by now. Billa ran on, hoping that she would meet with the group soon. Billa finally spotted the group a while later and breathed a sigh of relief. At least she wouldn’t have to run anymore. 

“I signed it! I’m here! Wait for me!” Billa kept shouting until the group stopped their ponies and turned around to look at the disheveled hobbit. Gandalf smiled at her, making Billa feel much more welcome,

“My dear friend, I’m certainly very glad that you decided to join us. We have an extra pony here if you’d like.”

Billa stopped smiling, becoming slightly panicked at the idea of riding a pony. She had never cared for them very much, finding them temperamental and finicky,

“Oh, no- Gandalf, that’s fine. I don’t mind walking one bit actually, it’s really fine-“

Billa kept making excuses until she felt herself being taken under the arms and lifted onto a pony. She glared at the ones who lifted her. Billa thought they were named Fili and Kili. The dwarves in question smiled at each other and moved their ponies closer to the front of the group. Billa tried to get comfortable, but found that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. 

Thorin had a funny look on his face. He looked annoyed, angry and a little amused all at once, and Billa wasn’t sure what to make of that. She caught his eyes and he looked away from her quickly, his eyes landing on the wizard, 

“Are you quite ready to continue Gandalf? Or have you enlisted the help of some other Halflings that we should wait for?”

Gandalf looked over at the leader of the company, clearly annoyed,

“No, Mr. Oakenshield, now that we have our Burglar, I am perfectly content.”

Thorin continued to glare at the wizard for a moment longer, and then turned his pony back to the direction they were previously headed. Billa was puzzled at what just passed between Thorin and Gandalf, but figured that it didn’t directly involve her, so she really shouldn’t be concerned. Billa was trying her hardest to stay on the pony she was given and only almost fell off once. 

It didn’t take very long and Billa noticed small bags being thrown around between the dwarves. Gandalf had one thrown at him and he pocketed it with a smirk on his face. 

Curiosity overcame her, and Billa blurted, “Why is everyone throwing those around?”

Gandalf looked over at her and sheepishly replied, “Well, a few… ah… bets were placed on your arrival.”

“Oh, well, I suppose that makes sense. You bet I would come then?”

Gandalf smiled at her and replied, “I never doubted you for a second. I knew that Took blood in you would get you out that door.”

Billa smiled at her wizard friend and then looked forward at the rest of the group, determined to put a face to all of the names she remembered from the night before. After a while, Billa found that a pace had been developed and the company had comfortably settled into conversations with each other. Billa looked around at everyone and saw that no one else had been left out of a conversation but her. She felt a swell of homesickness just then, wanting her chair and books. 

Billa watched the sun lower and begin to set, and was pleased at all of the colors and patterns the sky danced with. Her eyes fell lower and lower as she contentedly gazed at the path around her. And then all of a sudden, she almost fell off of her pony as it abruptly stopped. The rest of the company had gotten off of their ponies and were starting to set up camp. 

Billa looked over the side of her pony and frowned at the distance between her feet and the ground. Throwing caution to the wind, Billa swung one leg around and got ready to jump off of the animal’s back. The pony startled and walked ahead a bit without Billa knowing, and caused her to fall flat on her behind. 

She got up quickly; the only thing injured being her pride. She walked towards the fire the rest had built and tried to avoid the urge to rub her behind. Billa certainly wasn’t looking forward to the shape she would be in the next morning. She retrieved her pack from the ground and laid out her bedroll next to Bofur. 

Bombur had started their dinner on the fire. Billa’s stomach rumbled and she realized she had forgotten breakfast that morning. It was decidedly un-hobbit like to go on adventures with a pack of dwarves you only just met, but it was even stranger that a hobbit could forget a meal. 

Billa tried to forget her hunger for the time being and looked around at the camp they had made. It definitely wasn’t the comfort she was used to finding in Bag End, but it wasn’t as bad as Billa had feared it would be. Thorin stalked past her bedroll and dropped his pack by his nephews’. Billa watched Thorin move around the camp. He walked over to where Balin and Dwalin were standing and gave what must have been orders by the way they walked away so quickly. 

Billa thought about what she knew of the would be King under the Mountain, and found that it wasn’t much. All she knew was that he and his people had been driven out of their home and forced to start a new life. Maybe that was why he acted the way he did, it would be understandable.

Gandalf sat down next to Billa and started smoking profusely on his pipe. Billa settled in and started to drift off to sleep until Bombur declared their dinner was ready. The company all went up and got their portion and went back to where their packs were. Bofur sat down on the other side of Billa and tipped his hat to her. 

“Found your traveling legs yet, Ms. Baggins?”

Billa laughed a little and shook her head slightly. “Call me Billa, please. It’s been awhile since I’ve been adventuring last, and when I did, I could stop whenever I wanted to. I guess I’m just getting old.” 

Bofur gave an amused snort, “If you’re the old one in this company, I shudder to think what the rest of us would be.” 

Billa smiled again and went back to her dinner. She was absolutely starving and Bombur certainly did a good job cooking with what little they had. Billa glanced around the camp and tried her best at putting names to faces again. She was mostly certain that she had the names right, and was pleased that she had remembered them all so quickly. After dinner the group moved closer to the fire to avoid the chilly night air. Conversations were pleasant and varied, and kept everyone amused. 

Billa sat contentedly listening to her companions tell stories of past battles won and tales of other dwarves that had achieved great things. The hum of conversation lulled Billa almost to sleep until Bofur steered the groups’ attention towards her. 

“So, Ms. Baggins, what’s life like in the Shire?”

The eyes of thirteen dwarves and one wizard were on her in a flash. 

“It’s Billa. Well, the Shire is very quiet. Hobbits in general are peaceful, and love their food and their parties. If anyone ever says that hobbits aren’t interesting, they obviously haven’t seen us celebrating. We get along well with each other, and most everyone knows exactly what their neighbors are doing. “

Billa looked down at her hands gathered in her lap and smiled wistfully. The curiosity of the dwarves was immediately piqued and they bombarded Billa with questions. 

“Do hobbits trade often?”

“How do you settle arguments?”

“Do you always eat so much food?”

“Why are yer feet so big?”

“Do all hobbits have pointed ears?”

“How do you know who is in charge?”

“Are hobbit families large?”

Billa’s head whipped around to try and catch each question as it was asked of her, but there were simply too many and she couldn’t keep up. She quickly began to feel overwhelmed. Suddenly, Thorin stood up and the litany of questions ended as soon as they had begun. 

“Enough. I’m sure our burglar does not feel like answering every question you throw at her. You do not have to learn everything about hobbits in one night, there will be plenty of time to do so in the future.”

Billa chose that moment to speak up, “Actually, I really don’t mind answering all those questions, it’s-“

She trailed off as Thorin’s glare silenced her. Sensing that their fun was over, all of the dwarves got up and went to their bedrolls for the night. Billa stayed a moment longer, eyes lingering in the fire. She finally picked herself up and tiptoed to the bedroll she had laid out earlier. 

Settled in her bedroll, Billa gazed up at the night sky, admiring the stars. They weren’t so different from the ones she saw above Bag End, and somehow that made traveling a little more bearable. Snores of dwarves met her ears quickly; Billa closed her eyes and drifted off into a much needed slumber. 

Billa was awakened by a pair of feet tripping over the end of her bedroll. She blearily looked over to see who the offending dwarf was. Ori was trying to regain his balance and looked utterly mortified. He muttered a quiet apology as his face turned a bright shade of red. Billa sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. Apparently sleeping late was another luxury she wouldn’t be afforded on this journey. 

She stood up and stretched a little, eyes darting around her, trying to find her pack. It had fallen over at the foot of her bedroll. Billa grabbed one of the straps and hauled the pack over her shoulder and trudged into the woods to change and freshen up. She dressed quickly in a white shirt, green vest and reddish pants. Billa had tucked a dress into the bottom of the pack as well, in case the need ever arose. 

Billa spotted Gandalf and made her way through the sea of busy dwarves. He was smoking on his pipe and Billa had to clear her throat loudly to get his attention. The wizard jumped a bit and looked down at the hobbit, his bushy eyebrows rising as he did so. 

“Good morning my dear Billa!”

Billa gave a cheeky smirk as she said, “What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good on this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” 

Gandalf looked taken aback as he stared down at the hobbit, an amused smile growing on his face as his eyes twinkled merrily. 

Bombur shouted to the company that breakfast was ready. It shocked Billa a tad to see just how quickly the entire group of dwarves dropped what they were doing. Thorin and Balin remained talking a while longer until Thorin nodded and Balin walked over to get his breakfast. Thorin looked over at Billa, his sapphire eyes searching her green ones. He looked away before Billa could realize exactly what was going on, leaving a certain hobbit very confused. 

After breakfast was eaten and the ponies saddled and loaded, the company set off to face another long day of riding. Billa was pleased to have the time to herself in order to think. She really had no idea what to make of the stoic leader she followed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to comment! Please! I'd love you forever!


	3. Parasites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the rather long wait, school has been kicking my butt lately

Tired and sore could succinctly cover everything Billa Baggins was feeling. The company had been traveling almost endlessly, days passing into weeks as Billa grew all the more travel weary. One of the only positive aspects thus far had been her growing friendship with all of the dwarves. Well, almost all of the dwarves. Thorin Oakenshield was still being oddly distant, which Billa couldn’t help but to feel was a bit pointless. After all, they were all striving towards the same goal. Billa had decided after a few failed attempts at conversation that she had somehow offended the mighty dwarf and it would be better to keep her distance. 

The company settled into their makeshift camp gladly after a long day of travel. Bombur had made the dinner alone that night, which Billa was glad of. He had mistakenly allowed Bofur to help him one night and that had ended rather badly, leaving the rest of the dwarves hungry and more than a little annoyed. Billa eased herself down slowly, her back protesting heartily as she slumped to the ground. Riding the ponies had caught up with her, making things much more difficult. 

She watched Bofur walk over to her with two bowls of the stew Bombur had prepared. He stopped in front of her and gave her a broad smile, 

“Do ye mind taking these to the lads? They’re watching the ponies.”

Billa cursed silently as her body protested her rising to her feet. 

I’d be happy to, Master Bofur. “

Bofur tipped his hat to her and turned, walking back towards the fire, where Bombur gave him a side eye and subtly moved the pot away. Billa smiled to herself, heading towards the ponies. 

She turned around the bend and was greeted with the horrified faces of Fili and Kili.

“Mistress Baggins! We need your help! It’s the ponies, trolls took them!” 

Kili looked at her imploringly, eyes begging her to help them. 

"Why dont we tell Thorin? He deserves to know."

Fili stepped in and said, 

"No, no, no- Uncle doesnt need to know, we can figure this out ourselves." 

Billa looked at the two dwarves and sighed heavily. They needed those ponies and it would slow them down considerably if they lost them. Billa didn’t exactly relish the idea of tricking trolls into releasing the ponies. She was enlisted in the expedition as a burglar; she might as well start now. 

“Fine, I’ll help.”

The young dwarves worried looks turned to triumphant smiles. They pointed Billa to the general direction the trolls took the ponies and promised they would be right behind her. Billa steeled herself and started walking. After a few puzzlingly quiet minutes, Billa looked behind her and saw a massive lack of the dwarves that were supposed to be following her. Billa threw her arms up in frustration and could only hope that they had gone off to find the others. It would be a relief to wait for the others; they would be able to get the ponies back quickly. Billa looked towards where the trolls had gone and paused to listen to what they were saying. 

“We’ll eat good tonight, we got them nice fat ponies, better than those bony sheep we been eating. “

“Cook em nice and good, I don’t like the way you been doing them. “

It wasn’t as though Billa had much of a choice now, who knew how long it would take for Fili and Kili to come back with help, if help is where they were going to. Billa could only imagine the look of disgust on Thorin’s face if she didn’t go and try to save the ponies. Billa made her way to survey the situation and was relieved to see that the ponies were very much alive and were being kept in a pen. Billa crept as quietly as possible up to the pen and saw that there was a rope around the gate. 

The trolls were massive, disgusting creatures. The three of them sat hunched around the fire they had made arguing over how they were going to cook their dinner. Billa looked at them desperately trying to find a knife to cut the rope with. She noticed one hanging from the waist of the troll closest to her. Billa silently implored the ponies to stay quiet as she approached the troll. Billa grabbed the handle and carefully slipped the blade away from the troll’s belt. 

Billa turned and went as quickly as she could back to the ponies. It took a few moments of sawing hurriedly for the rope to give way, but once it did Billa released the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Billa opened the gate urged the ponies to move. They quickly got the message and bolted for the forest back towards where the company had been. 

Billa dropped the knife and started to creep away until she felt the world spin and realized that she was being help upside down by one of the trolls. 

“What have we got here? This thing let our supper loose. I never seen one of them before. What are you?”

The troll shook Billa and she sputtered 

“I’m a burgla-hobbit!” 

“A burglarobbit? I’ve never ate a burglarobbit before. We should cook it instead, it’s the one that let our supper go. “

A thought seemed to dawn on the troll. 

“Are there any more of you little fellas hiding where you shouldn’t?” 

“No! No it’s just me.”

One of the other trolls stepped closer and sneered, 

“It’s lying. Hold its toes over the fire!”

Billa started wriggling desperately trying to get free as she heard a war cry come from the shadows. Kili came running out of the woods brandishing a sword. He jumped deftly, cutting the troll’s leg. It squealed and backed away. 

“Drop her!”

“You what?”

Kili smiled and twirled his sword, 

“I said. Drop her!”

The troll snarled, and Billa felt herself being thrown through the air, only to land with a thud on the ground behind Kili. She groaned and got to her feet as quickly as she could. Dazed and disoriented, Billa looked to her right and saw Thorin running past her, along with the rest of the dwarves. It only registered then how enormously wrong this attempted rescue had gone. 

Dwarves ran all around the fire hacking into legs and arms and whatever other body parts got in their way. Billa tried to get to the other side of the fire, hoping she could run to get Gandalf’s help. Curse that foolish old wizard for going off to who knows where. Billa barely made a few steps as she felt herself once again being picked up and held high in the air. The fighting stopped almost immediately as the dwarves looked horrified at their captive burglar. Kili started to dart ahead and was stopped by Thorin. 

“Lay down your arms! Or we’ll rip her’s off!”

Billa startled to struggle wildly and stared imploringly at Thorin. He gazed back up at her for what seemed like ages. His face was hardened and angry. He looked down at the ground and shoved his sword into the earth. The other dwarves soon followed suit. Kili glanced once at his uncle and growled as he threw his down as well. 

Logs tumbled down onto the fire. Some of the dwarves had been powerless to stop the trolls from catching them and tying them onto a spit that was slowly rotating round the fire. The rest of the dwarves had been thrown into sacks and piled into a corner. Billa kept her eyes to the ground as she could feel the angry glares the rest were giving her bore into her skull. 

The trolls had continued to argue over how they were going to cook their new catch until the leader out a stop to it, 

“Enough, let’s get a move on. Dawn aint far away. I don’t fancy gettin’ turned to stone." 

An idea popped into Billa’s head. It was absurd and wouldn’t earn her any favors with the rest of the company. Not that she had hope of gaining any at that point. She struggled to stand and cried out, 

“Wait! You are making a terrible mistake!”

Dori rotated into view and shouted, 

“You can’t reason with them, they’re half-wits!”

Bofur shouted back, 

“Half-wits? What does that make us then?”

Billa hopped closer to the trolls, 

“I mean, with the seasoning, -“

A troll crouched down in front of her and sneered,

“What about the seasoning?”

“Well, have you smelled them? You’re going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up.”

The dwarves in the sacks started to struggle and protest vehemently, yelling things like ‘traitor!’ at the hobbit. 

“Listen to me! The secret to cooking dwarves is well, uh- to skin them first!’

Billa winced as she heard the shouts and death threats from the other dwarves. The sky was getting lighter and she desperately hoped they would be saved by Gandalf. Billa glanced toward the protruding rock and saw a familiar grey robe pass quickly by. Billa could have cried from relief. 

The trolls had gotten impatient and ignored the hobbit. One walked over to Bombur and picked him up by the foot, getting ready to eat him. Billa almost panicked trying to think of something to say. “No! Not that one! He’s infected! He’s got- worms! In his tubes.” Billa cursed herself for the comment, was that really the best she could think of?

The troll made a disgusted noise and dropped the large dwarf to the ground. 

“In- In fact they all have. They’re practically crawling with worms and things, I wouldn’t risk it!”

The trolls looked around at each other in confusion. The dwarves paused for a moment and then began to yell. Kili looked particularly offended as he yelled, 

“I don’t have parasites! You have parasites!”

Billa rolled her eyes and looked back at the dwarves, trying to get them to understand. Thankfully, Thorin was quick and he swiftly kicked his nephew and looked meaningfully at the other dwarves. 

They got the message and started spouting about the size and quantity of their parasites. Billa nodded at the dwarves and turned back around to face the trolls, who looked positively disgusted. Billa looked back at the rock and was overjoyed to see Gandalf standing there. The trolls saw the pleased look on Billa’s face and turned towards the wizard. 

“Let the dawn take you all!”

Gandalf brought his staff down on the rock, splitting it into two. He stepped aside as the light shone past him, hitting the trolls. The three creatures screamed and tried to protect themselves from the sun as they turned to stone. The dwarves watched as the trolls ceased moving, starting to cheer once they did. Billa practically collapsed in relief. 

Soon after, the dwarves were released from the sacks and the spit. A few had gone up to Billa and thanked her for her quick thinking, two of them being Fili and Kili, who had crushed her in a rib splitting hug. Others were not so pleased. One of them being Thorin. He had walked right up to Billa, cursed her name, and called her foolish and ridiculous before stalking away to find Gandalf. Billa watched him go, feeling a mixture of relief and disappointment. 

On the other side of the camp, Thorin had found Gandalf and began to speak with him. 

"Where did you go to if I may ask?” 

Gandalf looked down at the dwarf and gave a small smile, 

“To look ahead.”

“What brought you back?”

“Looking behind.” 

Thorin nodded and a flicker of a smile graced his face. Gandalf huffed a bit and looked around, 

“Still though, all in one piece.”

Thorin looked up at the wizard and scoffed.

“No thanks to your burglar.”

Gandalf looked sternly at the dwarf in front of him. 

“She had the nous to play for time. None of the rest of you thought of that.” 

The wizard quirked an eyebrow up at the dwarf, almost daring him to argue. 

Thorin looked down at the ground, realizing that what Gandalf had said was true. The small hobbit had risked quite a lot in order to save the ponies, and had a quick enough wit to save them from being eaten. Gandalf nodded at Thorin, leaving him with his thoughts. 

Thorin had later decided that the group would leave in a few hours, in order to re prepare the ponies and to rest awhile. Billa had been trying to steadfastly avoid the glare and presence of Thorin. This proved to be difficult as each time the hobbit had to move past him, he seemed to almost want to say something to her. Billa prepared herself for a shouting match, but each time she thought it would happen, it didn’t. 

Billa wandered off a bit in order to change her clothes and wipe off some of the grime and dirt she had gotten all over her body. This time also gave her the chance to think about what had transpired. It was a miracle that Thorin and the others had shown up when they had, or else she most certainly would have been dead. Billa was eternally grateful for what they had done for her, and risked for her. It was still surprising how little of a confrontation there was between her and Thorin afterwards. Billa had always taken pride in being able to figure people out and to understand what they felt. It was different with Thorin, one minute he could be giving order and acting like a king, and the next he could be caught gazing at her absently, the weight of the world resting in his eyes. 

Billa vowed to talk with him soon; she did deserve answers after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i took a couple liberties with the trolls, but I hope you dont mind. Im planning on things being talked about a bit between Thorin and Billa when they reach the elves soon.  
> As always, comment and I will love you forever
> 
> Also! In the line where Gandalf is talking with Thorin about Billa and the trolls, 'nous' means common sense. I was made aware by the lovely Kitsuki. Thanks!


	4. Rabbits of Extraordinary Size

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet! 4215 words! Enjoy!

The company had gotten settled in and fed in the time it took Billa to clean up. She made her way towards her pack and bedroll, intending to take advantage of the extra sleep for as long as she possibly could. Her plan was hindered as Ori noticed her. 

“Miss Baggins! You’re back! We’re all very appreciative of what you did to help stop the trolls; we just wanted to make sure you knew that.” Ori’s voice faded out as he noticed the expression on Billa’s face. Billa didn’t see why anyone should be very appreciative of what she had done. She was the one that had gotten them into that mess in the first place. If Ori and the others should be appreciative of anyone, it should be Gandalf, who caused the destruction of the trolls. Or even Thorin, he had led the charge in the battle against them. 

Billa was nudged out of her reverie as Gandalf came closer and gave her a gentle pat on the back. She looked around and was almost shocked to see the other dwarves nodding their heads at Ori’s statement. Some of the dwarves nodded rather grudgingly, but at that point Billa would take what little she could get. 

Bombur had obviously remembered her by the bowl left near her things. Gratitude seeped from her as she ate her meal. While some may believe that she had been foolish, particularly Thorin, it was obvious that the rest of the dwarves cared for her well-being. 

A little while later, Billa noticed that Gandalf had found a semi secluded area and sat contentedly musing on his pipe. She walked closer to her wizard friend, and smiled warmly as he noticed her. 

“Miss Baggins.” Gandalf nodded absently, continuing to smoke profusely on his pipe. 

“What’s troubling you, Gandalf? Everyone has gotten away safely, none the worse for the wear.” 

Gandalf breathed a heavy sigh and looked up at the curly haired hobbit. 

“The trolls have been bothering me. Not since a darker power ruled these lands did the trolls last dare to come down from the mountain.” 

Billa frowned and started to say something as she felt a hulking figure step up behind her. Billa turned quickly, prepared to do something to defend herself. Exactly what she would have done was a mystery to her, but one that she wouldn’t have to face right that moment. She was met with a solid wall of flesh; looking up in trepidation she saw that it was Thorin. Her shoulders slumped. She stopped quickly and looked up, fearing some sort of snide comment or slight. 

Thorin inclined his head to look down at her and Billa could almost swear she saw a ghost of a smile pass by his lips. Before Billa was able to discern if what she saw was true, Thorin had walked past her and stopped in front of Gandalf. The wizard looked up from his pipe, 

“Those trolls could not have moved in the daylight.”

“There must be a cave nearby.” 

Gandalf nodded his agreement and the pair quickly walked back towards the camp, intent on finding the elusive cave. 

The flurry of movement that followed surprised Billa. The dwarves that had languidly moved around the camp for the majority of the morning turned fast paced in pursuit of the cave. After searching the surrounding area and finding nothing, the company was very nearly ready to discontinue the search in order to head back to camp. Before they could do so, Gandalf called out to them that he had found what appeared to be the cave they were searching for. 

The group entered the dank and dark opening, coughing and gagging as they did. A rotten smell filled the air that made Billa desperate to turn back and catch the wisps of blessedly clean air that trailed behind her. The dwarves pressed inward. Billa had brought up the rear of the group, but had moved up somewhere more towards the middle in order to better see what all the fuss was about. Bofur had come upon a pile of gold and other trinkets and was busy making plans with Nori and Gloin to bury it for safe keeping. 

Billa rolled her eyes and continued farther back into the cave. Gandalf and Thorin were standing around an opened chest, talking over a few swords they had found there. Thorin looked immensely displeased as Billa heard the world, “elvish.” Gandalf also looked displeased but because Thorin would not take the sword. She continued to watch the pair as they argued briefly, not able to catch her smirk quickly enough as she watched Thorin take the sword and turn to face her. 

The smile that danced around her lips faltered and died when she realized Thorin was staring at her. 

“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude-“

Embarrassment heated her face as the words tumbled out of her mouth, leaving her tongue feeling strangely tied and thick. Billa stopped trying to explain herself as Thorin continued to stare at her. She moved her hands up to her face as she proceeded to hide her face in them, only allowing herself to peek out of her fingers. Then, something happened that would continue to shock her for a fair amount of time. Thorin smiled. Not the pained one he would occasionally let surface when he thought of his stolen home, or even one he would give to placate his nephews. A truly genuine smile graced his face, leaving a small thrilled feeling in Billa. 

She dropped her hands in surprise and felt her face warm and blush as she smiled back at Thorin. The two stayed like this for a mere few seconds, although it felt like much longer for both involved. Their time was cut short as Gandalf approached her, glancing at Thorin as confusion flickered across his face. When the dwarf finally noticed the wizard, his demeanor changing instantly. He straightened and moved to place the sword at his belt. The smile Billa had held so dearly was gone. Thorin turned on his heel, walking towards the entrance of the cave. The other dwarves noticed their leader leaving and followed closely behind. Gloin and Nori were stomping down a freshly dug hole as Bofur looked around proudly at anyone who noticed. 

Billa turned her attention to Gandalf, who motioned that they should leave the disgusting cave. Billa followed behind gladly, glancing curiously at the delicate sword Gandalf held in his hand. Billa welcomed the fresh air that greeted her with open arms. Gandalf turned and looked at her suddenly, 

“Now, Billa. This is about your size.”

Gandalf pulled the sword from his waist and presented it to Billa. She took it cautiously, never having held a sword before. When she was younger, she was hardly trusted with even the simplest of knives, for fear she would cut herself. Those knives were nothing compared to the weight of the sword in her hands. Billa looked the gift over from end to end, admiring the fine craftsmanship and detail put into it. 

“I can’t take this.”

“The blade is of elvish make, which means that it will glow blue when orcs or goblins are nearby.” 

Hearing that reasoning, Billa could hardly deny that this sword would come in handy for all of the possibilities that would face her in the future. Still, Billa was worried about her lack of experience, 

“I’ve never used a sword in my life.” 

Gandalf’s face turned serious as he solemnly said, 

“And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this. True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. “

Gandalf’s serious face turned kind once more as he tilted his head to gaze at the hobbit. Billa stared back at Gandalf for a moment, considering his words carefully. She again looked down at the sword in her grasp; its weight suddenly did not feel like a burden, but a comfort in a rather sharp form. Thorin’s deep voice broke through their conversation, 

“Something’s coming!”

Billa looked up at the wizard, fear glinting in her amber eyes, 

“Gandalf…”

The wizard did not pay her mind as he pushed past her, giving orders as he did so. Billa noticed all the dwarves sweeping into action around her, preparing for the possible enemy. She watched them a few second longer, and then turned her attention to her new sword. She pulled it out of the sheath, admiring how it glinted in the sun and almost seemed to sing as it met the sunlight. Billa turned it around in her hands, careful to avoid the blade. She was pulled from her trance as she heard her name being called from the direction the company had gone. She ran to meet them and joined the circle of dwarves. They all had their weapons held high in the air, intensely focused on the creatures making the noise fast approaching them. 

"Thieves!”

“Fire!”

“Murder!” 

The largest rabbits Billa had ever seen came bounding over the edge of the forest. She jumped back in surprise, suddenly realizing they were carrying the person who has been shouting on a sled. Many of the dwarves stepped back in confusion, but Thorin and Dwalin held their ground. Gandalf approached the strange sled rider with a smile on his face, 

“Radagast! Radagast the Brown. What on earth are you doing here?’ 

Billa felt the sneaking suspicion that even Gandalf may have found this particular wizard to be a bit odd. Although wizards in general seemed like an odd sort of folk, so who was Billa to judge? The smaller wizard stepped off his sled urgently, his arms flailing about. 

“I was looking for you, Gandalf. Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong. “

“Yes..?”

Radagast put one of his fingers up, as though preparing to say something, stopped, and then did the same thing. He looked around in confusion, trying to remember what he was going to say, 

“Just give me a minute, umm…”

“Oh!”

Radagast flung his hands down in frustration, 

“I had a thought and now I’ve lost it. It was right there! On the tip of my tongue!” Radagast moved his mouth into an odd formation, slurring his words, 

“Oh! It’s not a thought at all! It’s a silly old stick insect!” Radagast stuck his tongue out at Gandalf. The grey wizard dutifully reached his fingers in Radagast’s mouth, pulling out the bug. Billa decided then to amend her earlier thought. Maybe Radagast was a tad more odd than any of the other wizards. The dwarves groaned and brought down their weapons, seeing no threat in the forgetful wizard. Gandalf turned towards Thorin and motioned at him to go back to the camp. Thorin nodded and led the way back. Billa was at the end of the line, still curiously watching the brown wizard. He and Gandalf were talking, so she followed the company back to the camp. 

Billa ended up by Bofur when they arrived back in camp. The pair was chatting idly about the strange wizard, as were many of the dwarves. Billa thought she hear something unsettling. It sounded like growling and made the hair on the back of Billa’s neck and on her feet stand up. 

“Was that a wolf? Are there wolves around here?” Billa tried to calm the panic in her voice, but it was poorly concealed. She had dealt with wolves before during the Fell Winter, which was a memory that will forever linger on in the minds of hobbits. 

“Wolves? No that is not a wolf.” 

The growling became louder from behind them. Billa turned just in time to see a massive beast leap from the ledge above her, straight towards Thorin. Thankfully, he saw the wretched beast coming and had his sword at the ready. She was scared for Thorin, and felt like screaming, but knew she couldn’t. She had to have faith in Thorin. Her faith was not misplaced as Thorin brought his sword down and killed the creature before it could do any harm. 

Billa shuddered, breathing heavily. The relief was short lived as a Warg came over the opposite hill, from behind Thorin. Luckily, Kili was on guard and shot an arrow into it, dropping it to the ground. Dwalin had faced another Warg by himself, but felled it easily enough. 

Thorin yanked on his sword and Billa winced at the sound of flesh and bone being mutilated, 

“Warg scouts. Which means an Orc pack is not far behind.”

Billa looked at the King incredulously, 

“Orc pack?”

Thorin’s gaze flitted quickly over to Billa, but that did not last long as Gandalf thundered, 

“Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?”

Thorin glared back at the wizard, face sleek with a thin layer of sweat. If Billa had thought she has seen Thorin angry or upset before now, she was sorely mistaken. 

“No one. “

“Who did you tell?!”

“No one I swear!”

Gandalf huffed at the King as he moved ahead. Thorin’s voice was thick with rage, 

“What in Durin’s name is going on?”

“You are being hunted.”

Dwalin finally spoke up, 

“We have to get out of here.”

Ori’s panicked form came rushing over the hill, having heard what Dwalin said, 

“We can’t! We have no ponies, they bolted.”

In a surprisingly determined voice, Radagast looked over the company with a fierceness Billa had not thought possible in the wood loving wizard. 

“I’ll draw them off.”

Every member of the company and Gandalf stopped what they were doing and looked at the brown wizard. Shocked looks graced the face of almost every dwarf. Those looks didn’t seem to deter Radagast any, in fact, he may have been a tad more determined than ever. 

"These are Rhosgobel Rabbits; I'd like to see them try!"

A plan was made that Thorin agreed to readily. He ordered the company to grab their packs and anything else they had brought with them. He then looked to Gandalf to lead them a separate way. Warg howls could be heard from far away, although with each passing minute they got closer. 

The company watched in amazement as Radagast and his rabbits sent the Wargs and their riders in a completely different direction. None of them had thought that Radagast had had it in him. Gandalf motioned them all forward hurriedly, not about to waste what could be their only chance of survival. The group ran, trying to be mindful of where Radagast was leading their enemies. As they rounded a bend, Thorin stopped so quickly that the others barely had time to slow themselves down. Radagast was barely ahead of the Wargs, but was managing to outwit them steadily. 

Gandalf turned back around and called for the others to follow. It soon became apparent that he wanted them to head for the largest outcropping of rock in sight in order to hide. As they reached the rock, the group huddled closely together and tried to calm their breathing to avoid being spotted or heard by the Wargs and Orcs. 

Growling suddenly came from overhead, and Billa realized in dismay that a Warg was on top of the rock. Billa looked to Thorin, both curious and desperate to see what he would do. She watched as the King turned his head slowly to his dark haired nephew, eyes staring pointedly at the arrows in his quiver. Kili nodded and swallowed down his fear. He charged out into the open, turned and fired an arrow at the Warg with a dazzling speed. Another arrow was let loose at the rider, both rolling off of the rock. 

The screams of pain from one of their own drew the attention of all of the other Wargs and Orcs to where the company was concealed. The howling and shouting changed direction, undoubtedly heading straight for them. 

Gandalf gave hurried orders for everyone to run, which everyone followed without question. Billa ran mindlessly, chest and legs burning as she cursed herself for ever leaving her hobbit hole. Over hills and rocks they ran, trying not to look back at the ones pursuing them. 

The company was unknowingly running straight into a valley. That fact alone made it easy for the Wargs to surround them. They were trapped. Without hope of rescue. Dwalin had yelled at Thorin, informing him of the disappearance of their wizard. Thorin looked around wildly and saw that it was indeed true. The company had no other choice but to draw their weapons and fight to the death if necessary. 

The booming voice of Gandalf pierced through the charged air, 

“This way, you fools!”

Billa whipped her head around so quickly to see where the wizard was that she almost broke her own neck trying. Gandalf had somehow found an underground passageway, and it could not have come at a better moment. The company retreated towards their shelter all the while managing to hold off their foes. 

Each dwarf jumped into the hole while Thorin stood guard. Billa could barely register her success at keeping her exposed sword from cutting herself or anyone around her on the drop down. Gandalf was counting as each dwarf descended. Fili, Kili, and Thorin were the last down into their refuge. 

Every last one of them was breathing heavily and watching the entrance with rapt attention, waiting to see if the Wargs would try and come through. A loud bugle sounded outside of the cavern. The elves had come. Sounds of slaughter came from above and the company decided unanimously, although reluctantly that they would follow the path. 

It seemed to go on for ages as the party of dwarves walked single file through the tight, winding path. Without much warning, the path widened and spread out, allowing the group to breathe a little easier. Billa had been once again bringing up the rear of the line of dwarves and was the last into the open.

She didn’t think she has ever seen anything so beautiful in her entire life. The stories that had trickled down into the Shire could not possibly do the sight before her justice. Towering spires and great waterfalls stood triumphantly before her. Billa looked at her fellow travelers and noted the awe present on their faces. Even the dwarves could not deny that elven home was impossibly beautiful. 

The company climbed down the steep cliff they were on and headed for the center of Rivendell. As the passed the bridge, Billa saw that the look on Thorin’s face grew darker and darker. His hatred of elves ran deeper than Billa had realized. 

Once they were all together once more, she allowed herself to admire her surroundings again. Billa could swear she heard a faint tinkle of bells and distant laughter from one of the open halls. She smiled to herself, reminded of the easiness and beauty found in the Shire. 

Billa’s attention was caught by a lithe and graceful figure approaching them from the steps. The elf walked steadily, as though in tune with every aspect of his home. 

“Mithrandir.”

Gandalf turned slightly at the call of his name and smiled brightly. 

A conversation entirely in Sindarin followed. Billa stood in her place, content to listen to the melodious language. The dwarves grew increasingly agitated at each passing word. They obviously were not used to not being included or recognized in conversation. Billa rolled her eyes at the ridiculous dwarves and filed this new information away for a later time. 

The same bugle was heard as before. The company changed their position, allowing them to face what Billa assumed would be their hosts. Gallant horses sped across the bridge, each carrying an elf. The elf at the front was clearly the leader by the way he held himself. The horses and their riders ran in circles around the dwarves. Billa was used to feeling small because of traders that passed through the Shire, but at that moment was certain she had never felt more insignificant. 

The elf Billa thought to be in charge stopped in front of her wizard friend and smiled. 

“Gandalf.”

“Lord Elrond.” 

The pair began speaking in Sindarin again, much to the consternation of the dwarves. Lord Elrond came off his horse and walked toward the wizard. Elrond briefly greeted him with an embrace and continued talking. 

‘’Strange for orcs to come so close to our borders. Something or someone must have drawn them near. “

Gandalf nodded, 

“Ah. That may have been us.”

Thorin took that moment to walk up to face Elrond, with Dwalin following close behind. The elf looked down at the dwarf, 

“Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain.”

“I do not believe we have met. “

“You have your grandfather’s bearing. I knew Thror when he ruled under the mountain. “

“Indeed. He made no mention of you.”

Billa sighed and shook her head. Of all times Thorin had to choose to be petty and childish, it would be now, when they needed shelter and food. Elrond tilted his head slightly and continued to stare at the dwarf. A wave of Sindarin followed and Billa could only wish it wasn’t an insult. If it was, at least Thorin could not understand it in its entirety. 

Gloin barged ahead, 

“What is he saying? Does he offer us insult?” 

The dwarves were all ready to protect their King’s honor, but Gandalf stepped in. 

“No, Master Gloin, they are offering you food.”

Billa could have cried from joy and was beyond upset that it actually took consideration from the dwarves before they could be given a proper meal. It didn’t take long for the dwarves to agree to a meal, and were shown to where they could sleep that night. Lord Elrond led Billa to a different hallway and showed her to her own private room. 

Billa was speechless at the elf’s graciousness, but managed to say thank you enough that the elf stopped her. 

“It is no trouble my dear Miss Baggins. I can only imagine that you would like some alone time after being constantly surrounded by dwarves.” 

Billa nodded absently. She agreed in part with Elrond, she did want some alone time, but was surprised to come to the realization that she truly didn’t mind the dwarves one bit. Elrond gave her a parting smile and left her to her own devices. 

The first thing in order was a nice long soak in the grand tub one of the elves had prepared for her. Billa peeled off her sweaty, smelling clothing and let herself sink into the blessed warmth of the water. She relished the feeling of her scrubbed and clean smelling skin. It took the chilled water for Billa to get out of her bath a while later. If she did miss a portion of dinner, the bath was completely worth it. Billa grabbed her pack from beside the bed and dug to the bottom, finding the one and only dress she had brought along. 

It was an old one, but still good. Billa felt she needed to show her appreciation of her host’s hospitality by showing up to dinner in more than her traveling clothes. After dressing and taming her damp and wild hair Billa went out the door in the direction of the feast. 

She definitely had not expected the reaction she received to her entrance into the dining hall. Every dwarf stopped completely in their meal and stared at her. Billa started to feel uncomfortable and regretted changing into the dress, until Gandalf gave her a small smile. She walked over to the only open seat and sat down to enjoy her meal. Slowly, conversation began again as she talked merrily with the dwarves and listened to their old stories. 

One of the stories involved Thorin and a cheeky remark from Dwalin made Billa laugh and look to see what Thorin would say. It did not seem like the King had either heard his friend or cared about what he had to say. He was looking at Billa, seemingly stunned. Billa continued to look at him until Thorin realized she was indeed staring right back. The king cleared his throat and looked down at his dinner, and if Billa didn’t know better, it almost looked like his cheeks turned a faint shade of pink. 

After the dinner that was lovely to Billa’s tastes and entirely too green for the dwarves, Billa bade goodnight and made for her chambers once more. She went up to the wash basin and cleaned her face with a cool cloth. She also took the time to take a brush to the mane atop her head, wishing that she had not inherited her mother’s curls. Two quick knocks at her door startled Billa so badly she almost dropped her hairbrush. 

Billa set the brush down and walked over to her door. She opened it cautiously, not knowing why she was wanted so late in the evening and was utterly shocked to see Thorin on the other side. The dwarf smiled down at the small hobbit. Billa smiled back and waited for the dwarf to say something. 

“May I speak with you, Miss Baggins?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! cliffhanger!  
> As always, comment and I will love you forever  
> It might even make me write faster :)


	5. By the Light of the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I suppose I should mention before I forget, for the sake of my happiness and sanity, Hobbits live as long as Dwarves. I'll figure out the logistics later.

Billa blinked a few times, not sure she had heard correctly. For the entire time they had been traveling together, Thorin had barely spoken to her. Of those few words, the majority were snide remarks. Billa stood stock still in her doorway, still staring at Thorin in shock. 

“Miss Baggins? Are you alright?”

“Oh! Yes- I’m fine, where would you like to go?” 

She noted in the back of her mind that she had retained just enough of that hobbit respectability to not invite him into her bedroom. Billa looked around and was relieved to find that there was no one around. 

“There is a balcony down the hall; I was hoping we could speak there.”

“Yes, that sounds fine.” Billa gave a weak smile and shut her door. Thorin turned and started down the hallway away from the dining hall. They walked together in silence for the entire way. Billa still wasn’t sure what they were going to discuss and it seemed like Thorin was in no hurry to elaborate. 

Soon enough the pair reached the balcony Thorin had talked about. There was a small wooden bench in a perfect position to see one of the larger waterfalls. Billa saw the opportunity present itself, so she sat, waiting for Thorin to begin. When there were no immediate words spoken, Billa looked up and began, 

“What was-“

At the same moment Thorin had finally decided to speak, 

“Miss Baggins- I-“

Thorin and Billa looked at each other and quickly stopped what they were saying. Billa cleared her throat delicately, 

“You can go first, since you wanted to talk.”

Thorin nodded his head jerkily; either nervous or upset at what he was going to say to her. Billa felt a small bit of concern well up inside of her. She hadn’t thought she had done anything wrong, except for that business with the trolls, but that did end up sorting itself out in the end. He was quite angry after that though. 

Thorin was staring at his feet as though they were the most interesting thing he had ever seen. He looked up at her abruptly. 

“I must apologize for my words and actions after the trolls. It was unbecoming of me to speak to a lady in such a way, and I do regret it.” 

Oh! Of all the things Billa thought she might have heard, an apology was rather far down on her mental list. Thorin did not seem like the type of person to make apologies easily. His pride and his station probably made it so that he hardly ever had to apologize for anything he had done. Billa looked down at her hands and smiled.

“It’s alright. I was the one that had gotten you all into that mess. You had every right to be upset. I almost ruined the quest before Erebor was even in sight. It was only thanks to Gandalf that we got out alright in the end. “

Billa tore her gaze away from her hands and looked up at the imposing dwarf. Thorin looked relieved that she had accepted his apology. 

“You do not give yourself enough credit, Miss Baggins. You did buy us time. It was the wizard’s fault he wasn’t there in the first place. “Thorin’s voice was deep and gruff as he spoke. 

“It’s a relief to know that I am not a complete burden to this company then. I fear when you had started out, you didn’t exactly expect a hobbit lass to be your burglar. “

“I did not expect you. That much is true. I was unsure, in the beginning how you would fair among us dwarves. I have not been disappointed.”

Thorin spoke with such conviction and sincerity that Billa was left speechless. Tears of gratitude pricked at her eyes, but Billa wrote it off as being overtired. She had been so worried that she was slowing her friends down. To know that she was just as valued as the warriors trained to fight was a heady thing. A smile curled the corner of her lip as she looked out towards the massive waterfall. 

“Thank you, for saying that. It’s very kind.” Out of the corner of her eye, Billa saw Thorin nod briskly and hesitate a moment. He moved closer to where she was sitting and lowered himself onto the bench as well. The pair sat in companionable silence as they watched the night sky. 

“You know, I do miss my books and things very badly. I can’t deny I feel a little homesick. “

Thorin turned his head to look at the little hobbit. Billa continued, 

“But every time I do feel like I want to run in the opposite direction to my home, I remember why I am here. I remember that you do not have a home to speak of, and that helps me continue.” Billa looked up at Thorin, 

“I will help you reclaim your home. Even though there is a furnace with wings I may have to face. I am not looking forward to that bit.” 

Thorin tilted his head to take in the hobbit sitting next to him. 

“Thank you. To know that I am surrounded by ones who care so much, make me worry less for the future of my kingdom.” 

Billa looked back out over the balcony to the lands beyond. Everything was so beautiful. Billa made a promise to herself to return here, if she did come back. 

“What was Erebor like? Before it fell?”

Thorin looked wistfully off into the distance, seeing things from an age long past. 

“Erebor was magnificent. An entire people lived and worked under its protection. We wanted for very little, and the mines were plentiful and the veins of precious metals and gems ran deep. For everyone, the kingdom matched the stone from which it was carved in every way. It was unshakable. Until Smaug. “

Billa looked up at Thorin, prepared to say something. The look on his face prevented her. He looked as close to broken as she had ever seen him. Billa understood all too well that memories could be painful, and let Thorin have his space. 

After a while, she had finally gathered the courage to speak. 

“Erebor will rise again. It would be hard for it not to, with such a stubborn king as you for the leader.” 

Thorin shook himself out of his memories. A smile played at his face. 

“And a hobbit burglar will make it happen. I do not envy Smaug in the slightest; he will be taking on something with just as much flame inside as him.”

Billa let out a barking laugh. Thorin smiled yet again. They continued their talk for a while longer. A cool summer wind blew through the branches. Billa shivered involuntarily, she didn’t want Thorin to know that she was feeling a little chilled. Even as she tried to hide her shiver, she felt a warm and steady arm circle around her back cautiously. 

She leaned into Thorin’s one armed embrace slightly, breathing in the scent of him. He smelled like smoke and pine, but with something lighter beneath. Thorin and Billa settled in comfortably once more. The sky steadily grew lighter. 

Billa yawned and shifted a bit. Thorin removed his arm from behind her back and stood slowly. 

“I’m afraid I kept you from your sleep. I apologize. We will stay for a little longer in Rivendell. Lord Elrond has agreed to translate the map. “

Billa nodded her understanding sleepily, and allowed Thorin to pull gently at her arm.

“Come, I will escort you back to your room, hopefully away from the eyes of any prying dwarves.”

They left the balcony and were soon at Billa’s door once more. She opened the intricately carved door and turned to face Thorin. 

“Thank you once again, Miss Baggins, for speaking with me.”

Billa nodded her head. A vague thought rose to the forefront of her mind. 

“Call me Billa, please. I would prefer it.”

Thorin nodded his head. 

“Sleep well, Billa.”

He gave her a parting glance and walked back to where the other dwarves were staying. Billa walked to her bed and practically collapsed. She hadn’t bothered to change out of her dress, and found it didn’t really matter. As she pulled the sheets up over her shoulder, she caught a whiff of pine and smoke. A smile decorated her face as she quickly fell asleep. 

Billa blearily opened her eyes and blinked, clearing sleep from her eyes. Sunshine was coming in through the slightly opened window. She sat up on her elbows, admiring the elvish room. Billa sighed and fell back onto her pillows. The hobbit laid there for a few more moments, and hauled herself out of bed. 

She made her way over to the wash basin and splashed cold water on her face. Billa went over to her bag and pulled out one of her remaining clean outfits. She brought them up to her face and inhaled. They still smelled slightly of earth and the flowers planted around Bag End. Billa smiled into the fabric, treasuring the memory. 

She changed quickly and paused at the door, suddenly remembering in full what had happened the night before. Thorin had actually spoken to her. And the words he had said were not stiff and cold like the commands and slights she had heard before. They were kind and heartfelt. 

Billa leaned up against the door. Thorin hadn’t only spoken to her. He had put his arm around her when she had gotten cold. Billa didn’t dare let herself hope that the dwarf cared for her beyond the concern he felt for any of the other company members. That hope could only lead to heartbreak and Billa didn’t want to carry that with her. 

She closed her eyes and sighed. A knock on the door almost made her jump out of her skin. Billa leapt back from the door and opened it quickly. Fili and Kili were standing there with massive grins on their faces. Billa found she smiled back easily at the two. Fili was the one to speak. 

“We were rather worried that something had happened to you. When we were led to breakfast, we expected you to be there already. Uncle said not to bother you, but we thought you should at least eat.”

Billa nodded her head. “I was just leaving actually. I hope I didn’t completely miss breakfast.”

Kili piped in, 

“You didn’t! There’s still plenty left!”

Billa let the two brothers lead the way back to the dining hall. 

When they had reached the dining hall, Billa was surprised to see the entire company still eating. She had been under the impression that she would be getting the leftovers. Fili and Kili must have left right after finding she was not there. The newcomers all went to their respective seats. Billa wedged herself between Bofur and Ori. The two greeted her warmly as she filled her plate. 

Billa slipped easily into the conversations around her. Bofur and Bombur were talking about the lack of green food present, which they were glad of. A more pressing conversation began at Billa’s right. 

Dori looked around his brother to the hobbit,

“You must have been quite tired, to sleep this late.” 

Billa nodded and shrugged her shoulders. 

“Can you blame me? I haven’t exactly gotten a lot of sleep since we began this journey.”

Dori raised his eyebrows. 

“I suppose. I’m afraid this will be one of the only times you’ll be able to. Enjoy it while you can.”

Billa chuckled a little and nodded her agreement. Dori disappeared behind his brother again to continue talking with Balin. Curiosity overtook her as she looked towards the head of the table. Fili was talking animatedly with Thorin as Kili rolled his eyes. Kili huffed and looked down the table at Billa. He brightened and waved at her. Fili and Thorin’s conversation ended as they followed the direction of Kili’s wave. 

Fili smiled at Billa and said something to his brother. Billa looked over at Thorin, smiling when she found his deep blue eyes. Thorin looked back at her and inclined his head. Amusement twinkled in his eyes. A warm feeling spread throughout Billa. Whatever shift had happened between them the night before had definitely been for the better. 

Billa looked down at her breakfast, still smiling. Dwalin’s gruff voice invaded her thoughts, 

“You seem to be smiling more recently.”

“I’ve found that I have been happier recently. I feel like I’m fitting in.”

The tattooed dwarf considered the hobbit for a while. He seemed to find what he wanted and looked away. Billa brought her eyebrows together in confusion, shrugged it off, and went back to her breakfast. She didn’t see Dwalin look over at Thorin and give him a pointed look. Billa also missed Thorin look back at his friend and mouth something rude in Khuzdul. 

After they had all finished their breakfast, Billa found out that they were going to spend one more day in Rivendell, waiting for nightfall. Apparently the map they had could only be read then. Lord Elrond approached her soon after, suggesting she visit the library. It didn’t take long for Billa to be admiring hundreds and hundreds of huge books. 

She went up to one of the bookshelves and pulled out a book with one of the only titles she could actually read. Billa carried it over to a small table closer to a window and admired it. She opened it carefully and relished being able to read again. 

The door opened some time later. Billa tore herself away from her book and looked to see who had entered. It was Ori, looking around nervously. He caught sight of her and made his way over, slingshot bouncing at his hip. Billa closed her book and said hello to the quiet dwarf. 

“Hello Miss Baggins, do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all, Ori.”

Ori busied himself looking over all of the books the library had to offer. He was practically salivating, and Billa couldn’t blame him. The amount of knowledge the elves had retained through all of their history was astonishing. The dwarf finally chose a book he fancied and carried it back to where Billa was sitting. The pair opened their books and read, content to remain silent. 

Billa and Ori were interrupted by Dwalin, who remained standing awkwardly in the doorway. The large dwarf cleared his throat to get their attention. When he was certain they were aware of him, he continued, 

“Miss Baggins, your training begins after lunch.”

“What training?”

“Thorin wants you to have a decent idea how to hold your own if we ever face something like the trolls again. Plus, you will be facing a dragon. “

Billa was still hung up on the fact that she would have to train, and blurted, 

“What am I going to train with? And who?”

“Well, I imagine you’ll have a wooden staff of some sort. I wouldn’t place you with a sword on my worst enemy.”

Billa sputtered and stared open mouthed at the dwarf. Dwalin ignored her indignation, 

“As for who, I will be training you.” He turned and left without another word. 

Billa still hadn’t closed her mouth. She squinted and gazed over at Ori, 

“Does Thorin want me to die before we reach Erebor?”

Ori closed his book and looked at the hobbit. 

“I would think he wants you to do just the opposite.” 

Billa snapped her mouth shut and rubbed a hand over her face. Time passed altogether too quickly for Billa’s liking. At least when she was going into this quest she knew what she could expect. The idea of training with Dwalin was something she couldn’t prepare for. 

The sun had risen to the middle of the sky and for the first time in her life, Billa would be happy to avoid lunch. Ori wasn’t going to let that happen as he walked alongside her to where they would be eating. 

Billa left Ori’s side to march straight up to Thorin. She jabbed a finger into his chest accusingly, 

“Why do I need to train? I know I’m not the best swordfighter, but I hardly think it’s necessary.”

Thorin looked around and saw that there were no dwarves around. He lowered his head closer to her and said, 

“Billa, I merely wish for you to be safe. Training will help in the long run.”

Billa pursed her lips and looked up at Thorin. Curse his logic and his stupidly handsome face. For a dwarf. 

“Alright, fine. When I embarrass myself horribly, it’s because of you. “

Thorin laughed lightly and agreed. They walked together to the table and when they got there, Thorin pushed out a chair next to him for Billa to sit in. Too preoccupied to really notice, she sat next to him and began worrying her lip with her teeth. The rest of the dwarves filed in a short time later; coming from whatever activity they were occupying themselves with beforehand. 

Billa did not notice or hear the whispers coming from the other end of the table, obviously directed at them. She did notice Thorin look a little agitated and defensive, but Billa supposed it was because they were spending extra time with the elves. 

Lunch passed too quickly. Afterwards, the company got up and went to an open area in the sun and formed a circle. It was bad enough she had to train; now it was going to become a spectator sport. Billa sighed and followed Thorin to the circle. She was handed a small leather cord to hold her hair more firmly in place. She took it and fastened her hair while watching Dwalin. 

He had found two rather large sticks that looked to Billa like they could hurt if she ended up being whacked by one. Dwalin motioned her towards the center of the circle. Thorin gave her a small nudge and she turned her head to give him a glare. Billa went up and took the stick from Dwalin and waited for his instructions. It seemed that instructions weren’t forthcoming when he made a leap at her, his staff held aloft. 

Billa yelped and stepped back quickly, nearly dodging the attack. 

“Again.” 

Dwalin barked orders at her rapidly, barely registering in Billa’s mind. 

If Dwalin was surprised that Billa was able to avoid him, he didn’t let on. He came at her again; his staff moving like it was going to hit her in the shoulder. Billa’s sense of self-preservation kicked in as she stepped back and swung her stick to connect with Dwalin’s. 

Dwalin let out an annoyed sound and changed his tactic. He backed off and started pacing around Billa, looking for a weak spot. Billa got the idea and followed his movements, not letting him out of her sight. In an act of foolishness that will continue to surprise her until long after this journey was over, she ran at Dwalin and jabbed her stick towards him. 

The two parried blows and danced around the circle. Billa didn’t try to strike after that, she was much more concerned with defending herself and avoiding Dwalin. Sweat beaded at Billa’s temple and she was panting heavily. She thanked her lucky stars that hobbits were quick and sneaky, and that dwarves were rather the opposite. Billa’s arms were wobbling and getting weaker. They had spent so much time sparring that she could hardly stand it any longer. 

Billa moved to turn behind Dwalin’s back again; she had found that he didn’t react quick enough when she did that. Unfortunately for Billa, Dwalin had become wise to her plan and avoided it easily, turning as she did. Billa didn’t react as fast as needed and Dwalin landed a solid blow to her arm. 

Billa cried out in pain and dropped her stick. Dwalin immediately stopped and started to spout apologies. 

Billa winced as she glanced down at her arm. A bruise would definitely form later. 

“It’s fine Dwalin, I wasn’t paying attention well enough.” Billa wiped sweat from her brow and focused on catching her breath. Dwalin seemed to relax at her words and said, 

“You did well, lassie. Better than expected.” Even as he said that, Billa started to hear the clink of coins passing hands. She looked around and was not surprised to see Nori pocketing a large bag. 

“Am I always going to be the source of bets on this journey?” 

Nori smiled deviously and nodded his head, 

“You make things interesting, lass.” A few of the dwarves nodded their heads encouragingly. 

It seemed that the training session was over; the circle broke up and went off to continue what they were doing before lunch. Oin bustled over to tut over her arm. He pronounced it fine, and mentioned that she would be sore in the morning. Billa thanked him as he went away. She pulled away the binding that trapped her hair and shook her head. Billa pushed it back away from her face, frowning at how sweaty she was. 

It was then that she noticed Thorin was hanging around in the shadows, waiting for her. She gave a small wave and walked over to him. Thorin brightened considerably when she stood in front of him. 

“I’m impressed with how you did today. Dwalin can be a very challenging opponent.” 

Billa nodded her head in agreement. 

“Thank you, it’s a miracle I only went away with a bruise to my arm.”

Thorin’s brow furrowed in concern as he reached out to cradle the hobbit’s wrist in his hand. He turned it over gently and inspected the bruise in question. Billa watched him while he did this and found she had completely underestimated him. He could be amazingly kind and gentle, contrary to what the hobbits knew of dwarves. 

Billa thought she should say something, 

“Oin said it wasn’t too serious, but I’ll be sore in the morning. Which is one of the reasons I didn’t want to train in the first place.” 

Thorin looked up and released his hold of her wrist. 

“That is good, if you do find you are sore, I’m sure Oin could give something for it to you. “ 

“I suppose so.”

The two of them found they were quickly edging into an awkward pause. Thorin cleared his throat and suggested they go see what the others were doing. Billa thought that was a fine idea. They started to walk back when they heard Kili calling for Thorin. He didn’t appear to be overly concerned, but looked over at Billa and started to speak. Billa cut him off, 

“It’s fine. You can go, I’ll see you later tonight. “

Thorin stopped and looked at her for a moment and said, 

“Tonight.” He gave her a hint of a smile before stalking off to see what trouble his nephews had gotten themselves into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! They are definitely my motivation. So if you like what you read, comment please! Speaking of liking things, what do you think of Thorin and Billa? I love them to death


	6. Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you may just need tissues for this, I apologize.

Billa’s eyes followed Thorin until he turned around the corner. Billa heard the distinctive laughter of Fili and Kili and could only imagine what they were doing. She listened for a while longer, and went off to her room to clean herself up a little. She also thought it would be a good idea to ask Oin if he had anything for bruising or for soreness. She would probably need both in the morning, especially if they were going to continue traveling. 

Oin willingly gave her what she needed, after a stunningly long conversation. Everything she tried to say, he couldn’t hear. Some things he said back were mumbled and Billa found she couldn’t quite understand him either. Bofur eventually had to step in and act as a translator. Things moved swiftly after that, saving Billa. 

Bofur walked her back to her room, chatting merrily about things they saw on their way. 

“I’ll be happy to get out of this place. Elves don’t really sit well with us dwarves, not since...”

Billa’s curiosity was piqued, 

“Not since what? Elves aren’t all that bad.”

Bofur stopped and looked at her, 

“These elves may not be the worst of the bunch, but don’t think they’re all like that. Elves live too long, they become immune to the hardship of others, fearing for themselves.”

“Is that why you hate them? Because they live too long?” 

“No, they refused to help us in our time of greatest need. They watched us be destroyed and didn’t lift a finger to help us.”

Billa understood why the dwarves were uncomfortable in Rivendell then. She once again felt sorry for them. They had been through so much, with so little reward. To accept help from the kin of those who wronged you had to be difficult. Bofur said goodbye to Billa and went away whistling a tune that sounded oddly like what they sang while they were throwing her dishes. 

Billa took the time to put her new things away. She discovered that behind the curtain near her window was a door that could open out onto a very small ledge with a railing. Billa enjoyed the afternoon breeze that blew by and turned her face up at the sun. She stayed like that for a while, but finally left her room. 

Billa wasn’t certain what she wanted to entertain herself with. The library was an option, but Billa found she wasn’t particularly in the mood to read anymore. She had heard talk from the elves the night before of gardens that would need tending to. After asking Lord Elrond where she could find them, Billa found herself in one of the largest gardens she had ever seen. 

Lord Elrond left her there, pleased that she had liked it so. Billa stepped onto a small stone path that curled through the flower beds. She was slightly disappointed that there weren’t as many flowers as she had expected there to be. In their place, she found different herbs and plants that could probably be used for healing. She made a note in her mind to tell Oin of the garden, he would find it useful. After following the path for some time, Billa was delighted to find a small patch of ground that had flowers she was familiar with. 

Billa stepped off of the path and sat herself down at the base of a massive tree. She settled in to look at the flowers surrounding her. In the Shire, every hobbit knows that each flower represents something. They call it the language of the flowers, and use it to make bouquets for every occasion. Billa wasn’t sure if the elves did the same, but the flowers around her seemed to fit the spirit of the elves. 

Of the ones Billa could name, there were hyacinth, cosmos, jasmine, larkspur and lavender. Billa smiled to herself when she saw the lavender, it was one of the more well-known flowers in Hobbiton. 

Billa and her thoughts were interrupted when she heard boots clumping along the path. It was definitely a dwarf; Billa had yet to see an elf with shoes that could make that noise. 

She waited for the dwarf to round the bend and was happy to see that it was Balin. Billa hadn’t had the chance to talk with all of the dwarves she was traveling with, and wanted that to change. From what she had gathered, Balin had been Thorin’s advisor before Smaug, and he trusted the older dwarf implicitly. 

“Hello Balin,” Billa smiled at the dwarf when he looked down at her, surprise written across his face.

“Hello, lass. “ A confused look was sent her way as the dwarf continued,

“Can I ask why you’re on the ground?”

Billa laughed lightly and started to explain herself, 

“Lord Elrond showed me the garden, and I thought this was a rather nice spot to admire it. “ She looked around at the flowers again, “Plus, it reminds me just how much I miss my home”

A knowing look settled on Balin’s face as he sat down next to her. 

“There’s no shame in that either. No one here will judge you for it, we all feel the same.”

Billa nodded and couldn’t help but feel as though she didn’t deserve to miss her home. At least she had one to go back to. The dwarves she was with couldn’t even say they had that with certainty. Her eyes fell on a ginger flower across the path and a laugh bubbled from her lips. She felt bad immediately; she didn’t want Balin to think she was laughing at what he said. 

‘Oh, I’m sorry Balin, I truly don’t mean any disrespect. I was laughing at the flower over there.” She pointed at the red flower and smiled. 

Balin looked at her like she had finally succumbed to the stress of traveling. Maybe she had, just a little. 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand lass.”

“That’s right; I forgot that dwarves don’t have meanings for flowers. Hobbits do, and they are used to tell others something about the giver, or to convey feelings.”

Balin nodded his understanding, 

“Dwarves have something similar, only with the gems we mine from the mountain. “He pointed to the flower Billa had laughed at,

“What does that mean then?”

“It’s a ginger flower, it means pride. I think Thorin would say that it suits our hosts quite well.” 

Balin snorted a little and pointed at the other flowers, asking what they meant. Billa happily explained and added a few different flowers she could think of. Balin did the same with the gems the dwarves use often. 

They each took the time to explain some other customs they could think of. Billa learned why most of the dwarves wore braids in their hair; and couldn’t help but wonder what the ones Thorin wore were for. She was just about to ask Balin when she was fixed with a heavy stare. 

“What’s wrong, Balin?”

“I don’t want to overstep my boundaries, lass, but I want to know what your intentions are with our King.”

Billa sat in shock, not understanding what Balin meant. She was happy to have Thorin speaking to her, and smiling and laughing with her. Dread ran through her as she realized she might have infringed upon some ancient dwarven custom. 

Balin saw the hobbit’s confusion and explained himself further,

“This quest is in pursuit of a home for our people. I think you could understand that we can’t afford to let Thorin be distracted on this journey.”

Billa nodded, realizing what Balin meant. That didn’t make it any easier to quell the growing sadness inside her.

“I understand, Balin. I won’t act as a distraction. I’m here to be a burglar, nothing more.” That admission hurt more than she would like to think of. It was true, even though it pained her. Billa didn’t think it an appropriate time to mention the way she felt when Thorin looked at her, or how pleased she was when his arm wrapped around her waist. 

Balin seemed satisfied by her answer and stood. He held out a hand for her and she took it with hesitation. 

“I believe dinner will soon be ready, we had better go back before the others eat it all without us.”

Balin whistled on the way back and Billa half-heartedly listened. She was much too busy with the thoughts racing around her head. Why would Balin feel the need to speak with her? She supposed it made sense, he is Thorin’s advisor, and he must have Thorin’s best interests in mind. The others must see something happening between her and Thorin to be concerned about. Billa would feel hopeful if she hadn’t just been reminded of her place. If it kept Thorin safe, she would do whatever she had to. 

The dining room was filled with dwarves. Balin went to go sit by his brother, still whistling as he went. Billa stood awkwardly trying to find a seat. There was one open by Bofur, so she started to go towards it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Thorin watching her, an empty seat next to him. Billa’s heart felt like it was breaking when she saw the confused look on Thorin’s face. This may be to keep Thorin focused in the long run, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t going to be extraordinarily hard. 

She filled her plate but didn’t touch a thing on it. Her fork moved the food around aimlessly, Billa suddenly didn’t feel very hungry at all. She was worried to look up the table towards Thorin, she didn’t know if he would be staring at her or not. Billa pressed her lips together when a small voice at the back of her mind wondered what Thorin thought of her now. She silenced it with a shake of her head. Guilt rose up inside her. Thorin was probably confused and hurt. He had opened up to her and now she was shutting him out. She sighed and put her fork down while pushing her plate away from her. She looked across the table and found that Dori was looking at her, concerned. 

“Are you alright, Miss Baggins?”

“I’m fine Dori; I’m just not hungry right now.”

He didn’t look like he believed her and Billa understood how Ori and Nori must feel on a regular basis.

“From the way you speak of hobbits, I would guess that not being hungry is a rather serious thing.”

“I suppose it could be, but it really doesn’t matter.”

Dori stared at her for a while longer, shook his head and continued his meal. Billa closed her eyes. She truly did appreciate that the dwarves cared for her well-being. She just would have preferred that they didn’t comment on it right now. A creeping feeling went up her spine, like someone was watching her. Billa’s eyes flashed open and she looked around at the dwarves seated around her. They were all focused on their conversations and their meals, paying her no mind. 

Realizing who it could be, Billa turned her head slowly to the left and looked up at the head of the table. Her suspicions were confirmed when her eyes met the ones of their leader. Thorin looked worried. His eyebrows rose and his eyes softened like he was trying to silently ask her if she was alright. Billa just stared, trying to take in everything about his face. She bit her lip slightly and looked down at her hands. She came to the conclusion then that she was only torturing herself. Billa stood quickly saying,

“Excuse me; I think I’m going to retire for the evening.”

The other dwarves halted their conversations abruptly, watching the hobbit practically run out the hall towards her room. They exchanged worried glances with each other and whispered some things. Billa didn’t care about the whispers or looks aimed at her, her only goal was to get to her room before she broke down. 

Her door was a welcome sight as she opened it and quickly stepped inside. She sunk against it immediately after it was closed. Tears welled up in her eyes, but Billa was trying as hard as she could not to cry. The voice at the back of her head taunted her. This is what’s best for Thorin. He needs to stay focused on the journey, and you won’t help that any. Tears spilled from her eyes as Billa sobbed into her hands. 

She could hardly believe she was crying. Billa thought back to all the young hobbits who would pine after one another, promising words of love and forever. She had always thought them silly, and rarely felt bad for them when their hearts were broken. She understood them now. Was she really in love? Could she be in love with a dwarf? A dwarven king, she thought. It wasn’t proper for her to be in love with him. He deserved a dwarf equal to him, and she certainly wasn’t on both accounts. 

Billa picked herself up off of the floor and lay down on her bed. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and closed her eyes. She strained her ears and could faintly hear the rest of the company. They must think that she is horribly silly right now. She turned on her side and pulled her pillow closer. Her thoughts went back to Thorin of their own accord. He must think that she is wholly uninterested in him. Oh, Thorin, she thought. You couldn’t be more wrong. 

The previous night had seemed so long ago. The knock at her door and the conversation after had been the happiest she had been on this quest. Possibilities had seemed endless and hope flowed through their every word. A ridiculous desire filled Billa. She silently begged Thorin to knock on her door once more and ask that he speak with her, concern laced in every word. She would go, if he asked. Billa was certain that she would follow him if he asked her to into Mordor. She hoped against hope that night that her dwarf would come. A knock was never heard and a small hobbit, very far away from home and completely alone, cried herself to sleep. 

Billa woke early the next morning and groaned. Her arms and legs hurt with every movement she made and her head felt stuffy from crying. A dim morning light trickled in through the window. Billa stared out of it for a few seconds and hauled herself out from under the warm covers. She bathed and dressed quickly. She guessed that Thorin had no desire to stay among the elves now that his map had been read. Billa searched through her belongings until she came upon the ointments Oin had given her. She applied both of them liberally and winced at the sight her arm made. Billa checked her face in the mirror and found that her eyes were only slightly puffy. She dabbed them with cold water, picked up her pack and walked out the door. 

She had been right in assuming that Thorin wouldn’t want to stay any longer. The rest of the company was in the middle of packing their things and rearranging the supplies the elves had given them. Billa thought that to be rather generous, the elves probably hadn’t been overly pleased with their impromptu guests. Bofur walked over to her with an armful of assorted goods. Billa took her pack off her shoulder and helped him fill it with what he brought. 

It was a struggle to pick the pack up again, but Billa grunted through the pain and bore it. Her muscles screamed with every step she took and she cursed Dwalin’s name for having to train her. She would not be a burden on this company. She had told herself that last night. She was determined to make herself as unnoticeable as possible. 

Bofur was satisfied with her pack, and thankfully did not say anything to her. He gave her a small sad smile before he turned away, and somehow that made Billa feel worse. All of the dwarves gave her space and didn’t ask much of her. Billa was startled by a hand on her shoulder. It was Lord Elrond. He smiled at Billa and whispered, 

“You are always welcome here, should you desire to stay in the future.”

Billa gave the elf a genuine smile, 

“Thank you very much. I appreciate it more than you know.”

Elrond nodded and said his goodbyes to the rest of the company. Soon, they were all leaving the comfort of Rivendell. The group moved single file along a rocky path. Billa stopped and looked back at the towering spires and gorgeous waterfalls. She was loath to leave the elves and their hospitality, but she was a burglar, and burglaring she would do. 

A few members of the company filed past her, each looking at her with various expressions on their faces. The idea of being consistently pitied on the rest of the quest did not sit well with Billa; she had to find something to make them view her in the same light as before, not just a tiny hobbit lass they had to protect. 

The deep voice that had invaded her restless sleep interrupted her thoughts, 

“Miss Baggins, I suggest you keep up.” Billa turned around immediately and found Thorin’s eyes. He looked at her harshly, and turned away. It seemed as though they had both made similar conclusions during the night. Billa frowned and continued walking with the company. 

Billa stared at her feet as she tried not to focus on her aching body. Each step meant she was closer to their goal. She was going to get back Thorin’s home and his kingdom, or she would die trying. Billa moved around a large rock on the path and almost stepped on a small white flower. Despite everything she had been through, she found herself smiling as she admired the bloom. She had never really fully appreciated how comforting it was for hobbits to be able to say things, not through their words, but through things from the earth. That small white flower gave Billa more true courage than she had felt before with the dwarves. 

Its meaning was a simple one. Good luck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im really really sorry, I didnt even intend for all that to happen, but it sort of just happened. 
> 
> Im a super big fan of the hobbits communicating through flowers, so yeah. It happened. 
> 
> Hyacinth- Constancy (appropriate because elves live the same way for a very long time)  
> Cosmos- Peaceful  
> Jasmine- Grace and Elegance  
> Larkspur- Beautiful Spirit  
> Lilac- First Love  
> Ginger - Pride  
> Stephanotis- Good Luck
> 
> As always, please comment! How many of you wish Billa had ended up in the library?
> 
> I am currently a beta for a lovely fic called Wild Rose by Annetictac, you should check it out!


	7. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry that this took as long as it did, I got super busy with school and homework and NHS and then I kind of lost my muse for a bit, but its back so yay! Enjoy!

Rain was worse than Lobelia Sackville Baggins on a bad day. At least when Billa had had to deal with Lobelia, all she had to worry about was if she was going to steal from her china set again. Lobelia always left and then Billa could go back to her books and her gardens. The rain was not so easily avoided. All of the dwarves had resolutely pulled up their hoods and trudged on when the first few drops fell. Billa had not had the forethought to bring a cloak and was soaked through. 

It soon became obvious that something was wrong when every dwarf that Billa tried to talk to politely but firmly ignored her attempts at conversation. Billa was left to grudgingly follow behind the company, alone and miserable. Whatever Balin had said to Thorin obviously had gotten repeated through the company. 

They had been walking for a few hours, their progress slowed by their lack of ponies. The rain made the paths muddy and Billa had narrowly avoided falling over on a few occasions. Billa had taken to grumbling about the inconvenience of rain. Hobbits never really liked the rain whenever it came. They knew it was necessary for the flowers and other plants they grew, but it tended to make things more difficult. Billa’s mother had always said that the rain was disliked because hobbits got sick easily. Therefore, most hobbits avoided the dreary weather in favor of warm fires and good food. 

Her mother’s reasoning was sound and that made Billa worried. It wouldn’t do to come down with something on this quest, especially since the dwarves had finally accepted her. Billa had vowed in Rivendell that she was going to make herself as unnoticeable as possible. Constantly needing a blanket and a handkerchief wouldn’t make that vow simple. 

Billa brushed her hair out of her face for what seemed like the hundredth time. It had gotten long and unmanageable on their journey. Her hair hadn’t really been a problem before, since they had been met with decently sunny and pleasant weather. Now Billa had to continuously pry it away from the straps on her pack where it had gotten tangled. To make matters worse the rain dripped from the top of her head onto her face steadily. 

Billa huffed and looked ahead at the rest of the groups. Bofur was trailing behind the group to get closer to her, which made Billa smile. At least she could always count on Bofur to be her friend. Suddenly, a loud and violent sneeze broke through the silence the group had maintained. The rest of the dwarves slowed their pace and looked back at her questioningly.

Billa sniffed and looked down at her feet. Drat. She was going to get sick after all. 

Bofur fell into step next to her and gave her a large grin. 

“That was a very loud sound to come from something as small as yourself.”

Billa threw him an annoyed look and kept walking, Bofur laughed at her indignation and continued to talk to her small things. Eventually he started to coax out of her small bits of Hobbit history and she managed to do the same with Dwarven history. The pair chatted amicably, almost forgetting the rain. 

Bofur was in the midst of telling a very animated story about himself and Bifur when they were younger and apparently more inclined towards mischief. Soon after he began, the other dwarves chimed in with comments of their own, most often fixing things that Bofur had embellished. 

Billa was pleased that conversation was flowing freely again through the company. No one seemed to hold anything against her either, which made Billa breathe a little easier. Jokes and stories kept them all entertained for quite a while until Thorin’s booming voice interrupted them all. For the whole day, Thorin had been up at the front of the company, flanked by his nephews and Balin. Dwalin was not close behind, caught up in a conversation with Ori. Dori looked extremely displeased with his brother. 

Thorin informed them all that they would be making camp for the night. Billa was relieved to stop walking, she was still horribly sore from the training with Dwalin. The company immediately went to work, setting up camp, and finding some truly clever ways to deal with the rain. Billa dropped her pack and stretched her aching back and arms. She sneezed a few more times in quick succession, and ignored the few laughs afterwards. She scanned the camp and decided that she would help Bombur with the dinner that night.

For the past few weeks, stew had been the normal dinner and Billa was ready to admit she was sick of it. It couldn’t be that hard to figure out something different. If it had to be stew, Billa was certain she could at least make it taste a little differently. She walked over to Bombur and he accepted the help gratefully. The two of them soon planned out a meal slightly different than the ones before. 

The rain had started to slow and lessen, only a few random drops hitting the ground. Billa touched her head and frowned at the twisted and knotted mess she found. An idea struck her and she went to go find Nori. It turned out that Nori was extremely difficult to find. She had heard stories of the unsavory work that Nori had done before the quest and Billa wasn’t surprised at his stealth. 

He eventually sauntered out from the woods, a sly grin on his face. Billa called out his name and walked over to him, 

“Do you have a knife I could borrow for a moment? I’ll give it back, I promise.”

Nori’s eyebrows raised, but he handed her one quickly.

“You can keep it if you like, I don’t know how well that elvish letter opener will help you. At least this knife is from the dwarves.” He winked at her and continued, 

“Much like dwarves, they tend to be much sturdier, and larger in some respects, but that is another matter.”

Billa spluttered for a moment but managed to thank him. He nodded and walked towards his brothers. In the Shire, it wasn’t unheard of for hobbit women to have short hair. Many even preferred it, what with all of the work they did. Long hair just didn’t mesh well with gardening or the small, grabby hands of hobbit children. If it was accepted in the Shire, it was certainly almost necessary on a quest. Billa walked back to her pack and settled down near Bofur. The rain had finally stopped, and the ground was only a little wet. She gathered her hair in one hand and brought the knife up to it, trying to figure out how short to cut it. She had only just started to cut through when the knife was ripped from her hands. 

She looked up in shock at Kili. The young dwarf was staring at her in equal shock and Billa became very uncomfortable. Kili turned and flung the knife into the woods with as much force as he could muster. Billa found her voice, 

“Kili! What are you doing?! That knife isn’t even mine, it’s Nori’s!”

Billa pointed at the dwarf in question, who was busy scowling at Kili. Nori resolutely left his place and trudged into the woods to retrieve it. Kili muttered apologies at the dwarf as he passed and turned his attention back to Billa. 

“What were you doing with that knife?”

“I was going to cut my hair, what did it look like I was doing?”

“It looked like you were going to cut your hair! Why would you do that? You haven’t done anything to dishonor yourself.”

“Dishonor myself? It was getting in my way, so I was taking care of it. What’s wrong with that?”

“Everything! Hair is a source of pride and should never be cut!”

Dori, in all his wisdom, sensed a cultural barrier and came forward to mediate, 

“Calm down, Kili. Hair obviously isn’t as important for hobbits.” He looked over at Billa and she nodded in confirmation. Dori continued, 

“If it truly means a lot to you, I’m sure Ms. Baggins wouldn’t mind it being braided.” 

Having her hair braided had never really occurred to her, even though she saw intricate braids and hairstyles daily among the dwarves. It was certainly a preferable solution anyways, she reasoned. 

“Dori’s right, I wouldn’t mind having it braided. I’m afraid I don’t really know how though.”

A collective sigh of relief resounded through the company. All the dwarves had stopped what they were doing and were watching her intently. Billa’s eyes scanned over the group and found Thorin. He was looking at her curiously, but as soon as Billa’s eyes met his, he looked away with a grumble. 

Kili brightened considerably and volunteered to braid her hair. Some of the dwarves groaned and Kili looked around, offended. Apparently Kili was neither very experienced nor particularly good at braiding hair. Even though Billa thought his braids looked splendid, they were apparently horrid by dwarven standards. 

Dori offered, and Billa accepted his help quickly. She didn’t want the subject of her hair to become a matter of contention between the dwarves. A few minutes later, Dori settled down behind her and worked a comb through her thick hair. Billa found it soothing and drowsily watched the rest of the company. 

Around an hour later, Dori announced he was finished. He stood up and Billa thanked him profusely. He waved off the thanks and stalked over to his youngest brother, who was once again talking to Dwalin. Billa touched her hair, marveling at the complicated way it was held. Dori had brushed it to fall in a way that wouldn’t interfere with the straps on her pack. At the end of each braid, was a small clasp that looked like they had flowers carved into them. 

Billa smiled and went to go show off her hair. After the dwarves had finished admiring her hair, they sat down and ate their dinner, which was much better than the previous ones if Billa said so herself. Stories soon moved into songs and old riddles and rhymes. Billa welcomed the change of pace. 

The dwarves’ voices were always pleasant to listen to, and Billa enjoyed it immensely. After a while, Billa noticed Fili and Kili whispering. She watched them until Fili looked up at her and spoke, 

“Can you sing, Ms. Baggins?”

Flashes of dances long past greeted Billa and she shuddered.

“By hobbits standards, I’m not very good, so I suppose not.”

The other dwarves’ interests were piqued and they persisted. Billa relented and tried to think of something short she could sing. 

“My mother always sang this to me when I was small. She always enjoyed adventures and seeing things beyond the Shire.”

Billa looked around and was met with the rapt attention of her friends. Thorin stood in the shadows, barely visible. She took a steadying breath and began, 

“Home is behind, the world ahead,

And there are many paths to tread

Through shadows to the edge of night,

Until the stars are all alight.

The world behind and home ahead,

We'll wander back and home to bed.

Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,

Away shall fade! Away shall fade!”

Billa closed her eyes after she was done, partly because she wanted to avoid the response of the dwarves and partly because thinking of her mother always made her a little sad. She took a deep breath and looked around at the dwarves. They were all smiling brightly at her and a smattering of applause followed. 

Billa ducked her head and laughed. Fili and Kili soon took up another well-known song, and Billa was happy to only listen. She suddenly remembered that Thorin had been lurking in the trees. Billa looked over to where he had been standing, and was disappointed to find that he was no longer there. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised that he wasn’t there. He probably had no desire to even look at her, much less speak with her. 

The rest of the night passed pleasantly, the songs only stopping when yawns made them difficult to continue. The fire was put out and everyone went to bed happy. Billa settled in her bedroll and realized she wasn’t very tired. 

Her gaze fell upon the stars and she marveled at their clarity and number. She felt a sudden burn deep in her chest for the comfort and familiarity of her home in Bag End. The stars looked much the same, Billa decided, and a small smile formed. It made the homesickness easier for her somehow, to know that wherever she went, she could always see familiar stars. 

Even though she felt much more ready for sleep, it became difficult because of the dwarves snoring. Billa was sure that she would have been used to the noise by now but found that some of the noisier dwarves were closer to her than normal. She sighed and turned over, trying to drown out the sound. 

Billa was woken from her slumber by a crunch of leaves under a heavy boot. She tensed and rose up slightly on her elbows. Visions of an orc attack came to mind, she was really going to have to kill Kili for bringing that idea up. Billa looked all over the camp and was relieved to find it empty. A figure loomed to the left of her bedroll, and she realized it was Thorin. 

She sighed in relief and was embarrassed to see that Thorin startled at the noise and was looking down at her. Billa thanked her lucky stars that it was dark out because she was certain that she was blushing profusely. Thorin kept looking at her, something undecipherable in his eyes. Billa smiled a little, 

“I’m sorry for startling you.”

Thorin inclined his head regally and whispered,

“It is fine, Ms. Baggins.”

She didn’t try and correct him and tell him to call her Billa, she didn’t feel like he would accept it. Billa nodded and watched Thorin walk stealthily to his own bedroll. She fell back and pulled the coarse blanket closer to her body. 

Billa fell asleep quickly after that, dreaming of a king unlike any other she could imagine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! Chapters should be coming more quickly now. As always, comments and kudos will help me write and fuel my creativity! :)


	8. Mending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

The clanking of pots and pans and the voices of overly boisterous dwarves woke Billa from her sleep. She opened her eyes groggily, and found that she was the only one still sleeping. The others had been kind in letting her sleep, but she doubted that Thorin would be overly pleased with her sleeping so late. Billa dressed quickly and went to get her breakfast before the other dwarves ate it all. 

Bofur waved at her cheerfully from his spot on a log. Billa smiled and went to go sit next to him. They were soon joined by Gloin, and Billa realized she had never really spoken to the dwarf before. She racked her brain, trying to find some topic of conversation she could talk with him about. She vaguely remembered Ori telling her that Gloin had family waiting for him when he returned. Billa decided that would be a good place to start. 

“Ori told me that you had family waiting for you, is that right?”

Gloin looked surprised, and then very pleased. 

“Aye lass. My beautiful wife Malri, and my son Gimli. “He puffed proudly at the mention of his wife and son, looking around brightly.

The other dwarves caught the topic of conversation and groaned. Nori walked by, taking the time to say, 

“Now you’ve done it, Billa. He’ll talk your ear off.”

Billa laughed lightly but faltered when all of the other dwarves nodded along to Nori’s advice. Billa could only hope they were over exaggerating. Gloin pulled a silver locket from around his neck and opened it, showing her the two pictures found inside. 

“That’s my wife, there. She’s by far the most beautiful dwarrowdam in all of the Blue Mountains. Hair like sunlight, and a beard as fine as can be. My son Gimli takes after me. He was too young to come along on this quest, but even if he was, Malri would never have let him come. She was worried about me coming, but I told her, “Malri, this is a valiant quest, one that could provide us a home and safety…”

Billa had taken to nodding politely in all the right places, and was trying very hard to concentrate on what Gloin was saying. She was saved when Thorin announced they would be leaving shortly. She apologized to Gloin for having to cut the conversation short, but told him she would love to hear about his family some other time. Gloin smiled and said, 

“Well lass, we could keep talking on the road today. I never turn down an opportunity to talk about my family.”

Billa smiled and nodded, she was going to be in for a long day of traveling. Not long after, the company started off for the day. Gloin soon fell into step next to her and continued to speak of his wife. 

“I courted her for six years before she would let me even think about putting a marriage braid in her hair. It was well worth the wait, let me tell you, because I knew the moment I saw her that she was my One. I would have waited a lifetime to have a chance with her.” 

Billa perked up to ask, 

“Your One? What does that mean?”

Gloin stopped speaking to look at her in shock. 

“Do hobbits not have their One? That must be a horribly sad life.”

Billa ignored that comment in favor of asking another question. 

“Is your One the person you end up married to?”

Gloin nodded, 

“Aye. At least in part. We Dwarves were made for a life in stone, and it feels natural and so right, that leaving is almost painful. When we see our One, it’s like our very soul is calling us home. It’s right and comforting in ways stone could never be.” 

Billa smiled at the thought, 

“Hobbits have something like that, but it’s not really called anything. It’s just knowing that the person you fall in love with completes you, like all your life you’ve been half of what you are truly meant to be, and finding them is becoming whole.” 

The dwarves nodded and smiled wistfully, thinking about loves long past or left behind. Soon, the conversation turned to the other dwarves and their Ones. Bombur was talking animatedly about his wife Yora, and their five children. Billa learned that children were extraordinarily rare amongst dwarves, and females even more so. She listened in shock for a while and spoke,

“Children aren’t a rarity at all in the Shire, really. It’s normal to have three or four children, but more often than not, hobbits have six or seven.”

The dwarves looked at her like she had just grown a set of horns or an extra eye. Dori looked back from his place on the middle of the group to remark, 

“It would be a blessing from Mahal then, to have hobbits in Erebor.” 

The other dwarves nodded and murmured their agreement. Billa smiled slightly and followed where Dori’s gaze shifted. Thorin was busy glowering and trudging through some of the leftover puddles. He hadn’t spoken since they left the camp, and didn’t look like he would be inclined to do so, until long after they stopped walking. 

Nori called back to her, 

“So Billa, do you have any lucky hobbit lad waiting in the Shire, or can we fight over you ourselves?”

Billa blushed and demurred, 

“Oh, no. There’s no one waiting for me. I’m much too old anyway, to be thinking of settling down. The rest of my family seems to think I’m condemned to a life of spinsterhood.”

Billa glanced up at Thorin. If it was possible, he seemed to look even more displeased than after Dori’s remark. He obviously didn’t want to hear of her life in the Shire, so she didn’t bother to add anything else. 

“You’ll have to be careful in Erebor then, Billa. Any dwarf with a lick of sense would be lucky to have you.” Dori smirked as he teased her. Thorin was busying himself by rolling a stone that he had picked up in his hand. Billa noticed that his grip tightened around it, and he threw it away with more force than necessary. 

The company settled down after that, leaving Billa to ponder everything she had learned. Dori decided to walk next to her while making small talk, but he seemed preoccupied. Concern laced Billa’s voice,

“What’s wrong Dori? Are you not feeling well?” 

Dori snapped to attention and gave her an exasperated look. Nori sidled over and put his arm around his eldest brother. 

“Dori is rather worried about Ori over there.” 

Nori pointed towards the front of the group. Billa looked up and found the scholar next to Dwalin. They were talking, and looked to be hanging on each other’s every word. Dori spent a few moments looking at his youngest brother, getting more agitated by the second. Nori laughed at Dori, 

“There’s no harm in it Dori, Ori is of age, and by the looks of it, Dwalin won’t do anything bold. He seems content to just talk to him.”

Dori sniffed and rolled his eyes.

“I don’t like the idea of poor Ori stuck with a warrior that doesn’t have half as many brains as him.”

Nori smirked. 

“I wouldn’t let Dwalin hear you say that. Besides, having the captain of the guard as a brother in law would help me out in the long run. “

Dori gave a long suffering look and tugged at his beard, annoyed. 

“As if you need any help or encouragement in that business you call work. It’s not respectable. You could have joined me in the shop, but no. You chose to steal things for a living.”

Nori sighed, and Billa got the feeling that this was a continuous argument between Nori and Dori. 

“What do you think Ms. Baggins? Should we let Ori be happy? Or treat him like a child all his life?”

Dori sputtered, 

“Of course I want Ori to be happy, just not with that oaf!”

Billa would have preferred to stay as far away as possible from this conversation, but it looked like there would be no way out. 

“I think the only way Ori would be happy would be with Dwalin. He is old enough, and can make his own decisions. It’s a little early to be planning their future though, don’t you think?”

Nori looked as though he had just triumphed, Dori seemed placated for the time being. It was verging on midday and the entire company was more than ready for a rest. Billa yawned, trying to cover it with her hand. They had passed a stream not too far back, and Billa had watched it go forlornly. It was almost sweltering out, and the walking didn’t help matters. 

It seemed that the rest of dwarves were of the same opinion. The grumbling and complaining had increased rapidly. Billa watched Balin hurry up to Thorin and whisper a few words to him. Thorin huffed and nodded. He turned around, 

“We’ll rest for a while to refill our waterskins and get off our feet.”

Billa made a pleased noise and turned straight around to go find the water. Backtracking was easy enough, the path they had made was easily visible and hard to miss. It didn’t take long for Billa to see the glimmer of the cool water. 

She went up to the water’s edge and stared at her reflection. Her face was flushed and red, with sweat dripping down her forehead. The braids in her hair had remarkably stayed in place, which Billa was happy about. 

Billa took her pack off her shoulder and rummaged around until she found her waterskin. The water that was already in it was warm. Billa made a face when she sipped it, and dumped it all out. Once her waterskin was filled with fresh water, and she had quenched her thirst, she splashed a little water on her face, relishing the refreshment. 

The sun was more pleasant by the water, where there was a nice breeze ruffling the little plants around her. Billa sighed in contentment and leaned back on her elbows, enjoying the sun in her face. If she pretended, she could almost imagine her garden all around her and her hobbit hole waiting for her. 

Billa stayed like that for a while, until she heard a splashing come from her right. She opened her eyes, expecting it to be Bofur or Ori cooling off. It was Thorin. More specifically, Thorin with his shirt off. Billa’s mouth fell open as her eyes trailed down the length of his torso. 

Billa had assumed- quite wrongly, she had to admit, that the majority of Thorin’s imposing form was because of the large coat he wore. It turned out that it was just Thorin. Billa recalled Bofur telling her one night that Thorin had to resort to smithing in order to make a living after they lost Erebor. His muscled arms and broad shoulders left no doubt in her mind that Bofur was telling the truth. 

Billa realized her mouth was still open, and slowly closed it. She was grateful that Thorin didn’t notice she was here, it would be difficult to explain herself when she could barely keep her eyes off of him. She stood up, careful not to make any noise. Billa picked up her pack and quietly made her way back to camp, all the while hoping that Thorin wouldn’t turn around and see her go. She followed the path back to where the rest of the dwarves were and sat down on a log with a grunt. Bofur sauntered over, 

“Your face looks like one of those pretty little tomatoes you had in your pantry.”

Billa tried not to blush, and worked even more desperately not to think of Thorin in the water. 

“It’s just the heat Bofur, I’ll be fine.”

Bofur looked equal parts unimpressed and disbelieving. Billa didn’t try to defend herself any further, she had found that it was fruitless trying to sway Bofur’s opinions once they were made. Bofur shook his head and plopped down next to her, fanning himself with his hands. 

Billa looked around and found Dori and Nori talking in harsh whispers. Dori was pointing at something emphatically and Nori was rolling his eyes. Billa looked over to where Dori was pointing and smiled. Dwalin and Ori were talking again, but with their hands linked loosely together. Billa nudged Bofur and pointed at Dwalin and Ori. 

“Oh aye lass, everyone knows they’re mad about each other. Dori’s just overprotective.”

Billa nodded her head thoughtfully and played with a blade of grass, listening to everyone’s conversations. Billa looked up when the easy murmurs and laughter stopped abruptly. Thorin was striding his way purposefully over to Dwalin and Ori. Billa watched in concern, hoping that Thorin wouldn’t try to prevent Ori and Dwalin from being together. 

Thorin barely paid any attention to the young scribe, and didn’t raise any objection to the hand holding, although that had stopped before Thorin could say anything. Thorin motioned for Dwalin to follow him, speaking in low whispers. Dwalin joined him after one last glance at Ori. 

Billa curiously watched the pair leave, wondering what Thorin wanted. She busied herself with other things, every so often glancing over to see if Thorin was back. By the time she looked over for the eighth time, she finally caught them coming back. 

Dwalin didn’t look pleased at all, and Thorin looked somewhat relieved, although concerned. Billa’s stomach sank when Dwalin picked up a few sturdy sticks from the edge of the forest. She had barely gotten over the last training session with Dwalin and didn’t fancy another one. She watched the imposing dwarf march over to her and drop the stick at her feet. 

“Get up.”

Billa looked up at him from her spot on the ground and glowered.

“I don’t see why this is necessary. It’s not like I’m going to remember any of this if I actually ever get into a fight. “

Dwalin rolled his eyes and gave her a hard look. Before he could say anything, Thorin interrupted. 

“You had better hope that you remember this training in the future, or else you’ll get yourself killed.”

Billa turned her gaze on Thorin and frowned.

“Then you should have chosen someone better prepared to be your burglar.”

Thorin took a step forward, his face darkening. 

“Do you think I wouldn’t have chosen someone more experienced if I had the choice? That wizard was the one that brought you here. Not me.”

Billa stepped forward as well, ignoring the hushed whispers from the others.

“Then you teach me. If you’re so obsessed with me surviving this, don’t make Dwalin do it. “

Thorin stepped back and gave her a fierce glare. 

“Fine.”

Billa nodded and picked up the stick behind her. Thorin held out his hand and Dwalin gave him the stick, quickly retreating back to Ori. The shocked looks of the other dwarves didn’t escape Billa; she ignored Bofur and his warning, and tried not to be bothered by Dori shaking his head. 

Fili and Kili looked like they were in the middle of the best thing they had ever witnessed. Billa shot them a look and Fili wisely looked less excited. Billa and Thorin marched up to one another and nodded in acknowledgement. Billa remembered the stance that Dwalin had taught her, moving her feet accordingly. 

Thorin snorted and shook his head. He moved effortlessly, like fighting was as simple as breathing. He lunged for Billa, speaking as he went, 

“Your opponents won’t look for a weak spot long. They’ll assume you’re not a threat.”

Billa avoided his first blow, and spun around meeting his second with some difficulty. 

"You have to surprise them, use what you have to your advantage.”

Billa focused on avoiding his next lunge and spoke, 

“And what exactly do I have in my favor?” 

Thorin changed tactics and went on the defensive, allowing her to attack. 

“You have your speed, and your size, you’ll be difficult to keep track of. Remember that.”

“What use is speed and size if I can’t even use a sword?” Billa was becoming angry very quickly. Her mother always said she had a Tookish temper, one that shouldn’t be challenged. Her father had always nodded, having seen a Tookish temper in her mother. 

“That’s rather the point of training, don’t you think?”

Sweat had started to form on Thorin’s forehead, matching Billa’s. Billa huffed and swung her sword at Thorin, arms shaking and hands slipping. He met her blow with a crack and the force nearly sent Billa flying. Thorin advanced, seeing he had caught her off guard. 

Billa tried to defend herself and avoid the blow, but as she moved to block, Thorin changed positions and attacked from another angle. The stick hit Billa in the shoulder. She cried out in pain and her grip loosened. 

Thorin lowered his stick and backed off, 

“Never feel comfortable in your opponents attack. It can change easily, or happen when you think it won’t. We’ll continue later.” 

Thorin stalked off, stick in hand. Billa grit her teeth through the pain and fumed. He was insufferable. He was haughty and rude and Billa had had enough. She secured her grip on the stick, and hurried forward with a yell. 

Some well-meaning dwarf had the sense to call out Thorin’s name so he wouldn’t be completely caught unaware. He turned, eyes widening in surprise and brought his stick up to defend himself. Billa met the blow forcefully, but didn’t stay in the same position for as long as before.

She brought her stick away and managed to attack again, this time with Thorin slightly unprepared. Her next blow caught Thorin’s side. He winced and faltered. Billa pointed the end of her stick at his throat, panting heavily. 

He dropped his stick and Billa moved hers away. They looked at each other for a while longer. Thorin seemed satisfied and turned, stalking off into the forest. Billa stood still, watching him go. She threw her stick away, and turned to face the company. 

All of the dwarves were looking at her, mouths hanging open. Bofur was the first to compose himself, 

“Remind me to never get on your bad side, lass. It’s not a place I’d relish.”

The other dwarves agreed heartily. Oin walked over to her, grumbling about training sessions and the infuriating pride of kings and hobbits. She ignored his comments and let him inspect her shoulder. He didn’t do much with it, saying there wasn’t much he could do besides fade the bruise. 

As Oin was walking away, she thought she had heard him mumble something about a bet and romance to Gloin, although Billa was certain that couldn’t be right. She shook her head and went to her pack to take a drink from her waterskin. She jumped slightly at the voices of Fili and Kili behind her. 

“That served Uncle right, he shouldn’t have hurt you like that.” 

“Billa turned and shook her head, 

“Its fine, I was upset, as was he. “

Fili grinned at Kili, letting the latter speak. 

“Thorin needs someone like you when he’s king, he forgets sometimes, that others matter too.”

Billa stared at the younger dwarf, trying to understand what he said.

“I don’t think Thorin will want to see me after this quest is over, that is, if I don’t get killed along the way.”

Kili shook his head and smiled, 

“He wouldn’t let that happen. He cares for you, he never even trained Fili or I himself.”

The pair bowed and walked away, pushing at one another and laughing. 

Billa sat down on a log in disbelief. There was no way Thorin cared for her. He was angry and rude. A small voice in the back of her mind reminded her of the balcony in Rivendell. He had acted like he had cared then, he was sweet and gentle. Could it be he was only worried about her? It hadn’t helped that Balin had gotten involved, but Thorin still spoke to her, albeit less frequently. The talk of One’s from earlier came back into her mind. Was she Thorin’s? 

She would follow him, wherever he went. Into battle or into the halls of Erebor, she would be there. Thorin came back into the camp not much later. Billa watched as he looked around, she could hardly dare to hope that he was searching for her. Icy blue eyes met hers and softened. 

Billa smiled at him, and looked down at her hands. They were blessedly clean after the stream earlier. A pair of boots came into her vision. She looked up and Thorin was staring down at her, eyes soft. Billa stood up quickly and smoothed down her shirt. 

“I must apologize, for hurting you earlier. I never meant-“

Billa cut him off, 

“You have nothing to apologize for; you were only trying to help. I was the one that let my temper get the best of me.”

Thorin smiled and turned his attention to her hair. He reached up and gently tucked a smaller braid back behind her ear. 

“They suit you.”

Warmth ran through Billa at the attention. 

“Thank you, I like them as well.”

The moment was ruined when Dwalin appeared. He looked between Thorin and Billa and cleared his throat, 

“Yes, well. Terribly sorry to interrupt, but there is some daylight left; we could get a little further yet.”

Thorin looked over at his friend and straightened up. 

“Of course. Tell everyone we will continue for a while longer.”

Dwalin nodded and left hurriedly with a glance behind. Thorin looked down at her again, concern lacing his voice.

“You will be alright to walk, won’t you?”

Billa smiled, amusement plain in her words. 

“My legs, though sore, still work.”

Thorin chuckled and nodded. He heard his name being called, and looked at her, apology ready.

“It’s fine, go see what they want. I’ll still be around here somewhere.”

Thorin looked at her for a moment longer, seemed to battle with himself and said, 

“It is nice to hear your voice again. I did miss it.”

“And I’ve only just remembered how fond I am of yours.”

Thorin stood there and looked like he didn’t intend to move. An annoyed call from Dwalin shook him out of his reverie as he turned and walked away. 

Billa resisted the urge to dance in joy or run up and kiss Thorin right then. Although, she mused, kissing Thorin would be a very rewarding experience. She laughed at how ridiculous she was being and went to pick up her pack. She grimaced in pain as the strap dug in to her sore shoulder. 

Billa dropped it, trying to think of a way out of her predicament. Before she came up with an adequate solution, her pack was picked up and shouldered by Thorin. 

“You don’t have to carry it you know, I was going to figure something out.”

“That may be, but this is much easier.”

“For me maybe, it just adds on trouble for you.”

“Do you doubt my strength, Ms. Baggins?” Thorin teased her. Billa was momentarily distracted by the way his voice caressed her name. 

“Never.”

“Oi! Stop making eyes at each other! I have coin down that you won’t do anything until Erebor.” Thorin and Billa glanced over to see Nori holding a bag of gold, shaking it for emphasis. Thorin snorted and Billa gave Nori a long suffering glare. 

“We had better go, if we want to get any farther tonight.”

Billa nodded and shooed Thorin to the front of the company. Bofur slid up to her and nudged her in the side, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“I think that’s the most affectionate I’ve ever seen Thorin. It’s odd.” Bofur had a contemplative look on his face. “It’s not a bad thing, mind you. I’ll be pleased to follow you as our Queen.”

Billa’s eyes widened in sudden clarity.

“Queen? Oh sweet Yavanna, I had forgotten about that bit. I’m nowhere near fit to be a queen, Bofur!”

Bofur gave her a reassuring pat on her shoulder. 

“You’ll do just fine; Thorin will be there to help you with whatever you need to learn, along with all of us!” Bofur swept his arms out to include all of the dwarves in the company. 

“I suppose I’ll be able to muddle through. Now we just need to get to Erebor.”

“Aye, I reckon we’ll be there faster than you think.”

Billa agreed, thinking about Erebor until something came to mind. 

“Bofur, did the company honestly bet about my romantic prospects?”

Bofur looked like he was a hobbit child caught with a hand in the cookie jar. 

“Well, bet is a strong word, I’d say hope, only with a little gold down to make it interesting. Keep in mind lass; I have a pretty penny down on this too.”

Billa shook her head and hit the dwarf in the side. The company continued for a few hours more, vowing to enter the mountains the next morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Billa and Thorin are getting closer again! As always, comment and I will write much faster, knowing that people are interested! :)
> 
> Dori and Nori totally are trying to bother Thorin to make him see sense, its so fabulous!
> 
> On a side note- Im going on vacation for spring break to New Orleans, so I wont be updating until I get back which will be Friday the 28th, see you then!


	9. Dwarvish Pride and its shortcomings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long everyone! This next sentence is going to be in all caps so you can see it 
> 
> WOULD ANYONE BE INTERESTED IN A COMPANION FIC AFTER THIS ONE FROM THORIN'S PERSPECTIVE?? BY THE WAY THIS IS DEFINITELY GOING TO BE THE FIRST IN A SERIES
> 
> Please comment i beg of you!

“This is ridiculous!” Billa screamed as the wind whipped her braids into her face. There was no answer, and Billa hadn’t expected one, but it made it somehow more bearable to complain about it. The company had been well into the mountains when the rain had started, it wasn’t a large problem until the path had narrowed and turned rockier. 

Billa was firmly in between Bofur and Dwalin, and had no intention of moving anywhere else until they were out of this absolutely horrid storm. Rain pelted her face, stinging as it went. She had to constantly rub at her eyes for fear of losing her eyesight and possibly her firm grip on Bofur’s coat if she happened to stumble and slip. 

Lightning and thunder battled overhead, making it extraordinarily difficult to hear anything the dwarves at the front of the line were saying. Thorin had found that out quickly and had taken to shouting orders back behind him. The orders he ended up yelling were met with grumbles and complaints. It seemed that no one was concerned with what their leader had to say. Billa didn’t blame them, she wasn’t certain she hadn’t been listening to what Thorin had to say either. 

Billa made sure she had a firm grasp on Bofur’s coat and against her better judgment, looked over the edge of the path. There was no bottom to be seen, and rocks tumbled down to unfathomable depths. Billa made a small ‘oh’ sound, swallowing thickly, suddenly deciding that Bofur had a very fine coat indeed. One that she definitely should be admiring instead of looking down. 

She scrunched up her nose and wiped at her eyes, trying to peer around and see if they were any closer to a safe point. Her vision blurred and she cursed silently. 

“I was supposed to be a burglar! I didn’t sign up for this!” 

Dwalin caught what she was saying and yelled back,

“You’d face a blasted dragon, but you can’t handle a little rain?!”

Billa whipped her head around to look accusingly at the tattooed dwarf. 

“A little rain? This is a little rain to you? I’d hate to see what you’d call a storm!”

Billa turned her focus back to her shuffling feet, but caught the low rumble of laughter from Dwalin. She smiled, trying to think of something clever to say. 

Bofur called back a warning of, “Watch out! It’s slippery!”

Before Billa could process what he had said, she stepped on the slick rock and felt her feet go out from under her. She screamed and tried to claw desperately behind her. It felt like ages had passed when Dwalin and Bofur had both grabbed a hold of her, pulling her back to where she belonged. 

She breathed in shakily, and closed her eyes. Bofur had his arm pressed protectively across her chest, not letting her move. Shouts of her name from Fili and Kili caught her attention. She weakly pulled at Bofur’s arm, letting him know she could walk. He gave her a look, nodded once and pulled his arm away. 

“I’m fine! I’m fine. “Billa called up to the front, hoping the dwarves could hear. Suddenly, a massive rock came flying overhead, hitting the rock above them with a deafening crash.

“Get down!” Thorin shouted. Billa fell to the ground, covering her head protectively. The boulder crumbled and fell around their heads. Billa peeked through her fingers, trying to find where the rock had come from. Her eyes caught movement, and she could barely believe what she found. 

The mountain was moving. Billa swiped her hand across her face, hoping that the water was tricking her. She was not so lucky, the mountain seemed to shake itself and step towards them. Balin’s voice could be heard, full of surprise. 

”This is no thunderstorm! It’s a thunder battle!” He pointed to where the the mountain was moving and Billa’s jaw dropped. The rock had sprouted arms, or rather showed them, and was pulling at a great section of rock, presumably to throw at them. 

The company decided without speaking that continuing was the smartest thing they could do. Billa shoved at Bofur, getting him to move. The hatted dwarf was looking in awe at the mountain, “Well bless me! The legends are true! Giants! Stone giants!”

A monstrous noise could be heard from behind them. Billa dared to look back, and saw that another giant had come to fight the other. The rock was thrown, hitting the second giant in the shoulder. It careened backward, fighting for balance. 

“Take cover, you fools!” Thorin’s command was followed without question, the company sliding as far back into stone crevices as they could. The very stone beneath their feet shook, and Billa looked down in shock. Fili called after his brother, scared and desperate. Billa realized all too suddenly what was happening. The company was on a stone giant. Billa held on desperately to a protruding chunk of rock, hoping it would stay. 

Her heart thudded against her chest, making her feel like she was going to explode from fear or worry. Her brain finally made the connection; the company was separated in two. Thorin. He was on the other side. Panic bubbled up inside her. They had only just mended things between them, she wouldn’t be able to bear not being able to be near him, or speak to him if they didn’t survive this. She wouldn’t be able to bear losing any of the dwarves traveling with her, she realized with a sudden clarity. They were her family. 

The stone giants’ battle grew fiercer as one threw itself bodily into the one the company was clutching to. Screams and shouts of protest surrounded them; Billa gripped Bofur’s shoulder and watched the giants. 

A well placed punch sent the giant they were on reeling backwards, Billa wasn’t certain, but she could almost swear that the next rock that fell was the giant’s head. They spun around once; Billa caught a glimpse of the rest of the company. She searched quickly but saw that all of the dwarves were accounted for. 

She almost let herself take in a breath, until she saw the rock they were speeding right into. Another scream got lodged in her throat; she lost her grip on Bofur’s coat and went flying. Time seemed to slow as Billa frantically grasped onto the ledge, her fingers digging in painfully. 

Her body hit the rock and Billa gasped as the air was driven from her lungs. She tried sucking in great, heaving gasps while failing to call for help. Her voice could barely rise above a whisper. Billa could hear the rest of the dwarves above her, celebrating that they all made it safely out of the battle. 

Billa scraped her feet along the rock, trying to find an outcropping where she could boost herself up. She was saved when Bofur’s panicked voice rang out, 

“Billa! Where’s the hobbit?!”

Billa managed to make a small noise, her lungs finally cooperating with her. Ori shouted and pointed at her, lurching forward to grab at her hand. His grip didn’t hold firm, causing hers to slip. She screamed and tried to grip the ledge with two hands again. Bofur tried to reach her, holding out his hand for her to grab. 

She shook her head, tears pricking at her eyes. She couldn’t grab on, she was going to fall and die and no one would ever know what happened to her in the Shire. Why did she ever leave? Her fingers started to weaken and Billa closed her eyes, hoping that her death would be swift. 

Thorin’s voice was a roar as he pushed Bofur out of the way, yelling,

“Move!”

Billa’s eyes flung open as she watched Thorin jump down, only holding on by one hand. He grabbed her arm and flung her up over the ledge into the arms of Bofur and Ori. Billa turned around as quickly as she could, and watched in horror as Thorin lost his grip. She barely noticed herself screaming, 

“Thorin!” 

Dwalin lunged forward and grabbed Thorin’s arm, hauling him up. Thorin stood and held out a hand for Dwalin. He took it, and as he was standing said, 

“I thought we’d lost our burglar!”

Billa had her arms around herself, trying to calm her breathing into something that could pass for normal. She searched for Thorin, looking for any sort of comfort. Her eyes found his, and a ball of dread unfurled itself in Billa’s stomach. 

Thorin looked at her with barely concealed contempt. She shrunk under his gaze and looked away.

“She’s been lost, ever since she left her home. She should never have come. She has no place amongst us.” 

The words were like daggers into her heart, not because she was upset at Thorin’s cruelty, but because she knew he was right. She had only served to make everything they had done more difficult, she had never saved a life, or done anything heroic. 

Thorin marched into a cave, where they were apparently going to stay the night. Billa rubbed at her eyes, telling herself that it was the rain blurring her vision, but knowing full well it was tears. Gloin suggested making a fire, even going so far as to find a few logs, but Thorin growled, 

“No fire. Not here.”

Billa sat down a decent distance away from Thorin, hardly wanting to look at him, for fear of receiving more harsh words. Her hands were bruised and cut from hanging on so determinedly to the rock. They stung, but Billa hadn’t really noticed them until that moment. She sat like that a while longer, gazing at the cuts, until Bofur came and sat gingerly next to her. 

He reached for her hand and tutted, sounding not unlike an aunt on her Baggins side. 

“Oi! Oin! Get over here and fix Billa’s hands up!”

“Oh! No, Bofur, it’s fine, I don’t want to cause any more trouble.”

“Trouble? You’re one of us; it’s no trouble at all lass.”

Billa sniffled pitifully and nodded. Bofur must be able to see how Thorin’s words had affected her. She was so grateful to have a friend by her side. Oin came over, grumbling as he went. He pulled out a salve and some bandages and set out to wrap up her hands. It didn’t take very much time and he was done, obviously accustomed to working quickly. 

Billa thanked Oin, giving him a small smile. He nodded and patted her on the shoulder before going over to Nori, who had gotten knocked on the head with a falling rock, but didn’t look too worse for the wear. Bifur was talking excitedly in Khuzdul, motioning Bofur over. Bofur went over to him, talking in Khuzdul as well. 

Ori chose that moment to come over with some of his knitting. He found where he had left off and set about teaching her himself, even though Billa had assured him it would practically be impossible. 

“Ori, I can barely even see what you’re doing right now. It’s too dark.” 

“Hobbits do have poor eyesight then, don’t they?”

“That is definitely not true. You dwarves never see sunlight with all that rock around you.”

She nudged Ori in the side, letting him know that she was only teasing him. He smiled at her, and Billa relaxed a little bit, until Ori started right where he left off. 

“Even if you can’t see what I’m doing, you can at least listen.”

Billa gave a noncommittal noise, but listened intently to everything the scribe was saying. Once Ori felt comfortable and started talking, there were very few subjects he wouldn’t touch on if prodded a little. Billa found this to be an opportune time to take her mind off of her own troubles. 

“Ori? What exactly are you making?”

“Oh! It’s a scarf, or, at least I think it’s going to be a scarf, I’m not entirely sure yet.”

“I’m sure it will be very nice, whatever it turns out to be. Do you know who it’s going to be for?”

Even though Billa could barely see, she was certain she saw a bright red blush creeping up into Ori’s cheeks. 

“Oh, well, you see…um…”

Billa gave a small laugh, trying not to draw attention their way. 

“It’s alright, Ori. Is it for Dwalin?”

Ori blushed and nodded his head. Billa continued, 

“Your brothers told me about you two. I think it’s wonderful, Ori.”

“Really?”

Billa nodded and closed her eyes, the weight of the day catching up with her. Flashes of Thorin glaring at her ran through her mind, his words echoing. There had been no caring or friendship in his eyes, only disgust. Billa knew that Thorin had almost lost one of his nephews, and then had almost died saving her. It was understandable he had been upset, but Billa wished he would at least say something to her. Damn his dwarvish pride. 

The other dwarves had all settled down to sleep for the night. Billa looked around the cave one more time, catching Thorin’s silhouette at the mouth of the cave. She stared at him for a while, and closed her eyes. Hopefully the next day they would be able to get out of the mountains and then she would be able to talk to Thorin privately. 

Billa was well on her way to falling asleep when Dwalin grumbled, 

“Where in Mahal’s name is that blasted blue light coming from?”

Billa sleepily tried to muddle through Dwalin’s words. Blue light. What blue light? She cracked open an eye and blearily looked around. Sure enough, an impressive light was coming from her side. Her eyes flew wide and she jumped to her feet. 

“We’re under attack!”

Most of the dwarves were able to jump up and draw their weapons before the floor fell out from under them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am absolutely overwhelmed with the support I have gotten from this fic! Over 70 of you have subscribed and your comments mean the world! (hint hint) This chapter was really hard to write for some reason, Im not happy with it, and I dont know yet what Im going to do about the ring thing, so I need a bit more time on that. Suggestions are welcome! What are some ideas you always thought would be cool with the ring and what happens with it? I promise I'll update more quickly than this from now on. Once I get past the battle with Azog, writing is going to be so much easier, because I have sooooo much planned!


	10. Riddles in the Dark and a Depressingly Small Amount of Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!

The entire company fell down into the dark so quickly they could barely understand what had happened to them. They all landed with a massive thud, groaning as they got up as fast as they could. Goblins swarmed all around them, herding the company onto a path off of the bridge. Billa still hadn’t managed to stand up yet, her legs wobbled every time she tried. 

She waited for the inevitable clasp on her shoulder from a goblin’s grimy hand, but was surprised when one never came. She let out the breath she was holding and looked up. The goblin pack had all cleared off the bridge, leaving her behind. The company was being pushed forward roughly toward some new destination. 

Billa scanned over the company, trying to make sure everyone was still accounted for. Dwalin had not taken being shoved very kindly, and when one particularly nasty looking goblin reached up to take his axes from him, Dwalin brought his arm up and elbowed the creature in the face with a massive amount of force. 

She caught Nori looking back at her desperately, trying to mouth something to her. Billa squinted and tried to read what he was saying, but was knocked off balance by a stray goblin catching up to the pack. She careened through the air, trying to grab onto one of the ropes. It was too late, she realized, when she fell into the inky blackness. 

Billa hit the ground hard, rocks jutting into her back. Her head slammed on the ground and she let out a moan of pain. Her hands were raw and bleeding when she used them to prop herself up. Wetness trickled down on her forehead; she brushed her fingers along her temple and in the dim light saw red coating her fingers. 

“Blast this quest and blast those dwarves.” Billa cursed and bemoaned her fate until her saw a small hunched over figure in the middle of the lake. It didn’t look like a goblin, but she wasn’t about to take any chances.

She unsheathed her sword and got up slowly. Her stomach flipped and she wobbled before steadying. Billa took a few steps forward and accidently kicked a rock. It skid forward and landed a few feet in front of her. The noise seemed deafening in the spacious cave.

“What is its, precious?” The creature turned its head and hissed. A shiver ran down Billa’s spine. 

The thing jumped off of its place on the rock and onto a small boat. It crept forward in the water, and Billa had to remind herself to stand her ground. After what seemed like ages it reached the shore and charged for her. Billa swung her sword out in front of her, the tip landing just in front of its throat. 

“Is it lost, precious?” 

Billa’s heart thudded in her chest when she realized that yes indeed she was lost.

“Uh… I- yes. I’m lost. Could you help me?”

“It wants us to help it, precious, yes it does. Its lost it is.”

Billa decided to try again. 

“Do you know the way out?” 

The creature ignored her and kept talking to itself. 

“It has an elvish blade, yes it does my precious. But we know elves and it is not an elf. What is it precious?”

Billa most certainly didn’t want to give it her name, but it was the only thing that could get her out of this horrible place. 

“My name is Billa Baggins.”

“Bagginses? What is a Bagginses precious?”

“I’m a hobbit, from the Shire. “ 

It stepped back from her and up onto a ledge, showing her its teeth. 

“We’ve had batses and goblinses and fishes but never a Bagginses, precious.”

It shook its head and let out a choked sound, 

“Gollum. Gollum.”

Was that what it was called? Billa decided it was definitely time to turn the conversation away from her and eating in the same sentence. 

“Can you help me get out of here?”

Gollum brightened and said, 

“We knows! We knows the way! It’s over there, through the dark!” Gollum pointed to his right excitedly. A small flutter of hope flared in Billa’s stomach. She was going to get herself out of here, or die trying. 

Gollum’s face turned dark and twisted as he hissed, 

“Shut up!”

Billa was thoroughly confused. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

Gollum scowled at her and hid behind a rock. 

“We wasn’t talking to you!”

No matter. Whatever was wrong with this creature wasn’t as pressing as finding the company and getting away from this mountain. Also yelling at Thorin seemed like a particularly enjoyable task that she would be happy to start when she saw him next. Gollum crept closer and Billa brandished her sword and pointed it at his throat again. 

“Look, I don’t know what game you’re playing at, but I just want to get out of here.” 

“Games! We loves games, oh doesn’t we precious?”

Billa backed up until she hit a rock behind her. 

“Does it- Does it like games?”

Billa tried not to look overly upset. Games and riddles of all sorts were played in the Shire, and she had never been overly fond of any of them. Her mother had given her toy swords and had let her practice in the small garden behind Bag End, careful not to let any other hobbits see. She shook herself out of her musing and answered Gollum, 

“Maybe?”

Gollum took this as a yes and scrunched up his face, thinking of a game to play. After a while his eyes opened and he started to speak, 

“What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees, up, up, up it goes, and yet never grows?”

Riddles. Billa counted her lucky stars that while her mother gave her swords to play with, her father told her riddles to entertain her when it rained or when she was ill. She had almost always given up, but remembered them fondly. Gollum was getting impatient and Billa hurried to answer the riddle. Roots no one sees. Taller than trees. Never grows. Despite herself, Billa laughed. A riddle about why she was on this quest in the first place. 

“Mountains.”

“Yes! Yes! Do it again, do it again, ask us, ask us! No! No more riddles, finish her off!”

Gollum slumped away and Billa watched him warily. She was glad to have the familiar weight of her sword in her hands, it made her feel slightly safer, even though she was sure Gollum could kill her if he wanted. Gollum jumped down to a smaller rock, landing with a thud. A flash of gold spun out of his makeshift pocket, seemed to hover in the air, and landed in a puddle in front of her. 

It was beautiful. It glinted and shimmered in the low light, and seemed to pulse with life. An urge to claim and possess that gorgeous ring filled her. Billa stepped forward carefully, trying not to let Gollum know what she was doing. It was cool to the touch and seemed to whisper promises to her as she carefully deposited it into her pocket. 

Billa stood silently, and just in time because as she did so, Gollum turned back towards her and lunged. Billa stepped back and shouted, 

“No! Wait! Wait, I’ll play. I can see you’re very good at this. How about a game of riddles?”

Gollum’s demeanor changed instantly. He crawled closer to her and nodded his agreement enthusiastically. 

“Alright then, if I win, you show me the way out.” Billa nodded encouragingly and hoped Gollum understood her. 

“Yes! And if it loses, what then? Well, if it loses precious, then we eats it!”

Billa swallowed and tried not to look overly concerned. This was becoming far more risky than she had planned. 

“If Baggins loses, then we eats it whole.” Gollum nodded like this was a perfectly fair deal. Billa weighed her options for a moment longer and replied, 

“Fair enough.”

Billa searched her brain quickly for a riddle tough enough to hopefully fool Gollum. 

“Thirty white horses on a red hill. First they champ, then they stamp, then they stand still. “

Gollum squinted and hit his head with his fist, as if that would help jog his memory. 

“Teeth?” Billa sighed. Of course he would get this riddle. She motioned with her hand to continue, his theatrics weren’t helping her nerves. 

“Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters. Toothless bites. Mouth less mutters.”

Oh dear. Billa hadn’t heard this one before. She pinched her eyes shut and tried to think, but it was extraordinarily hard with Gollum practically breathing down her neck. She opened her eyes again and her gaze fell on the lake before her. Water lapped onto the shore lazily, the wind pushing it along. The wind. Oh goodness she had been stupid. 

“It’s the wind.” 

Gollum snarled and paced around her. Billa put up her sword once more to remind Gollum that she could still use it if she so chose. 

“It’s my turn now. It cannot be seen, cannot be felt. Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills. And empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after; ends life and kills laughter.”

Gollum groaned and paced. Billa was pleased to see that it took him much longer than before to solve her riddle. Gollum snarled and wrung his hands, obviously frustrated. His eyes lit up and Billa knew then that she had been foiled. 

“We knows it’s the dark, yes we do precious. We never leaves it, no we don’t precious.”

Billa nodded resignedly and waited for Gollum to continue. 

“Alive without breath. As cold as death. Never thirsty, ever drinking. All in mail, never clinking.”

Billa smiled and gave the answer as quick as she could. That was one she had heard before. 

“Fish.”

Gollum shrieked and stared at her with big blue eyes, muttering about how she would taste. She found she was running out of decently difficult riddles and said the first one that came to mind. 

“A box without hinges, key, or lid. Yet golden treasure inside is hid.”

Billa thought this riddle to be dreadfully easy. Every hobbit in the Shire knew the answer, but to Billa’s surprise, Gollum apparently did not. After watching Gollum splutter and hiss for a great while, she grew impatient. 

“Come on! What’s your guess?”

Gollum turned his attention back to her and twisted his face into a truly frightening mask. He crept closer and bared his teeth. Billa stepped back and watched him carefully. Gollum stopped and cocked his head thoughtfully, as though he just thought of the riddle once more. 

“Eggses! It’s eggses! “

Billa huffed and rolled her eyes. Would this game go on forever?

“This thing all things devours. Birds, beasts, trees, flowers. Gnaws iron, bites steel. Grinds hard stones to meal. Slays kings, ruins town. And beats high mountains down.”

Billa sat, thinking of all the horrible creatures they had faced on their journey so far. Orcs and goblins, Wargs and in the dwarves opinion, elves. None of those things quite fit the riddle and Billa began to get nervous. Swords could do most of those things, but not all, so that wouldn’t work. People couldn’t either, but that would be a fair guess. 

Gollum was growing far more impatient than she had, and began to creep near her, baring his teeth. Panic welled in Billa and she willed herself to think faster. 

“Time! Please give me time!” Billa paused when the words left her mouth. Oh. 

“Time! The answer is time!”

Gollum sat back on his heels dejectedly. Billa was more than sure that she had no more riddles she could remember well enough to recite. She thought quickly, and came up with a feeble one at best. “What have I got in my pocket?”

Gollum yelled and became upset quickly. “Not fair! No, it’s not precious, it is not. It must give us three guesses it must.”

“Very well then.”

Gollum didn’t think for very long before his first guess. 

“Handses!”

“I don’t, I’m afraid!” Billa wiggled her fingers, glad that Dwalin had told her to hold her sword with both hands.

Gollum made a noise he seemed to be fond of. Or perhaps it was one of the few he actually knew how to make. 

“Knife!” 

“Wrong again.” Billa tried to think of where she had lost hers, and remembered it to be when Kili threw it into the woods. She would have to thank him later.

“You have one more guess, choose wisely!”

Billa tried to sound bold and confident, but was more scared than she’d like to admit, whether Gollum answered correctly or not. 

'‘String! Or rocks!”

A great weight lifted off Billa’s chest. She could almost feel the warm sun on her face at the thought of escaping the mountain. 

“Well then, you promised. You have to show me the way out. “

Gollum scowled and reached into a grubby piece of cloth that could pass as a pocket. Confusion and terror swept over his face when he realized he was missing something. Billa swallowed and hoped he wouldn’t put her riddle and his loss together. 

“Where is it? Where is it precious? No!”

Billa watched Gollum throw himself into an impressive temper tantrum, but suddenly stop at the water’s edge. 

“What has it got in its nasty, little pocketses?”

Gollum turned and threw a rock aimed directly at Billa’s head. 

“She stole it, precious! She stole it!”

Billa did the only thing she could think of. She ran as quickly as she could. Billa found a tunnel in the direction that Gollum had pointed to earlier, and decided it would be her only hope. She ran, barely seeing anything in front of her, spurred on by the horrendous shouts of Gollum behind her. Soon she came to a dead end. 

She ran to this end and that, only to find a small crack she thought she would be able to fit through. Gollum’s voice was coming closer, and Billa squeezed through desperately. Her lovely brass buttons flew off in all directions. The hobbits that left Bag End weeks ago would have mourned the loss; this Billa barely paid them any mind. 

Billa fell onto the path on the other side and watched the ring fly out of her pocket and hover in midair. It twirled down slowly and Billa caught it on her ring finger. The world around her darkened and greyed. Time seemed to slow down. Gollum followed through the crack quickly, and Billa closed her eyes, knowing she had been caught. 

Gollum looked straight at her, but didn’t move or jump to her. His looked away and ran around calling, 

“Thief! Baggins!”

Billa didn’t understand what was happening. By all accounts, she should have been brained with a rock by now. But seeing as she was very much in possession of all her brains, something was different. What had changed? The ring glinted gold in her colorless world. Billa put two and two together. It was a magic ring. No wonder Gollum had wanted it back so badly. A ring that could turn people invisible must be worth a fortune. 

Billa got up and followed Gollum down the path. The path grew more open and Billa could see daylight at the end of the tunnel. She sighed and started to run to the entrance but was stopped by Gollum sprawling out in her way. 

“Wait! Wait!” Billa skidded to a halt and looked down at the pitiful creature. Gollum hid behind a rock and peeked around it fearfully. Billa couldn’t hear much of what was going on; her hearing seemed to have gone as well as the color. Gandalf and the rest of the company ran out into the light. Billa stepped forward, but remembered Gollum. 

He looked so sad and lost that Billa felt sorry for him. Gandalf’s words about courage came back to her. It was true that Gollum was horrible and cruel, but did he deserve to die? Billa sheathed her sword and took a few steps backward. 

She jumped up on a rock and leapt over Gollum. One foot hit him in the face and Billa stumbled, but managed to catch herself in time to run out in the open. 

A breeze hit Billa’s face and she smiled like a fool. The company had trampled enough plant life that Billa could follow the direction they went. It didn’t take long and she saw the familiar beards and hairstyles of the dwarves. She slowed down and was about to say something when she heard Gandalf counting. 

“Fili, Kili, which makes twelve. Ah. Bombur. That makes thirteen. “The wizard looked around wildly, calling out her name. 

“Where is our hobbit?” The dwarves looked around at each other, not answering him. Gandalf repeated himself more loudly and Dwalin started to shout. 

“Curse that Halfling! I thought she was with Dori!” Dori yelled back that the hobbit was no responsibility of his and then Nori spoke up. 

“I saw her on the bridge. She was behind us until a goblin knocked her off. There was nothing I could do.” To his credit, he looked ashamed of himself and wouldn’t meet any of the company’s eyes. 

Thorin stepped forward angrily. “We can only hope that that Hobbit landed and ran back to the elves! She had no place amongst us, she only ever caused trouble. We won’t be seeing our burglar again.”

Billa stayed where she was and ignored the tears pricking at her eyes. It was silly of her to think that Thorin would care about her after everything that had happened earlier. If she saw any hint of pain in his eyes, it wasn’t because of her, she was sure of it. 

Ori looked like he might honestly cry and Gandalf looked like a wreck. Stubbornness replaced Billa’s tears and she took off the ring and stuffed it into her pocket. Billa stepped out from behind the tree and ignored the shocked gasps of the dwarves. 

“No. She isn’t.” 

Gandalf stepped forward and laughed. 

“Billa Baggins. I’ve never been so glad to see any one in my life!” he patted her on the shoulder and smiled at her. 

Kili grinned, 

“Billa! We thought you’d never come back!”

She was about to answer him when Thorin interjected, 

“Why did you come back?”

Billa turned on him, a determined look on her face. 

“I know you doubt me, I know you do. And you’re right; I probably have never belonged with any of you, and I should be back in my home. It’s where I belong. My books and my food and my garden. That’s home to me. That’s why I came back. I promised you I would help you win back your home if I could. And I will still help, if you let me. “

Thorin stared at her with a stony look on her face, but Billa hoped that she saw him swallow and nod almost imperceptibly. She looked around at all of the other dwarves and saw they were looking at her with admiration. Even Dwalin nodded proudly when she looked at him. 

Warg howls tore through the silence, breaking any sense of peace they held. 

Thorin’s head snapped in the direction of the noise. Billa caught him whisper, 

“Out of the frying pan-“

Gandalf had obviously heard as well because he finished the saying, 

“And into the fire. Run! Run!”

Billa didn’t need to be told again as she ran along with the rest of the company, trying to reach the trees before the Orcs attacked. Thorin ran alongside her and his familiar weight made Billa feel slightly safer, whether he cared about her or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and we'll get into territory I actually have planned! Thorin and Billa will sort everything out, they just need two seconds where Orcs and Goblins aren't around. Comment and I'll bake you virtual cookies or churn out the next chapter more quickly than this one. :)


	11. Fire and Fools

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry this took so long. I had the ACT and that kicked my butt, so yeah. Enjoy!

Her lungs burned and everything seemed to hurt. Warg howls followed them closely, and Billa feared that this may be the end. After everything she had survived and done, she would die running down the side of a mountain. She hadn’t even got to give Thorin a proper yelling at yet. Pity. The rest of the company had slowly gotten ahead of her, and in an effort to catch up, Billa leapt off of a protruding rock. 

The hot breath and sharp teeth of a Warg snapped at her back. Billa almost fell to her knees and scrambled to a halt to avoid the massive creature. The Warg spun around and growled at her. The hair on Billa’s feet stood up, and Billa barely had time to draw her sword before the beast ran at her. Her eyes closed as the Warg came closer, not wanting to see it tear into her body. To her surprise and great relief she felt the crack of skull and the give of fur and flesh. 

Billa opened her eyes and stared at the hilt of her sword imbedded in the Warg. It howled in pain and fell back, dying. She stared at it a few seconds more, in shock, until the yells of her company reached her ears. Billa looked to her left and caught a glimpse of Ori wielding a truly fearsome hammer. It looked vaguely familiar and Billa thought it possible that she had seen it on Dwalin’s back. 

Gandalf called back at them, 

“Hurry! Into the trees!”

Billa started to run forward and made a grab for her sword as she did so. The hilt was wouldn’t budge and she had to stop and try grabbing it with two hands. Wargs and Orcs drew closer and panic settled in as Billa tried to pull the sword out of the Warg. With one last tug, the blade came free and Billa spun around, looking for her friends. They were nowhere to be seen. The approaching pack greeted Billa when she turned back around and in a display of sheer athleticism that will continue to impress her; she jumped for a branch on the nearest tree and pulled herself up. 

Billa looked around wildly and saw the rest of the company hanging onto the branches as well, some more secure than others. Bombur had an impressive grip, despite his size. The tree shook and swayed with the weight of a Warg hitting it with full force. Billa looked down and saw that there were at least ten, probably more. Now would definitely not be a good time to lose her footing. Not for the first time she thanked her sturdy hobbit feet for never betraying her. 

Suddenly, the Wargs and their riders backed away from the trees and looked back towards the hill. A Warg bigger than all the others came into view, white as snow. A pale Orc was riding on its back, and Billa realized that instead of an arm, he had a large metal hook stuck in its place. She had heard stories about an orc like this from the dwarves, but they had also said he had died by Thorin’s hand. Thorin himself had confirmed it to her when she asked. 

She looked to Thorin for confirmation; certain he wouldn’t recognize this Orc. Thorin’s brow had furrowed in confusion, and for the first time, fear was evident on his handsome features. The Orc was taunting Thorin from above his mount and Billa prayed to everything good in the world that Thorin wouldn’t take the bait. 

A whisper from Thorin tore at her heart, 

“It cannot be.” He said it with desperation, and Billa could only guess at the battle raging inside him. 

Wargs charged again and ripped at tree branches, trying to reach them. She got out her sword and chopped at noses and paws, hoping that would keep them at bay. The tree Billa was standing on faltered at the onslaught and she felt it tipping into the others. Billa grabbed ahold of the strongest branch she could and hoped that the cliff was farther away than she thought. 

Soon the entire company had jumped from their tree to the only one remaining and sadly the one closest to the edge. Something burning careened past her and Billa looked up to find Gandalf lighting pine cones and launching them below. Pine cones dropped down to her and Fili and soon all the dwarves were tossing pinecones from the tree. The grass and bushes soon caught fire and spread, keeping the pack away. 

Most of the Wargs turned and fled with their tails burning. Azog and his white Warg stayed firmly where they were. The company watched the Wargs running away and started to cheer loudly. A small smiled formed on Billa’s mouth as well. A crack and rumbling stopped their laughter, the tree started to bend and fall. The only two Billa could see over the edge were Dori and Ori. Dori was holding onto the branch and Ori onto his brother’s legs. 

Billa was hanging on to a branch near Thorin’s feet and was extraordinarily confused when his feet stood and walked away from her. She looked up in shock and saw Thorin running towards Azog. To his certain death. Billa screamed and yelled his name, but he paid her no mind. Azog smiled menacingly and Billa felt bile rise in her throat. This was not going to happen, not when they survived battling rocks and a goblin cave. 

Thorin came closer to Azog and Billa watched in horror as the Warg leapt towards Thorin. He raised his sword and his shield, but was knocked to the ground before he could do anything. He rose quickly and Billa let out the breath she had been holding. The tree shifted and fell a little more. She clawed her way onto the trunk and looked over just in time to see Thorin get thrown back by the Orc’s mace. 

Thorin’s name fell from her lips and Billa waited, hoping against all hope that he would rise and face his foe. It didn’t happen, and grief crushed her. Azog yelled and his Warg’s teeth dug into Thorin and threw him to the side.

Almost without thinking, Billa rose and jumped off the tree, and ran straight towards the pale Orc. She ignored her friends calling her name, only focused on Thorin. An Orc held its’ sword at Thorin’s throat and Billa yelled in anger. Thorin made a feeble grab for his sword. Billa launched herself at the Orc and they both toppled to the ground. 

The Orc yelled and tried to swing his sword, but without hesitation Billa drove hers into its chest. Pain seared her shoulder, but she paid it no mind. The Orc faltered and the sword in its hand thudded to the ground. Billa pulled her sword from its chest and ignored the blood coating her hands and clothes. 

She turned and leapt in front of Thorin’s body, protecting him from Azog. The Orc in question looked shocked, if that was an emotion Orcs could display. He sneered and laughed at her. Billa stood her ground and looked the Orc straight in the eye. 

“You will never touch him again. Thorin Oakenshield will not die here.”

Azog laughed and uttered a command to his fellow riders. They crept forward, hissing and snapping their teeth. Just then fierce battle cries filled the air and Billa thought she could cry. The other dwarves ran in and drive the Orcs away from her and Thorin. A Warg got too close and Billa swung her sword out desperately, hitting it in the face. 

She was flung to the side and onto Azog’s Warg. Billa screeched and flew backward, narrowly escaping. A tree root caught her in the ankle and she fell. Azog drew closer and Billa tried to crawl back, sword still in the air. Her hand came to rest on Thorin’s leg and she found a small amount of peace. She had saved him, and that was her goal. 

Loud screeching filled the night air, and Billa looked up. Monstrous eagles flew above them all. Orcs and Dwarves alike all paused to look up in the sky. Even Azog had stopped his approach. The eagles swooped down and clawed at the backs of Orcs and drew Wargs into the sky, flinging them off the mountain. 

She could feel Thorin being lifted into the sky and before she could make sense of it, felt herself being drawn into the air as well. Billa’s fingers grasped Thorin’s shield and she held onto both the eagle and the shield for dear life. 

Daylight eventually broke through the clouds, and a gorgeous sunrise met them all. Billa wasn’t able to appreciate it because she was decidedly uncomfortable. Hobbits had large feet, that was true. And those feet were meant to stay firmly on the ground. She finally peeled her gaze away from the eagles back and counted the dwarves she could see. She let out a sigh of relief when she counted them all. The eagle below her was carrying Thorin and she ignored the flipping of her stomach to better see him. 

Thorin’s eyes were closed and he looked much too still. Billa watched for any signs of movement, but saw none. He couldn’t be. There was no way, he wouldn’t do that to her, would he? Billa ignored everything from the pain in her shoulder to the ridiculous height to keep her gaze trained on Thorin. 

The eagles dropped them down onto a great Carrock. By the time Billa had maneuvered herself off of her eagle, Gandalf and the others were already by Thorin’s side. Gandalf put his hand over Thorin’s eyes and was whispering something strange. Billa wiped away a tear with a bloody hand, not sure and not caring if the blood was her own. 

Billa leaned forward and tried to catch any change in Thorin. His eyelashes soon fluttered and opened. She gasped in relief right when she saw the deep blue of his eyes. He looked around blearily and found Gandalf staring down at him. His eyes widened and he asked, 

“The Halfling?”

Gandalf smiled and replied, 

“It’s alright. Billa is right here, she is quite safe.”

Billa laughed and smiled, suddenly feeling quite weak. She watched as Thorin was helped to his feet by Kili and Dwalin. Thorin tried to shove them away, but didn’t as roughly as he had certainly hoped. Thorin walked closer to her and stopped, accusation filling his voice. 

“You. What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed.”

Billa looked around, trying to receive help from the other dwarves. None moved forward to help her, because they were all just as confused as she was. Thorin continued to walk closer to her and started to speak again, 

“Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? And you had no place amongst us?”

Billa looked down quickly. She had obviously been foolish in thinking that anything had changed. After all, she had done what any member of the company would have, had they not been hanging on for dear life on a tree.

“I have never been so wrong in all my life.” Thorin’s voice broke at the end of his sentence, and Billa was shocked to find herself enveloped in a strong embrace. She sighed into his coat and returned the hug with every ounce of energy she had left. His face was partially pressed into her hair and a shiver ran up her spine when his breath tickled her neck. 

She was loath to leave the embrace when Thorin pulled away from her. He stepped back and gave her an appraising look. 

“I am sorry to have ever doubted you.”

“It’s fine, I would have doubted me as well. I’m not a hero, or a warrior, or even a burglar.”

Thorin gave a small chuckle and continued to stare warmly into her eyes. She returned the gaze until Thorin’s eyes lifted to look at something behind her. Billa turned to look, but as she was, her vision swam, and her head spun a little. She swallowed down nausea and found what Thorin was looking at. 

“Is that what I think it is?”

They all walked forward and stared. 

Gandalf nodded at her and said,

“Erebor. The Lonely Mountain. One of the last great dwarven kingdoms in Middle Earth.”

Thorin nodded proudly and added, 

“Our home.”

Billa could not deny that it was beautiful. The mist rose above the mountain, creating an air of mystery complemented by the rising sun. She pressed her hand to her forehead as though that would help slow the spinning. She swayed slightly in her spot and glanced at a bird flitting past. 

“A raven. The birds are returning to the mountain.”

Gandalf glanced at the bird and said, 

“That, my dear Oin, would be a thrush.”

“But we’ll take it as a sign. A good omen.”

Billa tried to smile up at Thorin, intending to agree, but was stopped by her vision darkening as she fell to the ground, only to be caught by two strong hands. 

She was awoken by something wet dabbing at her face. She tried to swat it away with her hand, but it was caught with a strong, yet gentle grip. Billa opened her eyes and saw Thorin staring back at her, concern and worry filling his face. Billa winced and tried to sit up. Thorin pushed her back down softly. She threw an annoyed glance at his but didn’t protest further. Thorin’s form was shoved away and replaced by Oin, who started to explain what had happened. 

“Ye got a nasty gash on yer shoulder from that Warg earlier. Lost a lot of blood. I cleaned and bandaged it for you, lassie, but don’t do anything strenuous until it’s healed.”

Billa nodded and Oin looked pleased. He left her line of sight and Thorin came back almost immediately. She pushed herself up again, and to her surprise Thorin didn’t protest except to tell her to take it easy. Once she got herself into a sitting position Billa looked around at all the other dwarves. 

Nori, Ori, and Dori seemed fine. Dwalin had a rather large cut on his forehead, but was looking rather pleased at the attention he was getting from Ori. Gloin and Oin were arguing about something and looked none the worse for the wear. Balin was scolding Fili and Kili most likely for doing something stupid. Kili was limping a bit, but had a massive grin on his face. Bombur was by the fire making food although Billa thought she saw a bandage on his hand. Bofur and Bifur were snoring loudly not too far away. 

“Well, it looks like you and I were the greatest fools for the day. No one else looks injured.” Billa mused as she glanced back up at Thorin’s face.

“I don’t know if I would be able to call you a fool, Billa. I believe I’ve already made it clear that title remains mine.” Thorin smiled at her, but a serious tone accompanied his words. 

Billa smiled back, and playfully squeezed his arm, 

“Oh yes, I’d forgotten.” Her brow furrowed a small amount and she questioned, 

“How did I get down from the top of the Carrock?”

Thorin looked mildly concerned for her reaction but answered,

‘I took it upon myself to carry you.”

Billa gave him the best glare she could muster. Honestly, he had almost just died and he was the one to carry her down? Billa couldn’t deny that she was a little pleased he had been the one to do it, but wished he would put more stock into himself and his health. 

“You need to rest as much as I do. You almost got yourself killed today.”

“There will be time for rest later. You do realize I could say the same to you.” Thorin gave her a reproachful look and took one of her hands in his own. 

“Oin didn’t get a chance to bandage your hands yet. He was more concerned with your shoulder, but there is a small river nearby where you can wash them. I decided we would spend the night here, but rise early in the morning. The eagles gave us a fair head start against any Orcs that may be following us.”

Billa nodded and rose to her feet shakily. Thorin supported her gingerly until she got her footing. Billa expected him to begin doing some other task, something along the lines of resting she hoped, but he followed her as she walked to the river. 

Once they had gotten there, Thorin stood at a respectable distance, but watched her intensely. Billa hobbled to the water and sat down, feet in the water. She finally got the chance to give herself a decent once over. Her feet were bruised and cut, her hands even more so, and her clothing and face was caked with dried blood. Billa frowned and shoved her hands in the water. It stung briefly but it was worth it.

Once she had been able to clean everywhere she could with her clothes on, Billa stood and turned back to Thorin. He seemed lost in thought but quickly met her halfway. Thorin put his hand on her shoulder and Billa stopped walking. Everything that had happened had fully caught up with her, and the weight of his hand meant more than he could know.

Billa melted into his arms, her hands clinging to the back of his coat. Thorin didn’t respond for a few seconds and Billa began to withdraw her arms from around him. Before she could do so, he returned the embrace with full force. They stayed like that for a long while, neither of them moving or breaking away. 

Thorin was the one to finally break the silence. 

“I have been a fool, and I have hurt you. I understand if you are not able to forgive me.”

Billa couldn’t express how much his apology meant to her, so she only hugged him tighter. 

“You’ve long been forgiven. I was so afraid to see you being carried by the eagle, not moving. I realized then that anything that had happened didn’t matter. We’re both safe now.”

Thorin pulled back and looked at her. 

“Yes, we are safe. I couldn’t be more relieved to see you standing in front of me right now.”

Billa smiled and reached for his hand. She gave it a reassuring squeeze and waited for him to move. Thorin didn’t seem too keen on doing anything of the sort but tucked a braid back behind her ear. He looked back to her face, and then to the impromptu camp. He sighed and started walking. 

Billa fell into step next to him, and the pair was quiet walking back to the others. When they reached the company most of the dwarves were napping in their bedrolls. The few that were awake included Dwalin, Ori, and Bofur. She and Thorin walked over to them, and sat down heavily. 

She smiled at Bofur and Ori, and glanced over at Dwalin to say hello. He was staring at her, but before she could ask what he needed, he started to say, 

“Thank you, lass. I wasn’t there to protect Thorin when I should have been by his side. I am indebted to you.”

Billa nodded reassuringly at Dwalin and said, 

“I would do it again in a heartbeat, Dwalin, don’t think it was a difficult decision for me to make.”

Dwalin nodded gruffly, but smirked when Ori nudged into him a little. Billa could feel the weight of Thorin’s gaze on her and she turned to look at him. He was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face, and then when no one was looking, skimmed a hand down her arm. She shivered pleasantly and couldn’t help the yawn that followed. 

“You should get some rest. “ Thorin stood and grabbed her hand, helping her get up. 

Billa followed him but added,

“Only if you promise to as well. “

He nodded and said, 

“You have my word.”

“Good.”

She and Thorin stood by her bedroll for a while longer, just looking at each other. Billa briefly considered reaching up and kissing him, but decided against it. They had almost died and only just repaired their relationship. Billa thought it best not to push it any farther for one day. 

Thorin broke himself away and gave her one more warm glance before walking away. Billa smiled to herself and laid down under all of her blankets, promptly falling asleep, completely content for the first time in what seemed a very long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you enjoyed this!!! Woohoo for repairing relationships! Leave a comment and my soul is yours. Also, if anyone reading this has the urge to draw something from the fic, let it be from this chapter. I beg of you. You would probably make me cry from happiness and you would always have a place in my heart.
> 
> Also, If anyone cares, I can be found on tumblr at crashlandthetardis. Im always happy to talk about this fic or anything else :)
> 
> Also also, If anyone wants to get a little insight in the next chapter, read my one shot Fiercer Than Fire, and you'll have a decent idea of the basics. So yeah :) The one main difference in Fiercer Than Fire is that its not fem!bilbo, but obviously the next chapter will be, with a lot more relevant character building


	12. A King and Whipered Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life has been hectic, im so sorry this took forever.

Stars were dancing in the night sky when Billa opened her eyes. She stared confusedly up at them until she realized it was much later than she thought. She sighed contentedly and pulled her blankets closer to her. Her hand curled around a thick mass of fur. Billa felt around her bedroll more extensively and realized that she recognized what was covering her. 

Thorin’s coat. He must have covered her with it after she had fallen asleep. Billa sat up, intending to find him and give it back, but he wasn’t in his bedroll. She yawned and stretched a little, finding her blankets too comfortable to bother moving more. Surely Thorin wouldn’t mind her keeping it for the rest of the night. 

Billa lay back down and looked up at the stars. She closed her eyes and was disturbed by a thunderously loud snore. Billa cracked an eye open and saw Gloin in the dim moonlight. His mouth was hanging open and moths were being sucked in with every inhale. Billa made a disgusted face, she really would need to inform him about that, it wasn’t exactly an appetizing habit to- wait. Did the moths just come back out alive?

She shook her head and tried to drown out the noise. A low thud and crackling flame made Billa sit up again. She squinted and saw that Thorin was sitting on a log while staring into the fire. Billa thought it was rather odd he was still up, he really should be sleeping, and he promised her that he would rest. She was about to whisper something to him along those lines when she was cut off by his rumbling voice. 

‘Oh misty eye of the mountain below

Keep careful watch of my brother’s soul

And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke

Keep watch over Durin’s son. ‘

Billa paused and decided to keep listening. This song was so different from the one she had heard in Bag End ages ago, it seemed so much more sad and haunting.

‘If this is to end in fire

Then we shall all burn together

Watch the flames climb high into the night

Calling out father, stand by and we will

Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side.

And if we should die tonight

Then we shall all die together

Raise a glass of wine for the last time

Calling out father, prepare as we will

Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side.

Desolation comes upon the sky. ‘

Thorin had placed his head in his hands, bowed low over himself. Billa stood carefully, trying not to injure her shoulder further. She looked around and saw that no one else had stirred at Thorin’s singing. Thorin’s coat had fallen at her feet and Billa picked it up while deciding what to do. She was beyond certain that the only thing Thorin needed was someone to comfort him, someone that could be strong for a while, someone that could help him with his burdens. 

‘Now I see fire, inside the mountain,

I see fire burning the trees

And I see fire, hollowing souls

I see fire, blood in the breeze.

And I hope you’ll remember me. ‘

Billa began to walk over to the fire, not quite sure what to say. Everything that had happened with Azog that day must have hurt Thorin deeply. The only thing Billa knew was that he had battled Azog before; the rest of the company had never fully explained it to her. Thorin either hadn’t heard her approach or didn’t care. His voice continued to reverberate and flow through the air. 

‘Oh should my people fall

Surely I’ll do the same

Confined in mountain halls

We got too close to the flame

Calling out father, hold fast and we will

Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side.

Desolation comes upon the sky.

Now I see fire, inside the mountain

I see fire, burning the trees

I see fire, hollowing souls

I see fire, blood in the breeze

And I hope you’ll remember me. ‘

Billa stood rooted to her spot, listening to what Thorin was singing. She knew that they had lost their home to a dragon, but never had considered what it would have been like for Thorin to see his people burning and dying. 

‘And if the night is burning

I will cover my eyes

For if the dark returns then,

My brothers will die

And as the sky is falling down

It crashed into this lonely town

And with that shadow upon the ground

I hear my people screaming out.

Now I see fire, inside the mountain

I see fire burning the trees

I see fire, hollowing souls

I see fire, blood in the breeze. ‘

Thorin’s voice broke on the last word and Billa hurried forward to comfort him. She reached up and placed his coat around his shoulders. He startled minutely, but Billa put a comforting hand on his arm. She climbed over the log and sat next to him. Thorin was staring when she looked up at him. Billa searched his face and found he looked worn and tired, far more than he should. 

She snaked an arm under his coat, and rested her hand along his shirt. Her head fell onto his shoulder and the pair gazed into the fire. Billa had assumed that Thorin was finished with his song, but he continued again, 

‘I see fire, you know I saw a city burning

I see fire, feel the heat upon my skin

And I see fire, burn auburn on the mountain side. ‘

Thorin let the last word fade into the breeze, eyes glassy and pained. Billa squeezed his arm and looked up at him. He broke his gaze from the fire and glanced down, his eyes focusing once more. She didn’t want to break the silence, but also didn’t want to allow Thorin to stay so troubled. She found her voice, 

“I’m so sorry, Thorin. No one should have had to see what you have.”

She had barely finished speaking when Thorin replied, 

“It was so long ago that I thought I would be able to forget, but it’s never gone away. It haunts me and follows me wherever I go. “

Billa could find no adequate response so she stayed quiet. Thorin didn’t seem to mind because he continued to speak, 

“After Erebor fell, my grandfather was driven mad by his lust for gold and the loss of his kingdom. He decided that the ancient Moria would be where we would make our new home. We were sorely unprepared for what found us there. Orcs by the thousands were waiting to lay waste to my people. The fighting was bloody and unending. I watched as Azog the Defiler beheaded my grandfather, and later found my brother Frerin had been killed as well. I thought I had killed that Orc, that he was no more and could no longer lay waste to my family and people. I learned today that I had been horribly wrong. “

Thorin looked down and let out a heavy sigh. Billa couldn’t imagine losing so much, and then being able to continue. Tears pricked at her eyes and she tried to subtly wipe them away. Thorin noticed and caught her hand with his own. He gently ran a finger down her cheek and caught a stray tear. 

“I don’t know what to say, Thorin. I can’t imagine ever feeling that much pain.”

“You do not have to say anything. It is enough that you care to listen to me, let alone shed tears for me. I’ve long since realized that few will do so. “

“Everyone deserves to be cared about. I’ve found I care about you quite a lot.”

Thorin smiled slightly and said, 

“I believe I’ve found the same.”

Billa smiled up at him and shivered as the wind picked up slightly. Thorin shifted his coat slightly off of his shoulders and onto hers. It was so large that they were both comfortably snug underneath the heavy fur. Billa tried to look up at him but found it was difficult to do so and keep her personal space. Thorin’s mouth curled into a smile, looking warm and inviting. In an extraordinarily Tookish move Billa closed the distance between their mouths and cautiously kissed him. 

Thorin didn’t respond so Billa pulled away, slightly shamed and ready to apologize. Before she could think what to say Thorin leaned forward and pressed his lips to her own. His hand came to press up against Billa’s cheek gently. Billa gave a slight intake of breath and helped deepen the kiss. Her hand slowly ran its way up Thorin’s front, admiring the muscles and firmness of his chest. She boldly ran her tongue across his bottom lip, and warmed at the small growl that came from him. Thorin’s fingers skimmed up her sides and then her arms, tracing patterns into her skin. He broke the kiss slowly and smiled at her tenderly. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against his own. 

“Ghivashel.” His voice caressed the word and sent a pleasant shiver up her spine. 

“What does that mean?”

“It means treasure of all treasures.” Thorin smiled at her and kissed her nose. 

“Ghivashel.” Billa tested the new word, stumbling over it. “I’ll have to keep trying.”

“Please do.” 

She smiled and leaned into him. Just like in Rivendell, Thorin put his arm around her, any hesitation he had had then was gone. They contented themselves with telling stories about their families and lives before the quest. Billa was of the opinion that Thorin’s adventures were far more interesting than her own and he was of the opinion that hers were far better. 

The fire had burned down low and the embers glowed red and orange. Thorin was in the middle of telling a story about meeting Dwalin when he broke off with a yawn. Billa raised her eyebrows, saying “I knew you needed rest. You probably didn’t after I told you to.”

Thorin looked indignant when he replied, 

“Actually, I did. I didn’t sleep very well however, my dreams were not kind.” 

Billa’s gaze softened and she covered Thorin’s hand with her own. 

“You should get some sleep; I’ll fend off any unpleasant dreams that come your way.” 

Thorin nodded and replied, 

“My brave hobbit.”

Billa smirked and teased, 

“My silly dwarf.”

She and Thorin had moved from sitting on the log to only resting their backs against it. It was easier and much more comfortable. Billa put her arms back around Thorin and snuggled closer. He adjusted the coat to cover them both. Both of them managed to whisper conversations and try not to laugh for a little while longer, but both of them drifted off soon enough. 

A loud laugh and the sound of a sharp smack made Billa crack open an eye grudgingly. Chatter from dwarves made her very aware of her current situation. She had her arms around Thorin and he had his arms lazily wrapped around her body. Billa shut her eyes to give her time to think about how to gracefully and tactfully stand up. Possible situations flitted through her head but she dismissed them all quickly. Nothing seemed like it was going to work, so she went to her last resort. Billa settled back in and decided to let Thorin figure out what to do. 

Billa must have fallen back asleep because when she woke, Thorin had apparently figured out a way to get up without her noticing. His coat was wrapped around her still and she breathed in pine and smoke. Groaning, she propped herself into a sitting position and looked around. Most of the dwarves had noticed her movement and had stopped to gape open mouthed at her. She smiled briefly and got up quickly while muttering, 

“Good morning.” 

As she was walking away she heard a snort and a whisper that sounded something along the lines of, 

“Oh, I’m sure the lass had a good morning.”

Groans from Fili and Kili broke through the snickers. Apparently the two youngest were having a difficult time wrapping their heads around the new developments. 

When she got to the river, she was pleased to find Thorin there as well. Apparently they had both had the same idea. Billa stopped abruptly when she realized that Thorin was shirtless. It was one thing to touch those muscles through fabric, and entirely another to see them on display. She cleared her throat and he looked up from the water. Thorin had an indescribable expression on his face and Billa suddenly felt inadequate. Thorin was a king and probably regretted every moment of the night before, and would blame his actions on stress and stupidity. 

Billa contemplated turning around and going back to camp, but stayed rooted to her spot as Thorin walked over. He stopped in front of her and leaned down, gently bumping his forehead against hers. Thorin smiled slightly and brushed his lips across the top of her nose. Billa smiled and chuckled, relief coursing through her. 

“I apologize for leaving you alone this morning. I thought the company would be less apt to tease you if I wasn’t there. Judging by the noises I heard, I was wrong.” 

Thorin did look properly bashful and Billa rolled her eyes. 

“They’d have to get used to the idea eventually. I think most of them were only upset their bets would be wrong. I am slightly concerned for the state of your nephews, they seemed rather uncomfortable.” Thorin let out a loud laugh and shrugged his shoulders. 

“As you said, they’ll have to get used to the idea eventually.”

Billa laughed, and then winced. Apparently fighting an Orc and various Wargs did not lend to being limber. It probably hadn’t helped that she spent the night on the ground, even though that did end up being rather pleasant. She let out a groan and tried to crack her back. It didn’t work and Thorin looked rather concerned while watching her. 

“If I could alleviate your pain, I would. I fear I am in the same predicament as well, Ghivashel.”

“It’s fine, Thorin. I just need to walk around for a while.”

Thorin looked unconvinced, but acquiesced. He took her hand and clasped it in his tightly. It was warm and strong, much like his embrace. Billa was comforted by such a small display of affection. He had changed so much from the dwarf she had met while in the Shire, Billa could hardly believe he was the same dwarf as before. 

Thorin kissed her on her nose once more, and started to walk back towards the encampment. They walked quietly, content to listen to the other breathe. Neither would say it, but they were both relieved to have the opportunity to even be able to do so. 

The drop of a pin could have been heard when they emerged from the trees. The entire company was staring, which Billa thought was unsurprising. They seemed to be doing it a lot, especially recently. Thorin dutifully ignored them all, walking back towards his coat by the fire. He put it on and turned back to face his companions. 

“We had best continue. I do not wish to meet Orcs again for a long while.” 

The rest of the company was shaken from their gaping and got to work. Billa caught Thorin smirk slightly, but hide it as quickly as it came. He set about repacking, so she decided to as well. Looking around idly, she realized Gandalf was nowhere to be seen. She voiced her concerns, but no one seemed overly worried. He was a wizard after all. They were known to wander aimlessly, even while on a quest. Dwalin grumbled the last bit, obviously annoyed. 

Not even half an hour had passed when the group of travelers was on the road again. Before they could really get anywhere, Gandalf appeared. He looked excited, and hurried to Thorin. 

“Master Oakenshield! I do believe I have found a place where we can rest comfortably. Food and drink will be available; I only need to borrow Miss Baggins for a moment.”

Thorin bristled at the idea and spoke curtly. 

“What could Miss Baggins possibly have to do with this?” 

Gandalf ignored Thorin’s tone and continued.

“Our host can be rather volatile at times, and Billa would help. Both because she is a female and is less threatening.”

“That is exactly why she should not go! What if she gets injured further?”

Billa had not been listening very closely. This wasn’t the first time Gandalf and Thorin would argue, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Honestly though, she had almost been killed saving Thorin’s life. Going up against an Orc. She could certainly handle herself. Besides, Gandalf would be there as well. 

“I can go. I don’t mind.”

Gandalf looked pleased and Billa didn’t miss the smug glance he sent Thorin’s way. Now that wasn’t really necessary. Thorin whipped his head towards her, open mouthed. 

“Billa. You’re injured. Surely you’ve done enough until you’ve healed properly.”

“I’m not that fragile, Thorin. I can handle meeting someone that would give us a place to rest.” 

It had taken much longer than Billa would care to admit to make Thorin see her side of things, but he eventually did. She and Gandalf were on their way to meet a man named Beorn. Billa didn’t know much else; Gandalf had been rather tight lipped about the whole thing. After plenty of cajoling, the wizard was finally starting to answer her questions. 

“Why can’t the entire company come at once? Surely that would be easier.” 

“It may be easier, my dear, but Beorn is different. He doesn’t trust easily and I must admit I am taking a risk in even trying to ask for assistance. You see, Beorn is a skin changer.”

Billa blinked slowly and stopped walking. When she was younger, her mother would tell her stories of the great and powerful skin changers that used to roam the land. They were connected to nature in ways that even hobbits weren’t. Billa had been both fascinated and scared by them. She really shouldn’t have put it past Gandalf to bring her to one’s front door. 

“Alright then.” Billa kept following the wizard against her better judgment, thinking about what Thorin would say once he found out all of the specifics surrounding their host. Soon the grassy fields gave way to a more well-kept area with a fence and a large, but cozy looking house set back in the trees. Animals were present everywhere and Billa could swear they were looking at her curiously. Gandalf resolutely ignored the animals and strode up to a massive door. Billa was awed by it, and had trouble imagining a man that big. 

Gandalf came to a stop and gave the door a few quick knocks with his staff. Billa contented herself to looking around at all of the ivy and flowers curling around the edges of the windows and the door. It was all quite beautiful. Heavy footsteps were heard from the other side of the door and Billa tore her gaze away from a truly lovely bush of hydrangeas to stare at the man before her. If she had ever thought Gandalf to be one of the big folk, he was almost small compared to who she assumed to be Beorn. 

Bushy eyebrows rose when Beorn saw who was at his door. Gandalf took this moment to speak before Beorn decided to do something rash. 

“Hello. My name is Gandalf, of the Istari. My companions and I are in need of assistance.” 

Beorn rose to his full height and looked over the people on his doorstep. He nodded once to Gandalf and then his eyes settled on Billa. She swallowed nervously and gave a small wave to the larger man. Beorn laughed and decided to speak. 

“Well, wizard, you have my attention. I did not realize one of your companions would be a little bunny.”

Billa at first had thought that she had misheard Beorn. It wasn’t until after he asked what the little bunny’s name was that she became indignant. 

“Excuse me? I’m no little bunny. And if you must know, my name is Billa Baggins. Of the Shire.” 

Beorn chuckled again and Billa glared at him. Just because she was small didn’t mean she was to be treated any differently than other people! 

“Your friend has fire, wizard. I like her. Come inside. I’d like to hear more of your tale. Bring your other friends inside as well. They have been pacing at my gate since you knocked on the door.”

Beorn turned and walked back inside his house. Billa and Gandalf couldn’t help but to breathe a sigh of relief and turned to face the company fast approaching. Thorin led the pack and looked extraordinarily determined. Everyone else followed closely behind, brandishing various weapons and muttering unkind things. 

Thorin stopped in front of Billa and bumped his forehead carefully into hers. He pulled back and searched her for any damage. 

“I’m fine, Thorin. Really, it wasn’t that difficult.” 

Thorin looked vaguely like he had swallowed a lemon when he answered her. 

“He called you a bunny.”

Billa couldn’t help the laugh that followed, even though she still bristled at the idea of the nickname. 

“I’m well aware. I was more concerned with the idea of him changing into some great beast while I was talking to him.”

Billa realized that that had been the wrong thing to say when she saw the look on Thorin’s face. Concern turned to anger, but it was not directed at her. Thorin turned to face Gandalf and the wizard started to sputter out an apology and an explanation all rolled into one. 

Billa left the pair to argue and followed the company into Beorn’s house. Everything inside the house was much larger than she was used to, and it made Billa slightly uncomfortable. Beorn was waiting for them when they finally found his kitchen. 

“Ah! There’s the little bunny.” Beorn stood and started to fill the table with different foods. Billa’s stomach growled loudly and she looked around sheepishly. No one was paying attention because they were too preoccupied with staring at their host. Once the initial shock had passed, the company was sitting at the table eating and making small talk. They all thought it appropriate that Thorin would be the one to tell their tale, and he had yet to arrive in the kitchen. 

Some time later their leader did make an appearance with Gandalf following closely behind. Thorin made his way over to Billa and sat down heavily. She glanced up at him and he gave a small smile. He grasped her hand and started rubbing small circles into it. This was by far the most relaxed Billa had felt for a very long time. 

Beorn sat back down and waited patiently for Thorin to speak. The dwarf in question grudgingly began the tale starting with the night in the Shire and continuing through the battle with Azog. The sun was starting to set lower in the sky when he had finished. Billa was surprised when Thorin stopped talking. He had been doing so for so long that Billa was slowly being lulled to sleep by his voice. 

She shook herself awake a little more and glanced over at Beorn to gauge his reaction. He looked thoroughly impressed and Billa was pleased. Maybe now that he knew what she had done throughout this quest he would be less inclined to call her a little bunny. 

“You spin an interesting tale, Thorin Oakenshield. You may stay here for as long as you like.” 

Beorn sat back in his chair and looked around at the company. 

“There is one thing I am still curious about. Why would you bring along a hobbit for your burglar? They seem to be a gentle folk. I would hardly think a hobbit lass would find happiness in such a venture.” Thorin looked annoyed and started to answer Beorn but Billa cut him off. 

“I was brought along because Gandalf recommended me. Hobbits are a gentle folk, but we know when to do the right thing. Especially if it happens to turn up right at your front door. This quest is a noble one, and I am glad to take part in it. As for my happiness, I can easily tell you that I am much happier than before I left my home because I have friends and people I care about.” 

She finished her rather long winded speech with a huff and leaned back against her chair. Billa hadn’t realized she had been gripping Thorin’s hand tightly until he gave hers a squeeze. She lessened her hold and looked up at him. He was staring at her, looking proud. 

Billa turned back to Beorn and looked at him as though she was challenging him to say anything more about her being on the quest. Beorn said nothing more and stood to bring another small meal for them to eat. Tentative conversations began as everyone settled in and felt more comfortable. 

Billa ate until she felt fit to bursting. Thorin had yet to let go of her hand and Billa couldn’t help but to smile at the thought. Rooms were offered to the entire company as well as baths. She jumped at the chance to have a bath, but ultimately decided sleep was more important. 

The rooms were small but warm and the beds were soft. Billa was shocked to find a nightgown waiting on her bed that looked like it would fit her. How in the world Beorn happened to have a nightgown for her, Billa didn’t know. 

The braids in her hair looked frightful so Billa busily set to taking them all out. She decided that she would be able to ask someone in the company to redo them for her. Snarls and knots made it difficult to brush her hair properly but she made do. The nightgown fit surprisingly well and for the first time in a while Billa was able to inspect her body. 

Bruises and small cuts covered almost every part of her and she was much skinnier than before, although she did retain some curves. Her shoulder hurt when she tried to touch it. A bath would definitely be necessary for tomorrow then. 

The sheets and blankets covering the bed looked amazingly inviting. Just as Billa was about to climb in, a small and hurried knock sounded at her door. Billa got out of bed and opened it, not entirely surprised that it was Thorin on the other side. 

“The others have long since fallen asleep. I thought I would bid you goodnight.”

Billa smiled and didn’t quite miss the small eyebrow raise of Thorin’s when he saw her in her nightgown. 

She stood on the tips of her toes to better reach Thorin. Billa kissed him on the cheek and returned the kiss fully when he kissed her properly. Compared to the night before, this kiss seemed short but was still sweet and tender. A smile decorated her face when they broke apart. 

“Goodnight Thorin.”

Thorin smiled once more and slipped quietly down the hall. Billa shut the door and climbed back into her bed. She buried her face in her pillows and inhaled the clean smell. Billa had forgotten how absolutely wonderful a bed was after so long. She turned over pulled the covers closer. The events of the past few days finally caught up with her now that she was relaxed. Billa fell asleep and dreamt of kings and whispered words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Longest chapter yet! You guys deserve it though, I've been gone for a while. I had prom and testing and stuff and im so ready for summer! At least then I'll be able to write more. As always, Leave a comment and i'll love you forever and ever and ever. 110 of you have subscribed and I am so so greatful that you are enjoying my little story :) Please comment!


	13. More Than All the Gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cant even apologize enough for how late this is. I am so so sorry.

Billa was extraordinarily disappointed to find that she could not make herself fall asleep again. Sunlight was streaming in through the window and Billa could hear the dwarves in another room, even though there were a few walls in between them. She was actually fairly surprised that Fili and Kili hadn’t interrupted her sleep. The last time she had actually had the luxury of a bed, they had thought it would be fitting to wake her. Perhaps it was Thorin that persuaded them not to bother her. If that was the case, she really needed to thank him. 

The reflection staring back at her in the mirror seemed worse that it had the night before. Dark circles fell under her eyes and her hair looked like something out of a cautionary tale her mother may have told her when she was younger. The bath that Beorn had promised her was looking better with every passing second. 

Billa vaguely remembered where the massive tub would be found, and with some fairly clean clothes she set out to find it. The rest of the company was in the dining room. Loud conversation flowed from the open door, but Billa ignored it. Thorin definitely did not need to see her looking like she had barely escaped death. Which to be fair, she had, but that was beside the point. 

In her hurried dash to the bath, she nearly ran into their host, who was looking at her as though he was trying not to laugh. 

“Good morning Beorn. Would you mind if I used your tub?”

“Of course not, little bunny. I’ll heat the water for you. It is closer to the afternoon, however.”

Billa smiled and continued to try and find the tub. After around five minutes, Billa finally found what she had been looking for. Fluffy towels bigger than her sheets in Bag End were stacked by the steaming water. How Beorn managed to fill the tub so quickly was beyond her. Billa glanced down the hall and closed the door, glad to find that there was a lock she could use. 

Sinking into the water was by far the most complete form of bliss Billa had experienced on the journey thus far. Talking with Thorin and kissing him was also rather high on the list, she mused. Billa wet the washcloth she found and began dabbing at the cuts and bruises on her skin. Washing her hair and cleaning her shoulder came next. By the time she was satisfied, the water had grown cold. 

Billa got out and dried herself off as quickly as she could manage without moving her shoulder too much. The clothing she had chosen was the last of the clean things she had. She really would have to proposition Beorn for a way to wash her dirty things. Billa decided to leave her hair down to dry. She didn’t think that Dori would be opposed to re braiding her hair, but even if he was, a few of the others had wanted to try their hand at it as well.

Billa hoped that the other members of the company hadn’t eaten everything, she was actually hungrier than she had thought. As Billa walked closer to the dining room, she was concerned to hear that the raised voices hadn’t stopped. Before, she had assumed that everyone was telling stories or jokes and were just getting overly excited. Now that she was paying more attention, it sounded like they were arguing, quite extensively. 

She paused outside the door, making sure that she was fully hidden. Memories of her father and a persistent aunt lecturing her about eavesdropping and politeness came to the forefront of her mind, but she pushed them back, content to deal with the morality of listening to conversations not meant for her at a later time. 

Thorin’s voice broke out from the din, loud and final. 

“-Not jeopardize this quest. She is brave and strong, one that deserves your respect, Balin.”

Billa sucked in a breath. The idea that they were talking about her made her feel uneasy. She had thought she had already won their friendship and respect. Billa didn’t know how to feel that Thorin was arguing for her. If their leader couldn’t convince everyone swiftly, it was unlikely she would ever truly belong. She could almost hear her father saying something about being prepared to hear things she wouldn’t like if she continued to eavesdrop. 

Balin’s voice was low and reasonable. 

“She is a nice enough lass, Thorin. I don’t deny that. The fact is that she isn’t a dwarf, and if you think she will be accepted easily as Queen under the Mountain, you are mistaken.”

Billa could hear an icy quality creep into Thorin’s voice when he replied. 

“My people will accept whomever I present to them, simply because it has long since been made apparent that I will marry no one except my One.” A few others grumbled their agreement. 

“Aye. We all know that.” Dwalin sounded gruff, but sure. 

“Thorin, surely you cannot deny that she has served to be a … distraction to you during this quest.”

Billa allowed herself to peek around the corner to see how Thorin reacted. She couldn’t help the feelings of dread and regret that crept into her chest. First, she had been nothing but a burden. She had hoped that the opinion of her had changed since Rivendell, but she realized she had been mistaken. Balin had brought up his concerns, and had obviously held onto them. If saving the life of their king wasn’t enough for him, Billa didn’t think she would ever be viewed well in the advisor’s eyes. 

Thorin looked furious. His face was twisted into a scowl that hadn’t changed since Billa had been watching. 

“How dare you say she has been nothing but a distraction? Has it slipped your mind that she is the only reason that I am still breathing? She is not something I could just throw away when I have used all I needed from her. She is beautiful and spirited, she is the motivation that has kept me fighting for my kingdom.” 

Balin had quieted, but still looked discontented. 

“My king. You may believe that you will never tire of her, or throw her away, but can you be so certain that she feels the same way? That she will not tire of you?”

Billa could stand hiding in the shadows no longer. She turned the corner and stood in the doorway, ignoring the shamed looks on the faces of the other dwarves. Balin turned when silence fell. He had the decency to look regretful, but Billa was not in a forgiving mood.

“Don’t you dare presume to know my feelings. You cannot possibly know the depth to which they reach. To insinuate that I am capable of using someone so thoroughly is horrible. How dare you even discuss this?” With one last glare, Billa turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

Beorn didn’t seem to have a garden, per say. Flowers and others plants bloomed randomly. Billa smiled at the chaos, at least when compared to her own life it seemed nicely ordered. 

Bees the size of her fist buzzed lazily over the bellflowers. She settled down next to them, content to be alone to think. Billa closed her eyes and listened to the soft buzzing around her. 

Not long after she felt someone sit down next to her. Billa opened her eyes and was pleased to find Thorin sitting next to her. 

“I meant what I said. You are strong, as well as brave. “Thorin’s silky voice broke the silence surrounding them. 

“I meant what I said as well. I care about you, more than I thought possible.”

Thorin smiled at her, and fell back into a comfortable silence. Billa glanced up at him and saw that he seemed troubled. As though he was thinking of something difficult. “When I said that my people will accept whomever I choose, I am sure that they will. Offers of marriage have long been thrown at me, but I have refused them all. I have made it clear that my One is the sole being that could tempt my heart.”

“I don’t doubt it. Some dwarf woman will be very happy to marry you. Balin was right, no one will accept anyone other than a dwarf for their Queen.”

“What if my One was a hobbit woman who has lived up to her title and stolen me, heart and soul?”

Billa had had her answer ready on her tongue, but Thorin’s response made her forget it quite completely. She realized she must look rather like a fish with her mouth hanging open, and closed it quickly. 

“Then she is a very talented woman to be able to steal from a king.”

Thorin smiled and nodded. Billa returned the smile and began to feel more like she belonged again. If Thorin was certain that the people he ruled would accept her, she really had no reason to worry that they wouldn’t. 

Billa moved closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. Thorin’s arm circled around her waist and kept her tightly in place. Neither felt the need to say anything, any possible conversations feeling unnecessary. Thorin eventually broke the silence, 

“How is your shoulder?”

“It seems to be healing nicely, I may have Oin check it again later though. How are you faring?”

“I am fine. None of my injuries were overly grievous.”

Billa wouldn’t be surprised if Thorin was feeling more pain than he let on, but Billa let it go without a word. She was content to look at the mess of plants around her and feel Thorin by her side. 

“Billa.”

She ended her daydreaming and looked back at the dwarf beside her. He was holding out a red flower for her, one that she recognized as a tulip. Billa smiled and took the bloom, tucking it into her hair. 

“Did you know that hobbits have meanings for every flower?” 

Thorin looked surprised, and Billa took that to mean that he didn’t.

“I did not. I apologize if I have offended you.”

Billa laughed and shook her head. 

“Really, out of every flower you could have picked, this one is perfect. It’s a declaration of love. If you had picked the small pink ones next to the tulips that would have meant you were indifferent to me.”

“I am glad that I didn’t, because that could not be further from the truth. I will have to be careful then when I give you flowers, if every one has a different meaning. I don’t wish to hurt you.”

“You wouldn’t. It’s the thought that counts.” Billa reached for Thorin’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Dwarves have meanings for their gemstones, don’t they?”

“Yes, we do. It doesn’t seem nearly as complicated, however.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to learn them.”

“Yes, I’m sure you will.”

Thorin smiled at her and pulled her closer. The pair stayed like that for a long time. They talked about Erebor and the Shire, telling of its beauty and comfort, respectively. Billa was finishing a story about her mother and father, and their life together when Thorin ran his fingers through her hair. 

“I would be honored to braid this for you.”

Billa looked over at him and saw that he was looking at her intently. 

“I would love for you to braid my hair.”

Billa had heard from the other dwarves what braiding hair meant to dwarves. They had been clear to say that Dori braiding her hair was between friends, and out of necessity, but normally braiding was done by family or a romantic interest. The look on Thorin’s face was one that Billa would hold onto tightly, he was looking at her with such happiness and dare she say it, love, that Billa couldn’t imagine wanting to see that look on anyone else. 

Thorin let go of Billa’s waist, letting her shift so she was leaning into his chest. He set to work quickly, telling her what each braid he put in meant. The heavy weight of her hair soon lifted off of her shoulders in a style she could already sense was more complicated than what Dori had managed. 

“Your hair is so curly that the braiding is difficult, but I like a challenge.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve always disliked it as well, and it’s so hard to manage.”

Thorin paused the deft work that his fingers were doing and leaned his head down towards her. He was so close that Billa could feel his breath ghosting across her skin. Billa shivered involuntarily and waited for him to speak. He chuckled, obviously enjoying the things he could do to her. 

“I don’t seem to remember saying I disliked it, I’m very fond of your hair actually.”

Billa smiled at the flattery and put her head back against Thorin’s shoulder. There was a bothersome bit of hair floating in her peripheral vision that was starting to get annoying. Thorin told her to turn back around. When Billa did so, she caught the nervous look that was on Thorin’s face. 

“What’s wrong? I’m sure it looks lovely.”

“Nothing is wrong. I only have a question to ask.”

He reached up to Billa’s face and gently ran his hand down the last part of her unbraided hair. He talked while he did so, but still sounded apprehensive, “Generally, dwarves put a courting bead, and later a marriage bead into this spot. Billa, would you do me the absolute honor of courting me formally? I can never imagine finding something more important, more precious, than you.”

All her life Billa had wondered what it would be like to be loved by someone, to know that she was completely safe. She had always thought that it would be a hobbit man that would eventually marry her, but none ever seemed right. Now, looking into Thorin’s eyes, Billa had never been more certain. Thorin would be the one she would love for the rest of her life. 

“Nothing would give me greater happiness. Of course I will.”

Thorin’s relief was visible in the sink of his shoulders and the exhale of breath. He smiled slightly and looked into her eyes. Billa saw him start to lean forward and met him halfway. 

The kiss was unhurried and full of love and hope. Billa couldn’t help but to relish the fact that there would be many more similar to them in her future. They broke apart an age later, their lips reddened and swollen. Thorin gently bumped his forehead into hers and whispered words in Khuzdul that sounded almost like prayers. 

“Ghivashel. My One. You are worth more than any gold I could ever hope to own.”

Billa wouldn’t admit it to anyone except possibly Thorin that she had been practicing how to say Ghivashel without stumbling over it. The word had turned into a mantra of sorts, one that she could turn to when she felt pained. She was certain that she had it right, and decided to try. 

“Thorin. No one has ever meant as much to me as you, I want no one else by my side for the rest of my days. Ghivashel, I love you.”

Thorin’s eyes burned with such intensity and adoration that Billa was almost afraid she would be set aflame like a candle to a book if she stared much longer. 

“Billa Baggins, love is not an accurate word to describe what I feel for you. I love you, more than I thought I could, and so much that I feel as though I may burst with the fullness of it.”

Billa surged forward for another kiss, this time more demanding. Sucking at his lower lip and gently biting his upper, she explored his mouth thoroughly and was delighted to find that Thorin responded in kind. 

The pair spent more time like that than they would care to admit, kissing and exchanging words of love. When they finally broke apart for an extended period of time, Thorin seemed to remember his initial goal. 

The braid he set into her hair looked intricate and beautiful, although that may have only been because Thorin was taking such great pains to make it perfect. When he reached the end, a polished metal bead was brought out of his pocket and clasped tightly in her hair. Afterwards, Thorin quickly braided an exact copy of the braid into his hair, proclaiming to the world that Billa has accepted his offer. 

Thorin stood and offered his hand to Billa. She took it gratefully and kept her hand woven through his when they started to walk back to the house. Billa marveled at how comfortable she had grown with showing her affections openly. It was rarely done in the Shire unless there was cause to celebrate some grand event. 

Billa began to feel nervous when Thorin held the door open for her. She hadn’t really thought of the reaction of the company to the new turn of events, and the things said that morning didn’t lessen the worry. Thorin looked down at her and must have seen the worried look on her face because he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and whispered, 

“It will be fine. We will face this together.”

Billa nodded and set forward again. With her head held high and a slight smile on her face, she and Thorin walked back into the dining area to find all of the dwarves assembled there. Many were sitting down and talking while munching on food that Beorn had laid out while some were in smaller groups farther away from the rest. Nori and Dori were in one corner, looking at Dwalin and Ori as though they wanted nothing more than to drag Ori away. 

Dwalin and Ori were on the opposite side of the room, conversing quietly. Bofur was the first to look up from his conversation with Bifur. A massive smile grew on his face and he started cheering wildly. All the others, startled by his outburst, looked towards the doorway to see what all the fuss was about. 

Realization dawned on every dwarf almost simultaneously, with clapping and shouting congratulations soon following after. Fili and Kili were perhaps the most enthusiastic about what they saw. Their yelling could be heard above everyone else. 

“Uncle! Well done, we were worried you didn’t have it in you!” Fili teased, a grin on his face. 

Kili didn’t seem to have anything to say until his eyes lit up and he laughed, 

“Fili! We’re going to have an aunt!”

Billa could feel Thorin’s rumbling chuckle reverberate through his body. She smiled and laughed as well, the happy mood of the room was infectious. Thorin moved forward to claim a spot at the long table, pulling out a chair for her before he sat himself. 

The rest of the company flocked to the open chairs to carry on the conversation. For the first time in a long time, Billa was completely happy and content. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Billa caught a flicker of movement and turned to see what it was. She couldn’t say she was surprised when she realized it was Balin leaving the room. It seemed as though she had more work to do in convincing the company that she belonged. 

Not willing to let that spoil what she was feeling, Billa pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and enjoyed the feel of Thorin slowly rubbing small circles into her back with his free hand. She shivered from his touch and looked at him sideways. 

He glanced over at her and didn’t pretend to hide his smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, even though it was insanely late and nothing really happened. This is definitely setting up for later chapters and conversations. As always, if you leave a comment I am going to love you for the rest of your days. 
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested, i wrote a small oneshot that looks as though its going to be a multichaptered fic soon. Its called New Beginnings in an Airport. its fem!Bilbo and a modern AU. So much love 
> 
> meanings of flowers - bellflowers - disappointment
> 
> red tulips - declaration of love, believe that i love you
> 
> Iberus - rejection, indifference 
> 
> Also Also- school ends for me on the 6th, so updates will be much much much more regular!
> 
> Also Also Also, 120 of you have subsribed to this fic and that is INSANE. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL
> 
> If anyone that is reading this can draw, i would literally kill someone to be able to see the way Billa's hair looks after thorin is done braiding it. Or any of this fic. fair warning, if you do draw something for me, there is a very high chance that I will cry. Happy tears though!


	14. The End of a Well Earned Respite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took kind of a long time! Im getting into the swing of things now! Summer is so amazing

“She’s still asleep, Fili.”

“Obviously, Kili. That’s why Uncle wanted us to wake her, though I don’t know why he didn’t want to himself, you’d think with them being –“

Billa had been trying to ignore the conversation, reasoning that if she didn’t open her eyes, they would eventually go away. It seemed that she had underestimated the two dwarves’ persistence. Billa shifted and opened her eyes, finding Fili and Kili staring back at her intently. 

“What do you two want? It is impossibly early.” Billa’s sentence was punctuated by a large yawn, one that she thought made her point even more clear. 

“Uncle wanted us to get you, everyone is already finished with breakfast. Now we’re training outside.” 

Billa sighed. Honestly, what was it with these dwarves and their fascination for all things battle related? 

“Fine. Just let me get dressed.”

Large smiles grew on Fili and Kili’s faces. Billa was always surprised to see how young the pair seemed. Billa shooed them out of her room and dressed quickly. The night before had been filled with merry making and celebration. She had enjoyed it, but couldn’t shake the thought of Balin’s disapproval. As much as she would have preferred to avoid it, Billa knew that she would have to talk to Balin about it. 

It was a stretch to think she particularly wanted to do any training, ever. She was certain that if the need arose, she would be able to fend for herself until someone more competent arrived to help her. The thought of training was odious, but the thought of training without breakfast even more so. Billa found the kitchen and threw together what she could find. 

The weather was pleasant and Billa stopped for a moment to enjoy the sun warming her face. Unfortunately, Fili and Kili spotted her and proceeded to drag her over to where Thorin was sparring with Dwalin. She appreciated the view given to her for a few moments, Thorin was shirtless and looking more impressive than usual. The bandages on his back gave her pause and she spoke, 

“Is that a good idea, Thorin? I didn’t risk my life so you could hurt yourself playing at war.”

The dwarf in question turned and smiled at her ruefully. 

“I’ll be fine, Billa. Would you rather take my place?”

Billa shook her head and gave Thorin a halfhearted glare. Thorin chuckled once more and went back to his duel with Dwalin. She looked around to see what the other dwarves were doing and found that none of them were doing the training Fili and Kili said they were. 

Bombur, Bofur, and Bifur had all taken their breakfast outside and were contentedly talking and laughing at Fili, who had decided to try his hand at his brother’s bow. Ori was sitting by a tree and writing in the small book he had brought with him. If anyone had glanced at him, they would think that he was focused on his work, but Billa caught him glancing up at Dwalin every so often. 

Dori must have seen the same thing that Billa had, because he was alternating between pacing and looking at Ori worriedly, and glaring at Dwalin. Billa made a mental note to never get on Dori’s bad side, he was a dwarf that could hold a grudge. 

The only other dwarf that she saw out of the house was Nori, who was busy throwing knives at one of the trees. Each one landed with a deadly precision right next to each other. Billa thought about telling Fili and Kili off, she obviously wasn’t needed outside. She mourned the lost sleep briefly, but decided to join Nori in his endeavor. 

“Mind if I try my hand at this?”

Nori let the knife in his hand fly into the tree. He watched to stick deep into the bark and turned to Billa. 

“Not at all, I’d like the company. Plus, this is a much more subtle form of protection that that sword could give you.” He pointed his thumb over at Thorin and Dwalin. Billa looked where he was pointing and laughed. Thorin had apparently bested Dwalin because he was triumphantly circling his friend with his sword in the air, laughing. Nori gave her a fast demonstration, and let her take a few knives from him. Billa lined up her shot and brought her arm back, fingers curled around the metal. Her arm flew forward and she let the knife go, hoping to see the blade at least hit some part of the tree. 

With a resounding thud the blade lodged into the already abused wood. Billa cheered at her success, even though it was nothing close to what Nori had already done. Laughing, she turned to Nori and said, 

“I much prefer this to using a sword!”

Nori smiled and went to retrieve the rest of the knives, 

“I thought you would. It suits you better than a larger blade would.”

He returned and gave her all of the knives he had, content to let her practice. With each throw that ended in a satisfying smack, a thrill went up in Billa. It felt wonderful to actually be decent at something that she could use to protect herself. 

The last knife was planted into the tree. With a smile on her face, she turned to see if anyone had been watching. Much to her delight, Thorin was looking at her proudly. Nori came up behind her and held out a knife for her. 

“Here, take it. Don’t let Kili near it though, I don’t fancy having to stomp through the woods looking for it again.” Billa smirked and nodded, giving him her thanks. 

She made her way over to Thorin, who was still waiting for her. He didn’t have to say anything for Billa to know that he was impressed with her. His fingers intertwined with hers and the pair walked aimlessly, happy to simply be with each other. 

Billa sighed, completely comfortable. The flowers swayed gently in the light breeze. She glanced up at Thorin and found that he had his eyes closed, enjoying the sunlight on his face. She smiled at the lack of tension in his face, and longed for a peaceful future where being able to simply be was possible. No threats of Orcs and Wargs, or a dragon and its fire. 

They followed the curve of the path while talking quietly. Billa was focused on what Thorin was saying, not paying any particular attention to where they were going. He stopped abruptly, his words dying on his lips. Billa looked up, confused, and saw what had stopped him. 

Balin was busy casting a critical eye over small pink blossoms of oleander. He looked up when he heard them approach, a strange look on his face. Thorin simply glared at the dwarf, not saying a word. He started to turn, carefully pulling Billa with him. 

She planted her feet and didn’t move. Thorin stopped and glanced down, confusion marring his features. 

“Billa. I would not stand here to listen to him do you further disservice.”

“Please, Thorin. Let me speak with him.”

He straightened, his gaze searching her eyes. He seemed to see her resolve and nodded. 

“Very well.” With that he departed, leaving Billa alone with Balin. 

Billa strode forward before her resolve crumbled, trying to think of something to say. She had rather expected that she would speak with Balin later, perhaps after dinner, and as a result hadn’t given any thought to what she needed to talk about. 

“I can’t say that I know what I have done to make you hate me so, and I don’t know if there is anything I can do to change it, but I would if I could. “

Balin stepped closer to her, eyes surprisingly kind. 

“I don’t hate you lass, you need to know that.”

Billa’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. She didn’t understand why Balin acted the way he did around her if he did not hate her. She voiced as much, hoping he would enlighten her. 

“If you don’t hate me, why have you been so cruel?”

“It was not my intention. Has Thorin told you of the battle where he lost his grandfather and brother?”

“Yes he has, but I fail to see –“

Balin cut her off with the raise of his hand. 

“Let me explain. After King Thror was felled by Azog the Defiler, Thrain, who was Thorin’s father went mad with grief. Taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Death and defeat were upon us. That is when I saw him.”

Balin’s voice had softened to a whisper, remembering events that Billa could not comprehend in their entirety. She had already heard Thorin tell the tale, but it was much different hearing it from another who witnessed it. Balin continued, 

“A young dwarf prince, facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe. His armor rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. “

Billa stared at Balin, still not seeing what the point of retelling the story was. Balin looked up at her and smiled sadly. He nodded to himself, most likely picturing Thorin standing triumphant on the battlefield. 

“Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, no song that night. For our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived. And I thought to myself then, ‘There is one I could follow. There is one I could call king.’” 

His words ended powerfully, leaving Billa speechless. Before Billa could gather her thoughts well enough, Balin spoke again. 

“We lived in exile, knowing that no one would help us. Our rightful king was reduced to seeking work from Men in order to provide for his people. I have seen him sacrifice and lose things beyond measure. Now he has the chance to rule, and to go home. Would you deny him that?”

Anger flared within her, how could she deny Thorin what he sought in the first place?

“Of course not! Is it so difficult to believe that he can love someone, all the while seeking to restore his people? I would do nothing to stand in his way. Do you know why? Because I love him in return, and I know what he has been through. He deserves nothing more than his home, and his kingdom. Would you deny him happiness?”

Her impassioned speech ended with a glare in Balin’s direction. Billa was valiantly trying not to let the tears in her eyes show. Balin had watched her the entire time, his face unreadable. 

“I have not met many in my lifetime that fight as you do.”

“What?” Billa had been prepared for another personal jab, and the compliment threw her off guard.

Balin tilted his head and studied her, 

“I was wrong, and too proud to see it at the time. You have risked your life for my King, and proved yourself to my friends and family. I realize now that you would not hurt him. Forgive me.”

Relief coursed through Billa. She had been worried that Balin would never see that she possessed value, and would care for Thorin until her last breath. 

“I forgive you. “

Balin inclined his head and gave her a small smile. Billa returned the gesture and turned, ready to go back and find Thorin. She had taken a few steps when Balin spoke once more. She stopped and looked back. 

“Tell me one thing more, if it should come to it, would you give Thorin up to spare him torment?”

Billa took a deep breath. Oddly, that question seemed easy to her. Her response was soft, but firm. 

“Yes, I would.”

Before Balin could continue, Billa hurried around the bend and back to Beorn’s house. It seemed that the company had moved back inside. The door was open as it always was so Billa went right inside, hoping to find Thorin. 

Dwarven music was coming from the dining room, which was quickly becoming the favorite spot of the company. Thorin was staring into the fire, not paying any attention to the things going on around him. She walked over and put her hand on his shoulder and a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

Thorin was broken out of his reverie quickly, jumping up and hugging her fiercely. 

“Tell me that he didn’t hurt you.”

“He didn’t, I promise. I think we actually came to an understanding? I’m not sure.”

Thorin looked relieved and proceeded to kiss her slowly. Billa returned the kiss and looked at the rest of the company, hoping that they hadn’t seen. Or, if they had, not to say anything about it. 

She pulled a chair over to put it next to Thorin’s. They linked their hands loosely and alternated between staring into the fire and turning their heads to see what the company was doing whenever a great crash of noise came about. 

Dinner was uneventful by dwarven standards, but could definitely be considered so by hobbit standards. The gathering of dwarves were much more boisterous than when they first arrived on her doorstep so long ago, but Billa found that she didn’t mind. It felt like home. 

Balin seemed much more at ease seeing Billa and Thorin together. She had given him a small smile when he finally joined the rest of the company, but Thorin still looked at him suspiciously. So much for complete trust between every member of the company. 

Kili was trying to coerce her into playing some sort of drinking game, but she declined. He frowned and moved on to ask Thorin the same. His Uncle gave him a hard look and rolled his eyes. It didn’t seem to phase Kili. As he was leaving, he called over his shoulder, 

“After we reclaim Erebor, you need to play! For a celebration!”

Thorin laughed beside her and nodded. Billa tried to picture him drinking, or better yet, getting drunk. The thought made her laugh to herself. He was always so serious and focused on reclaiming Erebor that to see him relax like that would be entertaining. 

She and Thorin retreated back to their previous spots by the crackling warmth of the fire. The drinking game was in full swing across the room. Fili and Kili had been knocked out in one of the earlier rounds, much to their displeasure. Dwalin, Dori, and Bofur were the ones left standing, albeit unsteadily.

“What did Balin say to you?” Thorin had since stopped watching his friends drink in favor of talking to her. 

Billa sighed and tried to avoid the question by commenting on how well Bofur was doing. Thorin pursed his lips and pressed on, his hand reaching out to tilt her chin towards him. 

“Billa, please.”

“He told me what I already knew. About you and when you lost your grandfather and Frerin. I’m sorry about your father, Thorin.” 

Thorin swallowed and looked down at his hands. He took a few moments to compose himself and looked back up at her, nodding. 

“What else did he say? Surely that couldn’t have been the only thing.”

“He talked about how you were a king he could follow. About how you worked in Men’s villages to be able to help your people. He said that I would get in your way when we went to reclaim Erebor.”

Thorin’s hand cupped her cheek and his forehead bumped gently into hers. 

“You don’t believe him, do you? You must know that you will never be a problem to me. Ghivashel. “

Billa clasped her hand around Thorin’s and gave him a tired smile. 

“No, I don’t believe him. You needn’t worry about that.”

Their whispered conversation was interrupted by a massive amount of cheering. They looked over and saw the end results of the drinking game. Bofur was laying on the floor, obviously passed out. Dwalin was leaning on Ori and whispering into his ear. Judging by Ori’s ever reddening face, what Dwalin was saying wasn’t exactly appropriate. 

In a stunning display of sobriety, Dori was maneuvering around all of the empty tankards that littered the floor. He made his way over to Nori and gave him a hug. Nori’s shocked expression only grew when Dori walked over to where Dwalin and Ori were. Dwalin looked up blearily and was apparently sober enough to be wary of Dori. Much to everyone’s surprise, Dori clapped Dwalin on the back and told him to take care of his brother. 

Billa and Thorin watched for a few moments longer and went back to focusing on each other. 

“He did not harm you?”

Billa thought back to her conversation with Balin and shook her head. The only thing she deliberately left out was Balin’s final question to her. Thorin did not need to know that she would give him up if need be, because there would never come a time where she needed to. 

Thorin finally seemed satisfied with her safety and what she had told him because he settled back into his chair and began tracing lazy circles and patterns onto her hand with his thumb. 

Most of the company had long since gone to bed when Thorin caught her yawning for the first time that night. He gave her a look that clearly meant he thought that she should go to bed, but she ignored him. She glanced over a few minutes later and caught him in the middle of a large yawn as well. 

“I think we should go to bed.” Thorin nodded in agreement and stood, waiting for Billa to take his hand. 

“I told the company that we are leaving in the morning while you were talking to Balin.”

Billa nodded and sighed. It had been so nice to be able to relax, not having to worry about what sort of creature was going to try and kill you next. The food was another pleasant aspect that she had enjoyed, and one that she would miss desperately. 

Soon they reached Billa’s door and stopped walking. Billa had been internally debating an idea on their way to her room, and she decided to hear Thorin’s opinion. 

“Would you want to stay with me tonight?”

Thorin had been looking sleepy until she spoke, now he looked as though his eyes were going to pop out of his skull.

“Billa, I wouldn’t dare, don’t think that you need to offer yourself-”

Billa rolled her eyes and shook her head, 

“That’s not what I meant, though I am looking forward to the time when we do, I meant just sleeping. I don’t think we’ll get another chance until Erebor. I didn’t exactly enjoy being the brunt of the company’s jokes that morning.”

Thorin was still looking at her intently, as though he was weighing his options. 

“I would love to.” Thorin gave her a smile and followed her into the bedroom. 

Billa changed quickly behind the screen that Beorn had provided for her earlier and climbed into bed. Thorin was still shedding his coat, bracers, and everything else that would make sleeping uncomfortable. He was left shirtless, which gave Billa the opportunity to admire him. 

Thorin joined her in the bed and wrapped his arms around her. The bed was more than big enough for the two of them, it was probably better suited for someone of Beorn’s size than that of a hobbit or a dwarf. 

Billa rested her head against Thorin’s shoulder and pressed herself closer to him. Thorin placed a kiss on the top of her head and whispered, 

“Goodnight, Ghivashel.”

Billa smiled into his shoulder and whispered the same. The two soon fell asleep, both happier than they had thought possible. 

The morning came much sooner than Billa desired. The combination of her sleep being dreamless and waking up in the arms of her betrothed left her feeling more well rested than she had in ages. 

Thorin was just beginning to stir when she was languidly stretching. He gathered her in his arms and pressed kisses into her throat and onto her lips. She shivered in pleasure and returned the favor, enjoying the feel of his beard on her skin. 

“Good morning.” Contentment dripped from Thorin’s words. 

Billa fell back on her pillow and smiled, her eyes closed. 

“Good morning. I will definitely be able to get used to this.”

Thorin laughed quietly and kissed her again, this time on her temple. 

“What? A bed? Because I’m of the same opinion.”

“Yes, but I was thinking more about waking up next to you, every day for the rest of my life.”

Thorin’s returned smile was bright and sincere. He rolled over, caging her within his arms. Thorin leaned down and kissed her soundly on the lips, his teeth and tongue exploring her mouth. He eventually broke away and said, 

“There is nothing that I could want more than to be by your side until my last breath.”

They stayed in bed for as long as they could without being caught. Neither of them particularly relished the idea of being caught by one of the company. Thorin dressed quickly, kissed her once more, and hurried out the door. 

Billa decided to dress and pack her things as well. Her coat was on the back of a chair. She went to grab it and a strange whisper caught her ear. 

_I could give you all you wished. ___

Billa looked around her room for the source of the noise, but finding none, went back to packing her things. 

_Wealth, power, and the adoration of everyone you met. ___

The whispers were coming from her coat pocket. Billa fished around until her fingers were met with the slippery feel of cool metal. 

_Just put me on, and everything you desire will fall at your feet. ___

The overwhelming need to feel the ring slip over her knuckle to rest solidly on her finger was strange. In her happiness, Billa had completely forgotten about what had let her escape from that horrid creature in the caves. Now, as she stared at the beautiful gold, she couldn’t think of any reason why she didn’t wear it all the time. It was magnificent, a precious thing – 

_You could be more powerful than even him, that king carved from stone. ___

Billa’s brow crinkled in confusion. Why would she want to be more powerful than Thorin? All she wanted was to be his equal, she didn’t need to lord over him. Suddenly, the ring had lost its previous luster, now it looked dull and akin to brass or copper. 

Billa frowned and stuffed it into the bottom of her bag, not wanting to even see it any more. 

When she was completely packed, she joined the rest of the company in the dining room. Beorn was busy putting an immense amount of food in all of the packs he could see. Thorin saw her enter, his gaze turned to one on unadulterated fondness. 

Beorn also gave them his best ponies, saying that they would return once the company reached the border of Mirkwood.

“Take this warning and do not drink the water, or eat the food that you find in Mirkwood. A heaviness lies upon it, and nothing good can come of it. “

A hushed murmuring went throughout the company. Gloin was the closest to her, and she heard him say, 

“It’s those damn pointy eared elves!”

Billa turned and gave him an incredulous look, 

“I have pointy ears too, you know!”

Gloin patted her on the shoulder and looked at her sympathetically.

“Tis a shame, lass. If it makes you feel better, they are rather round, much more like a dwarf’s.”

Gloin walked off to go talk to his brother, leaving Billa with her mouth gaping open. She actually liked her ears! They were nice, or at least she thought so! Thorin had finished speaking with Gandalf, who had finally shown up again, having disappeared for the entirety of their stay. Bella would never understand wizard business. 

Thorin walked over to her and wrapped his arm around her waist. 

“Do you like my ears?”

Thorin gave her a strange look. 

“Of course I do. They’re lovely, just like the rest of you.”

Billa smiled, already feeling better. Beorn wished them a safe voyage and they were on their way. She looked back at the little cottage set back in the woods and grinned, a visit would have to be in order when this whole business was over. 

Beorn waved at her when she caught his eye. He called out, 

“Safe travels, little bunny!”

Billa laughed and waved back. For once not bothered by the nickname. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! another chapter! As always,comment and I will forever be indebted to you! 
> 
> oleander - caution 
> 
> You're all lovely and I cant believe you've all stuck around this long! :) Thank you! 
> 
> I've decided that the anthem for this fic is home by america authors. It is literally perfect! It was on repeat the entire time I was writing this!


	15. A Crown of Gold and Jewels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in less than a week! Man, summer is great! Enjoy!

The shadows danced menacingly around the entire company. Most had gotten used to the unnerving sounds and things that they couldn’t see, but Billa was still having some difficulty. It didn’t help that her head was swimming and everything felt fuzzy and unreal. It seemed as though all of the dwarves were having the same problem, judging by the way in which the conversations had turned. 

Bofur pointed to a hat on the ground, and while looking at it affectionately he said, 

“I have a hat just like that – it’s a lovely thing.” He patted the air around his head happily, as though his hat was still there. 

“Bofur that is your hat.” Billa picked it up and put it back on the dwarf’s head, suddenly feeling nauseous. She decided then that she should focus more on staying with the rest of the company than talking. 

They had been in Mirkwood for what felt like hours and hours. Everything looked familiar, even as the path dwindled and eventually disappeared. Billa followed Thorin as he walked, all the while saying that he knew where he was going. All of her energy had been drained from her, making her not want to speak or question Thorin at all. The trees were so thick above them that no light trickled in, adding to the diseased feeling of the forest itself. 

Billa’s sense of time had been completely destroyed. They had left Beorn’s at mid-day, but no one in the company would be able to say how long they had been wandering. Finally, Thorin stopped walking and said they would rest where they were for the time being. 

She huffed in relief and sat where she stood, not caring that a stick was now digging into her back. Thorin came and sat beside her with his head in his hands. Billa put a sympathetic arm around him and focused on breathing, the air was thick and difficult to take in. 

“Are we lost?” Billa’s voice barely carried through the stifling air. 

Thorin looked up and spared her a glance, looking slightly annoyed.

“No. I know exactly where we are.”

“Where are we then?”

“In a forest.”

If Billa’s head didn’t feel so heavy, and her limbs so sluggish, she would have told Thorin off, or hit him. Instead, she just sighed and stared at the rest of the company. Dori was in the middle of pressing his brothers into a tea party. For one brief second, the leaves and sticks the dwarf was using looked real, and Billa felt a sharp pang of homesickness, and then nausea again. 

”What is happening to us?!” Oin shouted, leaning on a tree for support. 

“It’s those damn elves and their poisoned forest!” Dwalin was the only one to reply. He was sitting by Ori and holding a mess of muddy leaves and bits of wood. Dwalin looked down at what was in his hands, and in a brief moment of clarity realized that it was not a teacup. The dwarf looked at it in disgust and stood. 

“We need to get out of here!”

Thorin jolted beside her and blearily looked at his friend. 

“How? That wizard is long gone, and we are in the middle of a forest.”

Even in her incoherency, Billa knew that Thorin’s speech would soon give way to the total discouragement of the company. She stood shakily and looked around. The trees towering overhead had no end in sight. Billa stared upwards and smiled when an idea broke through her foggy brain. 

“I’ll be right back.”

The dwarves watched her climb the tree without much protest. She was lucky that she had been fond of climbing trees in the Shire when she was younger, or else her current task would have been much more difficult. 

As she climbed higher, more and more sunlight was able to pick its way through the leaves, and oddly cobwebs, that were so thick. Finally she broke through the last few branches and started to laugh at the wonderful way the sun hit her face. 

Hundreds and hundreds of butterflies rose up in one great cloud around her. Cool wind brushed past her, drawing the sluggishness of her mind away with it. The tops of trees grew as far as she could see, but Billa thought she saw the glitter of sun against water in the distance. 

“I see water! We’re almost there! And I see the Lonely Mountain!” A bubbly laugh rose from her throat. She was feeling so much better, and to be able to see their destination lifted her spirits considerably. No response followed so Billa tried to peer through the leaves below her. 

“Are you still there? Can you hear me?” There was no answer from below and Billa began to get worried. What if something had happened to them and she was stuck in a tree? A rustling sound that sent shivers up her spine could be heard. Billa slowly sunk back down, away from the light above.

Sticky white webs covered her feet and made her trip a little. Billa was still trying to focus in the murky blackness when she caught something moving closer to her. She squinted her eyes, ridiculously hoping it would be one of her dwarves. 

The creature that came forward was most certainly not one of her friends. A gaping maw of the thing stalked closer to her. Billa bit back a scream and tried to scramble backwards. Her stomach did a flip at the feeling of weightlessness, and she didn’t bother to hold in the scream that followed when she fell to the earth below. The pack that she still had on her back lessened the severity of her fall, but when she hit the ground the air in her lungs left all at once, and it was all she could do to stay there gasping and trying to catch her breath. 

Massive spiders crawled closer, snapping their jaws at her. Billa clawed desperately at the straps of her pack, knowing she only had one option, as unpleasant as it may be. The ring slipped onto her finger, as cool as ice. 

The advance of the spider stopped abruptly when she disappeared from its view. What little color she had been able to see seeped from her vision, leaving the world in a disconcerting mix of greys. Billa’s stomach rolled but she pushed the feeling away in favor of pulling her sword from her side and impaling the monstrous spider as many times as she was able. The spider gave one last pitiful sound, its legs curling up around its body. Now that the immediate threat was gone, Billa focused her attention on finding the company. 

She wandered the forest floor for a while, quietly calling out the names of her companions, but to no avail. Suddenly, the hurried rustle of a spider came from above. Billa looked up and saw white bundles hanging from the branches. 

She sighed and shook her head, all the while muttering and cursing about how those idiotic dwarves would never get anywhere without her help. 

“It will be a miracle if we ever get to that stupid mountain, much less survive the damned dragon.” Billa’s face was twisted into a grimace as she focused on climbing the tree to get to the first few bundles. 

Bits of knitted fabric were poking through the webs of the first bundle she reached. Her sword cut through the web easily, and she flinched sympathetically at the sound Ori made when he hit the ground. Spiders heard the noise as well and all came scurrying to see what had happened to one of their meals. 

“Grab it! Hang the juicy dwarf back by the others!” Billa paused, absolutely shocked that she could understand what the spiders were saying. The ring on her finger tightened, and she realized that the ring was what made it possible to understand the foul beasts. 

As one spider started to crawl down the tree to Ori, Billa leapt forward and plunged her sword into its back. It died much like the first one, curling into itself pathetically. The other spiders shrieked and rushed forward, but before they could get too close Billa swung her sword out and caught them in their eyes with the tip of her sword. 

“Stings! It stings! What magic is this?”

Billa danced backwards and went back to cutting the rest of the company down as quickly as she could. Soon enough all of the bundles were cut down and the entire company was busy fighting off the spiders below. She climbed down the tree as quickly as she could and tried to help her dazed friends. 

Another spider attacked her but she silenced it quickly. The spray of sticky blood that coated her face made Billa want to retch but she pressed forward. 

Thorin’s panicked voice grabbed her attention, 

“Billa! Where’s Billa?”

“Here! I’m over here!” She began to run forward but another spider blocked her path. Before she could even let her sword fly, an arrow had felled the creature. She turned, ready to thank Kili for saving her, but realized it was not Kili that had loosed the arrow. 

The elves of Mirkwood had finally made their appearance. A striking light haired elf had his bow pointed directly at Thorin. 

“Do not think I won’t kill you, dwarf. It would be my pleasure.”

Thorin merely looked up at the elf, clearly unimpressed. The elves decided to search for and take any weapons that the dwarves had. Billa didn’t dare move from her spot for fear of making a sound that would alert the elves to her presence. She glanced over at Fili and saw that the elf in front of him had an ever growing armful of knives he had taken. 

The company was put into a line and marched in the direction of what Billa assumed would end up being their kingdom. She followed at a safe pace, careful not to make any loud noises. It was rapidly becoming more and more apparent that she would be the one that would have to save all of them, again. 

“None of this was in that blasted contract.” Billa’s thoughts were filled with numerous comments like those, her bubbling rage spilling over in the form of biting remarks. Billa had barely been able to get past the guards when the great wooden doors closed behind her. She wasn’t so lucky in reaching the second set of doors in time that would have taken her to where the company was going to meet with the king of Mirkwood, Thranduil. 

Billa could only hope that Thorin would not lose his head when he spoke with elven king. The way Billa’s day was going, she wouldn’t be surprised if the entire company ended up in the dungeons and then the entire quest would have been for nothing. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins would take her home and her silver and Billa would probably face death by spider. 

Her head had cleared somewhat, there was a definite difference in being inside rather than out. Billa supposed she had some sort of elvish magic to thank for that. The guards patrolled regularly and she had nothing better to do than watch them while she waited for her friends to come back out the doors. 

The next time the guards passed, they were talking about the new prisoners in the cells of the dungeon. Billa closed her eyes, silently asking any higher power that was watching to grant her patience. The newest task in front of her wasn’t as daunting as she previously thought. 

After wandering around for some time, she finally began to see the patterns of the halls and doorways. Luckily a guard mentioned to another that he was going to patrol the dungeons. She followed him closely, a small smile on her face. 

Surely Thorin would have a plan that she could try when she finally found him. All she needed to do was get to the dungeons and talk with him before anyone noticed. When Billa had first pictured the dungeons of Mirkwood, she had rather thought they would be orderly and along a single hallway. The trailing expanse of paths and cells that awaited her was horribly disappointing. 

Her head had returned to swimming uneasily as she constantly faced the possibility of a fall that would kill her. The first dwarf she found was Gloin, and after taking off the ring and explaining that yes, she was here, and yes, she hopefully would be able to save them, the dwarf pointed her in the direction of Oin. The process was repeated many times over until she had found the entire company except for Thorin. Fili and Kili said that their uncle was brought to a different part of the dungeon and they hadn’t been able to hear him since they arrived. 

Billa felt like screaming. Her head was pounding, she hadn’t eaten or slept in ages, and now she had to find Thorin too. To make things worse, the cold voice of the ring kept trying to persuade her to leave all of her friends behind. 

_It would be simple, you’re invisible, and you could just go home. ___

It was getting more and more difficult to ignore the voice in her head. She only wished she would be able to take the ring off for a while. She would have too, if there wasn’t the possibility of an elf finding her and destroying the idea of their escape. 

Days of searching passed without anything to show for it. With nothing else to do she had started delivering messages between her friends. Even that became too much after hours upon hours of running back and forth between cells. 

Billa had stolen all that she dared from the elves’ food stores, but someone was bound to notice soon, so she didn’t dare steal more. She didn’t want to let herself fall asleep, fearing that the ring would fall off somehow and she would be caught or that an elf would trip over her and find her that way. 

Balin was the first to notice that the days of sneaking around were doing her no good. The guards had just thrown in the dwarves’ dinner in all of their cells. Or was it breakfast? Billa had no idea. She was passing by Balin’s cell when he heard her and whispered, 

“Here lass, you need to eat too.” A small roll was pushed through the bars for her. Billa swallowed thickly and felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She took the offered roll and tried to hug Balin through the bars of the cell. 

‘I’ll figure out a way for us to get out of here. I just need more time, and I still haven’t found Thorin.” 

Balin patted her shoulder and nodded. 

“I believe it lass.”

Finally, useful information was brought along with the changing of the guards.

“The dwarf still refuses to speak with King Thranduil.”

The other elf snorted and shook his head, 

“Then he is more stupid than I thought. Even with that ridiculous idea of reclaiming the mountain.”

Billa stopped abruptly and listened to the guards’ conversation. The first guard had come from one of the lowest levels of the dungeons, the one that Billa had barely had time to glance through. She slipped past them and ran down the stairs to the cells below. 

A shattering noise and a spray of water greeted Billa when she reached the last step. Billa stepped forward and cautiously looked into the cell. Thorin had evidently thrown his water jug at the wall and was now pacing across the length of the small space. 

“Really, you shouldn’t be wasting your water.”

Thorin stopped pacing immediately, his head snapping over to look at her. 

“Billa? Was that you? Where are you?”

She stepped forward and pulled the ring off of her finger. The look on Thorin’s face was priceless, and despite her better judgment, Billa laughed. 

“How is that possible? You were invisible!”

“It’s a ring I found in the goblin tunnels, it lets me turn invisible. I don’t like wearing it though, it makes me feel ill.”

Thorin reached through the bars and grabbed her hand, pulling her forward.

“I am so thankful that you are safe. I had thought- “He broke off and cleared his throat. His hands cupped her face and he continued, 

“Is everyone else safe?”

Billa nodded and Thorin visibly relaxed. 

“I heard a guard say that you talked to Thranduil. What did he say?”

Regret flashed briefly on Thorin’s face, making Billa anxious. 

“He offered a deal. He said he would let us leave, if I returned what was his.”

“Did you accept?”

“I did not. If I had accepted that, it would have been as though I had forgiven him for abandoning my people in our time of need.”

Billa gave him an incredulous look and spoke, trying to keep her voice low. 

“You were offered the chance to leave safely and you refused because you would have to give up a few trinkets? What were you thinking?!”

Thorin sighed.

“Surely there is another way that we could escape?”

Billa shook her head tiredly. 

“I don’t know, I haven’t been able to look very much. I’m so tired, Thorin. My head hasn’t stopped pounding and I’ve barely eaten. I’ll try to find something though.” As is to further her point, her stomach grumbled.

“Billa. You need to rest. Can you fit through the bars? You could lay down.”

That level of cells had apparently long fallen into disuse because the iron bars were crumbling and rusty. With one sharp tug, Thorin separated the bar from the wall and floor, letting Billa slip in quietly.

They settled down together on the small bench. Thorin shed his coat and wrapped it around her, and then let her lean her head against him. Before she lost herself to unconsciousness Billa slipped the ring on her finger and disappeared. Thorin startled slightly, 

“It is strange, feeling you and yet not seeing you.” Thorin gathered her closer and after days, Billa was finally able to get some desperately needed sleep. 

A great weight was sitting on her chest, making breathing difficult. Billa started to panic, jolting up and seeing fire surround her. The ring on her finger hummed and the voice in her head laughed maniacally. She shouted for Thorin, but no answer came. Suddenly, she was whirled away and the spinning of her head only stopped when she next opened her eyes and realized she was in a throne room. 

Something heavy was resting on her head. She reached up to touch it and realized it was a crown, heavy under the weight of gold and jewels. A pitiful cough came from below and she looked down. The sight that greeted her made her scream. The entire company was covered in blood, dying. Thorin came up beside her, his crown heavy with adornments and dripping with blood. 

“Together we shall rule.” Thorin grasped her hand and looked out to see the destruction they had wrought. 

The massive doors at the end of the hall opened. Before she could do anything, a dragon came sweeping in, engulfing everything in fire. The tongues of flame licked closer to her, starting to surround her and Thorin-

Billa flew awake, tears streaming down her face profusely. Her breathing was hurried and ragged. The ring pulsed on her finger and she ripped it off, shuddering when she was free of it. 

Thorin was holding her and trying to calm her by whispering comforting things, 

“It was only a dream, I’m here. Nothing is wrong. I’m here.”

She took another shuddering breath and nodded. It was only a dream, nothing more. Footsteps were heard on the stone steps. Billa put on the ring even though she wanted nothing more than to never touch it again. 

_That is what I could give you. You could rule over everything with the one you love ___

Billa focused on her breathing and thought, 

_I will never want that. I want to be beside him, but never like that ___

The two elves that descended the stairs left a tray of food. They left as quickly as they had come, one saying to the other that the festivities would be starting soon. They took to the stairs again and when Billa could no longer hear their footsteps, she ripped off the ring and put her head in her hands. 

The pounding in her head returned. Thorin knelt before her and pressed his new jug of water into her hands. She took it gratefully and sipped the warm water with relish. The dryness of her throat went away and she sighed, feeling slightly better. 

“I think I have an idea for how we can get out of here.”

Thorin looked at her hopefully. 

“What is it?”

“The elves are having some sort of celebration. Even the guards will be there. I can’t remember how long ago it was but I made it to where they kept the wine and whenever there are empty barrels they drop them out into the river.”

Thorin’s look turned to one of concentration and Billa could see that he was thinking her plan through. 

“We would need the keys to the cells, though. Could you get them?”

Billa nodded, 

“I think I would be able to, I would need some time though.”

“You have all the time you need. Be careful, please.”

She stood and squeezed out in between the bars. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” Billa turned to face Thorin once more and tried to smile reassuringly. The ring slid back on her finger easily, letting her disappear in the shadows. 

Any guards that she saw were in varying stages of drunkenness. When she reached the wine cellar she was relieved to see there were enough barrels for all of the dwarves. The keys to the cells were hanging on a hook by the door. She snatched them and left the room to run back to Thorin’s cell. 

She shoved the ring back into her pocket when she jumped off the last step. The door to Thorin’s cell swung open after trying a few different keys. Thorin stepped out and enveloped her in a crushing hug. 

“You are the most amazing being I have ever met in my entire life.”

Billa laughed and kissed Thorin happily. One step closer to leaving this horrid place. 

“We need to get the others, then we can celebrate.” Thorin agreed and followed her back up the stairs to where the others were being held. Fili and Kili were the first to be found. Both were elated to be able to actually see their uncle again. 

The group of rescued dwarves grew and grew until all were finally present. Elves that had passed out littered their path to the wine cellar. Dwalin was the first to question their plan,

“Why in Mahal’s name are we going deeper into this place?”

Thorin leveled him a fearsome glare and merely said, 

“Billa has a plan.”

They reached the barrels and Billa turned to explain her plan. She had expected some complaints, but not to the level at which they fired back at her. She gave Thorin a pleading look and he shouted, 

“Do as she says!”

The dwarves reluctantly got into the barrels. They watched her suspiciously to see what she would do next. None of them were very pleased with her when she pulled the lever and they went sailing into the river below. She glanced around quickly and saw that there wasn’t a barrel left for her. 

Billa let out an agitated sort of yell and leapt into the water after her friends. They cheered when she hit the water and Thorin smiled at her proudly. Her head ducked under the water and she came back up coughing and sputtering with Bifur grasping her coat. 

The rapids that followed soon after were not pleasant, and Billa was reminded why hobbits are not fond of the water. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! As always, comments leave me super happy and I will love you forever if you leave one! :)
> 
> 50,000 words! that is INSANE!! Thank you so much to everyone that has read this, whether you've been here since the beginning or you just caught up to this chapter. you guys rock :)
> 
> I mapped the rest of the fic out, and there should be around 17 chapters or so left. Basically halfway there! woohooo! :)


	16. Hobbits are not Water Dwelling Creatures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry that this is late. I kinda went AWOL and im sorry. 
> 
> On a much better note, I was at my cabin for a week and long story short, guess who has 5 chapters ready to post?? :)

Billa was certain that she had never seen anything more beautiful in her entire life. The shore was fast approaching, so she let go of her hold of Bifur and scrambled to it as quickly as she could. She was dripping wet and busy coughing up water when she heard the first complaint. 

“Honestly, Billa, could you have chosen a more unpleasant way to escape?” Bofur said it jokingly, but Billa couldn’t take it any longer. She stood up shakily and gave him the fiercest glare she could manage with water still dribbling down her chin.

“You’re choosing this moment to be picky?! At least you got a barrel and food and a relatively safe place to sleep during all that! I had nothing of the sort!” Billa coughed up more water and wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks angrily.

To their credit all of the dwarves looked ashamed and apologetic. She gave Thorin a halfhearted glare, but softened when he wrapped his arms around her. 

“You did wonderfully, and we owe everything to you.” Thorin placed a swift kiss to her forehead and stepped back to look at the rest of the company. 

“Laketown is not far from here. We will find rest and shelter there.”

They followed Thorin without question, every single one of them eager to find dry clothing and food. They hadn’t been walking for very long when a tremendous sneeze wracked through Billa’s body. She sniffled miserably and kept walking, silently cursing the dwarves for making her sick. 

Laketown was a strange looking place and it made Billa feel uneasy. The rickety buildings were all perched precariously on wooden stilts that appeared ready to fall apart. The boards underneath her feet swayed with every step she took which made the queasy feeling in her stomach worse. She found herself musing that if the town itself was strange, the people there were even more so. 

The men and women of Laketown stared at them suspiciously, a haunted look on all of their faces. Billa could hardly blame them, she knew that they had seen as much death and ruin as any of the dwarves with her. It most likely didn’t help that the entire company looked ready to murder someone soon if they weren’t given shelter. She sneezed again and took the torn piece of cloth that Gloin offered her with a rather pathetic smile.

If she hadn’t been feeling so miserable, it would have been rather entertaining to see Thorin speaking to the inn owner. The man towered over him, but somehow Thorin still managed to look regal and dangerous. The innkeeper eventually relented when he saw the bag of gold that Thorin slid across the wooden table. 

Billa was led to a separate room from the others, who had taken up the dining room when she had last seen them. There was a small bed and not much else, but for her it was all she needed. The innkeeper’s daughter had found what was probably one of the smallest dresses in Laketown for her. Nevertheless, she took it gratefully. 

“Thank you very much.” Billa sneezed again and groaned. Her face felt flushed, and she knew that a fever was not far behind. Not for the first time, she cursed her hobbitness and their tendency towards illness.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are you?” The innkeeper’s daughter was still in the room, glancing at her curiously. 

“I’m a hobbit, from the Shire.” Billa didn’t see the need of any more elaboration, so she left it at that. 

The girl’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought that hobbits weren’t real? My Papa says that hobbits all died out.”

Billa shook her head and continued, 

“No, we’re all very much alive. This particular hobbit may die of illness soon, though. Do you happen to have a place where I could bathe?”

Soon enough, Billa was led to a bathhouse of sorts. The sight of steaming water had never meant more to Billa than it did in that moment. She sunk in blissfully, and felt perfectly safe for the first time since Beorn’s. The dim light gave the water a greenish sort of hue. Billa ran her hands through her hair and made a disgusted face. Spider webs and dried spider blood were caked in it. 

She undid all of the intricate braids in her hair, seeing it as the only way to be able to manage her current problem. The metallic shine of the beads glinted off of the strange light. Billa scrubbed every part of her body she could reach with the soap from the ledge of the bath. Feeling infinitely better, she sunk down into the water. The water never grew any colder, which made Billa lose track of time. She had just closed her eyes when the door opened swiftly. She let out a yelp of surprise and covered herself with her hands. Billa squinted in the dim light and tried to make out the figure in the doorway. A familiar voice disturbed her silence, 

“Billa? Dinner is being served and I wanted to make certain that you wouldn’t miss the first decent meal we’ve had.” 

Billa’s eyes had adjusted to the light and she could see that Thorin was pointedly looking at the floor to give her some privacy. 

“I will be there as soon as I get dressed.” 

Thorin nodded and started to turn away. An outlandish, inappropriate thought crossed Billa’s mind, but she decided to voice it anyway.

“Thorin wait, would you mind braiding my hair? I had to undo them all to get it clean. “

Thorin stopped in the doorway and turned back to face her. He had a surprised look on his face, but didn’t seem like he was opposed to the idea. Billa pushed forward and said, 

“It will only get more difficult to deal with the more dry it is.”

Thorin nodded and made his way around the water to get to her. He was still avoiding looking at her directly, even when he was sitting behind her, his fingers deftly working through her thick hair. Billa had been raised to realize when it was important to be proper and conservative in how she acted around others. However, she was willing to bet that everyone that had scolded her hadn’t dealt with the possibility of dying by a dragon. In Billa’s humble opinion, any sense of propriety could be thrown out the window, especially when she was around the man she loved. 

“It’s alright, you can look.” She turned slightly and brought her hand up to touch the side of Thorin’s face. His gaze was torn away from her hair, following the curve of her body until it disappeared in the water. He looked at her tenderly and whispered, 

“Ghivashel, you’re more beautiful than I could ever have imagined. I will give you everything in my power, but I would sooner be with you in a bed. At least give me that.” Thorin leaned closer, pressing his lips down the curve of her throat. 

Billa smiled slightly and kissed him soundly. Thorin finished braiding her hair, only occasionally distracted enough to run his hands along her body. They were greeted by the stares of the entire company when they finally arrived in the dining room. Thankfully, dinner was not the stew they had gotten used to during their journey, and as Ori delightedly pointed out, there was not a green thing to be seen. 

They ate heartily and the conversation flowed easily for the entire dinner. Bombur came out as soon as they were done eating with warmed desserts in tow. The apple filled confection was set in front of Fili, who turned an interesting shade of green and fled from the table. Kili shrugged and grabbed the pastry before Bifur could. Thorin leaned over and noted, 

“The barrel that Fili ended up in was from an apple wine. I’m afraid that entire journey rather ruined the fruit for him.”

Billa laughed and dabbed her finger through the cream on Thorin’s plate and tried it. She hummed a happy sound and found the last raspberry pastry to match Thorin’s. Thorin looked down at his dessert and back at Billa with an offended look on his face. Before she could voice her protest, he did the same to her dessert with a smirk on his face. The fire had dwindled in the corner, leaving the room glowing comfortably. The rest of the company had left Thorin and Billa alone, all seeming to realize that the time alone would be appreciated greatly. Every so often Billa was able to catch a shadow pacing just outside the door. The outline of two battle axes rose above the shadow. Even Dwalin was uncomfortable in Laketown.

The heat of the bathhouse had helped to stave off the beginnings of the cold, but now that Billa was back in the muggy air, she could feel her face heating and her stomach flipping. As if in confirmation, Billa sneezed. She rose from the table and apologized to Thorin, saying that she needed the rest if she was to feel well enough to take back Erebor. Thorin simply kissed her on the cheek and watched her retreating form. The bed in her room could not compare to the last one she had at Beorn’s, or the one before in Rivendell. It would do though. Billa would have taken anything even close to a bed, as long as she was able to sleep soundly. 

By the time she crawled into bed, her head was pounding and she had the chills. Pure exhaustion took over and she fell into a fitful sleep. 

The next day was a feverish mix of hazy scenes. The earliest thing she could remember was someone knocking on her door. Billa tried to rise from the bed but stopped when her energy seeped from her very bones. The knocking on the door stopped, so she fell asleep once more.

A cool cloth was on her brow and a comforting hand was running along her hair. Someone was rambling instructions rather loudly from the other side of the bed, which was making her head hurt worse. Billa turned closer to the warmth on her other side and slurred, 

“Thorin?” 

A gentle kiss touched the top of her nose and Billa tried to form another sentence. Before she could say what she wanted, Thorin cut her off. 

“Ghivashel, you don’t need to exert yourself more. I’ll be here.”

Billa only nodded in response and fell back asleep. The sound of someone reading to her was what she awoke to the next time. She pried an eye open and cast an appraising glance to the deep voice. Thorin was sitting next to her, one of his hands wrapped around hers. He was busy peering into the book on his lap. He didn’t notice that she was awake until she gave a weak cough. 

He stopped reading immediately and looked at her worriedly. 

“It’s nice to see you awake. Oin said that he hoped the fever would break soon enough. It looks like he was right.” A hand was pressed to her forehead and pulled away just as quickly. 

“Do you need anything? I can bring you whatever you would like.”

Billa nodded and was able to croak out, 

“Water.” And as an afterthought she added, “Maybe some soup or something like that as well if it’s not too much trouble.”

“It’s no trouble at all, Ghivashel. It’s a relief to be able to see you awake once more.”

Billa smiled weakly at him and joked,

“I’ll be able to fight a dragon in no time at all.”

Instead of laughing like she had hoped, or even giving her an indulging smile, Thorin just frowned and squeezed her hand.

“I will be back soon.”

Billa nodded and rested her head back on the pillow. The fire in her room was blazing much higher than she thought was strictly necessary. Thorin must have been roasting while he was watching over her. The book that was sitting on the chair by her bedside looked to be one that was fit for children. They were nice stories from what little she had been able to hear, so she didn’t mind. It was reassuring to see something that reminded her of her small library in Bag End. 

The door opened and Thorin strode back in, laden down with water and a bowl of broth. He had come back much more quickly than Billa had thought he would have, so she could only imagine the speed at which he had gone down the stairs and to the kitchen for her. She smiled and accepted the bowl he pressed into her hands. Even though the broth was bland it was nice to feel something warm in her stomach. The water made it easier for her to speak, so she thought she should make use of that. 

“What have I missed?”

“Not a lot has happened, actually. There was a small altercation with Dwalin and a reluctant merchant, but that was sorted without any trouble. Ori was remarkably helpful in reining Dwalin in.”

Billa laughed. The sight of quiet Ori coming in between Dwalin and an irate merchant must have been quite a sight. Oin interrupted their conversation by bustling in and practically throwing some sort of concoction at her. Billa frowned and uncorked it, giving it a sniff. She recoiled and tried to put it back on the table, saying, 

“I’m fine, truly. I already feel much better.”

Oin shook his head and gave her the small bottle back. 

“Just drink it lass. We don’t need you to fall ill again.”

She gave Oin one last hard look and downed the foul liquid in one gulp. Billa gagged and thrust the bottle back at Oin. Thorin put the water back into her hands and she drank until it was gone. 

“If I ever get ill again, remind me never to even think about using dwarvish medicine. That was altogether unpleasant.”

Oin gave her an uncomprehending stare and left the room again. Thorin chuckled and shook his head after the healer had gone. 

“I think he finds pleasure in forcing others to drink what he makes.”

Billa snorted and nodded in agreement. 

“How long will I have to stay in this bed?”

Thorin shook his head and gave a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m not able to say, Oin is the one that you should ask.”

Billa wrinkled her nose and made a noncommittal noise. 

“Well, if I’m supposed to stay here much longer, I at least need something to keep me occupied.”

Thorin smiled at her and gave her hand another squeeze. 

“I could continue reading to you.” He grabbed the book from the table and held it up while giving her a questioning glance.

“I would prefer to hear a story from your childhood, I think.”

Thorin gave her a gentle smile and set the book back on the table.

“What sort of story would you like to hear?”

“You’ve told me about when Dis was younger, but you have never spoken much about Frerin. I’d like to hear about him, if you’re comfortable in telling things about him.”

Thorin’s smile faltered and his eyes grew downcast. 

“If you don’t want to talk about him, I understand.”

He looked back up at her and gave her a small smile.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind talking about him. You deserve to know about him as much as you do about my sister.”

Billa moved over in the bed and patted the now empty side, inviting him to sit near her. Thorin took the opportunity and settled down next to her comfortably. His arms wrapped around her and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Frerin was in every way the golden child. He resembled my mother in his gold hair and brown eyes, which is a strange combination in the house of Durin. I was the eldest, so I was given the responsibility of learning how to rule a kingdom. Frerin had seen things and done things that I had never been able to do because of the sense of responsibility that was thrust upon me. There was one day where he came running into the library to tell me how he had seen the glassblowers doing their work down in the market. I remember being horribly jealous and wishing that I had been able to do the same.”

Thorin paused, and looked into the corner of the room, obviously lost in his thoughts. He continued, 

“I told him that I was angry he could do the things I couldn’t. I remember that he just looked at me like he didn’t understand what I had said. He told me that I was stronger than he was, and that the responsibility was given to me because I would rule fairly and better than he would be able to do. So many other people had told me much the same, but I never believed them. It meant more coming from my brother. “

Billa smiled and said, 

“That was lovely.”

“Yes, well, that’s not the end of the story. The next morning Frerin woke me up earlier than anyone else. He told me that I was going to skip my lessons, because we were going to the markets. I got to see the glassblowers and the entire market for the first time as anyone would have, rather than a member of royalty.”

“That’s even better.” Billa leaned up and kissed him without hesitation. Thorin returned the kiss and said,

“Now that I’ve told you a story, I think it only fair that you tell me something about your childhood as well."

Billa looked at him and rolled her eyes. 

“I think I have told you everything I could possibly tell about myself. What more do you want to hear?”

“What made you leave your home that morning? What changed?”

Billa sighed and tried to gather her thoughts. It seemed so long ago that she had run out of Bag End with the contract flapping in the wind behind her.

“I don’t really know. I suppose that I was bored with my life and didn’t realize it until you had left. I looked out the window that morning and everything seemed so normal that I suddenly couldn’t stand it any longer. That probably makes me selfish.”

Thorin shook his head and gave her a smile, pride evident in his eyes. 

“I don’t think that you were being selfish at all, really. You came with us and have risked your life. That is never selfish.” 

Billa smiled and was about to say something when Thorin continued, 

“If you hadn’t left your home, I wouldn’t be able to do this-“Thorin pressed his lips to her forehead, her nose, her mouth, and then moved on to her neck. Billa shivered in pleasure and added, 

“Imagine where you would be as well. The stuffy leader that never smiled or showed any emotion at all, trying to lead a bunch of spirited dwarves. “ Thorin laughed and pulled her closer. 

“I love you, Ghivashel.”

“I love you as well.”

The tender moment was interrupted by an impatient banging on the door. Thorin looked over at it, obviously annoyed. Billa laughed at him and called, 

“Come in!”

Fili and Kili almost fell into the room in their excitement.

“Dinner is ready! Both of you should come down!” Fili and Kili looked at her so earnestly that Billa had a hard time saying no. 

“Oh, all right.” Billa threw back the covers and stood shakily. Thorin protested, but Billa waved him away. 

“Oin will be unhappy with you.”

Billa gave Thorin a stern look and said, 

“Oin knows how to treat dwarves. He doesn’t know the first thing about treating hobbits.”

“I imagine that hobbits and dwarves are similar enough where you should still listen to him.”

“I am fine.” She turned to Fili and Kili and gave them a smile. They had barely gotten through the doorway when she felt Thorin’s hands hovering behind her in case she fell backwards. Billa just smiled and kept walking back to the dining room. 

The company cheered when they entered the room. 

“You look well, lass!”

“It’s good to see you up and about!”

“We were worried about you!”

“This reminds me of when Gimli got ill like this! It was a rainy day, and we were out and about-“

Billa smiled and waved at everyone, steadfastly ignoring the disapproving glare that Oin was giving her. It was nice to eat something more substantial than the broth she had earlier. Hobbits were not meant to miss so many meals in a row. It just wasn’t done. 

Bofur was telling a story about a stray pig he had found once and the aftermath when the doors of the room flew open and a strange man came running in. He was breathing heavily from the effort of running, and busy wiping the rain from his face. He straightened and managed, 

“Who is the leader here?”

Thorin rose beside her and gave the newcomer a challenging look. In her peripheral vision she saw almost every member of the company either draw their weapons or shift slightly to better prepare for the possibility of attack. 

“I am the leader. What of it?”

“The Master of this town has provided you with shelter. In return, he asks for an audience with you tomorrow evening.”

Thorin’s eyes narrowed and he looked at the man with contempt. Billa noticed that his arm closest to her had fanned out, as if to protect her from harm. 

“The Master of this town, as you call him, has provided us with nothing. It was our own coin that paid for the use of this inn. It was by no help from him that we are here.”

The man gave a short little snort and replied, 

“And that is where you are wrong. The Master is allowing you to be in Laketown.”

Dwalin growled out, 

“Is that a threat?”

The messenger glanced toward Dwalin and raised an eyebrow. 

“It very well could be, if you do not meet with the Master tomorrow.”

Dwalin hefted one of his axes threateningly. Thorin simply raised a hand, saying, 

“We will meet with the ‘Master’ of this town. You must give your word that none in my company will be harmed.”

The man gave a mocking bow and tipped an imaginary hat. 

“I give my word.” With that, he turned and left the room. 

The doors closed again and chaos erupted. 

“Silence!” Thorin roared, looking at each member of the company. 

“We will meet with the Master of this town, but we will also be ready in case of attack. We cannot jeopardize this quest now that we are so close to reclaiming our home!” The dwarves yelled in agreement and Billa looked at them with a slight fascination. She had seen them at what she thought was their loudest, but she had apparently been wrong. The dwarves had quieted and gone back to their meal. The rest of the evening was uneventful, and Billa relaxed while listening to the stories they were telling. She glanced around for Thorin but was unable to find him. 

Billa excused herself, saying that she needed some air. Oin was still busy giving her disapproving glares but she slipped past him and went out in the cool night air. Thorin was standing off to the side of the inn, staring upwards. Billa followed his gaze and realized that he was looking up at the mountain above them. Erebor. 

She walked over to him and grabbed his hand saying, 

“Erebor looks beautiful in the moonlight.”

“Yes it does.”

“It will be nice to call that home.”

Thorin looked down at her and smiled. He turned his gaze back towards the mountain and sighed. 

“Most of my life has been spent imagining what it would be like to be able to rule Erebor. Now that it is so close, I find myself having doubts. What if I’m not able to rule my people well?”

“You will rule them with as much certainty and fairness as you have led this company. You will be fine.” 

Thorin regarded Erebor with a soft look on his face. 

“And you will rule beside me.” He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. Billa smiled into his coat, happy to just breathe him in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter down! As always, comments and kudos are amazing and I love all of you for leaving them!
> 
> Enjoy the fluff now, because it's going to hell pretty quickly.... :/
> 
> Do you guys want all 5 chapters right now? Or do you want me to post one a day so we can space it out a little?


	17. A Meeting and a Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Billa rose early the next morning. Even if she was loath to admit it, whatever Oin had given her had done wonders with how ill she had been feeling. She got dressed and strapped her sword to her side. Billa had long since gotten used to feeling its weight hanging from her. What was even better was that it had a name. After the debacle with the spiders, she had taken to calling it Sting, although she wouldn’t tell any of the dwarves that. They would probably laugh and make a comment about a letter opener. 

The fire in the dining room had sunk low into embers. Billa threw a few logs on and stirred it, pleased to see that it roared to life once more. She dragged a chair closer and settled in before it to wait for the rest of the company. 

Chances like these were few and far between. Being able to sit idle and alone with her thoughts had never happened on the entirety of the journey. There were always threats of Orcs and Wargs or another dwarf talking to her so she wouldn’t be able to sit and think. 

Slowly, the sheer enormity of what she had done on the quest began to sink in. The hobbit that had left the Shire certainly wasn’t the one that sat before the fire. Before, the very idea of being in Laketown would have been too much, let alone being in Laketown only after escaping from the woodland forest of the elves. 

“I wouldn’t change a thing.” She whispered to herself, smiling a little. She had never fit in the Shire, no matter what she had done. She was always too fanciful and carefree, often times for her own good. Now she had friends that she would die for, and that would die for her. 

Love was an idea she had written off as something that would never happen to her. None of the hobbits had ever shown any interest in her, and she had never shown any interest in them, much to her family’s dismay. All of her family would have probably preferred that she never married, as long as she wouldn’t marry a dwarf, even a dwarven king. Thorin had been entirely unexpected, but now she wouldn’t trade all of the gold in Erebor for him, or all of the tea in Middle Earth. Billa was entirely besotted, but she couldn’t care less. He felt the same about her, which made it all the better. 

The oil lamps flared to life behind her and she turned to see who it was. Surprisingly, it was Fili and Kili that walked in while rubbing at their eyes. A look of disappointment crossed their faces when they realized that there wasn’t any breakfast waiting on the table. 

“Good morning, you two.” Billa gave a little wave and yawned. Perhaps it was too early to be out and about after all. 

“Mornin’.” Both of them pulled a chair closer to hers and sat down with a huff. Fili wiped a hand across his face and stifled a yawn.

“What are you doing up so early, Billa?” 

“I was just thinking. I’ve found that one needs to do that every so often.”

“What about you two? I was under the impression that sleep was of the utmost importance to you.”

It was Kili that answered, 

“Oh, it is. We thought there would be breakfast.”

Billa laughed. Fili and Kili would fit in well in the Shire if they ever found themselves there. The fire crackled before them, throwing intricate shadows against the walls. 

“Are you excited to see Erebor when it is rid of the dragon?”

“I suppose. Kili and I have never seen it. We’ve heard stories though.”

“Oh.” Billa had never thought much about why the other dwarves wanted to go on the quest. It was obvious they wanted a home, but she had assumed that they had all seen it and lived there before they were driven out. It was a blessing, then, that even twelve dwarves had joined Thorin on his quest when no one else would. 

“Will you miss the Shire? Now that you’re going to be living in Erebor?”

Billa paused before she answered. Would she miss the Shire?

“I think I will at least miss my home. I was raised there, and love it very much. The rest of the Shire was always comfortable, but the same, so I think that after everything I have been through, to stay in the Shire wouldn’t work for me.”

Fili and Kili nodded. By then, a few other dwarves had joined them in the dining room, making things a tad livelier. Bombur was one of the last to rise, which made the rest groan and complain. 

By the time breakfast was on the table, Billa was still starving. She had helped Bombur, eager to speed things along, and had almost eaten her fill in the kitchen before it could even reach the others. Thorin sat beside her and filled his plate silently. Billa watched him curiously until he turned to glance at her. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Thorin sighed and looked down at his plate. 

“The meeting with the Master is making me uneasy. He is going to demand something, but I don’t know what it will cost, or what would happen if I refused.”

Billa nodded and weighed Thorin’s words. 

“Think of it as your first true act as King under the Mountain. There is plenty of gold in Erebor if that is what he wants.”

“I fear he may want more than just gold. From what I have heard of him, he is greedy in ways beyond the search for wealth. He wants to remain in power.”

Billa frowned. 

“Surely the people of Laketown do not want him as their leader. There must be someone else that they can turn to.”

“I do not know.”

Billa nodded and turned back to her breakfast. Thorin will be safe, she reasoned. The Master wouldn’t dare do anything to harm them when doing so would result in him not getting what he wanted. 

The idea of spending more time in the inn was one that Billa did not relish at all. She caught Fili and Kili’s attention and said, 

“We could go and see what they have to offer in the markets. “

Fili and Kili nodded enthusiastically and went to share the idea with the rest of the company. She felt Thorin sigh beside her, but he didn’t protest. The rest of the company took to the idea with just as much enthusiasm as Fili and Kili. Soon breakfast was finished and they all gathered their things to leave for the day. Thorin stood off to the side and watched them prepare. Before they left, he cautioned, 

“Bring something to arm yourself with in case of attack. Do not walk around by yourself. I don’t trust the Master or the men in this town to not do something to us. “

The company nodded and went out the door. Billa watched them leave and turned back to Thorin. She held out her hand and said, 

“Shall we?”

Thorin stared at her for a few seconds and relented. He took her hand and they walked out together in the morning sunshine. 

The market was already bustling with activity when they arrived. Venders with fish and other meats were calling out their wares. Wizened old women were busy trying to lure people in with the trinkets they offered. Billa saw Ori and Dwalin at one such stall that they passed. Ori held a fine quill in his hands, gazing at it with fascination. Dwalin looked at Ori fondly and passed the vender a few coins. 

Billa and Thorin stopped at a stall with all sorts of jewelry and trinkets hanging down from it. Most of them looked to be polished stones in different sizes and colors, but a few were made from colored glass. They twirled on their chains, glinting in the sun and throwing patterns all over the wood. She just stood there, content to watch the colors dance. Thorin disappeared from her side and came back a few moments later. 

In his palm was a stone so pale blue it was almost white. Delicate wire wrapped around it, attaching it to the light silver chain. Thorin unclasped it and put it around her neck. 

“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” Billa smiled at him and rose on her toes to kiss him. 

“Not so beautiful as you. It’s nothing compared to what I will give you when we are in Erebor once more.”

“I have no need of jewels or things like that. Hobbits are simple.”

Thorin laughed lightly and kissed her again. The rest of the day went as smoothly, but as time passed Billa noticed that Thorin was growing more restless. 

“What’s wrong now, Ghivashel?” She whispered the last word so as to keep it something private between them. 

“Against my better judgment, I am nervous.”

“Everyone is allowed to feel things, Thorin. Even kings.”

Thorin regarded her carefully and nodded. They started to walk back to the inn to reconvene with the rest of the company. Thorin whistled a tune softly along the way, Billa listening attentively. The song was haunting but gorgeous all the same. 

The entire company besides Nori were waiting for them when they returned. Thorin looked towards Dori and gave him a questioning glance. The other dwarf threw up his hands in exasperation and shook his head. 

“I have no idea where he is. I tried to keep an eye on him, but he slipped away to Mahal knows where.”

Thorin inclined his head. He turned to the rest of the company and spoke, 

“We will do no harm unless we are threatened. If that should happen, do nothing without my leave.”

The company nodded and they all walked as one group to the home of the Master of Laketown. Almost no one was on the out of their home when they were on their way. Billa thought it was strange. Surely people would be outside still, the sky had barely darkened. Even children weren’t able to be seen. Billa frowned but kept moving forward. The house of the Master was grand and ostentatious, making any other structures pale in comparison. Someone must have been waiting for their approach, because the grand doors to the hall opened immediately. Billa and Thorin exchanged a glance warily. 

It was made apparent quickly just where the town had gone. The hall was filled with people. A path was cleared for them through the sea. Thorin walked ahead of them confidently and Billa followed him closely. 

Who Billa assumed to be the Master was seated at the head of the room on a chair that looked like a throne. She took an immediate dislike to him. The Master was no king, yet he looked as though he thought that he was.

The Master stood and addressed Thorin alone. 

“I was under the impression that we would meet alone, Thorin Oakenshield. “

Thorin scowled up at the man and returned with, 

“That was never an option. Each member of this company is necessary.”

The Master sneered and laughed. The rest of the crowd tittered nervously as well. 

“Just how important could these dwarves possibly be? They look nothing more than common folk. I see that you have a woman here as well. Could you not stand to be without your bed warmer for longer than necessary?”

Thorin’s scowl deepened and his face darkened. 

“That woman is my Queen and you will treat her as such. As for the rest of my friends, every one of them is a lord or prince. I would not mock them further.”

Billa straightened and leveled the Master with a cold stare. She was pleased to see him lose the smug look on his face and take a step backwards. It was clear to anyone in the room that the power had shifted. Thorin strode forward and said, 

“Now what matter did you call us here to discuss?”

The Master’s voice had lost all of its previous bravado. 

“I am merely seeking a way to provide a better life for the people living in Laketown.”

Noises of dissent ran through the crowd. Billa realized then that the Master would not use the money he received to help anyone other than himself. She could only hope that Thorin also realized the same.

“Give your word that we will be able to travel safely out of this town and onward to Erebor. Once that is done and Erebor reclaimed, we will discuss aid further.”

The Master looked dissatisfied, but relented. 

Suddenly, the doors of the hall flew forward and a voice rang out above the crowd. 

“Do none of you remember the prophecy?!”

The crowd parted to reveal a man that Billa had caught glimpses earlier of. She looked back to see the reaction of the Master and was puzzled by what she saw. The Master simply rolled his eyes and motioned for the man to come forward. 

“We have all had enough of your rambling, Bard.”

Bard stepped forward and glanced to Thorin and then back at the Master. 

“Do you not see that any deal struck with him will end in our ruin? Prophecies do not lie.”

The Master laughed and continued, 

“The prophecy is an old wives tale. It means little.”

Thorin’s gravelly voice broke through the din.

“And just what does this prophecy speak of?”

Bard rounded on Thorin and recited,

_“The Lord of Silver Fountains, ___

_The King of Carven Stone, ___

_The King Beneath the Mountain, ___

_Shall come into his own. ___

_And the bells shall ring in gladness, ___

_At the Mountain King’s return. ___

_But all shall fail in sadness and, ___

_The Lake will shine and burn.” ___

Billa watched Thorin for any sign or surprise or weakness, but none showed. Bard had waited long enough for a reaction from Thorin and turned back to the Master.

“Who is to say that this dwarven king will not fall to the same madness that plagued his grandfather?”

Thorin stiffened beside her and did not speak. Billa glanced up at him once and stepped forward to speak.

“Thorin Oakenshield is not his grandfather, or his father, and he will not succumb to the same madness. “

Bard barely spared her a look as he spoke again.

“And what are you willing to bet that you are right and that he will not fall?”

Billa paused before she answered to consider her answer. How confident was she that Thorin would succeed and rule his people well and with a just hand? She had barely considered it when the answer seemed painfully obvious. 

“I am willing to bet my life that Thorin Oakenshield will not repeat what happened to his grandfather.”

One of Bard’s eyebrows rose, but he seemed to accept her answer.

“Then on your head be it.”

Before Billa could even realize what had happened, Bard had stormed back out through the doors once more.

A complete hush had fallen over the crowd. The Master rose once more and said, 

“I believe we have made a deal. No harm will come to you. May you reclaim Erebor once more.”

Thorin looked unable to do anything besides nod. With a swift incline of his head, he led them through the parted crowd and into the brisk night once more. No one spoke on the way back to the inn. Billa shared a look with a few of the dwarves, but it appeared that all were in a shared state of stunned silence. 

Thorin bypassed the dining room and headed straight for the stairs. Billa ignored her rumbling stomach and followed him. 

Thorin’s room was at the end of the hall, the door left slightly ajar. Billa pushed it open tentatively and peeked inside. Thorin was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. “Thorin?” Billa called softly, but he did not make any effort to raise his head. Billa closed the door behind her, but he still didn’t move at the noise. She sat down next to him on the bed with her hands in her lap, unsure of what she should do. 

“I meant what I said to that man. You will not repeat what happened to your grandfather, because you are not your grandfather. You are stronger than that, I know that you are.”

Billa was startled by Thorin’s sudden movement. He leapt from the bed and turned to face her. His voice rose and he almost yelled, 

“That is the problem! I do not think that I am strong enough to overcome that gold sickness! It is the curse of Durin’s line, and I am no different!”

“You are different. You have done so much for your people and sacrificed so much, that the lure of gold has no hold over you. I trust you.”

“Enough to offer your life?! That is foolish!”

Anger bubbled within Billa and she rose to take the bait. 

“It may be foolish but it is true! I offered my life because I know that you are stronger than some metal from the ground! You need to believe that you are capable of that!”

The defensive posture seeped from Thorin and he sat back on the bed. Billa joined him and placed a comforting hand over his. They stayed like that for a long while, neither of them speaking. The noise from dinner could be heard until it too slowly ebbed away. Billa broke the silence by saying, 

“Why did you say that I was your queen and all the others lords? The last time I noticed, none of that was true, besides Fili and Kili being princes.”

“Yes, well, it will be true soon enough. Erebor is within our reach, and all of that will be possible.”

“Once we have dealt with the dragon.”

Thorin nodded, he did not look pleased at that reminder.

“Yes. Once the dragon is gone.”

He fell silent for a second more and then added.

“Do not think that I will make you face the dragon. I would rather you didn’t even see its hide.”

Billa frowned slightly.

“I signed a contract that said I would. In the Shire, at least, they are legal and binding. There is nothing I can do to change that fact.”

“Then I release you from the contract. Your services are no longer necessary.”

“Then who will face that dragon? Gandalf has made it clear that a hobbit was needed because the dragon has never been around a hobbit before. If any of you actually go inside that mountain, we will not win back that mountain.”

Thorin didn’t reply and Billa knew then that she was correct. His hands wrapped around her gently and he whispered, 

“I just want to keep you safe.”

“I know, Thorin.”

She moved closer to kiss him soundly. Her hands roamed across his chest, feeling the strength and solidness there. Thorin pulled her closer and returned the kiss with passion. His hands skimmed down her body, sending shivers down her spine. Thorin’s lips moved from her mouth down to the hollow of her throat and lower to the swell of her breasts. 

Billa gasped and panted at the sensations. She could feel Thorin smirk and then stop moving. She looked down to see what had stopped him, and saw that he was looking at her with concern. 

“Billa, do you want to do this? I understand if you would rather wait-“

Billa cut him off with another kiss and replied, 

“Thorin, I want to know you in every way possible. I don’t care if we are married or not.”

Thorin flashed her a smile and returned to his onslaught of her skin. Billa took to undoing the clasp to his massive coat, finding it more challenging than she thought. She fumbled for a few more moments until Thorin paused and undid it for her. 

The coat slid to the floor with a dull thud. Their lips met once more. Billa sucked lightly on his bottom lip and bit it softly. Thorin made a low growling sound and Billa smirked at him. They both returned to feeling the other’s body and undoing a few stray buttons or ties. Thorin moved to grab her hips and pulled her onto his lap. Billa’s hands moved lower to the edge of Thorin’s shirt. She tugged upwards and Thorin pulled it the rest of the way off his body. The shirt joined the coat on the floor, which left Billa to admire his chest. She ran her fingers through the thick black hair and only stopped when Thorin moved to kick off his boots. 

Thorin picked her up and moved her closer to the head of the bed. She fell back and hit the pillow, dragging Thorin with her. The roaming touches and kisses continued until Billa could stand it no longer. She sat up and began to untie the lacing of her dress. Thorin watched her with hooded eyes, and helped her pull the dress off when it fell away from her shoulders. 

The rest of their clothing fell away soon after, leaving them both pressed skin to skin. Thorin’s hands ran along her and he whispered, 

“You are stunning, Ghivashel.”

Billa smiled at the flattery and pressed her lips to Thorin’s neck. Thorin turned his attention back to her, leaving a trail of fluttering touches and kisses all the way down her body. He paid extra attention to her breasts, and continued down lower. 

His fingers slipped between her thighs and Billa’s hips bucked in response. She was panting out a mess of unintelligible words and sounds. Her body felt like it had burst aflame, and nothing could assuage the fire. 

“Thorin- Thorin, I need you.”

She could feel him nestled between her legs and she moved restlessly, trying to make any kind of friction she could. 

He slipped inside her and she moaned at the contact. The brief pain had already faded, leaving her looking for something else. Thorin kissed her and said, 

“Are you alright, Ghivashel?”

“Billa nodded reassuringly, and replied with, 

“I am fine, Ghivashel. I just need you to move.” 

To her delight, Thorin complied quickly. The rhythm they set had them both gasping for air. Stars flew across her vision when she reached her peak, with Thorin following not long after. They lay there gasping for a long while after, entwined in each other’s embrace. 

“I love you, Thorin.”

“And I love you as well, Billa.”

Billa smiled and kissed him, and then nestled closer to him, falling asleep quickly. 

It had felt as though barely any time at all had passed when the first few trickles of sunlight made their way through the window on the other side of the room. Billa was woken by light touches running along her sides. She opened her eyes and saw that Thorin was gazing back at her, a look of utter adoration on his face. 

“Good morning.” She breathed out, stretching. 

“Good morning to you, Ghivashel.”

Soon enough, the light touches that had occupied Thorin led to the same as they had the night before. By the time they both got dressed again and made their way down the stairs, the company had long since finished breakfast and were watching them. 

When Thorin passed Dwalin, the tattooed dwarf made a series of rude gestures, making it apparent that he knew what had happened between Thorin and Billa. She was about to say some biting remark to Dwalin when Thorin cut in, 

“Say one word, and I will do nothing to stop either Dori or Nori if they want to protect their younger brother.”

Dwalin paled and took a step backwards. Billa smirked and listened to what Thorin said next, this time addressing the entire company. 

“We will leave as soon as possible. We need to reach the mountain before the last light of Durin’s day.”

The company nodded and dispersed back through the inn. Not half an hour had passed when they were all gathered in the main hall. No one was walking through the town when they left. Mist climbed above the water eerily. 

Erebor rose above them, piercing through the fog easily. Billa couldn’t help but to hope that when they got into Erebor, they would see that the dragon had died. It would certainly make her life a lot simpler, she mused. 

The boat that was provided for them was large, and they all fit in it comfortably. They watched Erebor get closer to them, they were all awed by its magnificence. 

“Home,” was whispered. It didn’t matter who said it, for every one of them were thinking the same thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, if you've learned anything about me, its that I cant write sex scenes to save my life, so i hope i didnt just shatter your hopes and dreams. 
> 
> Leave a comment and you'll be my favorite :)


	18. Creatures Great and Small

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!
> 
> As a brief author's note, I had no internet while I was writing this, so if something is inaccurate, its because I used what I could remember from the book, and the movie, or I made it up
> 
> Im still happy with it though :)

The burned remnants of a once great city greeted them when they reached the foot of the mountain. Charred remains seemed to be everywhere. Billa looked around in horror, unable to comprehend the horrible things these people must have seen. 

The rest of the company seemed to be in the same state as her. She moved up closer to Thorin and looked up at him. He simply stared at the desolation, and seemed to get angrier the closer they got the mountain. 

Dusky light was setting in by the time they climbed the mountain. Light was fading fast, with everyone getting panicked. If they weren’t able to find the door by the time night fell, everything would be lost, and the quest would have been for naught. 

“Where in Mahal’s name is that damned door?” Thorin practically roared it after they had been searching for hours. “Everyone split up and look for that door! I will not give up now!”

Billa walked farther away from any of the others and tried to spot anything that even looked close to a door. A great carving from the stone towered above her, rising with a set of stairs. Billa yelled behind her, 

“I think I’ve found something! Come here!”

The rest of the dwarves came running at her call. Thorin sprinted ahead of the rest and scanned the scene before him. He paused in front of Billa and flashed her a very brief smile, saying,

“Thank you, Billa.”

She simply nodded and hurriedly climbed the steps with the rest of them. The sun was fading quickly, making every one nervous. Thorin pulled an intricately designed key from a pocket and twisted it in the lock. The last light of the day disappeared, and nothing happened. 

Billa sucked in a breath and almost cried. They had all tried so hard to reach Erebor, and now that they had it was all for nothing. Balin strode past her and laid a comforting hand on Thorin’s shoulder. 

“You tried, lad. That is all we can ask from you.”

Thorin shrugged him off and strode past the company and back down the stairs. The rest of the dwarves followed him, leaving only Billa on the side of the mountain. She pulled the key from the lock and studied it carefully. No markings or anything helpful at all appeared from the key and she lowered her hand. Moonlight broke through the clouds and shined on her. The last light of Durin’s day. Realization dawned on her. She screamed, 

“Wait! The last light of Durin’s day! It didn’t mean the sun, it meant the moon! We still have a chance!” Billa turned back to the door and whispered to herself, 

“We still have a chance.”

She felt Thorin brush by her and take the key from her hands. The company waited with bated breath as the key turned in the lock. The heavy stone door swung inwards and Billa could have sworn that one could have heard a pin drop. 

They all walked inside carefully. The smell was the first thing that hit her. Smoke and dust had her coughing and the stench of the dragon and any bodies left inside the mountain had her gagging. She heard Thorin exhale in relief. 

“Erebor.”

Even with the scorch marks on the walls and the broken columns that littered the walkways, Erebor was like nothing Billa had ever seen before. A strange green covered the rock around them, making the place seem light and airy, even though they were deep in the mountain. 

Thorin led them with a purpose, obviously knowing where he was going. The throne room opened before them and Billa was left in shock. It was larger than any room she had ever seen and the great stone throne at the end was massive. A tapestry lay in tatters over the throne and as Billa walked closer, she realized it was the history of the line of Durin. 

Thorin stopped walking and pulled her aside. 

“You do not have to face the dragon alone.”

Billa swallowed and shook her head. 

“We have discussed this already, I must. I have my ring, Smaug will not see me.”

Thorin nodded reluctantly. 

“The Arkenstone is unlike any other stone in existence. It is the symbol of my right to rule, and is the only way that I will be able to rule my people as one.”

Billa nodded.

“I will find it if I can. I make no promises.”

“Your safety is the only thing that matters. Promise me that you will do whatever is necessary to make sure that you get out of there alive.”

Billa nodded once more and turned back to see the rest of the company. She tried to make a noncommittal gesture to lighten the tension, and said,

“I guess this is where I come in.” the dwarves stared at her solemnly and nodded. Balin stepped forward and offered to lead her to the treasury.

She followed behind him quietly, trying to do everything that she could to quell the panic that was bubbling within her. She had signed up for this, knowing full well that she would face a dragon, but at the time it had seemed far away and non-threatening. 

Now that she was walking to face a dragon, she wished that she had never ran out of her hobbit hole, or even allowed the dwarves to step into her home.

The glint of gold could be seen around the bend and Balin stopped walking. 

“I wish you all the luck in the world, lass. We have faith in you.”

Billa swallowed, unable to nod. She watched Balin start to walk back towards the throne room and was surprised to see that he stopped before he was out of sight. 

“Lass, whatever you do, do not wake that dragon. It will be the end of us all.” 

“Balin- wait-“The dwarf had already gone. Billa ran a hand across her face and felt like screaming. She was alone, and she was about to face a dragon. On the list of things she had thought she would do in her life, this was definitely not one of them. 

She slipped the ring onto her finger and felt her world go grey around her. Her head swam and her vision faltered until everything focused once more. 

Her breath stopped when she rounded the bend and saw the enormity of the treasury. It stretched farther than the throne room and was twice as wide. Different colored jewels and other baubles sparkled, their light catching the lanterns that were somehow still burning from the ceiling. 

Ruby red scales cut through the vast expanse of gold. Billa followed the red until it stopped almost halfway down the room. She hadn’t realized that Smaug would be as large as he was. Granted, she knew that he would be larger than any other creature she had ever seen, but she hadn’t been prepared for that. 

The soles of her feet hit the gold coins and she barely avoided slipping. She caught herself before the gold could make too much noise and she continued onward, trying to keep an eye on Smaug and an eye looking for the Arkenstone. 

The first white gem she saw was the size of her head. She hefted it up to inspect it but saw that it held no special luster or shine that could be worthy of a symbol of a king. She threw it down without thinking and panicked when it scattered a pile of emeralds in all different directions. She followed it, trying to will it to stop moving, but to no avail. It eventually stopped at the bottom of the pile, leaving blessed silence in its wake. 

Smaug still hadn’t stirred and Billa breathed a sigh of relief. She circled the beast, still not seeing anything that could be the Arkenstone. When she reached the door again, she noticed a brilliant light emanating from underneath Smaug’s paw. 

She knew then where the Arkenstone was. 

“Of course it had to be the one thing that this damn dragon would hoard close to him.” Billa muttered and started to sneak towards it. 

She didn’t see what she had tripped over, but it didn’t matter. What was done was done and she could do nothing to stop the gold flying in all different directions and making a huge noise. Billa dove behind the nearest column and waited to see what would happen. 

A huge head rose above her and snorted. The heat hit Billa’s face with full force, sending her scrambling for cover. A yellow eye blinked in front of her and she balked. It was even larger than the door of Bag End. 

“Who dares disturb my slumber?” The rumbling reverberated through her and she couldn’t stop the nervous shaking of her legs. 

She found her voice and was shocked to see it possessed more strength than she thought possible. 

“I do, oh Smaug the incredible.” Her mother had told her a story once that said that dragons loved flattery. Seeing as it was Billa’s last option, she decided to lay it on thick.

“What are you?”

Billa swallowed and tried to think of something to say, 

“Whatever do you mean?”

“A trickster I see. You do not stink of the dwarves that I have driven out, nor do you smell of the elves that I have eaten. You do not have the foul stink of Orcs or their creatures, so I ask you again, What. Are. You?”

“I come from a hole in the ground. I am luck-wearer and barrel rider. I am the Master of riddles and games. My very touch will sting you. I am friend of elves and animals alike. I have drowned my friends and drawn them from the water again. I am one you would not cross, and I am the unanswerable riddle.”

Smaug gave a great rumbling laugh. 

“Luck-wearer. Are you a thief and a liar as well?” 

Billa shook her head. 

“No, I am not.”

“It does not matter to me. Why have you come here?”

“I have come simply to gaze upon your magnificence. The tales and songs fall utterly short of your enormity, O Smaug the Stupendous.”

The dragon preened. Smaug gave a great sniff and frowned. Billa didn’t know if that was even possible for a dragon. 

“You smell of dwarves. You reek of those foul creatures. Did that usurper Thorin Oakenshield send you to face me?”

Billa didn’t respond, scrambling to find an answer that wouldn’t jeopardize the company. Her answer did not come swiftly enough, because Smaug stood. A waterfall of gems and gold cascaded down his scales. His belly was crusted with them, leaving no weak spots behind. The gold and gems stopped for a moment close to his left wing. A scale had been chipped away and left a fleshy, unguarded spot in its place.

Smaug roared and sent a jet of flame at a column in front of him. The stone blackened and Billa was thankful that she had not been standing there.

“I will show you what you wanted to see, what I am truly capable of, thief! All hope will be lost and only I will remain in this kingdom forever!” The dragon roared.

Smaug’s wings flapped, sending Billa flying backwards. Another burst of flame had her running back to the throne room in terror. She had done exactly what she had said she wouldn’t. She had woken the dragon. Sending it out of the mountain and back to Laketown. The prophecy that she had dismissed came flooding back. 

_But all shall fail in sadness, ___

_And the Lake will shine and burn. ___

The dwarves were standing in a half circle when she flew into the room again. Billa tripped over something and went flying forward. Her pants and hair were smoking and the dwarves helped put out the flames while she worked on gathering her breath. 

“Smaug- he- Laketown.” 

Balin nodded solemnly.

“We know. We all heard him.”

“We have to do something! Everyone in Laketown will burn!”

“There is nothing we can do, lass. We are too far away from Laketown to be of any help.”

“Then we have to warn them! We can’t just leave them to die because I woke the dragon!”

The dwarves looked at each other uncomfortably. They all had seen the desolation of Smaug and knew how it had come about. Fire and pain and nothing else. 

As one, the company quickly headed in the direction of the cliff where they would be able to see Laketown. Gloin was the last one to pass through the doorway leaving only Thorin and Billa in the throne room. 

She moved closer to him, seeking comfort, but was greeted by the rasp of metal and a sword pointed at her. Thorin looked at her coldly.

“Did you find the Arkenstone?” The sword was now pointed at her throat and Billa took a step backwards. Her mind was in turmoil, trying to understand why Thorin would do this to her. 

“No- Thorin, did you forget there was a dragon?! The treasury was massive, there was no way I could find one stone.”

Thorin’s gaze did not lighten or move from her. The sword pressed closer and Billa begged, 

“Thorin- please, look at me. You are better than this. We will find the Arkenstone if you just look at me.”

The dazed look vanished from Thorin’s eyes. His eyes widened when he saw the sword pointed at her throat. He threw it away disgustedly and pulled her closer. 

“I am so sorry, Ghivashel.”

“We can talk about it later, Thorin. Smaug is headed for Laketown!”

They ran together up to the surface to join the rest of the company. The dark shape of Smaug was flying closer to Laketown. 

“There must be something we can do, we can’t just let them die!” Bofur’s voice rang out to join Billa’s. 

“There is nothing that would help them now.”

Billa looked at Balin sadly. Suddenly, she remembered the missing scale she had seen on Smaug’s belly before he had flown away. 

“He’s missing a scale on his belly!”

A tiny bird flitted past her vision but she didn’t pay it any mind. 

“What scale?”

“Well, the rest of his belly is covered in gems and gold and things, but one scale must have fallen off somehow.”

“Then we must hope to Mahal that the people of Laketown will be able to see the same thing.”

The first jet of flame brightened the night sky, setting the wood on fire. The first screams followed not long after. Smaug flew around the lake and sent another jet of fire on the already burning town. A few boats could be seen rowing away quickly, but not nearly enough to save everyone. 

Tiny arrows flitted up into the sky, bouncing off of the jeweled skin easily. The dwarves had gone silent, the reflections of flames danced in their eyes. Tears were streaming down Billa’s face uncontrollably. Thorin was trying to calm her by rubbing soothing circles into her back, but it wasn’t helping. 

A long black arrow flew upwards with a precision that the other attempts lacked. Whoever had loosed the arrow must have seen the chink in the armored belly. The arrow hit home and drove through the soft skin. Billa watched in fascination as Smaug roared and fell into the largest part of the lake. The splash of water could be heard even from the mountain. 

She stared at the water, hoping to everything she knew that Smaug wouldn’t come back out the water. The water bubbled up for a few minutes and the lake turned glassy again. 

“He’s dead.” The words were said with a finality that didn’t escape Billa. When she had imagined what it would be like to hear those words, they were always accompanied by cheers and loud celebration. None of that happened. The company simply nodded and started to head back inside the mountain, eyes downcast.

They soon found that the throne room was one of the only areas of the mountain that hadn’t been partially destroyed by Smaug. They weren’t able to check the upper levels right away, where the bedrooms and other chambers would be because of some sort of blockage. 

One by one, out of sheer curiosity each member of the company made their way to the treasury. Billa didn’t particularly want to return, but she followed them anyway. She stepped onto the gold and was able to truly look around for the first time without threats of burning. 

Billa heard a sharp intake of breath and turned to see what had happened. Thorin was standing on the ledge above them all, staring at the huge expanse of gold. He had an awed look on his face and Billa could only hope that this would be the last time he looked at the gold that way. She understood that it was impressive and something that he had longed for most of his life, but she also knew what could happen if he let it control him.

She still hadn’t forgotten the sword pressed to her throat or the tiniest trickle of blood along her collarbone. He had had a strange look on his face, dazed and distracted, eyes swimming. That had only been after being in the mountain an hour. If they found the Arkenstone again, she knew it would only get worse. 

Fili and Kili had found a sword and an impressive looking bow. Kili hefted it, admiring it from all different angles. He set it back down carefully and picked up a necklace that was dripping with emeralds and sapphires. Kili waved at her and tossed the necklace to her without a second thought. 

Billa caught it out of the air deftly. It was heavier than she thought it would be. Small diamonds were nestled between the other jewels. It sparkled and shone in the moonlight like nothing that Billa had ever seen before. 

She slipped it into her pocket, knowing that Thorin couldn’t possibly miss it when there were so many other things that probably were worth a lot more. 

After looking around for a while longer, she sat down on a pile of gold and watched the others look at the treasure. Billa felt tired suddenly, like she hadn’t slept in months. It didn’t seem possible that she had been in Laketown mere hours ago when now it was a smoldering pile of ruins. 

Thorin walked in front of her and held out his hand. 

“I have something to show you.” 

Billa took his hand and followed him out a separate passage that she hadn’t seen before. The part of Erebor they walked to was almost pristine, if a little dusty. It looked like time had stopped and that at any second it would start again and servants or the people that lived there would come bustling out the doors and from around the corridor. 

“This is the royal wing. My family’s chambers were here. I wanted to see if they had remained untouched and it looks like they have.”

Thorin opened a door for her and let her step ahead of him. 

”These were my chambers.”

The bed was the first thing her attention was drawn to. It was huge and piled high with furs of all different kinds. The fireplace was carved out of stone and riddled with veins of silvery metal. Another door led to what Billa assumed was the washroom. The dresser had a few things on it, namely a few combs and dark beads that looked like they were made from rubies. 

The heavy door had sealed well enough that there was barely any dust on the furniture. Billa sat on the bed and watched Thorin start a fire. 

“I suppose the quest is over. We all made it.”

“Yes, It is. Now we’re free to begin again.” Thorin smiled and joined her on the bed. 

Billa nodded and fell back on the bed, closing her eyes. Thorin followed suit and they stayed there the rest of the night, dozing. Eventually they were woken enough to get up and pull back the covers and undress so they would be more comfortable. They kissed once and fell asleep. 

Billa couldn’t shake the feeling of dread coiled in her stomach. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it! The whole Smaug thing definitely turned out closer to the book than anything. im happy with this chapter, and I hope you are too!
> 
> Leave comments and kudos and you're my new favorite :)


	19. Madness of a Noble Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

It was difficult to tell time in the mountain. Thorin had mentioned that the king’s chambers were close enough to the outside of the mountain that it had a window on the far side of the room, which made it easier to tell time. Bells tolled every hour in all other parts of the mountain. 

When Billa woke up, Thorin was gone from beside her. The place he had been laying was cold. She sighed and dressed quickly, her stomach rumbling. The kitchens would be nowhere close to working order, so she knew that they would be forced to eat anything they had brought with them. Which meant hard bread and watery stew. The quest was over, but it certainly felt like they were still on it. 

She walked down the first set of stairs she could find and found herself in the throne room. None of the company was there, although it looked like they had spent the night there as their bedrolls and things were still laid out. 

Billa managed to find a few leftover slices of bread so she ate them as she explored Erebor. Noises were coming from the treasury so she went inside and saw that every member of the company was hunched over and looking for something. The Arkenstone. Thorin was nowhere to be seen but Billa thought she could hear his voice in the distance, calling out, 

“It must be in here somewhere! We will not rest until we find it!”

She frowned and went to join Bofur and Bifur. 

“How long have you been in here?”

Bofur frowned slightly. 

“A few hours I would reckon. Thorin seems pretty serious about the Arkenstone business.”

Billa nodded and continued her walk through the treasury. She glimpsed Fili and Kili on her way. They were both throwing back and forth a crystal goblet encrusted with gold, laughing. She watched them for a few moments and saw that every so often one of them would stop and stare at the trinket for longer than necessary. They snapped out of it quickly, but it only served to tighten the knot in Billa’s stomach. 

She followed Thorin’s calls until she was able to find him. He was kicking around a few gold coins when he heard her approach. Thorin smiled at her briefly and went back to his search. 

“Thorin? Perhaps it would be best if we all took a break. We can keep looking for the Arkenstone later. Alright?”

Thorin nodded after a few seconds and followed her out of the treasury. He seemed more normal once they were in the greyish green light again. Billa vowed to try and keep him out of the treasury as much as was possible. 

The rest of the day continued in the same fashion. Thorin would push the company to search for the Arkenstone until Billa convinced him to take a break. As time went on, all of the dwarves got more intent in their search. They didn’t seem to notice when Thorin yelled at them or pushed them onward. Billa mentioned it to Bofur, but it didn’t seem to matter to him. 

“All he wants is the symbol of his family. No one will follow him if he doesn’t have it.”

Billa scowled and kicked a diamond, sending it flying. The more she looked at the gold, the more she found herself hating every bit of it. It was nothing more than a shiny metal and all the dwarves would murder someone for it. 

Hours turned to days before Billa could realize. Thorin spent less and less time with her and more time than before in the treasury. The search had increased in intensity and Billa started to consider herself very lucky if she could manage to get Thorin to take a break once during the day. 

Even though she didn’t want to, Billa joined in on the search as well. If she could manage to find the Arkenstone, it could bring Thorin back from the madness he was slipping into. 

Thorin’s arms wrapped around her and she forced herself to stay still. He had gotten more public with his affections and it made her feel odd. She hadn’t minded it before when he would kiss her around the company, but now there was an added air of possessiveness. 

“All will be right as soon as we find the Arkenstone.” Thorin’s voice rumbled into her ear.

Billa wiggled her way out of Thorin’s arms and turned to face him. 

“It’s just a stone, Thorin.”

He scowled at her and began the argument he always used, 

“It is a symbol of my right to rule. It is the only way my people will follow me.”

“Your people will follow a good king. How many dwarven kings didn’t have the Arkenstone? It was only started by your grandfather. “

The look on Thorin’s face darkened at the mention of his grandfather. 

“It is tradition,” he said simply. 

“Then break tradition.”

Billa gave him one more hard glance and walked out of the treasury. Billa heard footsteps behind her and she turned to see that it was Ori. He was the only other dwarf that wasn’t completely consumed by the search. 

“Do you mind if I walk with you for a while?”

Billa shook her head and smiled slightly. 

“I don’t mind at all. I was thinking, do you know if the library still stands?”

“Dwalin told me it was placed in such a way that the books would survive even if there was a fire in the mines and it spread. We could look for it if you wanted.”

Billa nodded and a search of their own began. They started by walking through the main halls, eventually finding a staircase that would bring them to the upper levels. 

“I’ve studied the maps of Erebor that survived Smaug and I think it should be around here somewhere.” Ori pulled open another door and closed it again. 

Another staircase led them to a level they had seen before. The door at the end of the hall was heavy, and it took both of them to pry it open. A cloud of dust billowed back in their faces. Coughing, they peered through the haze and saw that books covered every possible surface. 

“We found it!” 

The pair spent the rest of the day in the library, and got up early the next morning to keep looking around inside it. That was the way they avoided the rest of the dwarves for a few more days, until Thorin finally approached her. 

Billa was talking with Bombur about the decreasing levels of food and different ways they could get more when she felt Thorin behind her. She glanced up at his eyes, expecting to see the dazed look that had become so common. Thorin looked down at her with a refreshing amount of clarity and coherence. 

“Come with me, I have something to show you.”

She followed him quickly, hoping to speak with him privately now that he seemed a little better. He led her back to the royal wing and passed by the room they had been staying in. He opened the next door over and the first thing that struck Billa was the light coming into the room. Not the weird green light everywhere else in the mountain, but actual sunlight. 

Billa laughed and walked into the room. Necklaces and earrings were strewn along the dresser. She picked one up admired the silvery metal. It shone brighter than silver.

“It’s made from mithril. Stronger than any other metal and more precious than gold.”

She nodded and set the earring back down. Wind blew into the room gently and sent the curtains flying back into the room. Thorin pulled two chairs closer to the window and sat down. Billa joined him and closed her eyes contentedly. 

“I have something for you, if you would accept it.”

Billa opened her eyes and watched Thorin curiously. He came back from by the bed with a shirt that shined like the earring. 

“It’s made entirely from mithril. It is stronger than any armor even the best smith could make. It will keep you safe.”

She took the shirt and marveled at the lightness of it. The tiny links hooked together so that it looked like one solid piece of mithril. It twisted and shimmered in the sunlight like it was made from water. 

“It’s stunning. Thank you.”

Thorin smiled and knelt before her. His hands ran up her sides and he looked at her tenderly. 

“I must apologize for my behavior. It has been inexcusable.”

Billa smiled and brought a hand up to touch his cheek. She kissed him and said, 

“It is fine. I am just happy that you are better. The search for the Arkenstone could stop.”

Thorin nodded once but he looked unconvinced. They spent a few more hours in the room, talking about different possibilities for their future. Thorin mentioned a coronation in passing and she whitened slightly at the thought. He saw her discomfort and laughed slightly.

“It is nothing to worry about after you have faced a dragon. A coronation will be a breeze.”

They joined the rest of the company for a small dinner. The food they had was rapidly dwindling in supply. She wasn’t anywhere near feeling full but she refused the extra portion of bread that Bombur offered her. She would rather have something to eat in the coming days than a full stomach tonight. 

Thankfully, no one went into the treasury that night, so they spent the rest of the evening in the throne room trading stories and jokes until they felt tired. Billa slept easier that night, hoping that the next morning would bring new hope that she didn’t have before.

Thorin wasn’t beside her when she woke the next morning. The tight feeling in her stomach came back slowly. She could only hope that they weren’t back in the treasury looking for the rock. Sure enough, when she made her way to the lower levels, the dwarves were all methodically going through the piles and piles of treasure when she found them. The odd look had returned to Thorin’s eyes and Billa frowned. He barely registered that she passed by him, but she didn’t bother to try and say anything to him. 

She went to the farthest corner of the treasury to try and escape any conversation. Billa didn’t think that she would be able to remain civil for much longer if they continued to look for the stone without any concern for their lack of food or the state of the mountain.

If they had any sense, the repairs and some cleaning would have started to prevent anything from getting worse. The rest of the company obviously didn’t see that they were slowly starving, so she resolved to figure out a way to get more food into the mountain by herself. 

Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of a breathtaking light. She whipped her head around and ran over to see what it was. There was no doubt in her mind that it was the Arkenstone. It looked like the same stone she saw underneath Smaug’s paw. 

She picked it up and found that it was as big as both of her hands combined. Billa opened her mouth to scream out that she had found what they had been looking for, but stopped herself. She had been convinced that once Thorin would see the Arkenstone, everything would go back to normal. 

Billa knew then that she had been wrong. She could picture how events would unfold now if she handed the Arkenstone over to Thorin. He would place it above the throne and no work would get done. He would fall deeper into the madness that had claimed him and she would be the only one to realize that the mountain was practically falling to pieces around them. 

No, she thought to herself, this is not how it would end. Billa found a large chest and threw the Arkenstone inside and ran to get her pack. As she went back to Thorin’s chambers, she tried to think of something she could do that would ensure that Thorin or anyone else wouldn’t find the damn stone. 

The king’s chambers were still open when she went inside Thorin’s room. A plan started to form in her mind, so she grabbed her bag and went back to the treasury while trying to control her breathing. 

The dwarves were still intent in their mission, so she knew that no one had found her hiding place when she returned. She heaved the chest open and her face was illuminated by the glow of the Arkenstone. 

The thick fabric hid the glow well and she tried to maintain a pace that wouldn’t look suspicious on her way to the royal wing again. Thorin stopped her as she had just reached the door and said, 

“We are getting closer to finding the Arkenstone, I can feel it in my bones.”

Billa swallowed nervously and nodded. 

“I’m sure it will be found soon.”

Thorin looked down at her and smiled. He looked frightening then and Billa tried not to shy away from him. He walked away and she fled the treasury quickly. Morning sunlight was streaming through the window when she got back to the king’s chambers. She pulled back the covers on the bed and contemplated putting the Arkenstone in a pillowcase. 

She almost did, but thought what would happen if Thorin happened to come into that room for some reason. The fallout would be more than she could bear, so she put the covers back on the bed and turned, looking for somewhere she could hide it. 

She quickly ruled out the dresser and the closet, not wanting to risk the possibility of Thorin finding it. Billa walked into the hall and opened the next door she saw opposite from her. The bed was unmade and the rest of the room was rather messy. 

Billa realized that she had stepped into Frerin’s room, and walked out quickly again. It seemed wrong to hide something there. The next room she went it looked like it belonged to Dis, judging by the dresses and jewelry that littered the room. The wardrobe was hanging open slightly, so she pushed it the rest of the way open and took out the Arkenstone. 

It lit the darkened room for a moment before Billa shoved it into the pocket of a thick, fur trimmed coat. She shut the door and made sure that everything was as she had found it and went to go find Ori to explore the rest of the library. 

The guilty feeling didn’t leave her as she walked around the library with Ori. She couldn’t help but to feel like she had done something wrong, even though she knew it would be for the betterment of the entire company. 

She spent as long as she could in the library until breathing in the dust got to be too much. Billa found the stairs leading up to the outside of the mountain and sat on the edge of the cliff, looking out to the land below. 

Parts of Laketown were still burning and she resisted the urge to cry. It was all because of her that so many people died. If she had been able to keep Smaug interested in her, or at least in the mountain for a while longer, things may have been different. They could have tried to kill Smaug themselves. 

Deep down, she knew that it would have all been for naught, and that the prophecy had come true in its entirety. She had dismissed the prophecy as a bunch of nonsense, but she realized now that she should have taken it more seriously. 

The flutter of a bird’s wings broke her out of her reverie and she looked up. A crow landed in front of her and she frowned, scooting backwards. The bird hopped closer and held its leg out to her. A rolled piece of paper was attached there, so she pulled it off and stared at the bird. Billa could have sworn that it nodded at her and flew away. She watched it go and unfurled the paper. 

It was a message from King Thranduil of Mirkwood. She read the missive quickly, her mouth falling open in horror. Billa went flying back into the mountain and into the treasury, screaming for Thorin and the rest of the company. 

She found Thorin first and thrust the paper into his hands, babbling as she went. 

“There is an army coming to the mountain, led by Azog the Defiler. Thranduil is gathering his soldiers and he notified Bard of Laketown to gather as many men as they could. They only want aid in exchange for their help.”

Billa watched Thorin tear the letter in small pieces and let them float to the ground. He looked at her wildly and said, 

“Erebor would hold against one hundred armies.” He spit out Thranduil’s name and continued, “Is only looking for a way to steal from my treasury!”

She looked around in dismay as all of the other dwarves cheered wildly in agreement. She tried to break through their shouts by saying, 

“No! If there is an army coming, we need help! You have to see that!”

Thorin gave her a venomous look and replied, 

“My word is final. Go if you are not happy.”

Billa stiffened and then nodded. 

“Fine. I am done with all of you.”

Not a single dwarf followed her, not even Ori. She gathered her pack and a few other things and made her way to the rock on the outside of the mountain. The more she walked, the angrier she got. Thorin was too deep in his madness that he didn’t realize he had just sentenced them to their death without a second thought. 

It was only midafternoon when she reached the surface. She had no way to occupy herself besides trying to think of ways that they would be able to survive the battle that was sure to come. The crow that Thranduil sent his message with must have been sent when they were already on the move because Billa thought she could see a dark line of soldiers advancing quickly from the horizon. 

Thranduil could be seen in front of all of the rest of the elves from Mirkwood. Billa’s first impression of them was that they seemed dangerous and proud. Even if they were, they were willing to help and that was all that mattered. 

A smaller army followed behind the group of elves. Bard and his men stared at the mountain in disgust, as if they could peer through the solid stone and see the mad king inside. Billa ran down the steps along the mountain, and out to meet the armies. 

Thranduil watched her with a hawk like gaze that made her feel smaller than she was, and oddly like she was some sort of prey. 

“I am a part of Thorin Oakenshield’s company.” At this point, Billa didn’t even know if she could consider herself that, but she decided that it would help.

“And what does the mountain king say of the deal I offered?”

Billa ran a hand over her face and sighed. 

“He does not accept, but I am willing to help.”

Thranduil gave a derisive laugh and leaned down so that his nose was almost touching hers. 

“And what could a Halfling from the Shire offer me?” 

Billa stared at Thranduil, unblinking. It made sense then just what she could offer to the armies in exchange for help. 

“If you aid the dwarves in that mountain and help us keep Erebor, I have a bargaining tool that even Thorin would not be able to refuse.”

One of Thranduil’s eyebrows rose and he suddenly looked interested.

“What treasure is that?”

“The Arkenstone.”

Thranduil’s lips parted in surprise and his mouth curled upwards into a smile. 

“I believe that we have a deal.”

Billa stood straighter and nodded once. She turned back to the mountain without another word. All she needed was to get back into the mountain without the rest of the company knowing. It hadn’t been said directly, but she knew that she would not be welcomed back easily is she was seen. Unsurprisingly, the dwarves were still in the treasury searching tirelessly for something they would never be able to find. Luckily, the coat still held the glowing stone when she got to the room. She barely spared it a second glance and shoved it into her bag. 

The armies had set up tents all along the edge of the mountain. An elf directed her to where she would be able to find both Thranduil and Bard. The tent was larger than all of the others, so she knew she had found it. A fair haired elf that looked strikingly like Thranduil left the tent as she entered. 

Thranduil was sitting at a large table languidly. He didn’t rise when she entered, but he sent away the others in the tent. Only the king and Bard remained. 

Billa dumped the pack on the table. The Arkenstone came skittering out, sending swirling colors all over the tent. Bard and Thranduil looked at in amazement, but Billa just stared at it unfeelingly. That stone ruined everything it touched, and she didn’t care if it fell in the lake to rest with Smaug. At least it would be away from her and the rest of her friends. 

“There is your bargaining tool. Thorin will do whatever you would like now that you have this.”

Bard looked up from the Arkenstone with something unreadable in his gaze. 

“You’re risking your life for this.”

Billa simply nodded. She turned back to Thranduil and asked, 

“Is there somewhere I could stay the night?”

Thranduil gave her directions to a place she could stay. She thanked him and left the tent immediately, too busy thinking of what she had done to care what happened. 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Billa accepted the food and water handed to her but nothing else. An elf named Tauriel offered her a change of clothing but she waved her away. Sleep came fitfully and she woke frequently. She knew that she would not be ready to face whatever was waiting for her in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone that leaves a comment is made out of sunshine and I love them very much.
> 
> I hope you liked this!


	20. Everything Unravels with Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited chapter! I didnt get a chance to upload this yesterday, but hopefully the wait will have been worth it!

She was woken by Tauriel the next morning, much to her displeasure. The tent she was in was covered by the shadow of the mountain, only serving to remind her of what awaited her inside. Her hair was still braided so she didn’t bother with that at all. Billa spared the slightest glance to her clothing and dismissed that as well. 

Thranduil and Bard waited for her outside the tent with a few other soldiers standing close behind. Billa glanced at them and waited for one of them to address her. Thranduil was the first to do so, his voice silky. 

“You will need to lead us to the entrance of the mountain.”

Billa nodded and walked through the small crowd, not even bothering to look back to see if they followed. She knew they did by the click of feet in perfect synchronization on the ground. Billa couldn’t help but to feel like she was walking to her own death. Thorin would be beyond furious, and she was the one that caused it. A miniscule part of her hoped that Thorin would see through his madness and realize that what she had done would be for the better. The larger, more reasonable part of her realized this would not be the case, but she hoped it would be anyway. 

There weren’t enough stairs for her to climb so she could adequately gather her nerve, so she pushed the door to the mountain open with shaking hands. She led the group down to the throne room and stopped when they reached the doors. Billa stepped backwards and motioned for the others to go before her. 

The doors opened to the room and Billa could hear the dwarves scramble to gather weapons to face the elves and the men of Laketown. 

She closed her eyes when she heard Thorin roar,

“What is the meaning of this?! You have no right to be here!”

Thranduil just looked at Thorin, obviously unimpressed. He rose taller than before, which Billa didn’t think was possible.

“We have every right. We also possess something of great value, something that you seek still.”

Thorin laughed and shouted,

“What could you have that I would need from you? I have everything!” At this, he spread his arms wide, as if to include the entire mountain. Billa took a deep breath and realized that he didn’t include her in that count, because to his knowledge, she was still sitting outside the mountain, alone and without anyone beside her. The pang of sadness that rose within her was pushed away quickly to focus more on the conversation. 

Bard stepped forward and loosened the drawstrings on the bag he carried. He sent it careening to the floor and the Arkenstone fell out with a thud. The shimmering stone sent patterns of light careening across the great hall, illuminating the dwarves’ faces. Thranduil bent low and picked it up slowly, admiring it as it closed in his grasp.

“We asked for aid, and we have gotten it.”

Billa peered around Thranduil and looked on in horror at Thorin. She had never seen him so angry in the entire time she had known him. His eyes swirled colors other than their normal deep blue and in that moment he looked truly mad. He seethed with rage and was able to bite out,

“Where did you get that?!’

Before any of the dwarves could try and attack them, Billa stepped forward after she took a steadying breath.

“I gave it to them. Thorin, please- you need to understand why-“

She hadn’t even finished her sentence when he barreled at her, screaming out,

“You traitor! What have you done?! What have you done?!” 

The breath was knocked from her as Thorin’s hands wrapped around her neck and lifted her into the air. Her fingernails raked at his skin, trying to dislodge his hold on her throat. He pushed her against the far wall and kept screaming at her. 

“You have betrayed me and everyone else in this company! We have fought for you and risked our lives for you and this is how you repay us? By giving my right to rule to my greatest enemy?”

He shook her again and Billa gasped, trying to force air into her desperate lungs. Her vision blackened and spots rose in front of her eyes. Everything came back more clearly when he shook her again, still screaming.

“Was everything you told me a lie?! Did you think that you could win the Arkenstone by stealing my affections and leading me on?”

Billa tried to speak, but the lack of air made it impossible. Thorin’s fingers tightened around her throat for a few seconds and then she was sailing through the air. He had thrown her across the room and she landed with a heavy thud. Air made its way back into her lungs and she lay there gasping until Thorin rounded on her again. 

He took a few steps forward and stopped, staring at her with pure hatred. 

“Was the love you talked so much of a lie as well?”

Tears pricked at Billa’s eyes and she shook her head violently. 

“No! Thorin- please, you have to listen to me.”

“Why would I listen to you? You are nothing to me.”

Billa looked at the rest of the company in tears, silently begging any of them to say something to quell Thorin’s rage. They were all looking at her in varying degrees of contempt. Only Ori looked vaguely sympathetic, but Dwalin’s firm hand kept him from coming forward. 

She turned her attention back to Thorin and saw that he was walking towards her swiftly, his sword held high. She didn’t even bother to cry out as she saw what was surely her death coming closer. He stopped in front of her and grabbed her by the hair, making Billa whimper in pain and look up in his eyes. He brought the sword down and she closed her eyes, waiting for the pain to bloom. Instead of the sword tearing through flesh and bone like she expected, it only cut through the few loose braids dancing around her face. Billa reached up and realized that the braid Thorin had cut was the one that promised they would be married. The one that was made with declarations of love and passionate kisses. A tear ran down her cheek and she looked up at Thorin again. 

He was holding the pieces of her hair that he had cut like they were trash. Thorin gave them a small glance and threw them into the fireplace. He turned his attention back to her and spoke, his voice filled with venom.

“I confided in you things that no other person knows, or will ever know again. I banish you from Erebor, for the rest of your days. Should you step foot in this mountain again, I will not hesitate to kill you where you stand.”

Billa nodded and tried to stand shakily. She fell back to her knees and Thorin spoke again,

“You disgust me. Get out of my sight!”

She stood again and was able to keep her footing long enough to flee back out of the mountain, Thorin’s enraged voice following her all the way. No one in the group she was with had done anything to help her. They had just watched, and followed her silently when she ran for her life. 

The tent she had slept in was still empty, so she flung herself on the cot and let herself fall to pieces like she had avoided so long on the quest. Great, wracking sobs tore from her body and tears ran down her face in rivers. 

Something warm dribbled down her face and she realized that it was her own blood. The sword had cut her cheek open, but she hadn’t even noticed. A few elves left food and water for her, but she left them untouched. 

She couldn’t get Thorin’s voice out of her head. The words he had bellowed at her repeated over and over in her mind and she felt her heart tearing at every word. 

A few wispy hairs clouded her vision and she brushed them away angrily. For some reason, memories of when she had tried to cut her hair came flowing back. She remembered Kili looking at her in disbelief, saying that she hadn’t disgraced herself, and that dwarves only cut their hair when they had done something horribly wrong.

So that was what she was now. Disgraced and unwanted, cast away like an old tool that had served its purpose and was no longer wanted. In retrospect, that was what she really was. A tool. Gandalf had brought her along only because they needed a burglar. And now, because of that wizard, she was crying in the shadow of the mountain that was supposed to be her future. 

More than anything else, she longed for the comforts she knew she would find in the Shire. She had destroyed her reputation, and her good standing, so she knew she had nothing but Bag End to go back to. It really didn’t matter to her if she was called insane for the rest of her life, as long as she never had to see another dwarf ever again. She had had her fill of them and their greed. 

Her hand ran through her hair again and felt the remaining braids there. She undid them all angrily, sending the beads flying in all different directions. Their promises and meanings were nothing to her now. Billa shook out her hair and laid back down on the small bed. 

The tent flap opened again and she called out, 

“Go away! Please, just leave me alone.”

“Oh my dear Billa. What has happened to you?” She sat up from her bed and saw that Gandalf was standing just outside the tent. She said nothing, but watched him come into the tent and sit gingerly on the edge of the bed. He peered under that ridiculous hat of his and continued,

“When I left the company, nothing was wrong. It appears much has changed.”

Billa nodded and wiped away the fresh tears that fell. Gandalf handed her a handkerchief and waited for her to speak. 

“Everything went wrong. I stole the Arkenstone because Thorin couldn’t see past the madness that had taken over. We would have rotted away in that mountain if I hadn’t done something-”

Gandalf held up a hand and she stopped speaking. 

“I think it would be best, my dear, if you started from the beginning.”

So Billa did just that. She spoke of Mirkwood and the ordeal there, the escape in the barrels and their time in Laketown. Explaining everything that had happened with Smaug and trying to make Gandalf understand the madness that had occupied the dwarves took much longer. When she was finally done her throat was aching, which she realized was a combination of speaking too long and the bruises that had blossomed from Thorin’s hands.

Gandalf rose and returned with the water that the elves had brought her. She sipped at it for a while and waited for Gandalf to say something. He didn’t for a long time, considering everything that she had said thoroughly. When he finally spoke, his eyebrows were knitted together and he looked at her full of sympathy.

“I do believe you did the right thing, Billa.”

She laughed bitterly and shook her head. 

“Then why does it feel like everything has failed?”

“Sometimes the right thing comes at a great cost.”

Billa put her head in her hands, not even bothering to answer. Gandalf took to patting her on the shoulder, as if that would help ease the pain she as feeling. A thought wove its way into her head and she looked up, confused. 

“Gandalf, why did you come back here?”

“It seems that Thorin sent for his cousin Dain, the Lord of the Iron Hills. Dain is bringing five hundred dwarves of his own. I heard word of the impending battle and decided my presence was necessary.”

“Oh.” If more dwarves were coming to Erebor, she didn’t intend to get in their way. Thorin would surely speak of what she had done, and she didn’t foresee any of the other dwarves taking to it well. In their eyes, and in the eyes of their king she was a traitor.

Gandalf stood and gave her one last look.

“The Lady Galadriel once asked me why I brought you on that quest. I told her that I was afraid, and that you gave me courage. The same still rings true, my dear.”

Billa looked up at him through tear filled eyes and nodded. She didn’t particularly feel courageous, or as though she could be the source of someone else’s courage in that moment. She felt weak and helpless and more like a Halfling than she ever had before. When people had called her that, she would fight and say that she wasn’t half of anything, but now she could see that they were right. She was small, and absolutely terrified of what would come. 

Gandalf left the tent without saying another word, leaving Billa to her own thoughts. When even that became too much to bear, she left her tent to see what the others were doing. 

Word of what had happened in the mountain must have spread like wildfire throughout the camp because everyone, Elf and Man alike, were staring at her with mixed looks of sympathy and indifference. She ignored them for the most part, but saw that they were pointedly staring at the bruises around her neck. Her hand ghosted around her throat and moved away just as quickly. Flashes of Thorin screaming at her and throwing her back to the ground came rushing back to the forefront of her mind and she shuddered. 

Bard passed by her, headed in the direction of Thranduil’s tent. He spared her a quick glance and kept walking. She hadn’t forgotten the meeting with the Master where she had promised on her life that Thorin would not fall to the madness of the house of Durin. How wrong she was. 

With everything that happened, Billa was still rather surprised that she was still even breathing at all. Laketown had burned because of her, but Bard hadn’t done a thing in retaliation. If the Shire had faced the same fate, she would have done everything possible to take revenge.

The elf she had seen earlier coming out of Thranduil’s tent stepped in front of her. 

“My apologies, Master elf.” Billa tried to step around him, but he moved at the same time she did. 

“Miss Baggins, may I have a word?”

Billa nodded and followed the elf around the camp. He pointed out various influential people that had answered the call for the armies. The Master was nowhere to be seen and the elf scoffed when she mentioned him. 

“The Master is not even fit to lead himself. He took a boat by himself when Laketown burned. That boat could have been used for the women and children that were trying to escape.”

“That is horrible.” Billa shook her head sadly at the thought. The elf beside her inclined his head in agreement. 

“Pardon me if I am overstepping my boundaries, but I cannot say that I know your name.”

Her companion laughed slightly and continued, 

“It is no imposition. My name is Legolas Greenleaf. My father is Thranduil.”

“That explains the resemblance.”

Legolas smiled at her and gave her a considering look. 

“Your reputation precedes you, Miss Baggins. I still don’t know how you managed it, but I do believe that we would still have a dungeon full of dwarves if it weren’t for you.”

Billa looked down at her feet and sighed. They were cut and bruised as well, but so tough that it didn’t matter. 

“If the dwarves were still in the dungeon, maybe we wouldn’t be facing war.”

“I think war would have happened either way. There are beings in this world that would stop at nothing to achieve great power. You were saving your friends and that is an admirable thing.”

Billa merely continued to walk beside Legolas and listen to the preparations they were making for the impending battle. Lord Dain of the Iron Hills would be arriving later that evening with his army of five hundred dwarves. It seemed that even Thranduil was uneasy about the prospect, although he would not show it, because he sent sentries along with a messenger to ensure that the dwarves would not attack the rest of the Elves and Men.

She and Legolas parted at Thranduil’s tent, leaving Billa alone once more. The people walking hurriedly around the camp were all engrossed in their tasks, so Billa went back to her own tent once more. 

Billa pulled out her bag from underneath the bed and hefted it onto the cot. The mithril shirt Thorin had given her spilled out with the necklace Fili and Kili had thrown at her. The shirt shone in the darkened confines of the tent and Billa couldn’t help but to admire it by running her hand over the cool metal. 

She picked up the necklace and was instantly reminded of Fili and Kili. They had been so fond of her, and she of them, that she had thought they would be the ones that would speak for her in the mountain. When she had seen them that morning Fili was by Thorin’s side as the rightful heir, with Kili not too far behind. The same look that haunted Thorin’s eyes were present in Fili and Kili’s.

Billa closed her eyes and put her head in her hands. Tears ran through her fingers and down her wrists. Thorin had been terrified at the prospect of becoming his grandfather and being blinded by the madness that had plagued his family. She had done everything she could have to make him understand that he was not his grandfather, and that he was able to make decisions that were his and his alone. 

She couldn’t help but to think that if she had warned him, told him to be more careful once they were in the mountain, that things would have been different. But in the end, the Arkenstone had been more important she was in his eyes. He had made his decision and nothing could fix what he had done. 

A sudden commotion was heard outside her tent and Billa rushed outside to see what was happening. A line of dwarves were passing through the tents, led by an imposing dwarf carrying a sword. Lord Dain of the Iron Hills. The army that Dain had brought had arrived earlier than everyone had expected. 

The new dwarves were giving the elves murderous glances, and the elves returned them in kind but no fights broke out. The army marched closer to the mountain and began to set up their camp. Billa watched them for a while and went back into her tent. 

She slipped the mithril shirt on and felt better for the weight of it underneath her coat. The dinner she had was small, mostly consisting of a few rolls from the mountain. No one came to speak with her the rest of the night, so she spent a fair amount of time sitting outside the tent looking up at the stars above the mountain. 

The expanse of star filled sky was beautiful, but the lack of a warm hand within hers, or the deep chuckle she had become so fond of made it hard to bear being alone once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Billa. As always, leave a comment and I will love you forever


	21. The Source of Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Billa. Wake up, it’s urgent.” She was shaken out of an uneasy sleep by Gandalf. The old wizard was looking at her in concern, so she sat up quickly and tried to understand what he was saying, 

“- approaching. I need you to stay in this tent, and promise me you will not join the fighting. Do you understand?”

“Gandalf- what’s happening?” 

Gandalf sighed, and began to repeat himself. 

“The Orcs and Goblins are approaching. Stay in the tent, Billa. Do not join in the fighting.”

She began to protest vehemently, but was stopped when someone yelled for Gandalf. He stood and walked out of the tent quickly to whoever called him, leaving her alone and completely confused. If the fighting was to start soon, there was no way she would simply leave the others to fight and die. 

Billa jumped out of the bed and grabbed Sting. As much as she didn’t want to, she fished around in her bag until she found the ring and put it on. Her world lost its color and an icy chill ran down her back. The unsettling voice returned almost immediately to taunt her. 

_He didn’t love you. He has what he always wanted now. ___

She shook her head to try and dispel thoughts she would rather not face. The ring gave a cruel laugh at her distress and continued to speak. 

_You could leave, it doesn’t matter if any of them die now. You hate them, don’t you? ___

“No,” she whispered to herself, “I couldn’t hate them.”

Billa found that knife that Nori had given her and tucked that into her belt. She only had the one knife, and it wouldn’t be much use if she threw it, but she felt safer with it near her. The first scream that sounded in the distance made Billa jump. 

The battle had begun. She took one last deep breath and ran out into the camp. A few dwarves and elves had yet to join the battle, so she followed where they went. A massive hill stood between her and the battlefield, as well as its foreboding sounds. She climbed it as quickly as she could, ignoring the pounding and fierce burning of her heart. What she saw when she reached the crest of the hill stopped her in her tracks. Banners from Mirkwood and the Iron Hills were scattered about, all pierced by arrows and stained dark red with the blood of the fallen.

There was no order to the fight below her. Orcs and Goblins swung hammers and swords with terrifying precision, cutting through the line of elves acting as archers. The dwarves pushed their enemies back quickly, making a path into the dense carnage. 

A great roar coming from the mountain caught her attention. Billa looked over in dismay. The company was charging into the fray while shouting, 

“Baruk Khazâd! Khazâd ai-mênu!”

Thorin led the charge with Orcrist held high. A fierce determination ran through Billa like nothing she had ever experienced. None of her friends would die on that battlefield, even if she had to give her life to ensure it. 

Billa charged forward, all the while yelling unintelligible things. The ground was already stained with blood where the heaviest fighting was, which coincidently, was right where her company went. An Orc fell in front of her and sent Billa scrambling when she didn’t jump at just the right time. 

She landed hard on her knees and bit back a cry of pain. A goblin heard her shout and crept closer to her. For one moment, Billa had forgotten that she was invisible and cowered on the ground. The goblin walked right past her, letting her lurch to her feet and keep running after the company. 

Dori was the first one she saw that needed assistance. He had just run a goblin through with his sword, and didn’t turn quickly enough to see another rush towards him. Without thinking Billa sprinted forward and drove Sting into the goblin’s back. A spray of black blood covered her cheek and she wiped it away angrily. Dori was looking at where she was with heavy suspicion. The call of his brother caught his attention and he nodded to her, even though he couldn’t see her and ran off to help Nori. 

An Orc blade whistled through the air above her and Billa realized that she was right in the middle of a battle between it and a man from Laketown. She turned on her heel and drove Sting straight through the Orc’s belly and moved just in time to avoid being crushed underneath its weight. 

The company was nowhere to be seen. Billa looked around frantically and tried to catch a glimpse of any of her friends. The worst thoughts imaginable crept into her mind. What if they had already been killed? She set her jaw and sliced Sting through the throat of a passing goblin that was about to attack an elf. 

Billa ran forward at the sight of a massive bear rending a goblin in half. Beorn had come in their aid. A shaky sigh escaped her lips when the bear lifted to his hind legs and she was able to see Dwalin taking on a group of Orcs. 

A Warg growled at Dwalin, and she was absolutely shocked to see Dwalin laugh at it. The beast charged, but before it could even get close to Dwalin, Billa had jumped on its back and shoved Sting down into flesh and fur. 

The Warg let loose one last pitiful whine and dropped to the ground. Billa landed awkwardly on her hand and two of her fingers gave a horrible snapping sound. She was able to cradle them to her chest for a few precious moments when she saw Ori going up against a goblin. 

Billa ran forward and was about to help when Ori raised his Warhammer and sent it crashing down on the creature’s head. She hadn’t any time to process what just happened when she saw a Warg creep towards Bofur. She was too far away to kill it herself, but as it grew closer to Bofur she was able to take off running, screaming and shouting at it. Billa wrenched the ring off of her finger and was finally able to get the Warg’s attention. 

It stilled its advance on Bofur and turned to her instead. Billa swung Sting around and held it high. The Warg took off into a run, startling her. She fell on her back and moved Sting in front of her. The Warg drove itself into her sword and its heavy weight fell on top of her. 

Billa tried to push the dead animal off in vain. Her fingers were throbbing which left one hand practically unusable. The weight pressed down on her chest and Billa started struggling to breathe. The beast was rolled off of her and she looked up to see Bofur offering a hand to her.

She took it without hesitation and stood shakily. Bofur looked her up and down, obviously concerned. Billa was confused until she remembered the ring was no longer on her finger. She scanned the ground quickly for her best protection and saw that it had bounced to rest against the body of a fallen soldier. 

Bofur shook her slightly and brought her attention back to him. 

“Are you alright? You shouldn’t be here!”

Billa flinched and waved him off, yelling,

“Why does it matter now? I’m already banished!”

Bofur drew back his hand like she had burned him. His face turned melancholy and he shook his head. Billa didn’t have time to see what he was going to say because out of the corner of her eye she saw that a goblin was running at her. 

Sting was still imbedded in the fallen Warg, so she pulled the knife from her belt and threw it, pleased to see that it pierced the goblin’s neck and sent it crashing to the ground. She heard Bofur’s warning cry and turned to see what had happened when the tip of a sword gashed her cheek. The Orc that had done it stepped closer to her and raised his sword. Billa closed her eyes. _I’m so sorry, Thorin. ___

When nothing happened Billa’s eyes flew open again and she saw Bofur standing over the Orc, his hand outstretched and waiting for her. She took it quickly and stood. Her own blood ran down her face and mingled with that of the things she had killed.

She probed her cheek gently and was relieved to see that it wasn’t as deep as she thought it would be. Bofur gave her one last sad look and turned to run back into the thick of the fighting. Billa felt completely exposed without the ring and started to search for it again. 

Then glint of gold caught her eye and she grabbed it before anyone else could. The ring had landed by a fallen elf from Mirkwood. The elf’s glassy eyes stared at her, unseeing. His bloodstained clothing was torn where the sword had cut through him. Billa frowned and gave the slaughtered soldier one last sad look before she slipped on the ring again. 

The battle turned fuzzy and distorted once the metal had slipped over her finger. The screams of pain and anguish had lessened as well, it was like she had dunked herself under water and hadn’t broken the surface. Billa hated the sounds of the battle, but she would have preferred to hear them if that meant the sick feeling in her stomach would go away. 

Once she had gotten her bearings, and the ring stayed blessedly quiet, Billa was able to see the scene before her. Fili and Kili were back to back and busy facing off with a monstrous Orc. She yanked Sting from the Warg and charged to help them. She watched in horror as the Orc swung his sword and connected with Kili’s leg. Blood sprayed upwards and Billa screamed. 

The Orc drew its sword and prepared to deliver a killing blow when Billa jumped on its back and drove Sting through it. The Orc fell forward and landed heavily. She didn’t dare take off the ring to help, but Oin was running over as quickly as he could when she was able to stand. 

Kili didn’t look seriously injured, and he had both Fili and Oin to make sure that nothing happened. Billa sighed in relief and caught the confrontation to her right out of the corner of her eye. The nervous ball of tension coiled itself in her stomach when she saw Thorin. He looked fierce and absolutely furious. 

She took in the rest of what was happening and gaped, open-mouthed. Azog the Defiler was towering over Thorin on his white Warg. Billa took off into a run without thinking, hoping that nothing would happen before she could help. Azog moved forward and raised his sword. 

Billa ripped off the ring from her finger and shrieked, 

“No! You will not hurt him!”

Azog stopped in his tracks and looked over at her in surprise. He smiled at her cruelly and continued towards Thorin. His Warg leapt forward and sank its teeth deep into Thorin. It shook him like he was nothing and sent him flying into the air. Thorin landed and even from a distance she could hear the snap of a bone. Billa yelled and ran forward, intent on nothing else but taking revenge. 

The Pale Orc turned its attention back to her and laughed, mocking her pain and determination. He stepped down from his Warg, and with a flick of his fingers, sent it prowling over to Thorin. She watched, frozen, as the Warg moved closer, snapping its jaws.

A mass of black fur barreled into the white Warg, sending it careening through the air. Billa realized that it was Beorn that had come to the rescue. The bear picked the Warg up easily and shook, blood running in rivers over the white fur. 

Azog roared and ran at her. Billa stood her ground, waiting for just the right moment to attack. The sword fighting lessons she had been given on the quest were few and far between, but in the most memorable one she had gotten valuable advice from Thorin. 

_“You have your speed, and your size, you’ll be difficult to keep track of. Remember that.” ___

She turned her attention back to Azog and ducked when he swung his sword out at her. She spun around and was facing his back before the Orc could even register that she had moved. Billa jabbed Sting into Azog’s back with as much force as she could muster. The Orc gave a strangled yell and turned around, his sword cutting through the air wildly. 

Billa moved out of the way to avoid the sword, but not quickly enough to avoid the ensuing fist into her side. The contact left her on the ground gasping and trying to stand. Azog walked forward confidently and brought his sword high up above his head to deliver the blow that would kill her. 

She gave a determined shout and forced Sting into the air again to collide with the other sword. Billa stood uneasily and darted off to the side to send Sting slashing through Azog’s middle. She raised Sting one more time and plunged the blade straight into the Orc’s chest without hesitation.

Azog staggered and fell to his knees. Billa wrenched Sting back out and brought it back down to cut through more flesh and bone. The Orc stopped moving and Billa fell to her knees. 

The battle was still raging in full force around her. A man from Laketown that was standing in front of her wasn’t even paying attention to the fighting all around him. He was staring upwards into the sky with an awe struck look on his face. Billa followed his gaze. The Eagles that had saved them once before were circling overhead. 

Soon enough the cry of people that had seen the Eagles rang out over the battlefield. It looked as though they were saved. A huge weight was lifted off of her chest when she knew she was able to stop fighting. 

The feeling of ease was gone in a second and replaced with dread and fear when she caught a glimpse of Thorin. He hadn’t moved from the spot where the Warg had thrown him and his leg was twisted at a sickening angle. Billa stumbled over as quickly as she possibly could to fall by his side on her knees. 

“Thorin? Thorin please, you need to wake up. Please.” Billa did the only thing she could think of and begged. 

Thorin’s eyelids fluttered briefly and flickered open to squint at her heavily. He groaned and tried to move, but she pressed him back down. He gave her an angry look and tried to speak, but she cut him off. 

“You need to stay here. I know you’re still angry, but you need to listen to me.”

His cracked lips parted and he spoke, his voice filled with contempt.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Billa nodded grimly and said, 

“I will leave when I know you are safe.”

Thorin closed his eyes again, but his breathing remained steady. Oin pushed her out of the way without a word. She left him to his work and watched a few stray dwarves carry a stretcher out to put Thorin on. The pained noise that Thorin made when they moved him tore at Billa’s heart, but there wasn’t much that she could do. He still didn’t want her.

She sat on the ground heavily and assessed her injuries. The cut on her cheek had stopped bleeding, but it has left her hair caked with blood. Two fingers on her left hand were mottled with bruises and turned at odd angles. One of her knees throbbed and she hissed at the pain of it. Breathing had become rather difficult as well, and wouldn’t surprise her if she had broken a few ribs as well. 

Billa looked up at the sudden marching of feet to her left and saw that Thranduil was leading a march. She turned slightly to see where they were going and found it was in the direction the remaining Orcs had scattered. Thranduil glanced at her as they passed and said something to the soldier next to him. 

The elf broke away from the group and walked over to her to extend a hand out to her. She took it and stood with a pained moan. The elf led her off the battlefield and into a sea of white tents that hadn’t been there when she had woken that morning. Bodies still littered the ground and it hit Billa then that she would never forget what is was like to fight in this, never mind how much she would want to. She understood the pained looks on all of the dwarves’ faces from the quest when past battles were spoken of. 

She was taken to the largest tent and helped onto a cot by a few healers that bustled over. They set and wrapped her fingers and probed at her ribs to say that they were only bruised at the worst. One elf came forward with a pair of iron gray scissors flecked with red and cut the leg of her trousers off to see her knee. 

It was covered in bruises and still oozing blood when she saw it. The elf with the scissors took to dabbing at her knee with some sort of ointment that stung more than she would like to admit. Billa resisted the urge to smack the elf and looked around the rest of the tent for any familiar faces. Bard had his shirt off and was being treated for a nasty looking cut from his shoulder blade to the middle of his back. 

There weren’t any dwarves in the tent so she focused on watching what the healer was doing to her leg. After a few more minutes that was bandaged as well and she was given strict instructions to avoid walking extensively for a few days. There went her plans to leave for the Shire as soon as possible. 

A pointed gray hat was making its way through the chaos over to her. Gandalf stood in front of her with an angry expression on his face, mumbling to himself about the tenacity of hobbits. 

“Your mother never listened well either.”

Billa huffed out a laugh in spite of herself and clutched at her sides to quell the fierce aching. 

“How is the rest of the company?”

“They are all fine. A few have sustained injuries, but none as serious as Thorin’s.”

Billa nodded, but didn’t look up from her hands. Blood and dirt were caked under her nails and she scowled at them. Her thoughts turned back to Thorin and everything that had happened to him during the battle. It was so much worse than when they had faced Azog the first time. 

“Is he going to be alright?”

Gandalf tilted his head and regarded her carefully, as if he was trying to find a way to say what he needed to without upsetting her. Billa looked up at him and tearfully repeated her question. 

“Thorin will be fine, won’t he?”

“The healers are trying their best, but it is uncertain.”

Fresh tears streamed down her face and Billa sunk back into her pillows. Gandalf cleared his throat and patted her on the shoulder but she turned away and whispered miserably. 

“Leave me alone, please. I just want to be alone for a while.” That couldn't be further from the truth. All she wanted in that moment was strong arms around her and the scent of pine and smoke surrounding her. She needed the feeling of Thorin next to her, or she feared she was going to shatter into pieces like a glass figurine.

Gandalf didn’t say anything more and walked out of the tent. 

After everything she had done to help the company throughout the quest, this was her reward. Crying alone in a tent surrounded by people who had no idea who she was. She had battled orcs, goblins, and wargs, as well as talked with a dragon. The pain she was feeling should have stopped by now. Visions of the Arkenstone sliding across the floor in the mountain came back to her. Perhaps she deserved this. 

She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. If she concentrated, she could almost feel Thorin’s hand running through her hair and whispering lovely things in her ear. Memories of their conversation at Beorn’s hit her with a force that left her gasping for air between sobs. 

_“I can never imagine finding something more important, more precious, than you.” ___

_“Ghivashel. My One. You are worth more than any gold I could ever hope to own.” ___

Billa sniffled pitifully and kept crying. It seemed that nothing could ever possibly slow or numb the feeling of her heart ripping to pieces inside her. During the quest she had so foolishly allowed herself to picture what it would be like to live in Erebor with Thorin as his wife. 

We would have been happy together, Billa thought sadly. We could have had children and seen them grow together. Her heart broke anew with the realization that there would never be small, dark haired children with fierce blue eyes and pointed ears running around Erebor. 

A comforting hand broke her out of her imaginings to pass her a small vial with pale blue liquid gleaming at the bottom. 

Billa took it and gave the elf a questioning glance.

“What is this?” 

“You need the rest, it will make sleep easier.”

Billa nodded and downed the entire contents of the bottle without thinking. She passed it back to the elf and drowsily watched as the healer gave her a smile and walked away to tend to the rest of the injured. 

Not long after, she fell blissfully into a peaceful sleep that she couldn’t deny she sorely needed. Her last thought before she was lost to soothing unconsciousness was of Thorin and the far flung hope that she would be forgiven in the end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In writing this fic, I've realized two things
> 
> 1\. I cannot for the life of me write a sex scene 
> 
> 2\. battles are difficult to write and im glad its over 
> 
> Poor Billa :(
> 
> Comment and I'll remember you fondly :)


	22. A Flower of a Different Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In an insanely surprising turn of events, I got home from work today and started working on the chapter. It's just past one in the morning right now and I'm finished! Consider it a treat for all the lovely comments you left :)

Warm hands ran along her sides and she smiled up at Thorin before placing a kiss to his lips. He returned it with even more enthusiasm and passion, but stopped to look lovingly into her eyes. His forehead moved to rest against her own and Thorin whispered, 

“I love you, Ghivashel.”

Her heart swelled with love and words she couldn’t say for fear that it would not show the depth in which she loved him. Billa merely smiled and said what was true to her very soul.

“I love you as well, more than I can say.”

Thorin sank lower and started to pepper kisses to her throat and collarbone, all the while murmuring about how beautiful she was. He played with her hair and she sighed, eager for his attentions to return to her body. Thorin gave a throaty chuckle and started to do just what she wanted. 

His hands moved down to rest at her hips and back up again to run over her thighs and waist. One hand rested on her neck with the slightest pressure. It wasn’t unpleasant, so she gently tugged a braid to bring him closer to her again. 

He complied and smiled at her easily. She kissed him again and was confused when he frowned at her. 

“Thorin? What’s wrong?”

He looked at her in confusion and then growing anger. 

“You stole it. Why would you do that?”

“Thorin – wait, I don’t understand-“

The hand by her neck tightened and the other was brought up to join it. Billa gasped and pleaded, trying to reason with him. Thorin’s face darkened and he snarled, 

“You stole it! You stole the only thing that matters to me!” 

Her vision turned spotty and she shook her head. Thorin was still screaming at her, but any words died in her throat before she could defend herself. 

“You are nothing to me, you have never mattered as much as the Arkenstone!”

Tears streamed from her eyes and down her face pathetically. She gave one last shuddering gasp and made a last ditch effort to claw his hands away from her throat. If she could just get one breath of air, just one breath, one breath…

Billa flew up from the bed, her hands rushing to her neck. She was breathing heavily, and only then did she take notice of the few elves that had gathered to try and calm her. Her eyes darted wildly around the tent and she saw that she was the center of attention. Every man and elf in the tent was staring at her, but not in a way she had seen stares before. They weren’t looking at her like she was odd or improper; the stares were filled with sympathy, like every one of them understood the dreams. 

She took a deep breath and fell back into her pillows, covering her face with her hands. She almost envied the others in the tent for their nightmares of the battle. They would have been easier to deal with compared to the ones she had faced for the last four nights. 

Gandalf visited her frequently, each time filling her in on everything that was happening. Billa had yet to make her way to the dwarven tents in the large camp, or anywhere else, really. She was able to hobble around fairly well, but not as well as she would have liked. If anyone had asked she would have said that her leg made it difficult to go long distances, but in reality she was afraid. 

Afraid to see what would happen if she tried to go to face the company, but absolutely terrified at the thought of walking into Thorin’s tent. 

Billa sighed and wiped away the tears at the corner of her eyes. She crawled out of the cot shakily and stumbled over to the wash basin in the corner of the tent. Billa hadn’t been able to take a bath to get the blood and dirt from her hair, so she tried to wipe it away whenever she was able to get the chance. 

The hustle and bustle around the sizable camp had largely died down quite a bit, mostly due to the departure of the elves. Thranduil had left Legolas in charge of the remaining elves that were wounded or helping, and took his leave before a full day had passed. She had been shocked when the eleven king had entered the tent and bid her a short goodbye. 

When Billa was finally sick of trying to clean her hair, she left the tent for some much needed fresh air. The wind was blowing gently, rustling the banners and flags of the different armies that had come to fight. 

“Hello my dear.”

Billa turned and was greeted by Gandalf. He was smiling down at her, but she didn’t feel like it was possible to return it. After a few moments Gandalf straightened and continued to speak, 

“You are looking well. Your leg seems to be healing nicely.”

She looked down at her knee and moved it a little. It was healing better than she had thought it would, which meant that she would be able to go back to the Shire soon. Billa nodded and said, 

“Yes, it is.” Billa looked back up at Gandalf and sighed. The aged wizard looked at her sadly, waiting for her to say something. She swallowed and whispered, 

“I just want to go home, Gandalf.”

He nodded and replied, 

“We will, my dear. I can make it so we could leave today, if you so choose. But surely you would like to say goodbye to Thorin?”

“I don’t know if I can see him, Gandalf. The others don’t want me anywhere near him.”

Gandalf made a displeased sound and tried to reassure her by saying, 

“Which is why I will be there. You will be perfectly fine, my dear.“

Billa closed her eyes and tried to picture what it would be like to see Thorin. It would hurt, she reasoned, more than anything, but it would help as well. A balm of fire. The others wouldn’t like it, but at this point, did it really matter what they thought of her? She was leaving, and would never see them again. 

“Alright, Gandalf.”

Gandalf smiled at her and as he led her back to the mess tent he added, 

“You should eat something before we go to see him. I will arrange for a few ponies later today while you do.”

As if in response, her stomach rumbled. When she opened the flap to the tent, Billa was immediately hit by the smell of roasting meat and grease. A hunting party had gone out that morning, or so she had heard, and they had obviously been successful. 

Her stomach rolled at the thought of the greasy meat and she very nearly avoided vomiting what little she had eaten from the night before. She fled the tent quickly and walked until the smell no longer assaulted her. Billa still felt nauseas, but the feeling was passing blessedly fast. 

Nerves were apparently catching up to her. Billa sighed and waited for Gandalf to return. Around ten minutes later, he returned with a smile on his face. 

“Prince Legolas has provided our transportation and assurances of safe passage through Mirkwood. He wishes to say goodbye before we take our leave.”

She nodded in agreement and took a deep breath. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Gandalf.”

“Of course you can! You are your mother’s daughter through and through, you can do anything you set your mind to.”

His words both calmed her and emboldened her. Gandalf smiled at her renewed resolve and chimed,

“That’s the spirit my dear!”

Billa could tell when they had reached the dwarven part of the camp, the tents grew smaller and more compact the further away they got from the elves. The dwarves that were milling about were all strangers. Nevertheless, they looked at her angrily, whispering cruel things. 

“She’s the traitor.”

“She stole the Arkenstone.”

“Why would she show her face? She isn’t welcome here.”

“Do you see that? Is that mithril? Perhaps she stole that as well.”

The last barb hurt more than she was willing to admit. It had been a gift, a spark of clarity in a sea of madness, and now it was being treated as nothing more than stolen property. She bit her tongue and kept walking, resolutely ignoring every glare and cruel comment. 

She realized that Gandalf had stopped only when she bumped into his back. They were in front of a tent that was much larger and grander than all the rest of them. The insignia she had seen everywhere inside the mountain was emblazoned on the front. Seven stars as well as a hammer and anvil, marking the house of Durin. Billa took a step forward and was stopped by an imposing figure. She looked up and realized that it was Lord Dain of the Iron Hills. She inhaled sharply and skittered backwards. 

“What do you want?” Dain’s voice was low and menacing. She didn’t miss the note of a challenge in his question, as if he thought she was going to do something to hurt Thorin.

“I only want to see Thorin. To say goodbye. Please, at least give me that.”

Dain’s scowl deepened and he hissed, 

“You have no right to say his name. You are a traitor to the crown and should be treated as such.”

‘Please- You truly don’t understand –“

Dain laughed and retorted, 

“I don’t understand? I believe I understand perfectly well. My cousin wanted you out of his sight, but he was too sentimental to kill you himself. I, however, am not. “ He drew his sword and stepped forward. Billa gasped and was pushed backwards by Gandalf. His own sword was brandished high in the air, glinting in the sun. 

“Lord Dain!”

Balin came hurrying out of the tent and in between the pair. Billa had never been so relieved to see a member of the company. 

“What is the meaning of this?” Balin’s hands were held up passively. Dain straightened and put his sword away. He spit his next sentence out with venom, 

“The betrayer would like to see the king before she leaves.”

Balin’s eyes widened and he looked over, seeing her for the first time since what had happened in the mountain. 

“Then she should see him.”

Dain stared at the advisor in shock. He regained his composure enough to bark, 

“What?”

Balin smiled at her, sad yet kind, and turned back to face Dain.

“I said that she should see him. She is leaving, we can at least give this to her.”

“She deserves nothing!”

Dain gave one last furious look to Balin and stormed away. Balin watched him go and turned back to her. Billa noticed that he looked older and more worn down than when she had last seen him. His braids were a mess, which was more telling than his tired eyes. She glanced at him hopefully, silently begging that he would allow her to see Thorin. 

Balin didn’t say a word, but took a step backwards and opened the tent flap for her. She passed by him, trying to hold in the grateful tears that were pricking annoyingly at the corners of her eyes. 

“Thank you, Balin.”

He nodded and left her alone with Thorin. It was darker in the tent than she had expected. The material was much thicker than the elven tents, letting very little light in. A small lamp illuminated Thorin’s bed. Billa’s first thought was that Thorin looked vulnerable. Even when she had seen him asleep in the past he looked strong and capable. 

Now the crisp white sheets were pulled up, almost covering the entirety of his chest. She stepped forward and could see that he was shirtless. Bandages were wrapped tightly around his chest and part of his shoulder. Red stains seeped through the dressing easily, and Billa covered her mouth. Her eyes traveled down to his legs and she saw that one was set with a plaster of sorts, obviously broken. 

Thorin’s breath was even and steady in sleep, which made her feel better. She had been worried that he would look worse, that his breathing would be heavy and labored. Billa knelt down beside the bed and tried to find the right words. 

Her hand found his, but she let it go just as quickly, not feeling quite right in touching him. She settled in looking at his hand that was by his side. 

“I am so sorry, Thorin. I know that I what I did was horrible, and I broke your trust doing it, but please believe me when I say that it was necessary.” Tears were falling quickly now, any composure she had when she walked in had crumbled and fallen away. 

“You would have died in that mountain if I hadn’t done anything. I couldn’t let that happen, I wasn’t going to sit there and do nothing. I know you wouldn’t believe it, but I didn’t do it because I wanted to betray you, I did it because I love you.”

Billa wiped away the tears falling down her cheek and looked back up to Thorin’s face, trying to memorize every feature she could. His face was flushed with fever and his brow damp with sweat. She glanced around and found a rag sitting in a bowl of cool water. 

She took it and rung it out to dab it gently against his face. He didn’t stir, and that made it easier, but part of her wished that he was awake to hear what she was saying. “I am glad that I was able to have you in my life, no matter how short it was. I wouldn’t trade any of that time for all the gold in the world, but I wish with every fiber of my being that we could have had more. I would have given up everything in the Shire to stay here with you. It might seem daft, but I imagined what our children would be like-“ She broke away with a sob and endeavored to get back in control of herself. 

Billa took a deep breath and tried again, 

“I understand that what I did won’t be easily forgiven, if it will be forgiven at all, but please don’t hate me for what I’ve done, Thorin. Please.”

She stood and watched him, for how long she didn’t know. A few of the braids that framed his face were ones that she didn’t recognize. The braid that had replaced their courting one was thick and angular. One for battle. 

Billa sniffed one more time and wasn’t able to resist resting her hand on the side of his face for a few moments. 

“I love you Thorin. More than I could say.”

She took a few steps backward and forced herself to turn and walk back out of the tent, lest she stay there until Thorin woke. The sun was blinding outside of the tent, leaving her squinting. 

The entire company bar Fili and Kili formed a half circle just outside the tent. Her eyes adjusted fully and she saw the looks of pity on their faces. Billa wished they were able to do something, but the word of their king was final, and even if they were to do something, none of the dwarves Dain had brought would take it well. 

Bofur stepped forward and swallowed heavily, like he was trying to avoid shedding tears.

“We wish you all the luck in the world, lass. We really do.”

That sent fresh tears sliding down her face, so she could only nod. She sucked in a breath and was able to sob out, 

“I’m going to miss all of you.”

The dwarves nodded and murmured the same back to her. Gandalf stepped up to her and suggested, 

“We had best be leaving, my dear.”

Billa nodded miserably and followed the wizard. Someone grabbed her hand and pressed something into it. She looked up, confused, and saw that is was Bifur. He smiled at her and clapped his hand on her shoulder. Billa gave him a watery smile and a small wave. She turned back and followed Gandalf the rest of the way out of the camp.

She opened her palm to inspect what Bifur had placed there. It was a small object carved from wood. Billa brought it closer to her face to see the details and realized it was supposed to be a flower. She smiled and wiped away the tears in her eyes. The flower went in her pocket and she looked up to see the ponies that Gandalf had found. 

Both were dappled grey and white, slightly larger than the ones from the Shire. Her things were loaded on the back of the smaller one, so she made her way over to it. Someone cleared their throat behind her. Billa turned around and saw that it was Legolas. He inclined his head to her and gave a small smile,

“Safe travels, my friend. I do hope that I will see you again.”

“You are welcome in the Shire whenever you would like.”

Legolas smiled and said, 

“Mirkwood will also welcome you.”

After a few more pleasantries and well wishes, she and Gandalf were off. It was barely midday, the sun was high in the sky, and a few birds were fluttering around and singing happily. If it was possible, her heart ached more than it had that morning. Billa couldn’t help but to look back at Erebor every few minutes, wondering if she was even doing the right thing. Soon enough it was too late to turn back, so she forced herself to look ahead. 

The tears streaming down her face had dried completely by the time they had reached the forests of Mirkwood. Billa swore she would not shed another tear, and proceeded to lock away her broken heart. Mirkwood was much more pleasant with armed guards leading them through the dark forest. Billa didn’t see any spiders, which she was immensely grateful for. 

The sky had darkened by the time they reached the other side of the forest. The thick trees had spared them from the chilly air quite well and it was a shock to her system when they reached open air. Gandalf informed her that Beorn had left almost immediately after the battle, not comfortable in being around so many people. 

The small cottage looked warm and inviting. Billa was more than ready to get off the pony, cracking her back when she did so. The door opened before they could even knock. Beorn faced them with a massive grin on his face. 

“Little bunny! Come in and join me for dinner!”

The table was laden with more food than she had seen in over month. She stared at it greedily and looked around sheepishly when she realized that Gandalf and Beorn were looking at her in amusement. They settled down to eat without much conversation. Thankfully, Beorn was too fond of his animals to have meat on the table. She did not relish the idea of a repeat of that morning. Beorn spoke of his animals fondly, and of the coming winter with little concern. It was to be an easy one apparently. 

After the table was cleared of the many plates and things from dinner, the three of them sat down by fire. It was relaxing, and she was able to sink in front of the heat of the fire easily. Not much time had passed when Billa remembered the state of her hair and clothing. Much of it was still bloodstained, and her hair looked no better. She broke the silence by asking, 

“Beorn, could I impose and use your bath tonight?”

The large man beamed at her and nodded, 

“Anything for the little bunny. Though this time it seems you have an even littler bunny with you.”

Billa’s heart stopped and she looked at him in confusion. 

“Pardon? I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

Beorn gave her another smile and patted her on the head.

“You’re with child. A skin changer knows these things, little bunny.” He chuckled and went to go fill her bath with warm water. 

And with those words, her world imploded for the second time that day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this, because I am insanely, insanely happy with it. 
> 
> Comments would be amazing :) 
> 
> Im going to my cabin this weekend, so i wont have internet, so this will be the last update until probably Tuesday... hopefully I can repeat what happened the last time I was without internet and write a bunch more :)
> 
> On an unrelated note, Over 300 of you have left kudos and that is INSANE! And 10 of you are subscribed to me, like not just the fic, but to me, which I think is incredible! So a huge thank you to those 10, and literally everyone else that had read this, whether you have left comments or not!!


	23. And if you do, you will not be the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so so so so sorry that this is up now. This is distinctly not Tuesday and I apologize. Im not very happy with this chapter, but at least its up.

Billa pulled her cloak fast around her as the cold winter wind whipped through her. Snow had started to fall a week or two after she and Gandalf had left Beorn’s house. It hadn’t stopped since then, and they were well past Rivendell and almost to the Shire. 

Her hand ghosted across her stomach briefly, sending her thoughts spiraling back to her child. The elves in Rivendell had confirmed what Beorn had thought, offering her their congratulations soon after. Billa was still overwhelmed at the thought of raising a child alone, though the tears had stopped a few days after leaving Beorn’s.

She knew that she was going to be judged and scorned quite harshly when she returned home, much more so than if it had just been her to return from the adventure. Still, when Lord Elrond had urged her to stay in Rivendell for the duration of her pregnancy, she couldn’t quite bring herself to accept. The idea of a child running through the gardens of Bag End had been too tempting to give up entirely. 

The slightest swell met her hand, making Billa smile to herself. The smile soon disappeared when she remembered that Thorin would not be there to share this with her, or any day after. Billa swallowed, trying to send the bothersome tears away. The tears she had already shed had done her no good, and any further tears would not aid her. Gandalf’s voice pulled her away from her thoughts suddenly, 

“Well, my dear, you are home.”

Billa looked up from her hands and couldn’t help the sound she made when she saw the Shire. It was just as she had left it all those months ago, even though the blooming flowers had been replaced by rolling hills covered in snow. 

“Thank you, Gandalf.”

The wizard turned in his saddle and gave her a slightly surprised glance. 

“Whatever for, my dear?”

Billa looked back to her home and sighed. 

“For bringing me home.”

Gandalf nodded and they continued into the Shire. Smoke was puffing up from the chimneys of every hobbit hole they passed. She shivered again and pulled at her cloak once more, wishing that it was thicker. 

Bag End was just as she had left it. Billa couldn’t help the sense of satisfaction that welled in her. Lobelia Sackville- Baggins hadn’t been able to force her way in during the time she was away. At least she would have her silver, and her fine china. 

Billa quickly retrieved the spare key from underneath a snow covered flowerpot and opened the door. Gandalf went to start a fire while she went through the rest of the smial. Dried muddy footprints started at the door and wound everywhere from her kitchen to the bedrooms. She tried to be annoyed at the prospect of cleaning the floors, but couldn’t make herself. Gandalf caught her staring at them almost fondly when he found her in the kitchen. 

“I have been meaning to ask you this, Billa. Are you going to tell Thorin of the child?”

Billa felt for a chair and sat in it heavily. She had been agonizing over that very question for days and days. It would be so easy to write a letter and tell him, or any of the dwarves in the company, but she wasn’t sure she could. She was still banished, and the child of a traitor would mean nothing to the king that had done the banishing. He would find some dwarrowdam to marry and have children with, she was certain. 

She merely shook her head in response and Gandalf gave a grudging nod, apparently unhappy with her decision. Gandalf took a chair next to her and sat just as heavily as she did. 

“What are you going to do now, Gandalf?”

Gandalf sighed and made a noncommittal noise.

“I may travel back to Erebor to help in the rebuilding of Laketown.”

Billa nodded minutely, already lost in her thoughts. After a while she continued by saying, 

“Promise me that you will not breathe a word of the child to anyone in Erebor.”

Gandalf sent a stunned look in her direction, as though he was offended she could think he would tell anyone. 

“I would not, my dear. I can promise you that.”

Billa was about to reply when an insistent knock sounded from the door. She got up to answer it stiffly, still sore from riding the ponies so much without very frequent breaks. That was one aspect she would most definitely not miss from the quest. She had barely gotten to the door when it opened and a figure rushed forward to envelop her in a tight hug. 

“Billa! We had thought that something awful had happened to you!”

Billa realized then that it was Primula Brandybuck at her door. Billa smiled and returned the embrace with just as much enthusiasm. Primula was one of her better friends, although she was much younger than Billa. 

“Primula! It is lovely to see you!”

Primula beamed at her and babbled, 

“So much has happened since you left! But whatever you’ve done has to be far more interesting! Did you go on an adventure? What happened? You have to tell me everything!”

Billa smiled at her friend’s rapid fire questions and then paused. She hadn’t really thought about what she would tell people that asked about her travels. The whole truth wasn’t something she felt comfortable in sharing, but the more Tookish part of her wanted everyone in the Shire to know of the things she had done and faced. 

“I think this will require a fair bit of tea to tell.”

When the pair reached the kitchen, Gandalf had already gathered his things and put his cloak back on. 

“I do believe it is time for me to take my leave.”

A sad smile lighted on Billa’s face. Gandalf had been one of her closest friends during the quest, even though he had dropped them in situations she would rather forget.

“Safe travels, my friend.”

Gandalf smiled at her, bending low to hug her. When he was out the door and almost past her gate, Billa called out, 

“Remember what I asked of you, Gandalf, please.”

The wizard turned and inclined his head. 

“You have my word.” And with that, he disappeared down the lane. 

Billa stayed there for a few more moments, thinking of everything that Gandalf had gotten her into, and everything that she owed him. Without him, she would never have left her hobbit hole, or seen elves and eagles and kingdoms. She would never have known what it was to give her heart completely to someone, and be given a heart in return. She would still possess an unbroken heart if she hadn’t left that fateful morning, but she never would have known what it was like to feel a child growing inside of her. With all good things must come the bad, she mused. 

She shivered violently without the warmth of cloak around her, so she hurried back inside and shut the door soundly. Primula had vanished from her spot just inside Bag End, leaving Billa to search for her. After a few minutes Billa walked back into the kitchen and saw that Primula was busy making tea and setting out the scones and things she had brought with her. 

She sat down in the same chair as before and looked around her kitchen. Benches and chairs that had occupied other parts of her house were still pulled up to the table. Billa smiled at the memories of the company throwing her dishes and her food without a care in the world. It wasn’t close to amusing at the time, but at least she could fine humor in it now. If it would bring back her friends and take away everything that had happened in the mountain, she would have broken every dish inside Bag End gladly and without hesitation. 

“-Billa, are you alright?” Concern laced Primula’s voice and brought her firmly back to the present. 

“Ah- yes. I’m fine, just tired.” 

Primula gave her a suspicious look at the flimsy excuse, but continued her conversation. 

“You should have seen the look on Lobelia’s face when she realized she wouldn’t be able to get inside. It was redder than some of your tomatoes!” 

Billa smiled and chuckled at the thought. She and Lobelia had never seen eye to eye, which she would have been able to ignore if Lobelia wasn’t hell bent on stealing everything out from under her. Primula barely took another breath before she started to speak again, 

“You need to tell me everything that you’ve done!” Billa didn’t miss the look that Primula cast towards the pink scar on her cheek from the battle. 

Billa took a deep breath and started from the beginning. She explained how annoyed she was when Gandalf showed up at her door talking of adventures and her mother, and how a few days after that a loud group of dwarves arrived on her doorstep and ate everything but the tin of tea hidden in the back of the pantry. 

She didn’t spend much time talking about the trolls, they were horrid and didn’t need much explanation. Billa looked up at Primula when she was talking about the Orcs and wargs chasing them, and was greeted by a shocked stare. She looked back down at her hands to describe Rivendell, picturing all of the wonderful things she had seen there. 

More than anything else, Billa talked about each member of the company extensively. Some of the dwarves were easier to describe than others, often because she spent the most time with them. The longer she talked about them, the more she remembered odd details. Like how she could almost hear what each of the dwarves’ snores sounded like, or the way they would fix their hair in the mornings when they thought no one was paying attention. 

Thorin was harder to speak about than she ever imagined. Every time she would start to say something about him, she could feel his fingers tightening around her throat and him screaming at her. Therefore, she ended up giving the briefest description. 

“The leader of the company was Thorin Oakenshield. He was to be King Under the Mountain, and he is now, I suppose.”

_You are nothing to me. ___

_You disgust me. Get out of my sight. ___

_Should you step foot in this mountain again, I will not hesitate to kill you where you stand. ___

Billa took a shuddery breath, not at all surprised to find tears rolling down her cheeks. They seemed to be her constant companion as of late. 

“Billa! What’s wrong?”

She wiped away the tears and heaved a broken sigh. 

“I left Erebor only because I was banished.” The words left in a rush and Billa felt relieved to be able to explain it to someone that wouldn’t secretly judge her. 

“What happened?” Primula’s voice was kind. She took Billa’s teacup and moved to refill it. 

“Thorin’s grandfather found a stone he named the Arkenstone and called it a symbol of his right to rule. It was lost when Smaug took the mountain. When we finally entered the mountain and Smaug was killed, Thorin was obsessed with finding it again. He said that no one would follow him if he didn’t have it. I tried to tell him that it wouldn’t matter if he had the stone or not, but he wouldn’t listen. A message arrived at the mountain, saying that an Orc army was approaching, and that the elves and men would help if they would receive payment to help their people. Thorin refused.”

Primula returned with her tea and set it down gently in front of her. Billa paused to take a sip and continued, 

“I knew that we would die in that mountain if something wasn’t done. I found the Arkenstone and brought it to King Thranduil and Bard of Laketown. When Thorin found out, he was furious- “

Billa broke off and couldn’t make herself continue. Primula didn’t push her any further, merely sitting in her chair and offering words of support. After a while Primula spoke again. 

“It will be okay, Billa. There’s nothing to worry about now.”

Those words made Billa cry all the more. Primula couldn’t be more wrong. It was only just beginning. Her child would grow up only knowing its mother, always wondering what it would be like to meet their father. Through her tears, she looked up to see that Primula looked startled at her sudden outburst of tears. In an uncertain voice, Primula continued, 

“It will be alright, wont it?”

Billa shook her head and sobbed out, 

“You don’t understand, Primula. I’m all alone, I can’t do this alone –“

“Billa, it’s alright. I’ll be here. You can always talk to me -“

“I’m pregnant, Primula.”

Primula’s jaw dropped and snapped shut just as quickly. Billa watched the younger hobbit carefully, silently preparing herself to be shunned by one of her only friends in the Shire. Perhaps she should have stayed in Rivendell after all. The elves would be more than kind and understanding. More so than any of the hobbits in the Shire. 

“Primula – “

Primula leaned forward and clasped Billa’s hands within her own. 

“Oh Billa. It will be alright.”

Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. A tentative knock on the door interrupted their conversation. Billa got up to answer it, busily wiping away the tears. The door opened to reveal her cousin Drogo who looked startled to see her standing in the doorway. 

“Oh! Billa! You’re back – I saw the smoke from the chimney and I thought Lobelia got in.”

Billa stepped back to let Drogo in from the cold. 

“What would you have done if it was Lobelia that was in here?” Billa asked, curious. Her cousin wasn’t one for confrontation, so she was flattered that he would even try to help her keep her house. 

“Well, I didn’t exactly think that part through – but I’m sure I would have thought of something.”

“Drogo!”

Both Billa and Drogo looked over to see Primula race into the room. Billa watched the pair exchange a few hellos and was pleased and slightly shocked to see that Drogo had reddened from his cheeks up to the very tips of his ears at Primula’s attention.

She went back into the kitchen and picked up the plates and leftover food that Primula had brought her. Billa was fairly certain that Primula would not be staying much longer now that Drogo was here. Which is good, she thought, both of them deserve every happiness. 

Sure enough, not long after Drogo arrived Primula came back into the kitchen with a grin on her face and said, 

“Drogo offered to walk me home! I promise I’ll come visit soon, I really am glad that you’re back, Billa.”

“It was nice to see you, Primula.” Billa smiled at her friend and caught her in a hug before she could leave. Primula returned it easily and left in a whirl that sent a few snowflakes skittering into the smial. 

The emptiness that surrounded her only served to remind her that this is what her life would be like from now on. At least until the child arrived, she amended. The fire was crackling in the hearth so she settled in front of it in her favorite armchair. 

Billa couldn’t get over what it was like to see everything that she had missed so desperately in the beginning of the quest once more. What had been the world to her before now seemed slightly less meaningful and she was reminded of the conversation she and Gandalf had had the night the dwarves had come to her door. He had just finished telling her the embellished story of one of her relatives, which only made her more annoyed with the wizard. 

_I do believe you made that up. ___

_Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back. ___

The Tookish wildness that had her dreaming of the stars and what it would be like to see the world fled her in that moment and she was suddenly afraid. Afraid, and with a mess of dwarves eating and quite possible destroying everything she owned. 

_Can you promise that I will come back? ___

_No. And if you do... you will not be the same. ___

And so here she was. Finding with every passing second that Gandalf had been more right than she had thought was possible. Her hands ran over the growing bump for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She smiled down at it and whispered, 

“It’s just you and I, little one.”

The fire had died down when she finally got up to put away her things that were still piled in a heap at the foot of her bed. A few pieces of clothing just couldn’t be salvaged in any way, like the coat she had somehow been able to keep the entire journey, as well as a few torn shirts and a pair of pants. 

At the very bottom of the pack was the necklace that Fili and Kili had tossed at her, as well as the ring that still made her feel ill when she looked at it. Billa looked around her room and grabbed the small box for her odds and ends that rested on the nightstand. She flipped it open and tossed the ring in without another glance. 

The necklace was harder to simply hide away. Billa looked at it for a long while, her fingers running over the dripping gems. It was beautiful, but she appreciated it for more than its beauty alone. It reminded her of Fili and Kili, as well as the rest of the company in a better time when they all knew they had survived the quest. 

Billa put the necklace aside to change into clothes that were not so worn and stained from traveling. The mithril shirt met her fingers when the vest and shirt were taken off. She had almost forgotten that she had been wearing it. That discovery brought back another rush of emotions that soon had her crying again, much to her displeasure. She had been stronger on the quest, but now she couldn’t even change clothing without finding something to cry over. 

She tossed the old clothing away and sat back on her bed, trying to focus on other things. The pantry would need to be restocked and the floors needed to be given a good scrubbing. Knowing her relatives and the general nosiness of the hobbits in the Shire, all the cleaning she would be doing tomorrow was going to be punctuated by frequent stops to answer the door and politely decline offers of tea. Billa shook her head and crawled into bed to try and get a decent night’s sleep. 

It was more afternoon than morning when she got out of bed the next day. Billa hurried down to the markets before they could close. They were open for less time in the winter and much smaller than they had been when she left, but they would have to do. 

The few hobbits that were braving the cold stopped and stared when she passed them. Billa only glanced at them, unwilling to look at them longer, knowing that the others would take it as an invitation to pester her with questions. 

She bought everything she needed and went back to Bag End, relieved to escape the scrutiny. After everything was put into the pantry Billa grabbed a bucket and sponge, intent on scrubbing the house top to bottom. 

Each muddy boot print was an angry word that would have been better left unsaid, the countless tears she had already shed, and the horrible things she had seen. She scrubbed viciously, imagining every slight that had come past her. By the time the floors were clean again, Billa was feeling just a little better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i hope you didnt totally hate this chapter?? I dont really like it, but it is what it is. 
> 
> Comments would be amazing :)


	24. Letters and Songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just got back from my cabin with a chapter and a half ready to go for you guys :) This is more of a filler chapter than anything, but I still like it. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Billa put down the book on elves she was trying to read for the fifth time that day. She got up and paced through the kitchen and past the bedrooms, only to arrive back by her armchair once more. She made an aggravated sound and said out loud, 

“What are you doing? It’s not like hiding is going to change anything.”

With that, she went to go get her cloak and gloves. She had spent most of the winter studiously avoiding most of the hobbits in the Shire. Primula and Drogo were the only visitors she received regularly, not that she minded. There was no hiding that she was pregnant at that point, which was what ultimately lead to her self-induced seclusion.

Enough was enough, and if she had to fight off Lobelia Sackville-Baggins and her sticky fingers to get some fresh air, she would do so and gladly. Most of the snow had melted and the biting chill had left the air. Clusters of white flowers poked through the snow just beside her door. Billa smiled at the message the flowers gave and continued on her walk. 

Her knee had healed well, only leaving the slightest limp in its wake. She walked down the lane for a while and made sure to smile and nod at every hobbit she passed. None of them returned her smiles, mostly because they were too busy staring at her ever growing middle. Billa laid a protective hand over her stomach and grinned when her baby moved. 

Hobbits were only pregnant for around six months, but she wasn’t certain how long dwarven women carried their children. In all of the stories that Gloin had told of his son and his wife, he had never thought to mention the specifics of dwarven pregnancies and she couldn’t help but to feel a little annoyed. 

“Billa Baggins! You come back here this instant!”

There was no mistaking the shrill voice that could have easily carried all across the Shire. Billa took a deep breath and turned around to see none other than Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. Billa had long been of the opinion that Lobelia was by far the most bothersome hobbit in all of Hobbiton, and that was before taking Lobelia’s tendency to steal her silverware into account. 

“What in the world is that?!” Lobelia pointed an accusing finger towards Billa’s stomach.

Billa looked down in feigned surprise and back up at Lobelia, saying, 

“I do believe it’s a baby. I assure you, I am just as shocked as you are.”

Lobelia’s expression grew indignant and she sputtered, 

“How in the world did that happen?”

“Lobelia,” Billa tutted, “I would think you would have an inkling of how this works now that you have Lotho.” 

Billa delighted in watching Lobelia’s face go from a bright pink to a deeper shade of red. The walk about the Shire was quite possibly the best idea she had had all winter. Lobelia finally collected herself, glancing about the lane surreptitiously. The color left her cheeks and she hissed, 

“A dwarf? Have you any shred of respectability left?”

Billa merely raised an eyebrow and replied, 

“I must have forgotten it after I spoke with the dragon.”

Lobelia’s mouth fell open, reminding her of the many fish she had seen in Laketown.

Billa waited expectantly for her to say something more. When no response came she gave a slight nod and said, 

“Lovely seeing you Lobelia. We must do this again soon.” 

Billa turned on her heel and continued on her way to the markets. The budding spring had sent life back into the Shire, and for that Billa was grateful. Children ran through the mud puddles, laughing delightedly and calling out to their friends. She watched them for a little while, imagining one with dark hair and deep blue eyes in the mix. She bought the few things she needed from the market and was even tempted into getting a raspberry tart for the walk back to Bag End. As she passed the stand for dried goods she caught something sparkle out of the corner of her eye. 

Billa glanced into the stand and saw that what had caught her eye was a mobile to hang above a crib. Small stones twirled when the breeze whispered through the markets. They were nothing more than river rocks, so she knew that the mobile was overpriced, but soon enough she was eating a tart and carrying the mobile back down the lane. 

When she reached the top of the hill, Billa noticed that there was a figure waiting by her door. Her heart raced, what if it was a dwarf from Erebor? Or worse yet, a dwarf from the company? Her secret would be told, and she didn’t want to know what would happen after that. She breathed a sigh of relief when she got to her gate and saw that the person was far too tall to be a dwarf, and much too lithe. 

“Hello.” Billa greeted cautiously. 

The elf turned and inclined his head to her, saying,

“I come from Rivendell. Lord Elrond wished for me to deliver this message to you.”

Billa’s eyebrows rose in surprise at the outstretched letter, but she took it without another question. The paper was of a fine make and the writing on the envelope even neater than hers. 

“Would you care for some tea, or anything to eat? You have had a long journey.”

The elf looked sorely tempted for a few moments, and ultimately gave in. 

“I thank you for your hospitality, Miss Baggins. If you would like, I can wait for you to write a response so that I may take it back to Rivendell.”

Billa smiled and said, 

“That would be lovely, thank you.” 

She set about starting tea and put a few scones that she had made that morning on a plate. The elf took one with a smile, looking around her dining room contentedly. Billa went to her study and retrieved paper, an inkwell, and a quill. 

After a few minutes of searching she found her letter opener and tore open the envelope carefully. Ruby red wax had been dripped on the letter to seal it. Billa removed that and opened it, curious to see what Lord Elrond wanted of her. 

_Miss Baggins – ___

_I hope that this letter finds you in good health and spirit. I must confess that I am still uneasy at the prospect of you alone in the Shire without the help and protection Rivendell could offer you. I would like to extend another invitation for you to stay in Rivendell, for as long as you would like. I truly do hope that you accept the offer now that winter has passed. You will find friends here, as well as a peace that you sorely deserve after everything that has come to pass. ___

_Lord Elrond of Rivendell ___

Billa read the letter a few times over, indecisive. It wouldn’t do to go adventuring now that she was so far along in her pregnancy. She imagined giving birth on the road, with no one to help her but the few escorts that would bring her to Rivendell and shuddered. Even with that image fresh in her mind, she couldn’t deny that the Shire didn’t hold the same charm it once did. 

She set her quill to the paper and wrote, 

_Lord Elrond - ___

_I greatly appreciate the offer that you have given me, but I cannot accept. I do not know when the baby will be born, and believe it would be better for me to stay in the Shire for the time being. I can only hope that you will understand. I may come to Rivendell when my child is older, or I find that I cannot live in the Shire any longer. Nevertheless, thank you for the kind offer, and I promise you that I will not forget it. ___

_Billa Baggins ___

Billa set the quill down beside the letter and looked over what she had written. She nodded to herself and found an envelope to put it in. The sharp whistle from the tea kettle rang out from the kitchen, so she hurried as quickly as she able to finish the tea. When that was done, she carried the tray out to the dining room and set it on the table. Soon enough she and her companion were enjoying the warmth of the tea and good company. After a few minutes of general conversation, Billa couldn’t hold back her questions and hedged, 

“How does Rivendell fair?”

“Very well. Lord Elrond recently sent a few healers in the direction of Laketown and Erebor to help in any way possible.”

Billa tried to keep her expression one solely of polite interest but found that she was failing. As far as she knew, Gandalf was still in Erebor, and could have alerted anyone of her condition. Then came the worries about the company that plagued her every day. 

“Has there been success in the rebuilding?”

The elf nodded, but gave her a sad look as if to say he knew exactly what information she was trying to find. He continued, 

“Dwarven caravans have steadily been traveling to Erebor since the end of the battle. There have been whispers that the King under the Mountain has refused a coronation befitting his station in order to better focus on the rebuilding.”

Billa’s look of surprise quickly matched that of Lobelia’s from earlier in the day. It was strange to hear about Thorin after so many months, and Billa’s heart twisted painfully. She swallowed a gulp of tea to compose herself and tried to think of a way to ask about Thorin. Before she could find an excuse the elf looked at her carefully and said, “Forgive me if I have overstepped my boundaries, but Lord Elrond did inform me of what has come to pass between you and the Mountain king. I find what you have done to be extraordinarily brave.”

Billa’s surprised look returned and she managed to say, 

“I don’t find what I did very brave, but thank you. Did Lord Elrond also inform you of the sickness that plagued the king?”

The elf’s eyes flickered to her neck and she took that to mean that he did. It was a few more moments before the elf spoke, and Billa began to grow nervous, fearing that the gold sickness had gotten worse and that Thorin was rapidly becoming his grandfather. 

“I am aware. I apologize that I do not know anything more.”

Billa nodded, obviously disappointed. She didn’t ask any more questions of the messenger, only because she knew that the questions she had weren’t ones he would be able to answer. She wanted to know if Dis had come back to the mountain, and how happy Fili and Kili were to see their mother. She wanted to see if Gloin and his family had been reunited, and how many people he had told of his son. She thought of Ori and Dwalin, and how they were, and if Bombur was employed in the kitchens or merely enjoying the food, and if Bofur and Bifur had started making toys again. Her questions formed an endless list that she knew would never be answered. 

More than anything else, her questions centered on Thorin. She doubted that he even thought of her, the traitor that had stolen the Arkenstone. Even so, she wanted to find out so many things. More often than not she wondered what her life would be like if Thorin hadn’t fell to the gold sickness or even what would have happened if they weren’t able to reclaim Erebor. Before her thoughts could rise to the surface and hurt more than they already did she looked back to the elf sitting across from her and saw that he was rising from his seat. 

“Thank you for your hospitality, Miss Baggins. I will ensure that your response returns to Lord Elrond as soon as I am able to go to Rivendell.” The elf gave a bow and made his way past her gate and down the lane. 

Billa sighed and turned back to the kitchen, her hands on her hips. She looked down at her feet and frowned at how swollen they were. Billa tried to crack her back, her frown deepening when she wasn’t able to. It seemed that she was full of complaints as of late. She patted her stomach and hummed a lively tune as she went to find the mobile. A few months previously she and Primula had gotten it in their heads to turn one of the spare rooms into a nursery for the baby. They enlisted Drogo to help them move the bed and the rest of the furniture in favor of a crib and the rocking chair that had been a present for her mother after Billa had been born. 

Since then, she had started to fill it with odds and ends from the market or from other parts of the smial. A shelf lined the wall with books full of children’s stories and songs. The chest on one side of the crib didn’t hold much except for a few clothes that she hoped would be able to fit the baby. 

Billa decided to keep the warm yellow color on the walls, even though Drogo and Primula offered to change that for her as well. It made the room more welcoming and the window opposite the door let in plenty of light and offered a beautiful view of the gardens and hills behind Bag End. 

She found a stool from the hall and climbed onto it to try and hang the mobile. The hook hanging from the ceiling was just low enough to let her loop the string over it. Billa stepped down and admired the blue and white striped stones twirling on their thread. 

It was a far cry from the nursery she was sure would have been made in Erebor, but it would have to do. Billa let herself sink into the chair in the corner of the room, rocking back and forth gently. If things had been different, and if she had been able to find a way to make Thorin see the error in his ways, she would have given anything to have him by her side. 

The baby moved inside her again and she smiled, her hand rubbing circles over her stomach. Her thoughts traveled past the entire quest and back to the night that the company made themselves at home in her dining room. She had hated everything to do with the dwarves up until the moment that they began to sing. 

It had been a song full of hope and wonder, and she had been in awe of it. Her baby moved restlessly, so Billa hummed the tune she would never forget and started to sing. 

_Far over the Misty mountains cold, ___

_To dungeons deep and caverns old. ___

_We must away, ere break of day. ___

_To find our long forgotten gold. ___

_The pines were roaring, on the height. ___

_The winds were moaning in the night, ___

_The fire was red, it flaming spread. ___

_The trees like torches blazed with light. ___

By the time her voice had faded away, the baby had quieted, only occasionally making fluttery movements. Billa smiled and sat there for a few more minutes, gathering the energy to get up and actually do something productive. The more time she sat there, the less she wanted to do. 

Eventually she roused herself up and into the kitchen. She washed and put away everything from her visit with the elf and decided that she had done enough to warrant a nap. It was barely past midday and she felt like she had been awake for ages. 

The sheets in her bedroom were welcoming and smelled freshly of the spring air. Billa dreamt that she was back in Erebor, but it was not as she had left it. Every hall and passageway was buzzing with life and activity. The dwarves she passed all had a smile on their face for her, which was something she had not seen in recent months. 

Off in the distance, she was able to see Bofur speaking with Ori. She raised her hand in a greeting and called out to get her attention. When they turned to face her, they looked at her like they had when Thorin had banished her from Erebor. Her brow knit in confusion, and a warm hand fell on her back, guiding her towards the grand doors. Billa looked up at Thorin and broke out into a grin when she saw that he was looking at her fondly. His hand slid from her back and onto her round stomach. Thorin’s smile widened and he broke away to lead her to their destination. 

Billa took the time to see what had changed since she had last seen him. More braids had been added to his hair, no doubt telling the story of his bravery and his position as king. A solid crown rested on his forehead and she decided that it suited him well. 

She only comprehended that they were moving lower in the mountain when the air became cooler and the passageways more damp. They descended a set of stairs and stopped when they reached the bottom. Thorin opened a door for her and she stepped in quickly, looking behind her to wait for Thorin to follow her. Before she could protest, the door closed. 

Billa rushed to the door, hitting it and calling for help. Her cries went unanswered for so long that when she finally stopped screaming her voice was hoarse and her throat felt raw. She sunk to the floor, and that was when the pain started. 

Hours and hours of intense labor passed in solitude. She was practically crying from the pain of it, wishing that someone, anyone, was there to help her. With one final push and scream, the small cries she had waited for filled the empty room. 

She laughed through her tears and gathered her child in her arms. The door opened again. Billa looked over at Thorin and Oin with a smile on her face. She waited for Thorin to kneel next to her and look at their child, but he remained by the door, watching Oin cut the cord that connected her to the baby.

Oin took the baby from her and walked over to Thorin. The dwarf king took the proffered bundle reverently, gazing at his child in adoration. Billa started to say something when Thorin looked over at her, as though he just remembered she was there. She found her voice and said, 

“Thorin, isn’t our child beautiful?”

Thorin laughed cruelly and replied, 

“This is not your child. Did you forget what you are? You are a traitor and a thief, and this child is one more thing you have stolen from me. You have no right.”

He turned and walked out of the room with Oin close on his heels. The door closed with finality, and the sharp sound of a lock clicking into place followed. Billa screamed, but it was lost within the thick stone walls of the mountain. 

She woke with a shriek, trying to catch her breath. She reached up to wipe her face with her hand and let it fall back down to rest on her stomach. It was just a dream, she thought. Nothing more than a dream. 

A knock sounded at the door and she groaned. Perhaps if she just ignored it, whoever was at the door would understand and leave her be. The knocking grew faster and more frantic. Billa sighed and got out of bed, spending enough time by the mirror on her dresser to make sure that she looked decent enough to receive company. 

Billa flung the door open, irritated, and was swept into a massive hug. Primula was chattering excitedly about something or other, and Billa had to put her hand over hers friend's mouth to get a word in. 

“Primula! Calm down! What’s happened?”

Primula tore Billa’s hand away and laughed. 

“Drogo asked me to marry him! Isn’t that wonderful?”

Billa’s eyes widened in surprise and she nodded enthusiastically. 

“Congratulations! When did this happen?”

Primula launched into the story with passion. Billa listened at the doorway for a while and invited Primula inside to stay. By the time the story had been told and properly gushed over it was getting dark. Billa offered dinner to Primula but it was refused kindly. 

“I’m supposed to have dinner with Drogo’s family. Wish me luck!”

Billa did just that and waited until Primula passed back through her gate to close the door. She smiled to herself and went about finding something simple to make for dinner. The night ended uneventfully, and she went to bed, hoping that no dreams of any kind would follow her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter down! And one more chapter closer to meeting the baby and seeing Thorin again :) As of right now, it looks like the next chapter is going to skip ahead a bit and get to a point where the baby will be born. Who's excited?? I know I am! 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


	25. The Long Awaited Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Spring blossomed and fell away to leave summer in its wake. Billa looked through her kitchen window and frowned at her garden. She had tried to tend to it to the best of her ability, but found it more difficult to manage now that she could barely see her feet. 

She glared at Lobelia when the horrible hobbit walked past the fence, shaking her head and glancing disapprovingly at the state of the flowers and plants. She had half a mind to go outside and yell until she felt better but Billa was torn away from the window when the teakettle whistled behind her. 

Primula raced from her spot on the couch when she heard the whistle and grabbed the kettle before Billa could get to it. 

“Primula, I’m only pregnant, it doesn’t mean that I’m not able to make the tea. “ Even so, Billa sunk down into the chair beside her without protesting further. 

Primula spared her a determined look and replied, 

“You heard what the midwife said. You’re not supposed to do anything more than you have to. Giving birth will be difficult enough without you making things more complicated.”

Billa waved away the concerns with one hand as she busily fanned herself with the other. 

“Which is why I gave up gardening for the summer. Making a pot of tea won’t be the end of me.”

“Just think of the baby, Billa. Once it’s here you can do whatever you would like. Within reason of course.”

The mention of the baby did away with any other complaints she could think of, even though there were many more things she could have said. Her patience was stretched thin, and she knew that Primula was putting up with more than she should have been. She stretched out her feet and groaned. 

“If this baby waits any longer I think you’ll have to scrape me from the walls.”

Primula laughed lightly and shook her head. 

“It should only be a few more days.”

Billa nodded and rubbed her stomach. “I’m counting down every second that passes, Primula. Be thankful that you’ll only have to deal with this for six months when you and Drogo decide to have children.”

Primula paled slightly at the thought. “We’re not even married yet! I doubt he’s even thought of children.”

Billa smiled and flicked away a stray curl that was hovering around her face. The hair that made up the braid Thorin cut off had almost evened out with the rest. Primula set her tea in front of her. She peered into the cup and frowned. 

“Please tell me there aren’t any of those disgusting herbs that the midwife left in here. I would adore having a normal cup of tea. “

Primula’s sheepish grin turned guilty, but she pressed forward with her arms crossed over her chest.

“The midwife insisted! I’m not leaving the room until you finish it, so you might as well drink it before it cools and makes it worse.”

Billa’s grimace deepened but she gulped the tea down as quickly as she could. The taste that was left in her mouth was the worst thing she had ever ingested and that was including the concoction that Oin made her swallow in Laketown.

She pulled a face and set the empty teacup down on the saucer. Primula laughed at her expression and left the room to continue whatever project she had put her mind to. Billa looked down at her stomach and smiled, 

“The things I do for you, little one.”

She rose from the chair slowly and with more trouble than she would ever admit. If she did, Primula would hover more than she already managed, leaving Billa feeling even more useless. It took a few minutes but she was able to eventually make it to her study. If she were to race the resident snapping turtle from the banks of the Brandywine River, she was certain that the turtle would win with an impressive lead. 

Billa retrieved the small leather bound book she had started to read that morning, only to drop it in shock when she heard Primula scream. She grabbed the letter opener that was sitting on her desk, brandishing it like a sword. She reached the front of the house in record time for her condition, looking around frantically to see what had startled Primula. 

The door was open halfway so Billa peeked around it and saw that Primula was staring at a massive raven perched on the bench by the lilies. 

Billa let out a relieved sigh and a tiny laugh. Primula’s head whipped in her direction at the noise and she said hurriedly, 

“Billa! I swear to you that this bird just spoke!”

She looked over at the raven and smiled when it seemed to scowl at Primula for either insulting it or being frightened by it. The raven hopped closer and fluttered its wings impatiently. It was larger than any other raven she had ever seen and looked to be three times as clever. It stuck its leg out and blinked at her imploringly. 

Billa stepped forward and unwrapped the note she saw tied around the bird’s leg. It was marked with the seven stars of the line of Durin. Her stomach dropped and her eyes flicked back up to the raven. 

“Thank you.”

The raven looked pleased and bobbed its head up and down. It turned its attention back to Primula, fascinated by the thin silver band she had around her finger. Primula took a step back and looked at it warily. 

Billa caught the raven’s attention with a wave of her hand and said, 

“Will you wait here for me to write a reply?”

The bird bobbed its head again and she could have sworn it squawked something that sounded like a yes. Billa nodded and turned around to go back into the house. Of all the things she had thought she would do that day, talking to a raven had certainly not been one of them. 

She sat down at her writing desk and broke the seal on the letter impatiently. The ink was smudged in some places and the writing looked hurried. 

_Billa – ___

_I hope this this letter found you. I sent one bird already, but it was old and I think it may have died before it could reach you. The rest of the ravens were less than thrilled at the idea of flying all the way to the Shire, so I had to tempt them with one of the rings I was wearing. This raven bit me once already. They’re greedy and I don’t like them very much. Anyway, I hope this found you and I hope that you’re doing well. Kili and I decided to write the letter, even though Uncle thinks we shouldn’t bother you. ___

_We’re both worried about him, Billa. He isn’t the same as before and it’s not because of the gold sickness. When he woke up after the battle and we told him everything that had happened, we thought he was going to do something stupid. Bard gave him back the Arkenstone, but Uncle didn’t even want to look at it. He threw it into one of the abandoned mines and hasn’t spoken about it since. ___

_He regrets everything he did, we know that he does. Kili heard him arguing with Mother the other day about you. She asked him why he didn’t come after you, and he said that it was because he knew that you didn’t want to see him. Is that true? The whole company misses you Billa, and we just want you back here in Erebor. Kili and I hope that you write back soon. ___

_Fili and Kili ___

Billa wiped away the tears that had formed after she finished reading the letter and tried to think of what she could possibly say in return. Even if Thorin regretted what he had done, she wasn’t sure that she would be able to forgive him. Her nightmares were still filled with his hands wrapped around her neck and she would never be able to forget that. 

How would she ever be able to explain what had happened to her? They thought that it was only her in the Shire. How could she tell them that she was pregnant with Thorin’s child and had never bothered to write to them? They would never be able to understand. Billa took a deep breath and pulled out a piece of paper. 

_My dear Fili and Kili – ___

_The letter did find me, and I must say that I found the raven surprising. Thank you for the letter, and I’m sorry that I haven’t written until now. Life has returned to normal for me – ___

Billa let loose a frustrated sound and proceeded to tear the paper in half. She grabbed a new sheet of paper and tried to start the letter again, but that copy ended up in pieces on the floor as well. Half a dozen attempts littered the floor before she gave up completely. 

She made her way outside and saw that Primula was keeping a fair distance between herself and the raven. The black bird wasn’t paying the frightened hobbit any mind, too busy picking seeds from Billa’s sunflowers. 

The raven tore apart a seed and glanced over at her curiously. He blinked lazily and looked pointedly at her hands like he was searching for the letter she had presumably written. Billa held up her hands and shrugged her shoulders apologetically. 

“I don’t have a letter for you. I’m sorry that you flew all this way.”

The raven flapped his wings a few times and seemed to nod. Billa waited as the bird pecked a few more sunflower seeds and took off, flying right over poor Primula’s head. Primula screamed again and ran back to the house. She watched the bird until it was nothing more than a black speck in the sky and wondered if she had done the right thing. The safer thing, surely, but was it the right thing?

So much time had passed since she had seen and spoken with the company that it hurt less to not try again. Fili and Kili’s letter had been the first one she had received and it had taken months for it to arrive. They might miss her, but they certainly weren’t doing anything to bridge that gap that had formed.

_You haven’t done anything to keep in touch with them either, _she thought a little guiltily.__

Billa rubbed at her face and went back into Bag End. She puttered around inside for a while, picking up odds and ends as well as looking over the nursery. She found herself in that room more and more often, just staring at the crib and the plush toys she and Primula had bought and made. 

The rest of the day passed without any more letter carrying ravens and horrible tea. In hindsight, Billa realized it was her last day of peace. It was dark outside when she woke up from sheer pain. It didn’t take long for Billa to process what was happening and yell for Primula who was just down the hall. Primula raced into the room and took in the scene before her. Billa had her eyes screwed shut, trying to focus on anything other than the pain , but opened then long enough to see that Primula’s eyes widened slightly in fear before she said, 

“I’m going to get the midwife! I’ll be back as soon as I can!”

Billa nodded and grabbed fistfuls of the sheets on either side of her. She cried out again and tried to focus on her breathing like the midwife had mentioned might help. The pain subsided briefly, which let Billa catch her breath and wish in vain that Thorin was there with her. Time lost its meaning soon after the midwife finally arrived. Billa’s world was waves of pain and screaming. She barely registered Primula’s hand holding her own, too busy cursing Thorin for his part in this. 

She was certain that this would be the end of her. It surpassed any pain she had ever felt, including the wounds she had gotten from battling with Orcs and goblins. Primula changed the cloth on her forehead for one that was cooler and took to dabbing the sweat from her brow. 

Sunlight streamed in from her bedroom window before there were any signs of impending relief. 

“You’re doing so well, Billa. This baby will be here before you know it.”

Billa gave a choked half laugh and replied between moans, 

“Can you promise me that?”

Billa would have done anything to know that it was Thorin holding her hand and whispering words of encouragement rather than Primula. She could almost picture the excited, yet nervous look on his face when the midwife said what she had been waiting to hear for hours. 

“Just one more push and you’ll be able to see your baby. Just one more push.”

Billa did as the midwife asked mechanically, too tired to even think. Sharp cries filled the room, and she laughed weakly. Her head hit the pillows behind her and she reached out to meet her child for the first time. Primula was beaming when she handed the bundle to her, and her face brightened even more when she said, 

“It’s a boy! Meet your son, Billa.”

Billa wiped away her tears and laughed again. Her son was red faced and looking at her like she had just made his world more difficult. He had startling blue eyes that matched Thorin’s exactly. Her throat tightened when she thought of Thorin, but she focused on her child again. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and smiled when he quieted. 

“Hello, darling boy. I’ve waited a long time to meet you.”

Her son closed his eyes again and Billa drank the sight of him in. Fine golden hair that matched her own covered his head. She traced a finger lightly along his chin and over his cheek, marveling at him. His ears were pointed slightly, the perfect mix between her own ears and Thorin’s.

Primula leaned over Billa’s shoulder, admiring the baby.

“Have you thought of a name yet?”

Billa paused and thought for a moment. She had thought of many names that hadn’t been right, only because she knew that her child deserved a name her could be proud of. She was fond of a few hobbit names that were popular in the Shire, but now as she was holding her child none of them seemed to fit. It was not a hobbit name that her son needed, but a dwarvish one. Billa ran her fingers through her son’s hair gently and knew then what she should name him. 

“I have. His name is Frerin.”

Primula smiled and ran her finger over Frerin’s chubby cheek. 

“I think that’s a nice name.”

Billa nodded and cuddled Frerin closer. 

“I think it’s perfect.”

It didn’t take long for Frerin to be fed, and for him to fall asleep again. Billa gazed at him full of a different love she had never felt before. Her eyes drooped slightly and she realized that she was tired once more. She blinked stubbornly and pressed another kiss to Frerin’s forehead, unwilling to even miss a second of seeing him. 

Thorin would be proud, she thought. The closest things he had ever had to sons were Fili and Kili, and even though she knew that he would die for them without a second thought, it would have been different if he could have held his son. She saw bits and pieces of Thorin in Frerin’s nose and mouth and selfishly hoped that her hair and ears would be the only features Frerin got from her. 

“Billa, you need to get some sleep. Frerin will be here when you wake up. I’ll be too busy holding him, so he won’t even go in his crib!”

Billa nodded and gave Frerin one more long look. She passed him to Primula and watched her leave the room with her son carefully. She smiled and closed her eyes, happy to get some rest. She fell asleep with a smirk playing about her face. 

The next few weeks were a blur of feeding Frerin, soothing his cries, and hoping he would sleep so Billa would be able to get some work done. The Shire was practically buzzing in excited preparation for the Lithe holiday. The tents for the fair and markets were being set up and the smells of mouthwatering food wafted over the entire land. 

She had just sat down to enjoy the first bit of peace that morning with a cup of tea when someone knocked on the door. Billa closed her eyes, letting her head fall into her hand for a few seconds before getting up to answer the door. 

“You look well, my dear!” Gandalf leaned down to better see her and gave her a brilliant smile, his eyes twinkling. 

“Gandalf! What are you doing here?”

The wizard stepped inside the smial and gave it a cursory glance. 

“To see you, and to take part in the festivities! You are well aware that my fireworks are a thing of legend.”

Billa laughed and agreed. In truth, many hobbits were uneasy at the prospect of fireworks, but tended to enjoy them when they were lit and dancing away in the night sky. Frerin’s insistent cries rang throughout Bag End. Gandalf’s smile widened and he asked, 

“Is that your little one that I hear?”

Billa nodded and turned to see what Frerin needed, 

‘I’ll be right back. I just made tea, and you’re more than welcome to some if you’d like.”

She hurried down the hall and into the nursery. The breeze coming in from the window stirred the gauzy white curtains and sent the mobile twirling in a circle. Frerin was still fussing in his crib so Billa picked him up, all the while making silly noises and even more ridiculous faces. Billa bounced around the room with Frerin until he eventually stopped crying. 

Frerin looked up at her, his eyes brightening in recognition and happiness. Her heart soared at the sight. She kissed him on the forehead and bent to grab the nearest toy. 

“We have a visitor, Frerin! He’s a wizard, but a rather odd one.” Frerin’s attention turned to the toy, so she shook it slightly and continued to say whatever came to her mind. By the time she reached the kitchen again, Frerin had lost interest in the toy and gave a tiny yawn. 

Billa handed him to Gandalf, and she was sure that she had never seen the wizard be so careful with anything before. She smiled and went to go find something small they could snack on. When that was done, Billa took the chair opposite Gandalf and asked, 

“Did you go back to Erebor and Laketown?”

Gandalf tore himself away from Frerin’s sleeping form and answered, 

“Yes, I did. The rebuilding is going well, and there is finally peace between the three races. “

Billa gave a brief nod before she launched into her next question. 

“Is everyone in the company unharmed?”

“They are all doing quite well. Do you think it is time to write a letter to them, explaining what has happened?”

She had been asking herself that same question for days, yet whenever she tried to set her quill to paper, she could never find the right words. It seemed an impossible task to be able to tell Thorin that she had been pregnant while she had spoken with a dragon, fought Orcs and Wargs, and almost been killed by his hand. 

“I have tried, Gandalf. I don’t think I will ever be able to face him again. How could I?”

“My dear. You are braver than you think you are. You have your mother to thank for that. If you do not think you can face Thorin, do it for your son. He is as much Thorin’s child as he is yours.”

“I know that, I truly do. What if he doesn’t want to know him? What if Frerin is another reminder of the things I have done to him?”

Gandalf gave her a frustrated look and shook his head vehemently. 

“He would not think that. You must at least try, my dear.”

“Just give me time, Gandalf. Perhaps when Frerin is older.”

“Do not forget your adventures in favor of the comforts of the Shire. I said you would not be the same hobbit as before, and it would not do for you to pretend that the quest never happened.”

Billa nodded sharply and let their conversation move towards the holiday and the celebration that would fill the Shire in a few days’ time. Gandalf carefully passed Frerin back to her just as he announced that he had a few other things to attend to before anyone would see his fireworks. 

She bid him goodbye and went back to the nursery to put Frerin back in his crib for a more substantial nap. When she was certain that he was fast asleep, she went to her room and pulled out the chest from underneath her bed. Sting still lay there nestled in a mess of blankets and bits of cloth. 

Billa pulled out the sword and lofted it into the air to test its weight in her hand. She marveled at how simple it was to get the feel of the blade once more, even though she had been months without touching it. 

She pushed the chest back under the bed and carried Sting to the mantel above the fireplace. Billa rested it against the wood and stepped back to admire it in its new place. A brief feeling of pride welled inside of her at the sight. Gandalf was right. It would not do for her to forget the quest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter! I know that I'm happy with it, but would love to read comments from all of you wonderful people :)
> 
>  
> 
> What would you guys think of a few chapters from Thorin's perspective? I'm very tempted. We would go back to Billa's after maybe 2 or 3 chapters, so its not like this fic will end in Thorin's perspective if that makes it easier for anyone


	26. A Plan to go Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long. The fair happened and then I lost my muse and my computer made things difficult. It was an ordeal. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

The endless speaking of the lords on his council was beginning to grate on his already frayed nerves. Many of the matters they thought to bring forth had already been decided upon in the previous meetings, so he saw no reason they should still be discussing them. Thorin sighed and tried to focus on what one of the minor lords from the Blue Mountain was saying, 

“Pardon me your Majesty, but the council believes that it is time for you to find a spouse.”

Thorin looked over at the lord, his gaze darkening. The dwarf turned timid under the scrutiny, but continued to speak. 

“Forgive me sire, but it has been two years since the reclamation of Erebor. The line of Durin –“

“Is secure through the heir I have chosen, or would you like to question that as well?” Thorin thundered. Before he could say anything more Balin chose that moment to speak,

“Lord Erlendur is not questioning your choices, merely suggesting that your people would like to see a queen rule beside you.”

The feeling of betrayal hit him more completely than he had thought. Of all people, he had assumed that Balin would understand his reasons for refusing marriage so vehemently. Balin was, after all, the only dwarf on the council that had been on the quest with him. _And with her _, his mind supplied automatically. The rest of the lords arrived shortly after Erebor was reclaimed and the battle fought, clamoring for a place on his council.__

“There is no one that I wish to rule beside me. I have made that clear, and will not hear a word of this again.” Even as he said it, he knew that he was lying. There was one that he would have beside him for the rest of his days, but she was far from him and would never return. 

He pushed his chair back and stood, daring anyone to say anything further. The chamber remained eerily quiet so Thorin turned and stalked out of the room. Hurried footsteps echoed in the hall behind him. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable, 

“Nadad!” 

Thorin let out a frustrated groan and turned to face the angry gaze of Dis. He barely flinched at her determined look and replied,

“What do you need, Namad?”

“You can’t just walk out of a council meeting, Thorin!”

“I could not stay any longer.”

Dis gave an exasperated sigh and put her hands on her hips. Thorin rolled his eyes at the gesture. 

“Is this about Billa? Thorin, you know that she hasn’t done a thing to reach any of the company. Perhaps it is time –“

Thorin held up his hand to stop Dis. He swallowed with some difficulty and tried to gather his thoughts. 

“Please do not say her name.”

Dis’s expression softened and she hedged, 

“It is time to move forward, Thorin. You have given us back our home. None other could have done that.”

He shook his head slightly and turned his attention to the few dwarves still working on the columns around them. One dwarf looked over at him from around the pillar and paled considerably. He motioned to his companions and they left the hall quickly. 

“I fell to the sickness that plagued our grandfather and have done unspeakable things. I sent my One away in disgrace. I am weak, and a coward.”

Dis began to say something more, but he didn’t wish to hear it. Thorin continued walking down the hallway and to his chambers. Almost out of habit he opened the door to his room from before the fall of Erebor, but shut it quickly when he remembered that his things had been moved to the king’s chambers. 

The breeze blowing through the room greeted him when he stepped inside. He blinked as his eyes readjusted to the light. Thorin collapsed into the nearest chair, his head falling into his hands without any hesitation. 

Even after two years the pain deep in his chest was as fresh and as raw as the day he woke after the battle. The gold sickness had been a cloud that covered his mind and blurred his judgment. Seeing the gold in the treasury was intoxicating, leaving him wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of his days searching for the Arkenstone. He had been obsessed, and now regretted every moment he spent looking for that accursed stone. After the battle, Dwalin told him the things that had happened and what he had done to the one person he should have held above all else. 

As Dwalin spoke, the gold sickness faded, leaving Thorin to remember everything with revulsion. 

_His fingers tightened around the traitor’s throat without mercy, and he was pleased to see that punishment was being given._

_She stole the King’s Jewel. She was less than the dirt underneath his feet. He threw the Halfling away without a second thought and turned on her. The bead at the side of her head glinted against the glow of the fire and he scowled. He had thought she was his One, but he had been wrong. His One would have never betrayed him like this._

_She was sprawled across the floor, gasping. Thorin looked down at her without pity and roared, ___

_“Was the love you talked so much of a lie as well?” ___

_The thief shook her head and begged him, but he continued. ___

_“Why would I listen to you? You are nothing to me.” ___

Dwalin had been understanding enough not to judge him when the tears started to fall from his eyes. He had hurt Billa. The brave hobbit woman who he loved the moment she answered her door all that time ago. The one who had saved his life and stayed there for him like no one else had ever done. She had made him feel whole for the first time since Erebor was lost to him, and that was how he treated her. 

Thorin was brought back to the present and saw that tears tracked down his face. He wiped them away quickly and remembered the look on Dwalin’s face when he asked if he could see Billa. His friend had shaken his head and laid a hand on his shoulder before saying, 

“She left for the Shire.”

He had known in that moment that nothing would ever matter in his life again. He had driven his One away and it was like a sword had been run through his chest.

It was a few hours later when he thought to ask anyone of what became of Azog the Defiler. When Balin informed him that a few dwarves had seen Billa plunge her sword into the Orc’s chest, Thorin felt even more ashamed. If he had had his way, she never would have had to see the battle, and she thrust herself into the worst of it. 

The harsh flap of wings made him open his eyes just in time to see his raven flying through the open window. His gaze zeroed in on the note around the bird’s foot, hoping against everything he knew to be true that there would be a response to his letter. 

The massive bird rested on his knee and shook its head, already knowing what Thorin would ask. It was the same question he had been asking for months. Thorin nodded sadly and removed the unopened envelope from the raven’s foot. 

The bird waited for further instructions and nodded when Thorin told it that he had no need of him at the moment. It swiftly flew back out the window.

The envelope in his hands was heavy, weighted down by the words he had written. Many of them were so familiar he could recite them automatically. 

_I know that I do not deserve an answer to this letter, or to any that I send, but each time I would give anything to have even a word from you. Forgiveness is not something I expect can be given, but please know that I regret my actions with a burning intensity. I cannot find the words to tell you how I feel. You deserve every happiness in this world, and I hope that you have found some. ___

Thorin ran his fingers over the seal and threw the letter into the fire. He hadn’t been surprised when Dis had told him that Fili and Kili had tried to send a letter to the Shire, or when he found out that no reply followed. Even so, he couldn’t stop himself from sitting at his desk and writing so many letters that they all blurred together. 

Not a single one was ever answered, and after a while they returned unopened as well. He watched the paper curl in the flames and wondered what Billa was doing at that moment, and if she was happy.

She must be, he reasoned, she has her books and her home, which was what she always wanted. 

Shouting in the halls broke him from his reverie. He stood quickly, his hand going to the sword at his side without thinking. The door to his chamber burst open and a tall figure in greying robes stepped in without so much as a knock. 

Thorin’s hand fell away from his sword and a grimace replaced the suspicious look he had on his face. They had just been rid of that damned wizard, and now he was back to meddle in his affairs once more. 

The guard that was supposed to keep things like this from happening stood sheepishly in the doorway, an apology forming on his lips. Thorin waved him away and watched Gandalf shut the door. 

Thorin stared at Gandalf pointedly, preparing himself for an argument much like the last time he had seen the wizard. He waited for Gandalf to say something first, and became increasingly more annoyed when the wizard looked around the room with an appraising eye. 

“What business do you have here?”

Gandalf’s gaze slid from the tapestry above the mantel place and down to Thorin. 

“I have no business but to say that you should be preparing for a second quest.”

Thorin fixed Gandalf with an incredulous gaze. 

“I can tell you with certainty that she does not wish to see me.”

Gandalf’s eyebrows rose almost high enough to disappear beneath the brim of his ridiculous hat. 

“And how do you know that is true?”

Thorin let loose an exasperated sigh and replied, 

“If she wished to see me, or even speak with me, she would have answered the letters I have written. They have not been infrequent by any stretch of the imagination.”

Gandalf stared at him with the look that Thorin had hated on the quest. It was one of superiority, and it never failed to agitate him.

“Perhaps she isn’t able to find the right words, as you seem to have difficulty with as well.”

Thorin paused long enough to shift uncomfortably at the thought of Gandalf reading what he had written to Billa. Gandalf looked at him with a self-satisfied smirk playing about his lips and continued, 

“Trust me when I say that you will not regret going after her. You have spent enough time being miserable in this mountain, Thorin Oakenshield.”

“What if it is better to let her move on with her life and forget me? I have caused her so much pain that I do not think she wishes me in her life.”

“If you believe that, then you are a bigger fool than I thought.”

Thorin did not reply, and after some time Gandalf left the room. He sat back down in his chair and stared at the stone of the opposite wall. Winter was rapidly approaching and there was no way he would be able to make his way to the Shire before the snow started to fall. Nevertheless, the wizard’s words gave him hope that he had not felt since Laketown years ago. 

It was almost a week before Thorin felt comfortable enough to share his far flung hope with those he knew would trust him with even the most perilous endeavor because they already had. The company was waiting for him in one of the smaller dining halls in Erebor when he was able to tear himself away from discussions of farming in the land around the mountain. 

It still surprised him to see the changes in the miners, toymakers, and old warriors in the time that they had spent rebuilding Erebor. All of them possessed and easy air of contentment around them which made Thorin feel like he had done at least one thing right. He had made the lives of some dwarves more peaceful and that had to count for something. 

Fili and Kili had not lost their joking playfulness that still did nothing to ease his worries about them. Dis had almost had his head for the injuries her sons had gotten in the battle, even though they were minor and could have been infinitely worse. 

The rest of the dwarves had found what work they wanted, and were able to do what they enjoyed without fearing for the well-being of their families. Some of the work was more respectable than others. Dori had just opened a tea shop and Bofur was busy selling carvings and toys with Bifur in the markets. Nori had come to him one night, asking for the position as Spymaster. Thorin had given it to him gladly, knowing that he would do well. 

Thorin had barely sat down at the head of the table before Kili asked him, 

“What do you need us here for, Uncle?”

Thorin took a deep breath and answered, 

“I once told all of you that loyalty, honor, and a willing heart was all I asked for. You gave it without hesitation, and I ask that you give it again one more time.”

The table erupted in a mess of cheers and questions. 

“Finally!”

“When are we leaving?”

“Does she know we’re coming?”

“We’ll have an Aunt!” 

Thorin waited until the questions ceased and tried to answer them as best as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief when the company offered their complete support. It was decided that Fili would stay behind in Erebor in order to rule in Thorin’s place while he was gone. Fili didn’t bother to hide his disappointment, but accepted in the end. 

Thorin informed the company that this venture was to remain between the company and the company alone. He was not comfortable in informing the members of his council besides Balin for fear of angering them, and he knew well enough that they would make it nigh on impossible for him to leave the mountain. 

By the time the first snow fell, their plan had solidified enough for it to feel all too real. As spring approached Thorin became more apprehensive of what he would find when he reached the Shire. He was prepared to be yelled and cursed at, but he wasn’t sure he would be able to cope if she had found someone else. He would step aside for her sake, he knew. It would no doubt almost kill him to do it, but he would turn and take his company back to Erebor without another word if that was what made Billa happy. 

Thorin had been under the impression that the snow fall would make meetings with delegates from Mirkwood and Laketown unreasonable and impractical. He should have known that Thranduil would take an intense pleasure in making his life more difficult. He had to keep reminding himself that it was for the betterment of his people. Even then it was hard to accept. 

The elven king was no less trying than he had been when the company was trapped in the dungeons of the darkened kingdom. 

Thorin was sitting on his throne when the messenger hurried in from a side door to tell him that the elven nuisance had arrived, with Bard not far behind. 

Thranduil strode into the throne room with a smug tilt to his lips. Thorin sat straighter in his seat, relishing the idea that is was now Thranduil that stood below him, rather than the other way around. 

Bard entered the room not long after Thranduil, and at least had the decency to offer a greeting. Thorin returned it as he should, but made no move to extend the welcome to Thranduil. The elf’s smug smile grew annoyed for the barest of moments before slipping back into place with a practiced ease. 

Time passed slowly for him, and he was certain that Bard felt the same way. He glanced over at Thranduil and found that he was inspecting the cuff of his robes, not paying the slightest attention to the maps covering the table or the conversation concerning the trade of farmed goods produced by Erebor and Laketown. 

Thorin cleared his throat, growing angrier as Thranduil continued to ignore him. Eventually the elf looked up from his clothing lazily, as if he just realized that others were still in the room. Thorin bit back the urge to curse the elven race and turned his attention back to Bard who was just beginning to outline the involvement of his people. Thranduil’s voice cut through the tension in the room by saying, 

“There have been rumors flitting around about a certain burglar, or is traitor the correct term? Which do you prefer? I seem to remember that traitor passed your lips more than once.”

Thorin stiffened, both of his hands balling into fists. He turned a fearsome glare on the damned elf king and growled, 

“She was never a traitor. If you speak of her in such a way again, I will not hesitate to draw my sword on you.”

Thranduil gave a haughty laugh, putting on a face of mock incredulity. 

“You do not even wish to know the whispers surrounding her? I am surprised, Oakenshield.”

Thorin didn’t deign to rise to the question, preferring to pretend the elf was not in his presence. Blessedly, Balin interrupted the meeting not long after to advise Thorin of other matters. That was all it took for Thranduil to grow bored with the proceedings and return to Mirkwood. Bard decided to spend the night before traveling back down the mountain, so he was given the best accommodations Erebor could offer him. 

He called for a glass of something strong to numb the roar in his ears. His patience had thinned considerably throughout the day, and he was sure that if anything else untoward happened, he would not be able to handle it the way a king should. 

Thorin took the proffered drink gratefully when it arrived and downed it almost in one go. Dis would be furious when she caught word of the failed meeting, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Thranduil could have mocked anything about Thorin’s person, and while it would sting briefly, it would be nothing compared to hearing the disgraceful king speaking of Billa as though she was nothing more than a thief. 

He had realized long ago that Billa had been the only member of the company thinking clearly when she offered the rock in exchange for aid. They would have died in the mountain, their thoughts filled with nothing but gold if she had not stepped in and done what he should have done. 

He had been aware of that fact the moment the gold sickness had lifted from his mind. It was made worse when Bard had entered his tent with the Arkenstone in his grasp. The bowman had handed it to Thorin as the others watched him with concern evident in their eyes. None of them knew the vast and consuming feeling of nothingness that filled Thorin to his very core at the sight of the stone. Even the feeling of grief that had plagued him after the loss of Erebor was nothing compared to the ache that burned in his chest.

When his leg had healed enough for him to walk with the aid of a cane, Thorin had taken the Arkenstone to the entrance of the deepest mine in all of Erebor and tossed it down in the depths without another thought. The gem ricocheted off the stone walls, and was lost to the darkness. 

Thorin finished his glass and thought of what Thranduil could have meant by mentioning the rumors surrounding Billa. He didn’t have the faintest idea what they could have been about, and eventually dismissed them as a way for Thranduil to toy with him and his weaknesses. 

He took a deep breath and was almost glad when both Fili and Kili burst into the room without a second thought. It was a welcome distraction from his troubled mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments would be amazing!


	27. Solid Plans Come Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Billa hurried back to her study with a letter firm in her grasp. The Ranger that had given it to her had been kind, and had also promised that he would bring her response back to Lord Elrond, as he was already on his way to the great city of Rivendell. 

She smiled at the sounds of Frerin’s bubbly laughter coming from the sitting room. Primula and Drogo had stopped by to talk and to dote on her son. The pair had gotten married just as Frerin had celebrated his first birthday, and were looking forward to starting a family of their own. Billa turned back to the task at hand and found the letter opener in the drawer of her desk. She tore it open with one swift motion and scrambled to take the letter from the envelope. She unfolded it and began to read, 

_My dear Miss Baggins, ___

_I would be honored to once again extend my invitation to you and your son so that you may stay in Rivendell for as long as you may like. I believe the Ranger that delivered the letter to you would be more than happy to escort you safely after you have made the necessary preparations. I look forward to meeting you once more, and hearing any tales you have to tell. ___

_Lord Elrond of Rivendell. ___

She startled herself at her own long sigh of relief. As much as she hated to admit it, the stares and whispers did not escape her notice each time she and Frerin ventured further than the gate of Bag End. She had hoped, perhaps rather foolishly, that she and Frerin would be able to continue their life in the Shire happily and without any scrutiny. Billa had realized a few weeks previously that it would not be able to happen, so she had written to Lord Elrond, asking him to provide a place for her and Frerin. 

It hurt her to think of leaving Bag End and the Shire once more, knowing that she was parting with everything she had of her parents and her life before the quest once again. Even with that pain close to her heart, she knew that Frerin would be safer and happier away from judging eyes and questioning words.

Billa nodded to herself and set the letter down. It joined the pile of letters tucked in a neat pile on the edge of the desk. She sat down in her chair and picked the most recent letter from off the pile. There were so many that she had long since lost count but she had never been able to write a response after so long. Everything she could say seemed too important to put down in a letter and she certainly wouldn’t be able to travel to Erebor. 

A sharp tug pulled at her skirts and she looked down to see Frerin beaming up at her. She laughed and gathered him up in her arms to sit on her lap. It never failed to surprise her just how much he was beginning to look like Thorin. Not for the first time, and most certainly not for the last, Billa wondered what it would be like to have Thorin by her side. 

Frerin held his chubby little fist up so she could see the flower he held. Billa smiled and kissed him on the forehead, saying, 

“It’s very pretty. Did Primula help you?”

Frerin nodded and turned his attention back to the small red blossom. 

“ ‘Nother?” Frerin looked up at her hopefully and Billa couldn’t deny him his wish. She set him back down and took his outstretched hand within her own. They made their way to the garden slowly, and as soon as they reached the blooming flowers Frerin broke away and ran as quickly as he could to the flower he wanted. Winter had finally broken its hold over the Shire, and Billa couldn’t be more pleased. It was nice to see something other than the white blanket of snow covering the ground and Frerin loved being outside. 

Billa sat down on the bench by the flowerbed that Frerin was stamping through and closed her eyes, content to soak in the morning sun and to relax for a few brief moments. She felt a weight settle next to her and opened her eyes to see Primula with Drogo at her shoulder. 

“Was the letter from Rivendell?” Primula looked at her with concern in her eyes. Billa had made brief mention of her idea to go to Rivendell. Primula had been disappointed but had ultimately understood her reasoning behind leaving the Shire. 

“Yes, it was. Lord Elrond offered us a place to stay for as long as we would like.”

Primula nodded sadly and leaned forward to hug Billa. 

“We’re going to miss you and Frerin so much, Billa. Promise you’ll visit us!”

She returned the hug and promised that she would try and visit. Billa hesitated for a moment before she said, 

“I’ve been thinking, and I decided that I want you and Drogo to have Bag End when Frerin and I leave. I understand if you would prefer to have your own home to start a family in, but Bag End is certainly large enough and those Sackville-Bagginses will get it over my dead body so I-“

Billa was cut off from her elongated speech by the suffocating embrace of Primula. Drogo was the one to respond, mainly because Primula had started to babble her thanks so hurriedly that Billa couldn’t quite understand what she was saying.

“We would be honored, Billa. Are you certain that you want to leave? Rivendell is very far away, and you just settled in again. Haven’t you had enough adventures already?” She laughed and shook her head bemusedly. 

“I’m sure I have enough Took in me to go on one last adventure, Drogo. Besides, you know what the other hobbits have said about Frerin. I don’t want him to grow up with that surrounding him. “

Drogo nodded and gently peeled Primula away from around Billa’s shoulders. Billa grinned at both of them and joked, 

“If I hear that Lobelia has set one foot in Bag End, I will march straight back from Rivendell and drag her out myself. She will not steal any of my spoons.”

The younger pair of hobbits both nodded their agreement and watched as Frerin came toddling over with a handful of flowers in his fist. 

“Here.” Frerin held out the flowers to her and looked at her expectantly. A stray golden curl fell stubbornly on his forehead. Billa took the flowers and brushed his hair back gently. 

“Thank you, sweetheart. I love them.” Billa tucked one of the flowers behind her ear and bent forward to pick Frerin up. He giggled and pushed the rest of the flowers towards her. She took them gladly and tickled him mercilessly. Frerin’s giggles turned to shrieks of delight and they soon had Billa laughing as well. 

“And I love you. Very much.” 

Primula and Drogo said their goodbyes soon after. Frerin followed them to the gate and waved until the pair disappeared down the lane. Billa scooped him up and made promises of the muffins she had made earlier. 

When Frerin had finally settled down enough to take a nap, Billa took that time to clean the sitting room of the toys scattered everywhere and to think about what she would need to pack for the journey to Rivendell. It would be a much shorter trip than the last one she had taken with her friends, but she knew that she would be much more prepared. And she would be damned if she forgot a handkerchief this time around.

The Ranger that had delivered her letter made an appearance later that day. She was busy cutting up fruit for Frerin when someone knocked on her door firmly, but politely all the same. It was most definitely not Lobelia then. She was much more demanding. 

Billa soon learned that the Ranger’s name was Balorn and that he would be more than happy to take her and Frerin to Rivendell with him. “It would be my pleasure to escort you to Rivendell. It’ll make the journey more pleasant to have some company anyway.” Balorn smiled at her and excused himself to go find a few ponies to travel with. 

The next few days passed in a flurry of planning and preparations. Everything that she and Frerin could possibly need was packed in a pile by the door. Billa knelt beside her bed and pulled out the chest she hadn’t touched since she had first come back to the Shire. It opened with a creak and the first thing Billa saw was the ring that had haunted her for far too long. 

It shone with a dull gleam and even the sight of it made her sick to her stomach. Even so, the longer she looked at it the more it seemed to grow in beauty and promise. Billa shuddered as the cruel voice came whispering through her head. 

_Put me on. I can fill any dream you hope to have. With me, you can be unstoppable. A queen of all Middle Earth._

Billa’s brow contorted at the thought. She could almost see herself sat atop a throne with a crown fit well on her head. Frerin would want for nothing, and he would one day be the king he could have been if nothing had gone wrong. She brought the ring closer to her finger and felt the cool metal slide over her skin. It was a feeling she had almost missed.

A small voice from the doorway stopped her in her tracks.

“Mama? Hungry.”

Billa dropped the ring hurriedly back into the chest, but not so quickly as to avoid the searing pain at her fingertips. She hissed out a breath and shut the chest quickly. She looked over at Frerin and realized that the promises of the ring truly meant nothing to her. She certainly wasn’t interested in being a queen, much less a queen of all of Middle Earth. It was much too much power for a hobbit from the Shire. 

Billa also realized that Frerin would never need a kingdom of his own to rule. It had been foolish of her to think that he needed any sort of crown to make a prosperous life for himself. She stood and smiled at her son, saying, 

“Then we need to find something for you to eat, sweetheart.”

They moved to the kitchen and she made them a lunch of fresh bread and fruit, as well as some of the cold chicken from the night before. When they had eaten their fill, Frerin went to the sitting room to pull out his toys and amuse himself. Billa stayed to play with him for a long while, helping him imagine great stories of elves and lands far away. As he played with the small figurines she told some of the stories from her own adventures. 

“Once upon a time there was a hobbit who had been on an adventure for a long time. She and her friends found a little clearing filled with animals and more flowers than the hobbit would ever be able to admire.”

At the mention of animals, Frerin perked up and watched her with curious eyes. She smiled and continued,

“The hobbit knocked on the door with one of her friends,” At this, she knocked gently on Frerin’s stomach and tickled him. He giggled and she said, 

“When the door opened, she saw a man bigger than any she had ever seen. She introduced herself and he laughed merrily and called her a little bunny-“

“Why?” Frerin had a stubborn look on his face, one that reminded her painfully of Thorin. 

“I suppose he thought she looked like a bunny.”

Frerin’s stubborn look did not lesson or fade away and he asked again, 

“Why?”

“She was tiny, like a bunny. And when she was annoyed she scrunched up her nose like a rabbit.” Billa scrunched up her nose and gathered Frerin in her arms. She peppered kisses all over his forehead and face until he started to laugh. Frerin broke away with a tiny yawn and settled his head on her shoulder. 

Billa sat there for a while, happy to feel the weight of her son on her and the steady rise and fall of his breathing close to her. 

She was close to falling asleep herself when she finally rose and made her way to Frerin’s room. He settled into his crib without protest and fell asleep quickly. Billa watched him for a few moments and turned to tiptoe her way back into the hall. 

Billa steeled herself before going into her room once more. The chest sat in the same place as it had a few hours ago, as Billa knew it would, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. 

She knelt before it and took a deep breath before throwing it open again. The ring stayed blessedly quiet but instead of a dull shine, it gleamed brighter than all the gold in Erebor and sang silent promises. 

Billa ignored the ring as best as she could and grabbed the mithril shirt that Thorin had given her as well as the necklace from Fili and Kili and the necklace that Thorin had bought for her in Laketown. She tossed the items on her bed and quickly shut the lid of the chest and locked it with the key she almost always kept in her pocket. Billa stood and picked it up by the handles on either side of the trunk and hefted it out of her room and into the backyard. She finally let it fall to the ground when she reached the partially hidden spot on the other side of the shed where she stuck her gardening tools. 

She unlocked the shed and found a shovel buried in the back. Billa retrieved it after narrowly breaking her ankle on an upturned wheelbarrow that she didn’t notice. The hole she dug behind the shed was most likely much larger than it needed to be, but it felt nice to focus on the work and not worry about anything else for a few moments. 

When Billa decided that the hole was big enough she dropped the shovel and hefted the chest into the earth. She covered the hole back up with the dirt and found a few decently sized river rocks to put on top of it. By the time she was finished, it looked as though there never had been a hole in the first place, which was exactly what she had hoped to accomplish. 

Perhaps now no one would find and be swayed by the ring. Billa wiped away the sweat from her forehead, leaving a trail of dirt in its wake. She went back inside the house and scrubbed the dirt from under her fingernails and proceeded to clean Bag End top from bottom. 

She hoped to leave early the next morning and knew that she probably wouldn’t have enough time to do any cleaning before Primula and Drogo came to say their goodbyes and guard the smial from Lobelia who was certain to come as soon as she knew that Billa had left the Shire again. 

The rest of the evening passed quickly, and with each elapsing minute Billa began to understand how much she would miss the ease and simplicity of life in the Shire. Even with what little she had seen of life in Rivendell, she had been able to see and appreciate the peaceful life they led there. 

It would always be a little different in Rivendell, she knew. It was sure to be a definite change not to know the history of every person in Rivendell as she did of the hobbits in the Shire, but refreshing as well. Lord Elrond had always been kind in his letters that he sent to her, and he had been the perfect host when she had stayed there the first time. Frerin wanted to play in the garden after dinner and Billa didn’t have the heart to send him to bed quite yet. She found the book she had been reading in her study and brought it out to read by the setting sun. Billa was soon distracted by Frerin disappearing for a few seconds into the wilder part of the garden and reappearing with a handful of flowers or colored stones he found. 

The frequent gift giving soon turned into an immensely amusing game for Frerin. He would find something that he wanted to give Billa in the garden and bring it to her with it clutched in his hands behind his back. 

“Guess.” Frerin’s tiny smile was filled with mischief and for a moment Billa worried what he had found in the garden.

“Is it a flower?”

Frerin shook his head in delight and dropped a pebble in her outstretched hand. Billa smiled and nodded her head in encouragement which sent Frerin running back into the garden to find his next treasure.

The game continued for so long that Billa had a pile of stones and flowers in her lap before the sun set. Billa hadn’t bothered with her book and was much more focused on trying to keep everything that Frerin had found from spilling onto the ground. 

The game ended when Frerin dropped a particularly fat grub in the palm of her hand. It was a struggle to keep her expression neutral and pleased with the gift, but she managed it long enough to suggest that Frerin should put it back in the garden where it belonged.

Frerin did as she asked happily and ran back to where she was sitting to admire everything that he had found for her. He picked a few pebbles from her skirt and sat on the ground to look at them more closely.

The pebbles completely lost their allure when Frerin caught sight of a frog hopping in the bushes by the edge of the fence. Billa watched him like a hawk and prayed to Yavanna that he wouldn’t try to stick it in his mouth like he had done to the unfortunate cricket.

Frerin squealed in delight when the frog jumped closer to him and started to bend lower to pick it up. Billa sprang forward and picked Frerin up before he could touch the frog and walked back towards Bag End. It had been a long day, and they would most definitely need enough sleep for the day tomorrow. 

Billa rose early the next morning and started breakfast. When that was well on its way she double checked the supplies that were piled by the door and added a few things she had missed the first time around. 

She lit a fire in the fireplace to chase away the brisk morning air that had woven its way into the smial and took Sting down from its place on the mantel. Billa had no intention of facing Orcs and Wargs on their way to Rivendell, but it would never hurt to be prepared. 

Her next task was to wake Frerin, which was an ordeal in and of itself. When he was finally up and dressed, she checked the bacon frying in the pan and was just in time to catch the sharp whistle of the teakettle. 

Billa gave Frerin his breakfast, helped him a little with the oatmeal she had made and finally set him loose to play with the figurines that Elrond had sent as a gift for his birthday the last year.

She sat down and enjoyed her breakfast thoroughly, but couldn’t quite shake the nervous feeling in her stomach. She had done everything that needed to be done in order to go to Rivendell, but she still felt like something was wrong. Perhaps it was a combination of sadness and nerves. 

Just as she began to do the dishes, a firm knock sounded at the door. Billa dried her hands and went to answer the door. The only people she knew she would see that day were Primula and Drogo, but it was too early for either of them to arrive, and Balorn had mentioned something about leaving midday. 

Billa took a deep breath and prepared herself to face Lobelia and her tyranny. She nudged a toy away from the door with her foot and opened it, already thinking of a sharp remark she could send flying at Lobelia for paying a visit so early in the morning. 

The door was opened long enough for Billa to see who it was and shut just as quickly. Every discernable thought died before it could fully form and she sank to the ground, leaning on her door for support. 

Frerin must have heard the knock on the door because he came around the corner with a stuffed toy trailing behind him. Billa’s eyes widened a fraction and in a remarkable display of quick wit, she asked Frerin to find her his blanket, which was somewhere in his room. At least she could keep him occupied for a few moments longer. 

Frerin nodded happily and turned to toddle to his room. Above her, the door was knocked on again and she took a deep breath. This was not how something she had ever thought would happen, and she was in no way prepared to face it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always amazing :) 
> 
> School starts on Tuesday for me, so just be prepared for less frequent updates. I will try as hard as I can to keep them coming though!


	28. Atonement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! I wonder who could be at the door??

Thorin’s nose almost brushed against the door of Bag End when it closed on him. He blinked rapidly and nodded to himself once. He deserved that, he knew, and anything else Billa could throw his way. He had done things that could never be undone, and the apologies he had agonized over for months and months had vanished when Billa had opened the door. 

The frightened look she gave him when she first answered the door cut him to the core. He would give anything to change the last two years and make it so that she had never left his side and he had never fallen to the gold sickness of the line of Durin. He raised his fist to the door again and rapped on it twice more. 

The door stubbornly remained closed and Thorin bit back a saddened sigh. Behind him, the damned wizard chuckled and said, 

“I do believe that went well.”

Thorin turned from the emerald green door and leveled Gandalf with a glare that rivaled the gaze of Smaug. It was beyond him why Gandalf wanted to join them on the journey, all the while muttering things about how he was interested in the outcome. As if Thorin trying to win back the trust and affection of his One was a game to be played. He didn’t bother to reply and stepped back from the door. A tiny purple flower was crushed under his boot and Thorin hurried to move safely back onto the path. He spared a moment to look at the flowers starting to bloom in Billa’s garden and wished that he knew what each bloom meant. It would be easier to convey things he hadn’t found the right words for, and Billa loved her flowers dearly. 

“Are you going to knock again?” Kili was looking at him eagerly, obviously wanting to see Billa. 

Thorin looked back to the door and again at his nephew before making his feelings of indecision clear on his face. He could almost hear the voices of his father and grandfather saying that kings were not weak, and were better than their emotions. For every day of his life before the fall of Erebor Thorin filed away everything he was feeling without a second thought, but found now that he was failing. 

“We will try again in a few hours.” The last thing Thorin wanted was for Billa to feel as if she was trapped in her own home because of him. He ignored the disappointed murmur that ran throughout the company and began to walk back down the path to the gate, his every step conveying that he expected his companions to follow. 

Thorin stopped almost immediately when he heard the slightest creaking sound behind him. He took one long breath and turned slowly to see Billa practically running towards him. He had just enough time for his eyes to widen in surprise before he was slapped with as much force as Billa could muster. 

“Two years! Two years and you think you can just knock on my door like you did nothing? How dare you?!”

Billa stared at him angrily, waiting for his response. As Thorin racked his brains, trying to find something, anything at all to say, he took a few moments to truly see her for the first time in far too long. 

The pale scar that trailed from just next to Billa’s eye and down to her jaw surprised him, and made him feel all the more worthless. She should never have come by those scars, and he blamed himself for it and every other injury she had suffered. The scar made her no less beautiful, and spoke only of her never ending bravery and selflessness. He longed to trail his fingers along it, all the while telling her how much she meant to him. 

“Billa – please –“Thorin reached out a hand either to wipe away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, or to implore her to listen to him, he wasn’t certain himself. 

He couldn’t help the pained noise that escaped him when she jolted back and hissed, 

“Don’t touch me. You lost that right when you had your hands wrapped around my throat.”

Thorin’s face crumpled in pain and despair. He knew that he looked utterly defeated. He realized then that it had been a fool’s errand to travel to the Shire, hoping against hope that he could be forgiven for his crimes. 

“Billa, the things I have done –“He broke away for a moment to fight back the burn of the tears threatening to form at the corners of his eyes. Flashes of his hands wrapped around his One’s throat and of him screaming at her while she pleaded to him ran through his mind, making fighting back tears all the more difficult. When he regained his composure, he started again, saying, 

“Not a day has passed that I do not feel like I deserved to die in battle for the things I have done to you. Nothing I can or will ever say will erase what happened, but please let me talk to you, I beg of you.”

Thorin watched carefully as Billa’s hands reached up to push the unbraided hair out of her face. Her expression faltered and she said, broken, 

“You chose the Arkenstone over me. You chose a rock over the love I gave you. How can I forgive that, Thorin? You almost killed me. I was wrong when I thought that you weren’t going to turn into your grandfather. You were everything he was and far worse.”

He felt like the breath had just been knocked out of him. Of anything she could have said, that was what made him feel less than the dirt in her gardens. Thorin searched her face desperately, trying to plead with words he couldn’t yet find to give him a chance. Before he could say anything, a small voice questioned, 

“Mama?”

Thorin looked down in utter confusion to see a small child tugging at Billa’s skirts with a blanket clutched in his fist. The boy had gold hair that matched Billa’s perfectly, and pointed ears that were hers as well. He looked up at Billa in shock and managed to whisper, 

“You married?” Even as he said the words it felt like a piece of his heart shattered and fell away to leave him more broken than he already was. His One had found another to love, and while he understood, it did not make the horrible, unfathomable numbness that washed through him any easier. He vaguely noticed that Billa sent a gaze filled with something akin to betrayal in the direction of the wizard. Thorin, however, was too immersed in his thoughts to follow that information beyond simply noting it. 

Billa picked up the boy and shook her head slowly. She pressed a kiss to the child’s forehead and closed her eyes briefly before she said, 

“No, I never married.”

Thorin’s brow contorted in confusion as he waited for Billa to say something more. He asked, 

“Then there was another?” This also, was something that Thorin could not begrudge her for, although even the thought pained him. 

Annoyance flickered across Billa’s face briefly before she shook her head again. He did his best to wait patiently as he watched her push the curls away from the boy’s face and whisper something into his pointed ear. The child smiled and nestled his head onto her shoulder, wrapping his small arms around her neck. Billa smiled briefly and broke the silence, 

“There has been no other, Thorin. When I – When I left Erebor, Beorn told me that I was pregnant.”

Understanding dawned on him. The wondrous child in his One’s arms was also his. His child. Mahal. It felt like his world came crashing down when he also realized that Billa had been pregnant when she spoke with Smaug, and fought Orcs and Wargs and Goblins in the battle. Billa had stood against his mortal enemy Azog the Defiler and prevailed. She had been pregnant when he had tried to kill her in the haze of the gold madness. He had banished her with a child in her womb. His chest tightened and he felt like he could be sick. 

Visions of Billa alone in the Shire, growing rounder with child accosted him, as well as ones of her alone, giving birth. She was right. He was worse than his grandfather, and deserving of whatever punishment Billa deemed fair. It was well known that dwarves who abandoned their families were viewed as something akin to monsters, how could a dwarf do that to his One and any children they might have when children were so precious? 

Thorin drew his sword, sinking low to his knees. He placed it on the ground before Billa’s feet and said, 

“I am not fit to wear the braids I carry. Cut them, burn them, do with them what you wish. “

He bowed his head and waited for something to happen. What seemed like ages passed uneventfully. Thorin looked up and saw that the tears had started to fall down Billa’s face. 

His son, their son looked up at his mother in concern and patted Billa’s cheek with a tiny hand. 

“Sad?” 

Billa smiled weakly and brought her hand up to capture the boy’s hand within her own. She nodded and said, 

“A little, sweetheart.”

The boys’ face grew unhappy, a pout starting to form within moments. It struck Thorin with some incredulity that he hadn’t even thought to ask his son’s name. He stood shakily and picked Orcrist up to put it back by his side. He whispered, 

“If I had known, Billa, please believe me – I would have followed you before you had even reached Mirkwood, my injuries be damned.”

The tears stopped falling down Billa’s face and she wiped them away absently with one hand. Her gaze turned to one of confusion. She looked over to Gandalf, a little shocked, and said, 

“You didn’t speak of this to him? I had thought, “She sighed and finished lamely, “I had thought for a moment that you had.”

Thorin stopped in his tracks and processed what he had just heard. If Billa had thought that Gandalf was the one to inform him about his own child, then surely that meant that the accursed wizard had known. He had known that there was a child, his own heir, much too far from him with his One. Yet it had fallen to Thorin to find he had a child almost purely by chance. Anger pitted and simmered to a boil in his stomach before he could handle it no longer. He turned to Gandalf with a dark look and growled out, 

“You knew all this time?” He fought back the urge to draw Orcrist, settling for an unsettlingly intense stare. 

Gandalf looked down at him, obviously unimpressed, and said, 

“Yes.”

Thorin’s gaze widened for a fraction of a second and narrowed just as quickly. He was about to speak when Billa broke between the two of them. 

“I asked Gandalf not to tell you. He merely did what I asked of him.”

It felt like someone had their hand wrapped around his heart and was squeezing without mercy. Rationally, he knew that it had been the only decision for Billa to make. She hadn’t known, couldn’t have known, that he would never have hurt his child. How could she have known, when he had banished her only after trying to murder her? 

Thorin’s gaze slid from the insufferable wizard’s and down to meet Billa’s halfway defiant one. He nodded once, and didn’t particularly care that his eyes were pained and red. Altogether, he looked nothing like a king, but it didn’t matter. A light and pleasant voice carried itself from the lane, saying, 

“Billa! I was at the market earlier and I found something that I thought Frerin would like!”

Thorin’s mind went blank. Frerin. His son’s name was Frerin. His lips parted in surprise and he stood there, gaping open mouthed. The sharp intake of breath from a few of the older members of the company showed that they too understood where the name had come from. 

He looked down at his son again, finally able to put a name to his fair face. Frerin. The full weight of the name and its implications registered in his mind. Billa had named their son Frerin. She could have chosen any name, in fact he would have expected her to have chosen a hobbit name. Yet she chose a dwarven name, and one that she knew full well meant everything to him. He could have pressed a kiss to her lips, and any other bit of skin he could reach. 

“His name is Frerin.” He said it with the slightest lilt of a question, but it still possessed the flat tone of an unbelieving statement.

At the name, Frerin looked up at him and sent a beaming smile in his direction, tiny pearly teeth peeking through. Thorin gazed at him reverently, almost verging on hunger. There was no question that their son had his eyes, they were as deep a blue as the one’s Thorin saw every time he looked into the mirror. He longed to take Frerin from Billa’s arms and simply hold him. He had missed so much already that losing any more time with his son seemed torturous. 

Billa nodded, looking at him with careful eyes. Frerin unwrapped his arms from around Billa’s neck and reached down to the ground, making it obvious that he wanted to be put down. Thorin was reminded of Fili and Kili when they were that age, and how he had needed to become the father they had never truly known. 

Frerin toddled over and craned his neck to look up at him with wide eyes. Thorin smiled broadly, eyes shining with tears unshed and extended a hand to his son. Frerin reached up with a tiny hand and clasped it around a few of Thorin’s fingers. Frerin seemed to grow shy suddenly, bringing his blanket up to cover some of his face. Even with that obscuring his view, Thorin could see his son’s smile and hear his giggling. There had never been a more welcome sound.

The noise of the gate creaking open caught his attention. He turned to see two hobbits speaking merrily, it was obvious that they hadn’t noticed the copious amount of dwarves in the garden. The male hobbit was the first to look up from his companion. In any other circumstance, the shocked look on the hobbit’s face would have amused him to some extent, though he would not have shown it. 

The hobbit looked at each of the dwarves warily and said to Billa, 

“Visitors?” Though the stranger’s voice showed signs of surprise, it was clear that he knew where the dwarves were from and did not approve. 

The other hobbit was silent, which, from what little Thorin had heard of the conversation, must be a rare occurrence. The hobbit gaped at the dwarves, eyes alight with curiosity and questions. Excited squealing broke through Thorin’s assessment of the new arrivals. Frerin ran at the hobbit woman and would have collided with her had she not picked him up at the right moment. 

The woman laughed and dug in the basket at her side to bring out the gift she had found at the market. It was plush and multicolored. Thorin squinted, unsure of what the creature was supposed to be. Frerin laughed and hugged the toy closer to his chest. The woman laughed and turned her attention to Billa, saying, 

“It’s a dragon. I thought it was oddly fitting. Now Frerin can face slightly more tame dragons than his mother did.”

Thorin frowned at the offhanded remark. While the hobbit meant nothing in particular by it, he was only reminded that Billa had faced Smaug alone when he should have been by her side. Billa smiled briefly, but something in her eyes told him that her expression wasn’t entirely sincere. 

“Thank you, Primula. I do believe that Frerin loves it already.”

Frerin had already sat on the ground with his new toy and his blanket, making small noises as he played. Thorin watched him until what Primula said next made his blood run cold. 

“We hoped we weren’t too late to say goodbye!”

Billa had plans to leave the Shire? Where could she possibly go? Thorin’s stomach sank when he realized that it was a very real possibility that he could lose his son and his One mere hours after he had found them. He turned back to Billa with an undeniably hurt expression and stated, 

“You intend to leave the Shire.”

He immediately regretted his tone when he saw that Billa flinched unconsciously before she answered by saying, 

“Yes. A few hobbits in the Shire have been less than kind to Frerin and I, so I decided that it would be best if we left.”

Anger rose to the forefront of his mind. It most definitely did not sit well with him that his One and his son were being treated anything less than what they deserved. Billa deserved every bit of respect that one could give, even more than he himself could merit from someone, and Frerin was the son of a king. 

“Where would you go if you cannot stay in the Shire?” If the company had been even a few days later than they were, it was extraordinarily likely that he would never have been able to find Billa in time. No, he chastised himself, you would follow her to the end of Middle Earth.

“Lord Elrond offered Rivendell as a safe haven for me while I was pregnant. The offer still stands.”

Elves. Of any people in Middle Earth that Billa could go to, she had to choose the elves. He bristled at the thought. It was no great secret that he held no love for them. He would almost prefer that she went to the villages of Men if it meant that she didn’t go to the lovers of trees. Even with his hatred of them, they had given Billa safety in her time of need, when he had failed. He was grateful, though he would sooner cut off his own braids than to admit that he owed an elf anything at all. 

As if she sensed the growing tension between Billa and himself, Primula had the good sense to interrupt by saying, 

“Perhaps Drogo and I will take our leave, Billa.” She turned to his companions and said brightly, 

“All of you are more than welcome to join us for an early lunch. It could still be considered elevenses, but it is still a bit early. Never mind that – You are welcome all the same!” Drogo, who Thorin could now assume was Primula’s husband, looked startled at his wife’s invitation. He stared at her open mouthed for a few seconds and sputtered, 

“We’re doing what?”

Balin quickly accepted on behalf of the company and Gandalf. It wasn’t long before the dwarves and the wizard were tromping down the lane, talking quietly. Thorin watched them until they passed over the hill and brought his attention back to Billa. 

“May I speak with you, Billa?” His words ran parallel to that night in Rivendell where he had apologized on the elven balcony in the moonlight. That was truly the beginning for him. He had been enamored of her from the very moment he caught sight of her glaring at him angrily for invading her home, but seeing her smile and speak with him had let him know what his heart had known from the start. Billa Baggins was his One. 

He was broken from his musings when Billa nodded her head, albeit a tad reluctantly. She called out to Frerin and he came running over. 

Thorin followed the pair back into Bag End, knowing that he had much to atone for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated! I had a bit of a difficult time with this chapter, but i think that I am pleased with it. There have been over 700 hits in the 4 days since I posted the last chapter. That is insane!!! Thank you all so much, you're all lovely people.
> 
> School has already been a lot of work, so this will be an interesting, if stressful year.


	29. Make It So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is so late. I have no other excuse except that school has been a nightmare 
> 
> Forgive me. Enjoy!

That morning, Bag End had felt open and more spacious than strictly necessary. Now, as Billa opened the rounded door, it had never felt smaller. She swallowed thickly and looked down to see Frerin running past her and towards his toys scattered about the floor. Her morning had been planned perfectly. It would have been a pleasant trip and Rivendell would have welcomed her, and still would, but she wasn’t certain of anything at that moment. 

Which brought her mind to Thorin. Thorin, the dwarf whom she had never expected to see again in her lifetime. Billa could feel him looming behind her, as imposing as ever. She pushed away the consuming urge to run into her bedroom and lock the door, all the while screaming and crying like she so desperately wished she could. 

As she stepped into the kitchen, Billa noticed that Thorin’s heavy steps had fallen away. She looked back quickly to see that he was nowhere to be found. Panic welled up fiercely inside her. Absurd thoughts of him stealing away in broad daylight with her child filled her mind. Billa’s face turned to one of fear, spurring her into running towards the sitting room. 

Billa scanned the room quickly and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Frerin was sitting on the floor with his new toy. She hadn’t expected what she saw next. Thorin was sitting next to her son, right on the floor. She took a steadying breath and leaned against the doorframe. 

Frerin reached forward and grabbed one of the figurines that Lord Elrond had given him. It was a tiny thing, shaped to look like an elf with a tiny sword held in its hand. Frerin set it on Thorin’s knee and looked up at him expectantly. 

Her heart twisted in a painful way she didn’t quite understand when Thorin gently took the figurine and smiled at her son. Thorin’s hair covered most of his cheek, but Billa could see the angry red mark that her hand had left. She had been furious that he thought he could just come back and seek her forgiveness like he had done nothing wrong. In truth, she was still furious and would let him have a piece of her mind before long. 

Billa watched carefully as Frerin stood and handed another toy to Thorin. He took it without complaint and said something she couldn’t hear. Frerin toddled forward a few steps, somehow managing to get caught up in his blanket. Billa started forward just as Frerin started to fall but wasn’t quick enough to reach him before he hit the ground. Before she could even take another step forward to comfort him, Thorin had already swept him up in his arms. Frerin sniffled pitifully and buried his head in the crook of Thorin’s neck. Billa could just make out Thorin humming an all too familiar song. Her heart cracked when he began to sing, 

_‘Oh Misty Eye of the mountain below, ___

_Keep careful watch of my brother’s soul. ___

_And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke ___

_Keep watch over Durin’s sons ___

Billa watched for a few moments more before it became too painful. She turned back to the kitchen with a hand covering her mouth. She hadn’t forgotten what it had been like to hear that song the first time. It had been filled with pain and the hurt of an entire race. This time it was different, almost like a lullaby. 

She sank into a kitchen chair, letting the memories wash over her. Everything from the terror she had felt during the first fight with Azog to the contentment and joy of their first kiss washed over her, leaving her confused and overwhelmed. If she concentrated, Billa could almost feel the stitches she had so carefully woven through her heart snipping away and leaving her broken. The song drifted into the room lazily. 

_‘If this is to end in fire ___

_Then we shall all burn together ___

_Watch the flames climb high into the night ___

_Calling out father, stand by and we will ___

_Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side. ___

_And if we should die tonight ___

_Then we shall all die together ___

_Raise a glass of wine for the last time ___

_Calling out father, prepare as we will ___

_Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side. ___

_Desolation comes upon the sky. ‘ ___

Dragon fire searing Laketown brought tears to her eyes. Indescribable guilt filled her. She had been responsible for the death and ruin of an entire city. She was the one that had goaded that awful creature into leaving the mountain. It was her fault that countless people had suffered and died. Because of her. 

_‘Now I see fire, inside the mountain, ___

_I see fire burning the trees ___

_And I see fire, hollowing souls ___

_I see fire, blood in the breeze. ___

_And I hope you’ll remember me. ‘ ___

Her own blood coated her fingertips. The cut on her cheek spoke of what she had done to any that would look upon her. She had stolen the King’s Jewel and was no longer fit to be seen in the company of dwarves. Dwarves that she had called her friends and family had all cast her out without a single word in her defense. Billa could remember with a startling clarity just how her throat ached and purpled with bruises. 

_‘Oh should my people fall ___

_Surely I’ll do the same ___

_Confined in mountain halls ___

_We got too close to the flame ___

_Calling out father, hold fast and we will ___

_Watch the flames burn auburn on the mountain side. ___

_Desolation comes upon the sky. ___

_Now I see fire, inside the mountain ___

_I see fire, burning the trees ___

_I see fire, hollowing souls ___

_I see fire, blood in the breeze ___

_And I hope you’ll remember me. ‘ ___

The battle had been filled with more horrors than she had ever seen in her life. Elves, Men, and Dwarves fell all around her. Moans and screams filled her ears and made it hard to even think. The purest rage ran through her veins and made her continue searching. When compared to the numbing volume of torment, facing Azog had been almost simple. It had seemed like nothing to just hack away and dodge a sword when she had lost everything she had ever wanted. 

_‘And if the night is burning ___

_I will cover my eyes ___

_For if the dark returns then, ___

_My brothers will die ___

_And as the sky is falling down ___

_It crashed into this lonely town ___

_And with that shadow upon the ground ___

_I hear my people screaming out. ___

_Now I see fire, inside the mountain ___

_I see fire burning the trees ___

_I see fire, hollowing souls ___

_I see fire, blood in the breeze. ‘ ___

Seeing Thorin in the tent, broken and battered had almost been too much. It would have been easier to hear him yelling and cursing her name than suffering the stillness in which he laid. No other options had been available to her. The Shire was where her body belonged, although she left her heart at the bedside of an injured king. 

_‘I see fire, you know I saw a city burning ___

_I see fire, feel the heat upon my skin ___

_And I see fire, burn auburn on the mountain side. ‘ ___

The song finished with one last echoing note. The tears she so valiantly avoided for so long came rushing back with a vengeance. Sobs wracked her body, shaking breaths tore through her. Even with all she had lost, she knew without a doubt that she had kept something of a much greater value. Frerin had anchored her, of that she had no doubt. Yet when she looked at Thorin sitting so carefully with Frerin, her resolve weakened. There had been so many letters that Thorin had sent, each one begging her for forgiveness. It would have been so easy for her to burn each one, but she had kept them all. That spoke for something but what, she did not know. 

“Billa.” A deep voice rumbled from the doorway. 

She looked up through blurred vision to see Thorin standing uncertainly with Frerin in his arms. Frerin looked even smaller in Thorin’s arms than he truly was. His little mouth was slack in a peaceful sleep. Billa wiped at her red eyes stubbornly and rose to collect Frerin. 

She stopped in front of Thorin, suddenly finding that she could barely move forward any more. This was the closest she had been to Thorin in two years. Her throat tightened, and she could nearly feel sure fingers clutch mercilessly. Thorin seemed to understand her reluctance, a pained expression made plain for anyone to see. He held out his arms and passed Frerin to her, careful not to touch her. She instantly felt more comfortable with Frerin in her arms. Billa walked leisurely through the labyrinthine halls until she reached Frerin’s room. She opened the door one handed with a practiced ease only a mother could possess. Frerin settled comfortable into his crib and fell asleep quickly. 

Billa smiled and brushed her hand through the thick mess of curls on her son’s head. It struck her more completely just how much he looked like Thorin. It truly seemed like all he was going to receive from her was her hair and ears. She couldn’t upset herself over it, no matter how much she tried. 

Anger hadn’t and couldn’t begin to describe her when she saw Thorin at her doorstep. Even so, she had certainly had enough time to imagine what she would say if her ever did come knocking. Billa had to admit that the slap had even surprised her slightly when it happened. Still, she knew what she was facing when she saw Thorin. He traveled all the way to the Shire, not knowing what he would find. He hadn’t even known he had a son. Billa shook her head slightly and let some of her fury cover the guilt she was feeling. 

Billa sighed heavily and shut the door to Frerin’s room softly. Each step back towards the kitchen felt more impossible than the last. She wasn’t ready to have this conversation. She didn’t even know if it was a conversation she wanted to have. So many things had gone wrong that fixing any of them seemed a monumental task. 

Thorin had taken a seat at her table, his back ramrod straight. Billa walked into the room cautiously, trying not to shrink under Thorin’s gaze. She fell into a chair heavily, unable to meet his gaze. Time passed that way for what felt like an excruciatingly long time. When Billa finally found the courage to meet Thorin’s gaze, she found that he was looking at her in a mix of worry and even a hint of fear.

She was confused by the fear on his face more than anything else. He hadn’t shown any emotion besides anger when he had faced down Azog and the Pale Orc had been Thorin’s greatest enemy. So why was he acting as though he was frightened of her? She was nothing more than a hobbit and he was now a king. 

Thorin broke the heavy silence and said, 

“There are no words to explain what I have done to you. I understand if you wish that I leave.”

Billa closed her eyes slowly, leaning further back into the chair. She was beyond any hurt that she had ever felt before. This pain was deep and unforgiving. Even if it would make the heartache lessen or even disappear, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him to leave. She shook her head a fraction of an inch and replied with more venom than she intended.

“What could you possibly say that would make anything that I have gone through better? I have fought a dragon for you, risked my life for yours on more than one occasion. And what do I get in return? You tried to kill me! Gold and gems were more precious to you than I was! How can you make that better? I have been alone for years! Tell me how you can fix what you’ve done, because it can’t be fixed, Thorin. It can’t. “

Billa finished her impassioned speech slightly out of breath. She heaved a breath and waited for Thorin to respond. He gazed at her for a few moments before he started to speak. 

“You were right when you said that I had become my grandfather. I am even worse than he. You cannot begin to know the despair I felt when I awoke after the battle.”

“Yet it took you almost three years to come to the Shire.”

Thorin balked under her intense gaze. She could have sworn she saw the faintest glimmer of tears at the corner of Thorin’s eyes. 

“I did not think you wished to see me.”

His simple answer incensed her even further. It was true that at the beginning she was frightened of what would happen had he followed her, but those moments were often overshadowed by the times she wished that Thorin had never fallen to the gold sickness. It would not be easy to forgive him, and she wasn’t certain if she even desired it. 

“You should have fought for me. You don’t have any idea how alone I felt and still feel!”

Thorin’s saddened expression deepened. 

“I regret not following you the minute I woke. I would follow you for the rest of my life if you gave me the chance. I would do anything you asked of me, Billa.”

Tears fell freely from her eyes as she spoke, 

“Then make it so that you never fell to the sickness and never banished me. Give me the chance to have never killed anyone or anything. Take away the scars and hurt. Then perhaps I could forgive you.”

Thorin’s face fell once more to settle in anguish. 

“That I cannot give you. “

Billa shook her head sadly and met his gaze.

“No, I suppose you cannot.” She said nothing more and looked down to stare at her hands. She glanced up to see Thorin rise from his place at her table. 

“I have over stayed my welcome. I apologize, Billa. In every way that I can.”

She neither nodded nor spoke. She could feel Thorin looking at her longingly before he stepped out of the room. Billa waited until she heard the soft click of the door closing before she folded her arms on the table and cried. 

Not a single dwarf or a hobbit visited her the rest of the evening. Billa couldn’t help but to admire Lobelia’s self-control seeing as there was no way that the nosy hobbit hadn’t heard about the dwarves in Billa’s garden. That admiration lasted well after nightfall when someone rapped at her door. 

She rose from the comfort of her armchair, horribly irritated. She had just sat down to enjoy a cup of tea before she went off to bed, and now she had to deal with whomever appeared at her doorstep. Billa huffed and marched to the door with a look of determination on her face. Tonight was most certainly not the night she would graciously accept visitors. 

Before she even reached the entrance hall, the door creaked open to reveal none other than Gandalf. In any other situation, Billa would have been elated to see her friend. Now, she merely wished he would stay out of other people’s business. 

The wizard inclined his head towards her, giving her a disapproving glance while he did so. 

“Billa. “

She crossed her arms over her chest, simply glaring at him. Her foot took to unconsciously tapping a bothered rhythm on the rug while she waited for some sort of explanation. It was much too late for any visitors, even a visit from a wizard. 

“What do you need Gandalf? You’re already responsible for many unpleasant things today.”

Gandalf expression turned to one of surprise.

“It was not I that you spoke with for so long this afternoon.”

Billa rolled her eyes, the sharp rhythm of her foot growing faster. 

“You know what I mean. All those feelings were nicely buried and you had to bring the entire company to dredge them up again!”

Gandalf seemed to grow larger and more imposing the angrier he got. By the time he spoke again, he towered over her more than usual, his voice ringing deeper and more menacing than she had ever heard.

“You would deny Frerin his father and Thorin the right to know his son?”

The tapping of her foot stopped abruptly. She had been fairly sure that the copious amounts of tea had helped her regain her composure, but she had been wrong. What she said next was louder than she intended,

“He has no right to Frerin! He banished me and left me on my own! He has never been there when I needed him, or when Frerin needed a father! Now you tell me to ignore what happened? I can’t do that, Gandalf!”

Gandalf’s heavy brow settled over his eyes. He continued quietly,

“You seem to think that you were the only one who suffered after the battle. Thorin healed from wounds of the body, true though that may be, I fear the scars of his actions will forever remain. He is not the same dwarf you knew on the quest. From the moment he woke from the sickness, he was changed. Withdrawn and silent. He has hated himself every waking hour since then. I believe seeing you and your son woke something in him that many had thought lost.”

Billa knew that every word Gandalf had uttered was true. She had seen the remorse and devastation plain in Thorin’s face each time he spoke. 

“What?”

“Something to hope for.”

What she had thought she would say left her mind quite completely. Billa stood there silently, trying to avoid resembling a fish. Gandalf took her silence as answer enough and turned to depart. Before he was enveloped in darkness, he looked back at her to say, 

“A chance is all that he asks for.”

Gandalf’s words kept Billa up for far longer than she would have liked. It would take time, possibly more than Thorin could give her, for things to be right once more. Even with unpleasant memories at the forefront of her mind, a chance would not be something difficult to give him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are the best thing since sliced bread. 
> 
> I'd like to take this time to say thank you so much to everyone who has stayed with me and this fic for over 100,000 words. You're all lovely :)


	30. A Sunrise in the Shire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been over a month since I have last updated and I am so unbelievably sorry. School has been a nightmare and I've been studying for the ACT retake. My life has been hectic, so please accept this chapter as my apology. It is the longest one to date if that makes my absence any better.

Throughout the quest, Thorin was perfectly aware that no other hobbit held even a fraction of Billa’s fire and passion for adventure. He knew this, yet it was strange to see just how different she truly was from all the others. The hobbits were kind enough, but they certainly didn’t welcome his company with open arms. Perhaps they all knew what he had done, or at least thought that they did. Whispers had followed him the entire morning, and it was beginning to unsettle him. 

The company had been given a dilapidated forge to use as their living quarters while they stayed in the Shire. From what Thorin had been able to gather, the last blacksmith had died without an apprentice, leaving no one to take up his mantle. Even so, dwarven craftsmanship was far superior to anything that a hobbit could ever hope to make, and he was sure that his company could earn their keep while they were in the Shire. 

After Thorin glared down at least the tenth hobbit that morning, he turned his attention back to the flowers at his feet. All he saw were simple blooms. They were pleasant to look at, but paled in comparison to the gems hidden beneath Erebor. Nevertheless, he would try and make sense of them for Billa. A few nights previously, Billa’s cousin Drogo had left dinner briefly, only to return with a well-used book. The hobbit had quietly explained that he could use it to understand what each of the flowers meant if he so chose. 

Thorin had been grateful, exceedingly so. But now as he stood among some poor hobbit’s flowers, it seemed to be an overwhelming task. The sheer number of blooms astounded him, he hadn’t thought it possible for there to be so many different kinds. 

A laugh interrupted his concentration. He looked up to find Dwalin staring at him with an amused expression on his face. Thorin pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at his friend. 

“What do you need, Dwalin?”

The dwarf in question snorted and shook his head slightly. 

“I never thought I’d see ye among the flowers like some dwarrowdam.” 

Thorin scowled and managed to growl out, 

“You know as well as I do how much flowers mean to hobbits.” He paused for a moment and added, “As well as to Billa.”

Dwalin at the very least possessed the common sense to concede that point to his king. The warrior nodded and replied gruffly,

“I would do the same for Ori.” He walked closer to Thorin and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “If you need help, ye know that the company is here for you.”

Thorin nodded once and watched Dwalin’s retreating form for a few minutes before turning his attention back to the flowers at his feet. The book in his hand grew heavier the longer he attempted to muddle his way through it. Finally, he decided the flowers he was looking at wouldn’t help in what he needed to say. He frowned and carefully stepped away from the flower bed. It appeared as though the rest of his day would be filled with tromping through flower beds, searching for the flowers he so desperately needed. 

A small giggle caught his attention and made him look up to see who had made the noise. What he saw almost stopped his heart. Billa and Frerin were making their way towards him. Frerin charged ahead, only stopping to look at an interesting pebble or plant along the way. Each time Frerin paused to look at something, Billa waited patiently until he had satisfied his curiosity and continued running along. 

Billa looked breathtakingly beautiful. Her honeyed hair was swept into a knot at the back of her neck, spilling down her back almost effortlessly. He couldn’t help his smile when he noticed that she was wearing trousers and a blouse rather than the dresses it seemed hobbit women so favored. He caught her gaze and looked at her hopefully, scrambling to think of something he could say to her. 

To his surprise, instead of passing by without a word, Billa stopped in front of him, taking Frerin by the hand to prevent him from wandering off. He watched in confusion as Billa took a deep breath and began, 

“I was wrong to not tell you about Frerin. He is as much your son as mine, and though every moment that has passed pains me, I cannot keep him from his father for my own selfishness. “

Billa stopped speaking to look down at Frerin fondly. She looked back up at Thorin with renewed determination and continued, 

“I have a few errands to run, and no one to watch Frerin for me. Primula and Drogo are visiting relatives. I realize that you’re busy with a great many things, but would you like to watch him for me for the afternoon?” She trailed off and looked over to the nearest hobbit hole, obviously trying to avoid looking him in the eyes. 

Thorin’s eyes widened at her words. He had never dared to think, to hope, that Billa would give him this opportunity. 

“Billa, I would like nothing more than to spend time with him.”

Billa tore her gaze away from the vines crawling above the hobbit’s door and back to him. Her mouth parted, as though she was going to say something more, but she nodded and said, 

“I’ll be back at Bag End before night fall.” She paused and truly seemed to look at him without anger for the first time. He could still see the hurt deep in her eyes, but it was a start that he was happy to take. “Thank you.”

He nodded and stopped, unsure of what to say in such a public setting. He could almost feel the eyes of every hobbit in the area trained on the pair of them. Thorin watched Billa bend down and gather Frerin in a hug, telling him that she would be back soon. Their son simply nodded, pouting slightly, not quite sure of what to make of the stranger standing near him. 

Billa straightened and gave Thorin one last look before parting. He fought the urge to follow her, to try and speak with her and make her understand the depth of his regret. Instead, he knelt down in front of his son and smiled. Frerin stopped watching Billa’s retreating form to glance at him curiously. 

Startling blue eyes met his own. Frerin’s attention was caught by the slight sway of a bead at the end of one of Thorin’s braids. Without warning, Frerin reached out with a small hand and grabbed it, holding it tight in his fist. Thorin winced, but managed to smile and gently remove his son’s hand from his hair. At the very least, it was comforting to know that Frerin had inherited his strength. 

“What would you like to do, mizimith?” 

Frerin’s brow furrowed at the unfamiliar word. He seemed to understand the question regardless and answered with a certainty only children can possess. 

“Play.”

Thorin laughed and swept Frerin up into his arms. 

“Very well little one.”

The walk back to the forge was more eventful than he could have thought possible. Thorin had completely forgotten what it was like to be near someone so young. Kili had been his latest experience, and now he was considered an adult by dwarven standards, although he rarely acted as such. 

Frerin seemed to enjoy everything he saw, and was vocal about it as well. Thorin found himself nodding along in encouragement so often that he could just barely feel his neck twinge with the repeated effort. When they were younger, Dis always told him that he would be an indulgent parent. He had always rolled his eyes, not caring what she had to say about that slim possibility.

By the time Frerin had grown bored of the flowers lining the road, he had already given Thorin half a dozen. The sharp clang of metal was what occupied his interest next. Before Frerin could run into the forge Thorin grabbed him and walked around to the one room on the other side. It was obvious that at some point this had also doubled as a place to hold larger gatherings, which suited his company well.

He nudged the door open with his foot and was bombarded almost immediately. Kili was the first one to notice that he had Frerin with him, shouting, 

“Is that my cousin?!”

Thorin nodded and shifted Frerin to his other side, trying in vain to keep him away from the terror that was Kili for as long as he possibly could. 

“Well don’t hog him, we all want a turn with him!”

If he had had more time, Thorin would have pointed out a few things to his overzealous nephew. The first being that he had barely spent any more time with Frerin than Kili, and that Frerin was his son, not anyone else’s. 

The rest of the company came closer, broken away from their work or other conversations they had been having. Seeing no other way around it, Thorin set Frerin down on the floor and hoped that Billa wouldn’t murder him for exposing their son to the arguably bad habits of dwarves. 

He watched as Kili sat on the floor without further ado, giving a small wave to his cousin. Frerin toddled over happily. As he wobbled briefly, he put his hands on Kili’s knees to right himself once more. Kili looked delighted, and then quickly crestfallen when Frerin caught sight of a toy that Bifur was offering. 

The hobbit children adored Bifur for his superb craftsmanship even if their parents tried to keep them away from the injured dwarf. Bifur didn’t seem to mind either way, always happy to see the smiles his toys brought about. 

Frerin giggled and accepted the toy shyly. Bifur beamed and went back to his seat, pulling out a fresh block of wood to fashion it into something new. One by one, each of the dwarves were inspected by Frerin, who seemed utterly fascinated. Thorin couldn’t help but to enjoy it when Frerin saw the tattoos lining Dwalin’s head and pulled on his cloak to be picked up. Dwalin glanced at him briefly, his resolve breaking just enough for him to bend down and pick him up. 

Balin stepped up to Thorin’s side, nodding as he said, 

“He looks very much like you, your Majesty.”

Thorin smiled, pride puffing his chest outwards. 

“He may look like me, but he has more of Billa’s spirit, which is far more important.” In the end, Frerin would never get very far by just looking like Thorin. It would be his mother’s kindness, compassion, and bravery that would make him the person that Thorin strived to be, even now that he was king. 

Balin nodded and patted him on his shoulder. The white haired dwarf looked as his name was called by his brother, imploring him to take Frerin, who was now perched precariously on Dwalin’s shoulder, a small hand twisted into the warrior’s cloak. 

Thorin smiled and went over to untangle Frerin himself. Frerin giggled and ran as quickly as he was able back to his cousin. 

“Play!” Frerin stared up at Kili imploringly. Kili looked delighted at the very thought, spinning to find the toy that Frerin had dropped in all of the excitement. Once it was found the pair left the room hurriedly. 

Thorin excused himself and went to follow them, unwilling to let Frerin out of his sight for even a few moments. His heart sank lower than he thought possible when they were nowhere to be seen outside the forge. Why had he even let his son go with his nephew in the first place? His reckless, incredibly impulsive nephew? Billa was going to murder him when she found out. Before she could, he was going to murder Kili. Then he would let Billa kill him. He deserved it. 

A tiny, yet fierce war cry echoed from behind him. He turned in surprise at the noise, just in time for Kili and Frerin to barrel into him from their hiding place. He hit the ground with a solid thud, groaning under the weight of his nephew and son. He was much too old for this kind of rough housing. 

A few hours passed that way, with Kili and Frerin playing jokes and running around endlessly. Throin could barely tear his eyes away from his son for more than a few minutes at a time. Everything that Frerin did was something new to him, something to be truly cherished more than any gold in Erebor. A small mountain of toys had also been piled around his son as both Bifur and Bofur carved trinket after trinket at an alarming rate. 

Thorin smiled fondly down at his son who was sitting on his lap, no longer interested in playing with Kili. He pressed a kiss to the golden curls and closed his eyes. He couldn’t imagine not knowing the tiny child who was curled in his arms. It had been far too long already not to know his only child, but he would take every bit of time given to him. In the end, he could do more than hope that Billa could forgive him for what he had done. 

Frerin yawned, apparently unaccustomed to missing his afternoon nap. Thorin rose from his seat, saying, 

“I believe it’s time to get you to your mother, little one.” 

Frerin didn’t respond, too comfortable to do much else than be held. Goodbyes were said and toys were bundled into a large bag. Surely Frerin had enough toys already? There were more than Thorin could count when he went into Bag End, and that was just in the sitting room. He considered it for a few moments and decided that there would never be enough of anything for his son. He would want for nothing, not if Thorin could help it. 

The pair walked quietly down the lane, almost to Bag End when Thorin stopped abruptly at a mess of unruly flowers at the edge of the road. They were a mix of speckled pink and white blooms, as well as a few small yellow dotted throughout. Thorin paused for a moment longer and whispered to his sleepy son, 

“I think your mother would like some flowers, mizimith.” 

He spent the next ten minutes or so gathering spotted flowers, small yellow ones, and even tinier white ones. He had looked at their likenesses in the book about flowers that he was certain he could see them in his sleep. Each had a meaning, and from what he could tell, even strung together a sentence when put all together. Desperation clawed its way up his throat. He wasn’t sure he would be able to carry on if Billa rejected him once again. 

The rounded green door looked even more welcoming when the fading orange sun slanted over the paint. He lifted his hand up to knock, once and then again, completely conscious of his every movement. 

Seconds passed before the door opened quickly. Billa appeared in full view, as beautiful as always. The worried mask fell away when she saw Frerin sleeping comfortably in Thorin’s arms. He watched carefully as her gaze slid from their son to the flowers grasped in his fist. 

Thorin inclined his head and proffered the flowers, silently begging her to take them and spare him from any further suffering. Billa’s eyes widened imperceptibly in surprise, but she made no move to take them. An awful sinking feeling settled low in his stomach at her refusal, but he pressed on by saying, 

“Billa. I swear to you that if you let me, I will atone for every wrong and every slight against you. I will do whatever you wish of me, you merely have to ask. If you have ever doubted the depth and sincerity of my feelings, I beg you to push that doubt away when I say that I love you, more than I will ever be able to say. If you cannot – “

He stopped speaking when Billa reached out, taking the bouquet of flowers from his fist. His heart lightened when her lips curled into a small smile. She looked up at him then, every last inch of her as beautiful as the night he first saw her. Her eyebrows raised in a question as she asked, 

“Would you like to come inside?”

After they had last spoken, he had believed he would never again get another chance to speak with her. It had been filled with a finality that almost killed him, more effective than any arrow or sword he had ever faced. He had always thought it would be battle that killed him, but it seemed that indifference would be his poison. 

He could do nothing but nod, following Billa where she led him. It was not the kitchen, but the sitting room where they ended up, spaced a fair distance apart. Billa looked over at Frerin quickly, concern evident until she smiled slightly at the contentment of their son. The scar trailing down the side of her face became even more obvious as Billa’s mouth curved upwards. Thorin’s gaze was drawn to it before he could think to look away. She was too good to have a scar like that. It should have been him. Every injury and pain she had felt should have been his to carry, his never ending burden. Unthinkingly, he blurted, 

“Why did you save my life in the battle? After everything I had done to you?”

Billa seemed shocked by the question. Her eyebrows rose quickly, her mouth parted in surprise. It snapped shut as she leaned back into her chair, her gaze lifting to rest somewhere above his head. It was ages before she spoke again, saying, 

“I honestly don’t know why. I saw you fighting Azog and I was furious.” She trailed off for a few moments and it pained Thorin to see the faraway look in her eyes. It was a look he knew well, one that plagued warriors and those touched by loss and bloodshed. Billa shook herself out of her thoughts, a stray curl resting in front of her scar. She flicked it away absently and added, 

“I suppose I didn’t want to see you die, even after what happened. It would have broken me more than I already was.”

Thorin nodded. It struck him suddenly that he had never thanked her, never showed any appreciation at all for what she had done, what she had sacrificed for him, when he was undeserving. He caught her gaze and said, 

“Thank you. For saving me then, and for everything else you have ever done for me. I fear I was never one to give thanks easily, even when they were so intensely deserved.”

The quiet chuckle that escaped her lips sent his hopes sky high once more. He pressed onward, praying that they would be able to continue their conversation without interruption. He hated to bring up the damned stone that destroyed his sanity and happiness, but she needed to know, to understand - 

“When I woke after the battle, it was as though I had resurfaced. I could see and reason clearly. I knew everything I had done. – “

He broke off, making a pained noise, but continued speaking,

“Fili and Kili had to hide every remotely sharp object in the tent. They thought I was going to cut my braids, or worse. When I could walk, I took the Arkenstone and threw it deep in the depths of an unused mine. If I had done that before the battle, I would have died of from the pain of loss. When it disappeared into the darkness, I felt nothing at all, except the pain of losing you.”

Billa didn’t speak, her eyes remained fixed on the edge of the rug. Thorin sighed and said, 

“Billa – In my madness I did unspeakable, traitorous things. I tried to kill you, and almost destroyed any hope of survival in the battle. You and you alone made it so that we had even a fighting chance. You saved the entire company, and the future of Erebor. You did what I could not do in Erebor’s time of greatest need. The Arkenstone is a mere speck of dust compared to your importance in my eyes, and my heart.”

Thorin was fairly certain this was the most he had ever spoken without stopping. Dain and his council would be envious, but they would never matter as much as Billa did to him. He waited, and waited, silently encouraging her to say anything at all. The silence was deafening and altogether too much. Finally she spoke, 

“When you first came to the Shire, after all this time, I was angrier than you could begin to comprehend. Now, I’m just tired, Thorin. Tired of the anger and fear and awful memories that battle burdened me with. I cannot count how many times I have wished through the years that you were by my side, but I could never bring myself to respond to your letters, though I kept every one. I have wronged you as well –“

That notion was utterly false, she had never failed him, and it was always, always the other way around. She had been strong where he was weak, she had been kind where it would have been easier to be cruel. Billa was the balance in his life, and he had been prepared to destroy that for the sake of a rock. 

“Billa- You have never – “

She held up a hand for him to stop speaking, so he did without further protest. She leveled an annoyed look in his direction before she kept speaking, 

“I kept your son from you, and that was inexplicably wrong of me. I could have gone back to Erebor after I found out, but I did not. You deserve to know him as much as I do.”

Thorin swallowed thickly and thanked her as well as he was able. He had barely known his son at all and he was already incredibly precious. He brought himself back to her earlier admission. She had wished him here with her, possibly just as much as he wished for her presence. 

“My life has been a shell of what it could have been had you stayed in Erebor, if nothing had happened. My family has been brought back together and my kingdom has been restored, but none of it felt as complete as it should have. You weren’t there to share it with me, and I have wished with every fiber of my being that you were with me from the moment I awoke and found you gone.”

His jaw clenched when he felt a tear slowly trailing its way down his cheek. His father’s and his grandfather’s constant reminders regarding weakness rose to the forefront of his mind, but he pushed them back stubbornly. 

Thorin looked down at Frerin’s sleeping form in his arms and smiled. His son was a wonder and he would never tire of looking at him. 

“Why did you choose to name him Frerin?”

His gaze flicked back over to Billa, who smiled faintly at the question. 

“It didn’t seem fair of me to give him a hobbit name, when he wasn’t all hobbit. I didn’t know very many dwarven names, and while I’m sure Bofur would have been flattered, Frerin seemed to fit him better.” Billa smiled at her jest, but she appeared more heartfelt when she looked at him.

“I knew how much your brother meant to you, and how you would have wanted it.” 

Another tear followed the first. He wiped it away before it could bother him, but he knew that Billa saw it. A glistening wetness decorated the corners of her eyes as well, though no tears had fallen. 

Billa was the next to speak. 

“How is Erebor fairing? I have asked Gandalf, but he has been of no help. I’m really quite sick of that wizard, friend or not. He has meddled enough to last a lifetime.”

Thorin smiled and nodded. He didn’t have enough fingers to count how many times the accursed wizard made his blood boil. Even so – 

“Gandalf was the one that finally convinced me to travel to the Shire.” 

Curiosity and interest mingled and painted Billa’s features. It warmed him to see the spirit he had fallen in love with return. 

“And what did our pesky wizard say to you?”

Our. The word was one that he hadn’t dared to hope for so soon. It showed a level of forgiveness, or at the very least acceptance that knitted together the ragged edges of his very soul. 

“He merely suggested that my feelings were not in vain.”

“I see.” Billa stood abruptly, and paused before she walked over to gently take Frerin from him. He watched as she pressed a kiss to their son’s forehead before she whispered, 

“I’ll put him to bed. It is getting rather late.”

He knew a dismissal when he heard it. It was a kind one, but a dismissal nonetheless. He stood and said, 

“Goodnight, Billa.” 

“Goodnight, Thorin.”

He watched her walk down the hall until she disappeared. Thorin sighed in defeat, letting himself out of Bag End. The walk back to the forge was a depressing one. The warm glow of the sun had faded, chilling the night air. The forge was still well lit when he arrived. Various members of the company were still working, preferring the dark of night to do their work than the harsher daylight. 

Hopeful glances followed him as he went, every dwarf wondering what Billa had said. Thorin paid them no mind. It was easier to bear this pain himself than to share it with the world. He had found the flowers that he had hoped would speak for themselves. Even the simple truth behind the blooms couldn’t ease her pain, or make it easier for her to understand how he felt. It was useless to stay here and pretend that he could reclaim what he had so foolishly thrown away. 

Thorin cleared his throat, banishing the tightness that rested there. He dug around in his pack until he found his pipe. It was an indulgence he rarely gave in to while in Erebor. It annoyed him to no end, but some of his council believed smoking to be unbecoming of a king. It was a pity, for he truly did enjoy it. 

The rest of the night passed similarly. He sat in the corner, puffing on his pipe and glaring at anyone that drew near. He did not wish to speak to anyone that would seek to alleviate his pain. It was what he would carry for the rest of his life. Finally, the embers burned low enough for Thorin to put away his pipe and try to avoid a sleepless night. 

The next morning arrived more quickly than he would have liked. Balin informed him of a meeting with the Thain of the Shire that he had to attend. If it could have been avoided, Thorin would have. He knew he had to, regardless of his personal feelings, only because Erebor needed the aid that the Shire would be able to provide. It was burdensome to rely on the Men of Laketown and the Elves of Mirkwood for their supplies. It would be beneficial for all if a steadier trade could be established, and it could happen by linking with the Shire for seeds and seedlings. 

Dew covered the grass and dripped off of the crawling vines attached to the walls of the forge. Thorin sighed and adjusted one of the heavy rings on his fingers. A glint of yellow caught his eye, making him look at his feet. A small bundle of flowers were sitting on the edge of the step. Thorin bent and picked the bouquet up, turning on his heel to retrieve the book on flowers that Drogo had given him. 

Each page of the index had a small drawing of each flower with an accompanying explanation. Thorin flipped through the book frantically, trying to find the matching flower. It was close to the end of the book that he found what he was looking for. The yellow of the flower matched the yellow on the page and the star shaped petals resembled the drawing perfectly. His eyes slid to the explanation.

_Most common in the springtime and very early summer, daffodils are considered one of the first blooms after a particularly harsh winter. Many hobbits have agreed that daffodils are to be known as symbols of forgiveness and more importantly, a new start. ___

He could feel the exact moment his heart stopped. She forgave him. Mahal. His One had forgiven him and all of his wrongs. Thorin could barely think through the relief that flooded him to his very core. Without thinking, he turned and walked swiftly from the forge. 

Hobbits that desired an early start to their day were already walking to the marketplace, some yawning and rubbing the sleep from their eyes. Thorin strode passed them purposefully, not even noting the open mouthed shock on a few select faces. 

There had never been a more welcome sight than Bag End was in the dim morning light. Before he could process what he was doing, he was sprinting to the rounded green door. He stopped abruptly, panting slightly. 

Just as he was about to raise his fist to knock on the door, doubt overtook him. What if it hadn’t been Billa that left the flowers at the forge? It could have been some well-meaning hobbit trying their best to welcome them to the Shire. This was a mistake. Billa was a kind, compassionate woman, but he had tried to kill her. That couldn’t be forgiven. He was a fool for coming here. He turned, ready to go back to the forge, when the door opened behind him. 

“Thorin?” 

He turned back around, suddenly aware of how foolish he must look. Out of breath and with flowers in his hand. She was so beautiful it took his breath away. It was clear she was waiting for him to say something, so he began, 

“Billa – Did you, were these -?”

She flashed him a tiny, shy smile and replied, 

“I’ve always liked daffodils. Do you?” Her smile turned to a knowing one. 

She had left them. Mahal, it was true. He had to know for sure, to know if she had forgiven him. He spoke, 

“Truly?” 

Billa smiled and nodded, 

“Yes.”

His vision blurred with tears, but even through that he could see that she was crying as well. It had been so long without her, so much pain and heartache that he could barely stand the joyous swelling of his heart. 

“Ghivashel. My treasure.”

Billa smiled as he cupped her cheek with a hand, covering the scar. She was stunning. He leaned closer, his breath ghosting across her lips. His eyes flicked upwards, silently asking if she truly wanted this. Every fiber of his being rejoiced when she nodded slightly, pulled on a braid, and kissed him. 

Time stilled, and nothing else mattered. He brought his other hand up, dropping the flowers to hold the other side of her face. She hummed in approval, pressing herself closer to him. The kiss was slow and languid and everything it should be. Billa’s hand slid down to curl around the edge of his coat. Thorin could almost feel the hurt they had both lived through melt away, leaving them bare and blessedly at peace. 

They broke away, and Thorin wiped a tear from Billa’s cheek.

“I love you.”

Thorin’s grin felt like it was going to split his face in two. He reached up, brushing a curl away from her eye. Billa’s hand remained curled around the fur of his coat. 

“And I love you more than I could say.”

The sun rose as they stood there, laughing quietly and wiping away tears. For the first time in almost three years, everything was as it should be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly hope you enjoyed. Only an epilogue left! thank you so much for sticking around with this story for so long! i love each and every one of you, and am so glad that you have enjoyed this fic.
> 
> I promise to try and update as soon as I can. What would you like to see in the epilogue? I have a few ideas, but you're welcome to share yours! Leave a comment!


	31. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have LITERALLY no excuse as to why this is so incredibly incredibly late. I am so sorry. so so so sorry. 
> 
> As a Christmas present, enjoy the epilogue!

“Is this all really necessary?” Billa sighed as Dis added yet another star shaped jewel to her already laden hair. 

Dis laughed lightly and nodded. 

“This coronation will be the first true celebration since the reclamation of Erebor. You won’t find a single dwarf in this mountain who doesn’t want to witness this.”

Billa nodded in return. Dis had a point, everyone that she had spoken to in the last few weeks had been more than pleased at the upcoming events. Even so, that did not mean that there was no initial suspicion of her and Frerin. Every dwarf in Erebor knew of her business during the battle, and it was not until Thorin made it extraordinarily clear that he would not hear a word against his One or his son that the suspicion ended. 

“There, you look beautiful.” Dis removed her hands from Billa’s hair and took a step back, admiring her handiwork. 

Billa tore herself away from her musings to look into the mirror. Her hair was coiled and braided into sweeping patterns that fell to rest around her shoulders and down her back. Small sapphire stars glittered and shone amongst the braids. 

Her eyes trailed further down to see everything else that she wore. Thorin had given her a necklace the night before that had been made to look like flowers. It was beautiful and not at all what she had expected. The sapphires and diamonds were lighter than she thought, which made Billa think that Thorin had used mithril to set them together. 

The gown was a shimmering silver fabric that moved almost like water when she walked. Impossibly fine lace covered the fabric and trailed out behind her. The lace had been made to look like oak leaves falling into rows of small flowers. Billa ran a hand over one of the leaves, the corners of her mouth tilting upwards into a smile as she pictured the look on Thorin’s face. The edges of the train sparkled with miniscule blue stones that reappeared with every step she took. 

A hurried knocking on the door had both Dis and Billa standing in an instant. Before either could open the door, Fili and Kili walked in with Frerin in tow. She huffed out a relieved sigh. The pair of them were doing nothing to help her nerves. 

Billa smiled when Frerin saw her and ran up to her. She picked him up carefully and held him close. He snuggled in and laid a small hand on the jewels around her neck. 

“Pretty.” He smiled up at her with a toothy grin and turned his head, looking for Fili and Kili. Fili was the first to reach his cousin, though Kili almost tripped him in the process. Billa laughed and handed Frerin over before any real damage could be done. 

Frerin had adjusted well to life in Erebor during their time there. His favorite thing to do was play hide and seek, which worried her and Thorin to no end. Thankfully, guards were almost always strategically posted near to where Frerin hid, making things easier. 

Dis narrowed her eyes at her sons, saying, 

“You three are supposed to be with Thorin.”

Kili was the first to supply an answer, looking sheepishly at his mother. 

“We were with him, but he said he wanted time alone. He was pacing and - “

Fili cut off his brother with a sharp jab to the side. 

“He’s just a little nervous, it’s nothing to worry about, Aunt Billa. Dwalin was with him when we left. ”

She most certainly understood the nervousness that Thorin was feeling. If Billa was to be truly honest with herself, she was terrified of everything that being Queen Under the Mountain entailed. It was a task so completely different from anything she had ever done that she wasn’t certain she would be able to do what was right. That uncertainty could only weigh heavier on Thorin, who had prepared for this day his entire life. Perhaps it would help if she went to see him. It would help her, at any rate. 

Just as she was about to move for the door, Balin stepped in. He looked around the room quickly until his eyes landed on her. The dwarf smiled merrily and said, 

“Are you ready, lass?”

Billa swallowed thickly and nodded. She closed her eyes, desperately wanting the moment where she would be by Thorin’s side. 

Her hands ran down the smooth fabric of the gown, pressing any imagined wrinkles away. Billa spared a final glance at the mirror and took a deep breath. 

The halls of Erebor were far different than when she had last laid eyes on them. Any damage done by Smaug had been fully repaired and restored to their original magnificence. The green of the stone walls and floors shone from the care they received. Gold light lit once darkened places, sending shadows spiraling away. 

Before they reached the heavy doors of the throne room, everyone but Dis entered a separate door. Billa watched them go in confusion and turned to Dis, who said, 

“They’re entering the throne room through a different door. You’ll be the one going through these doors.” At Billa’s panicked look, she continued, “You’ll be perfectly fine. Thorin will be waiting for you.”

Billa pushed the fear that had risen safely away. It was just another walk, and she had walked farther than most. Everything would be fine in the end. 

“I know very little of Hobbit customs, save what Thorin has told me, but I do know that flowers are important. I hope that these will do well.”

Billa looked down at the flowers Dis was offering and broke out into a smile. The white petals of hydrangeas, lily of the valley, and stephanotis were more than perfect. Tears pricked at Billa’s eyes stubbornly. 

“Now, it wouldn’t do to cry now.” Dis smiled and gave Billa a firm hug. As Dis broke away, she looked towards the guards at the door. 

“I can’t keep you any longer. I’m not sure my brother will be able to survive for any more time after this.”

“Thank you, Dis. For everything.”

Dis waved a hand, saying, 

“You don’t need to thank me. This is what family does.”

Without further ado, Dis turned and disappeared through the same passage as her sons. Silence echoed through the hall, sending her heart racing once more. Ori had been patient when he taught her what she needed to say in Khuzdul at the coronation, but now more than ever Billa was certain she had forgotten what to say. 

She supposed it was a blessing, albeit small, that she would not have to braid a bead into Thorin’s hair in public, like he was to do to her. Since Thorin already wore the braid of a king, the only bead Billa needed to concern herself with was the marriage bead, and that was braided afterwards, something private between herself and Thorin. 

The guards turned to the door and pulled, slowly opening it to reveal the throne room within. The murmured Khuzdul hushed and faded away. Boots scraped the floor as dwarves turned to see her. Billa gripped the flowers more tightly, took one step forward, and then another. 

Thorin stood proudly just in front of the two thrones, resplendent in silver and sapphire blue. Orcrist sat at his hip, and rings were heavy on his fingers. Her breath caught in her already tight throat. He looked more a king than she had ever seen him. 

Whispered words echoed against the heavy stone, flying to her ears with little trouble. Each remark was said with wonder and an awe that puzzled her. 

“She slayed the Defiler.”

“She riddled with the dragon.”

“I have heard tell of the escape from Mirkwood. She helped the Company escape.”

It was a strange experience to be spoken of in such a tone. Every hobbit in the Shire was oblivious to what she had done, yet beneath the mountain she was spoken of almost reverently. 

All else fell away as she made the torturously long journey to the front of the room. Thorin’s gaze lifted from the floor to land on her. The expression that fell on his face was one she would remember for the rest of her life. Thorin’s mouth parted in awe, and even from a distance she could see his smile and the glimmer of tears around his eyes. 

Finally, Billa took a few more steps and then stopped to stand at Thorin’s side. A grin split her face and she laughed, all her nervousness turning to excitement. She caught one of Thorin’s hands in her own and squeezed, saying, 

“Still nervous?”

Thorin returned the squeeze and replied, 

“Not while you’re by my side, Ghivashel,” he moved his other hand to tuck a curl behind her ear and continued, “You are more than beautiful.”

Her heart swelled at his words and she replied, 

“And you’re more handsome than ever, Kurdu.” Thorin raised an eyebrow in surprise at the word, it being one he had never taught her. She smiled up at him, pleased she had been able to remember the word. It seemed that hours and hours spent in the library had not been wasted. 

Their attention was diverted by the dwarf just behind them that cleared his throat. The elderly dwarf began speaking in faint Khuzdul to Thorin and then to her. Billa gave a questioning glance to Thorin, who nodded encouragingly and whispered, 

“He’s welcoming the people of Erebor to the coronation.”

If it was possible, the dwarves gathered in the hall grew even more silent. Every word the dwarf next to them said was heard to the very end of the room. Even though she could understand the barest of the words, the adoring look Thorin gave her made the lack of understanding worth it. Her smile grew wider when she caught a glance of Frerin toddling up behind Thorin, only to stop and pull at his father’s cloak. 

A swift glance to the side revealed Fili and Kili, who were watching what was happening in a mixture of glee and nervousness. She sent them a reassuring smile, turning back to their son. Thorin swept Frerin up in strong arms, running a hand through his sons’ tumbling hair. 

It was only then that she realized the dwarf performing the ceremony had stopped speaking to give them both a questioning stare. Thorin glared at the dwarf, silently daring him to speak a word against his son until Billa put a gentle hand to his arm, whispering, 

“Terrifying dwarves with your ire is not what I had in mind for this day.”

With one last heavy look at the dwarf, Thorin turned back to her and nodded, an appropriately chagrined look on his face. The ceremony began again as though nothing had happened. Billa was able to understand a fair amount of the words being said. The line of Durin was mentioned more often than she was able to count, but just as frequently was the restoration of the mountain. 

A bright future was painted of the mountain, from the very peak down to the deepest mine. She tore her gaze from Thorin to scan the horde of dwarves before them. Each stared back at the pair of them with an intense hope, letting years of unfair treatment and wandering melt away. 

It surprised her when Thorin squeezed her hands gently, whispering,

“Do you remember what Ori taught you?”

Her throat tightened, but she nodded. It was a shock when the Khuzdul flowed past her lips as though it was no different than the common tongue. Each word that she spoke was heavy with promise and love, to both Thorin and to the mountain. It was a poor Queen that did not care for her home and her people as much as her family. Her last bit of breath escaped with the last few words she spoke, leaving her breathless. Thorin’s hand brushed through her hair tenderly, adoration clear.

The dwarf beside them turned his attention to Thorin, asking him to recite his own vows. He spoke the words of a king in Khuzdul, strong enough to carry to the door at the end of the hall. When he had finished, his voice dropped low so only she would be able to hear him,

“All my life, I have dreamt of knowing the One that would make my existence complete. I never would have been able to imagine my One with so much life, so much love, as you possess. I am unworthy of everything you have given me, and I thank Mahal that you burgled my heart from me. Billa, you surprise me and delight me every minute we are together, and when we are apart. You deserve more than I can give you, but I can only hope that the rest of my life will be enough.”

Billa could hardly see through the wetness that had gathered in her eyes. She nodded up at him, whispering back, 

“Only if my life can be given to you.”

Thorin let out a watery laugh, eyes sparkling. Thorin set Frerin down with incredible care, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as he did so. Frerin toddled to Fili without a complaint, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. 

Thorin stood and turned back to face her, smiling. The dwarf that had led them to that point took a step backward, letting Thorin speak. 

“The braid is the final part of the ceremony.”

With that, Thorin removed a pin from her hair, letting a section of golden curls cascade down. He took a step forward so that he was closer to her, nimble fingers already working through her hair. Within minutes, the intricate braid was set and clasped with a mithril bead marked with the crest of Durin. 

Billa reached up to feel the braid, marveling at the skill it had taken to make it so well. Her heart swelled when she saw how Thorin was looking at her. She closed the gap between them even further, standing on her toes to kiss him thoroughly. 

Although it was a brief kiss, it was filled with years of apologies and assurances, commitment, and love. The pair broke apart, grinning. They turned to face their people, thunderous applause and stamping of feet meeting them. 

Drums beat victoriously as matching crowns were placed on their heads, as well as cloaks emblazoned with Durin’s crest of their backs. The sea of dwarves parted in front of them, leaving a clear path to the entrance of the hall. Before they took a step, Billa turned around, taking Frerin from Fili’s arms. 

Thorin extended an arm that she took gratefully, thankful to have the support of her husband. They walked through the assembled crowd, pausing to accept congratulations and well wishes of the Company. 

Dwalin crushed Thorin in an intense bear hug, slapping him on the back and laughing. A nearby Lord from Thorin’s council looked offended that Dwalin would treat his King in such a way, but he was paid no mind. If anyone mentioned the familiarity of the Company with the King and Queen, it was quickly dismissed. 

Bofur stepped up to her, giving her a hug and offering congratulations. The rest of the company hugged them in turn and then let them pass by. There would be plenty time later in the evening to truly celebrate. Bombur was already telling Gloin of the extensive cooking that had been done for the feast. 

Billa’s stomach growled at the extensive list of meats, breads, soups, and numerous desserts that awaited them. She hadn’t eaten since that morning, and had already missed elevensies and lunch. Thorin caught the noise and looked down at her, a smile playing at his lips. 

The feast began not long after, hundreds and hundreds of dwarves gathered in the largest dining hall. Mead and wine flowed freely, one of the only things that had survived Smaug’s reign in the mountain. Music and song flowed as freely as the wine, if not more so. Almost halfway through the feast, a great crash caught Billa’s attention. She looked towards the Company’s table and saw that Nori had fallen out of his chair, the loser in a drinking contest with Dwalin. Bofur laughed merrily and stepped over the unconscious dwarf onto the table and began to sing, 

_“There's an inn, there's an inn, there's a merry old inn ___

_Beneath an old grey hill, ___

_And there they brew a beer so brown ___

_That the Man in the Moon himself came down ___

_One night to drink his fill. ___

_The ostler has a tipsy cat ___

_That plays a five-stringed fiddle; ___

_And up and down he saws his bow ___

_Now squeaking high, now purring low, ___

_Now sawing in the middle. ___

_So the cat on the fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle, ___

_A jig that would wake the dead: ___

_He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune, ___

_While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon: ___

_‘It’s after three!’ he said.” ___

Many of the dwarves gathered in the hall had paused their conversation to listen to Bofur sing. By the time the last note echoed into the riotous hall almost every dwarf was singing along. To her right Thorin was humming along, blue eyes sparkling. He looked down at her, and then moved to kiss her. She returned it happily and whispered, 

“How does it feel to be crowned King?”

“To be true, I haven’t thought of it. However, I can tell you how it feels to be your husband.” His head dipped low to rest his forehead against her own. 

A smirk played at Billa’s mouth as she said, 

“How does it feel, Oh King?”

Thorin moved just a fraction to catch her lips with his own. The kissing continued until both were breathless and remembered that there were, in fact, others in the room to think of. 

“My life could not be more complete.”

It was hours until the celebrations ended and the hall emptied. Billa walked back to the royal wing with Frerin in Thorin’s arms, already asleep. The pair readied him for bed and made sure Frerin was settled before leaving to their own chambers. In the time that Billa had been gone from the mountain, Thorin’s chambers had been moved to the King’s and the room itself had been expanded greatly. It connected to Frerin’s room, as well as to a study and small dining area. Lavishly decorated and furnished, it would take a bit of getting used to on Billa’s part. 

The bed was incredibly soft, piled high with pillows and silky sheets. She sunk into them gratefully, the day finally catching up to her. Thorin sank down next to her, his hand intertwining with her own. They stayed like that for a long while, both content to soak in the silence. She squeezed his hand and waited for him to return the pressure. When nothing happened, Billa propped herself up on an elbow to look at him. Thorin had fallen asleep, his chest rising and falling peacefully. 

Billa laughed slightly and rose from the bed to change into a nightgown and let down her hair. The crown that rested on her brow was set next to the rest of jewels, too heavy to keep on any longer. She went back to the bed to kneel next to Thorin and when he didn’t wake, took the crown from his forehead and set it on the nightstand. 

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her to Thorin’s chest. He looked at her through half closed eyes and mumbled, 

“I think tomorrow will be considered a holiday. I don’t intend to leave these chambers for the better part of the day.” At this, he rose an eyebrow suggestively and smirked. Billa laughed and smacked him lightly on the chest in return.

That night passed, along with many others. Many dwarves arrived shortly after the coronation, curious to see their new King and Queen. Erebor hummed with an activity it had not seen since well before Smaug. In the few quiet moments she was afforded as Queen, her mind almost always drifted back to the rolling green hills of the Shire and the well remembered night where dwarves ransacked her pantry and trailed mud all through Bag End. So much had changed, yet as she looked at her son, her husband, and the Company, she would change nothing. Billa Baggins had all she could ever wish for, and all it took was the loss of some respectability. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take this moment to thank every one of you that have read the fic and loved it enough to leave comments and kudos and everything else. All of you are perfect, and have made writing this monster of a fic amazing and so worth it! This will be a series, and I hope to get the next bit up soon. I'm finally on break, so we'll see where it goes :) 
> 
> Thank you Thank you Thank you!!


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